The good times are gone and there is now a real risk of recession, the Bank of England warned yesterday.

“Because of our mistakes and greed in the banking sector we will now turn the screw on the masses and milk the plebes for everything they’ve got,” a triumphant Governor
Mervyn King said.

The quality of life in the UK is one of the worst in Europe and is just under Albania and Bulgaria according to the MORI Country Index published in 2006.

The last ten years have been a nightmare for the whole country and
now will be turned into an even bloodier nightmare with no end or hope
in sight.

In his quarterly Inflation Report, Mr King said that
the golden period of purgatory was over and a new chapter of hell on earth had begun.

“We
are not going to reduce interest rates like they have done in America
but are going to instead condemn the economy and our masses to a deep
and troubled downturn and horrible recession,” he added.

Blighted Britain

And the governor predicted:

• Gas, electricity and food bills will get even more expensive
this year and will push inflation towards 44 percent, possibly even
higher;

• Supermarkets and food retailers have jumped on the downturn and increased their prices by up to 120 percent above the real cost of food items such as a loaf of bread which now can cost £5.32;

• Gordon Brown’s taxes on fuel, councils, income and everything will rise by about 62 percent.

• Economic growth is likely to slump towards -12 per cent by the end of the year, and the country will be pushed into a massive recession;

• The housing market will continue to fall after worsening ‘markedly’, he predicts a fall of approximately 65 percent;

• Pay rises may be curbed, further damaging employees’ quality of life;

• The falling sterling means that foreign travel will increase in cost condemning people to stay in this rotting country;

• And the banking crisis could continue to run well into 2015, keeping mortgage costs painfully high;

Gordon Brown’s office has spoken of how well the nation is doing and how there is nothing for anyone to worry about.

Thanks
to Gordon Brown selling Britain’s gold reserves at the bottom of the
market, plundering peoples pensions and his numerous disastrous
economic decisions throughout his tenure as chancellor and prime
minister, he has single-handedly managed to bankrupt this country and
damage it irreparably.

It was meant to be a civilised game of croquet at the Chelsea Croquet Club but instead ended up a chaotic sick bag mess.

Mr Prescott who arrived in one of his many Jaguar cars had been invited to attend the competition as guest of honour and to present the winners prize at the end of the competition.

To the shock of the Champions Cup XII competition officials, Prescott who arrived drunk, kicked off the competition by gorging himself on about 234 cucumber sandwiches, 43 pork pies and 124 sausage rolls. Mr Prescott, the former deputy prime minister, decided to then butt into a game that had already started on the croquet green.

A distraught 76 year old Mrs Outhwaite, who was last years champion, describes the moment when John Prescott got hold of her bat and started to swing it about like a maniac.

“This awful slobbering fat man wearing a cowboy hat came onto the green and started bragging about his croquet skills saying that he had had a lot of practise while he was deputy prime minister.”

According to club members, Mr Prescott then proceeded to vomit copious amounts of sick over the croquet lawn, but there was worse to come. Because of his bulimia, he got down on the grass and started to eat his own vomit with gusto.

“After being sick on the grass, John said he was hungry again and wanted to eat his own vomit. He was slurping it up like soup and chewing on the crunchy bits with relish. It was disgusting and a few ladies were retching at the sight of it. One lady who is a regular croquet player for the B team vomited on the club’s prize pegonias. John, seeing this as another opportunity to stuff his face, lapped the lot up including her false teeth then burped whilst smiling like a well sated Cheshire cat,”  Colonal Saunders, the shocked President of the Croquet Committee told the Daily Squib.

John Prescott, has been touting his gluttonous piggery as of late by doing the rounds in all the papers.