Can Idiots Be Identified By Their Fingerprints?

NEW YORK - USA - Researchers have found there are distinct differences in how fingerprint ridges split between people who are idiots and those who do not have idiotic traits.

The researchers claim their findings could prove useful not just for idiots everywhere, but also for morons and assholes who seem to inhabit daily life across the planet.

Professor Iddy Otte, an anthropologist at Kentucky Fry University, who led the study, said: “This is the first study to look at this issue at this level of detail, and the findings are extremely promising. There are fu**ing idiots everywhere. Jeez, I just found out I’m married to an idiot.

“This finding also tells us that there’s a level of variation in idiots like you have major idiots, really dumb idiots, morons, useful idiots and darn right assholes.”

The researchers, whose work is published in the American Journal of Physical Anthropology, examined the right index fingerprints of 456 individuals.

Professor Otte, who worked on the project with student Nichole Moran, said: “The Level 2 detail that was significant for idiots was total bifurcations, like it was totally off the scale man.”

It raises the possibility that there may be more details contained within fingerprints which may help trace a person’s idiot ancestry.

“That means idiots go down the line, hell, your whole family tree could be populated by idiots and assholes. This research just blew us away”

The ongoing research project also tested former president George W. Bush and found out he was actually not an idiot but just a total asshole.

Loading ...

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

WW3 WATCH: Why is Russia Mass Producing Nuclear Shelters?

MOSCOW - Russia - The Kremlin has ordered the mass production of nuclear shelters throughout…

10 hours ago

EXPERTS: “Net Zero” is Impossible to Achieve Unless…

LONDON - England - The Earthwise think tank has outlined why it is futile for…

12 hours ago

Netanyahu Forced to Travel in Disguise After ICC Puts Out Arrest Warrant

TEL AVIV - Israel - Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu may be forced to wear a…

22 hours ago

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

1 day ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

1 day ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

2 days ago

This website uses cookies.