The new president boarded the Air Force One jet for his first presidential journey to New York to discuss the new stimulus package with high end members of Wall Street.

Suffice to say, President Barack Obama likes his new ride.

“It’s the stone groove my man,” he told House Democrats Friday in an after-dinner speech here. “Thank you for giving me a reason to use Air Force One. Y’all should see the hubcaps on that mahfugga!”

The president spoke after a 31-minute maiden voyage on the specially outfitted Pimp My 747 that will be his airborne home and office for the next four years.

“Obama is in da house. Y’all fasten yo seatbelts it gonna be a bumpay ride mahfugs,” Captain Leroy Simpson was overheard shouting over the intercom as everyone got settled in for the ride.

Moments before taking off from Andrews Air Force Base, Obama visited the press cabin in the rear of the plane to show
reporters his Air Force crew launch jacket, his name stitched on the breast.

“What do you think about this spiffy ride? Can you feel the suspension?” he asked reporters. “It’s not bad.”

The flight from Andrews Air Force Base, was a brief one. Just time enough for an onboard meal of some fried chicken and fries, according to aides.

Obama was clearly impressed finally to have the full experience.

The purpose of his maiden journey outside Washington was to push his economic rescue package through Congress, a telling choice for a president who took office after Bush brought the country to its knees.

“He’s saying that he’s willing to go anywhere and talk to anybody in order to get a recovery and reinvestment plan that moves this economy forward,” press secretary Bobby Cribbs said.

The triple ceremony will be held at Buckingham palace and will be televised on the Dave channel as well as Men & Motors.

Dignitaries from Stockholm who will present the Nobel Peace Prize to Mr Clarkson, are to fly into Heathrow this afternoon weather permitting.

The Archbishop of Canterbury will also be on hand to give Mr Clarkson a sainthood.

There is even talk of receiving an O.B.E and M.B.E as well as a complimentary peerage at the House of Lords but this issue is still being discussed.

A spokesman from Top Gear told the Daily Squib how the team have been dealing with the honour: “Jeremy himself is actually very calm about receiving three major awards at the same time. He’s taking it all in his stride. He says it’s like the same feeling he gets when he is test driving a Ferrari 599 and is stopped dead in his tracks by a young blonde with huge airbags who needs an oil change in the back of the motor. Not much room back there but you get the gist of it. It’s like a triple whammy for him.”

Mr Clarkson will be honoured with the triple whammy prize after a comment he made about ailing PM Gordon Brown was reported on an Australian Motor program.

“By calling Gordon Brown a ‘one-eyed Scottish idiot’ Jeremy Clarkson has definitely gone up in one’s estimation. One used to think of Jeremy as a loudmouthed twat throwback with no redeeming qualities whatsover. Now one thinks of him as just a loudmouth twat. It will be an honour to Knight Mr Clarkson. One shall strive to watch more Top Gear from now on,” The Queen said from Sandringham.

Secret plans that were uncovered by the team of historians and archaeologists working on the project have disclosed how close Britain was to being completely conquered by the Germans in 1944.

“Hitler had commissioned his best scientists to build huge snow machines which would belch out tonnes of snow from the sky. These zeppelin type flying machines produced perfect snow that would disrupt Britain’s ability to function and render the nation useless. We can see from the two days of snow you have had recently how your whole British infrastructure, transport system has been rendered useless with just a few inches of snow,” Jens Guttman, a senior professor for the project told the Daily Squib.

“Don’t mention the snow”

The evil plan to to snow down the British Isles by the Nazis was however rendered useless because of a SIS raid which took out the top secret labs in Northern Germany towards the end of the war.

Professor Guttman discovered in recovered plans, the key points which thwarted Hitler’s strategy: “Hitler was getting desperate to conquer Britain towards the end of the war. He had already been defeated by the Soviet Russians and wanted one last chance to conquer something at least. Top scientists devised the ‘snow’ plan but a team of British agents infiltrated the unit and sabotaged the labs as well as killing the scientists. By that time Hitler was holed up in his bunker and was eating humble pie before he chose to end his life.”

There are only fragments of the plans for the snow machines recovered from the excavated labs but the team has painstakingly put them together again.

Snow Zeppelin Facts

– The Snow Zeppelins were the length of three football pitches and could create enough snow to cover 400 square miles each.

– Hitler’s snow plan involved the construction of twenty of these monstrous machines which would cover the whole of Britain twice over with snow.

– German agents had summised that the British were absolutely useless with snow and that this would be an opportunity to leave them completely defenceless.

– Each Snow Zeppelin would take about four months to construct.

– The Snow Zeppelins were manned by a crew of 45. The snow was to be shovelled out manually from the zeppelins once over Britain by the crew.

– The specially trained crew festgefahrener Schnee handlers were an elite troop manning the zeppelins.

Lord Mandelson was left quaking in his stockings today when it was announced by the EU commissioner that he may be replaced by an Italian Minister.

Speaking on the BBC, The Prince of Darkness rebutted EU allegations that there were any plans to replace him with an Italian Count and refuted the rumours as “..ridiculous! I’m indispensable”.

The Italian Count who will replace Mandy is said to be suitably flamboyant and also has a nasty habit of getting on everyone’s nerves as well.

“The Italian is a real shister and will replace Peter nicely. You won’t even know the difference they’re both as irritating as each other. It’s just that we can get away with paying the Italian less and not have to deal with as many tantrums,” a parliamentary source told the Daily Squib.

Mandelson, who has acquired multi-million pound properties in Mayfair and Park Lane totalling over £18 million with his meager politicians salary will not mind his job going to an Italian. In fact, he says he is rather fond of Italian meatballs in his sauce.