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Peter Fincham BBC1 Head Displayed at the Tower

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Peter Fincham BBC1 Head Displayed at the Tower

Mr Fincham, the ex-head of BBC1, has had his head displayed outside Traitors Gate at the Tower of London. Mr Fincham is the most high profile execution in recent years.

The Public execution was conducted on Tower Hill and was photographed by the famous photographer Annie Liebowitz, who was appointed by her Royal Highness.

The occasion will be commemorated with a set of coins to be specially minted and sold from one of the last remaining post offices in England and Wales.

Television coverage of the event has already spread onto YouTube, the video sharing website, where 23 million views have already been registered in just a few hours.

The public execution was also viewed by millions worldwide as many TV companies vied for a prime position.

Susan Sontag, the eminent writer and friend of Liebowitz, will also be covering the execution and has been commissioned to write a large commemorative piece in the Sunday Times this week.
The Queen shapeshifts by accident in a fit of rage directed at a servant

BBC executives were in hiding today somewhere in the North of England. However, they will be soon found and executed for their part in the treasonous plot.

Head on the Block

After the Minister offered the last rites, Fincham gave the executioner a fiver and forgave him.

 

Mr Fincham’s execution went smoothly and the executioner only needed six strokes of the blunt axe to detach his treasonous head.

This is only the fourth execution for this executioner and he performed admirably for such an inexperienced fellow.

 

The crowd enjoyed the display and taunted Mr Fincham with rebukes for the horrible TV Licence tax that is foisted on everyone in Britain.

Peter Fincham, who has committed treason against her Majesty, was allowed to say a few words to the baying crowd, but was stopped short by a boiled potato hitting him square on the forehead.

‘Crowngate’

After Fincham’s head was despatched, the executioner showed it to the crowd and then plonked it on a pike. It will be displayed at Traitors Gate for awhile, then moved to London Bridge when it gets too smelly and green.

Later on in the afternoon another executive, Stephen Lambert was hanged at Tower Hill. This time only a few people turned up because of his low status.

Her Royal Highness and other royal members viewed the days proceedings from the royal box away from the public.

The Queen has also declared a public holiday on Monday next week as well as abolishing the BBC TV Licence tax indefinitely. This wonderful news was met with merriment and joy across the nation.

In recent years BBC output has been torrid and banal, with very low quality ‘reality’ content. No one is going to miss any of the BBC’s vapid waste of taxpayer’s money ‘programming’.

‘Good riddance to bad rubbish,’ as they say.

Britney’s Yorkshire Terrier Rescued

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Britney’s Yorkshire Terrier Rescued

Britney Spears’ dog Toto the Yorkshire Terrier may have to be taken into protective custody by the American animal rights group PETA.

Britney, who has been squeezing the dog very tightly in the last few days, seems to be having trouble composing herself in public. This may have something to do with losing custody of her children to her ex-husband a few days ago for being a bad mother.

Yesterday, whilst in Starbucks picking up a Frappucino, she was seen squeezing the poor mutt so tight that its poor little tongue was hanging out and its eyes seemed to bulge out of its little head. When a photographer brought this to Britney’s attention, she finally relaxed her grip and continued snorting the Frappucino with the straw.

The dog has tried to escape the clutches of Britney a few times, but is always recaptured by her driver or bodyguard and then handed shivering back to its tormentor.

Some people in the crowds waiting to see Britney have taken to urging the poor dog to escape by shouting “Run, Toto, Run!”

Gordon Brown Rewards Proles with £5 per Gallon Pledge

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Gordon Brown Rewards Proles with £5 per Gallon Pledge

The unelected leader and supreme comrade Gordon Brown today awarded the Prole population with an increase of only 2p duty for every gallon of petrol bought on Britain’s superhighway schemes. State tax on every pound spent on fuel is now only 89%, so this is a true gift to the people. The whole population will now be paying only £5.00 per gallon.

This wonderful news has been met with cheers from Party believers and servants to the supreme leader.

There was also news that all Prole Highway GATSO money generators would be increased in numbers to bring in even more revenue for the Party.

CCTV in many sectors will be increased and CCTV on CCTV monitoring systems have also been set up to control any possible tampering of CCTV systems.

Listening In

Comrade Brown, who was at his dacha in Wolverhamptonski, spoke of further plans to increase state sponsored eavesdropping. “My dear Comrades, our central politburo at Whitehall and local Stasi Council officials are going to increase bugging of telephones and internet monitoring schemes. Do not be alarmed, this is for your own safety. We will also give eavesdropping powers to many other agencies and companies for your benefit.”

In addition to only small increases in fuel prices, there will be a cut to rationing of chocolate in Sector 21-45, then moving on consecutively to other sectors. The generosity of our great unelected leader is much to be admired.

Notice: B64321 INGSOCK Long Live the Gordo!

CCTV Cameras to Spy on CCTV Cameras

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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CCTV Cameras to Spy on CCTV Cameras

Orders have been released from Central Information Ministry Headquarters in Whitehall that there will be an increase of CCTV on CCTV surveillance. Sectors 34 – 457 will have a phased increase of cameras and after this scheme is completed in February there will be increases for the remainder of the sectors.

Two Year Plan

Out of the 164 million CCTV cameras in the UK mainland, the increase will effectively double the amount of cameras within a two year period.

The scheme brought in during Gordon Brown’s reign is an asset to CCTV security and will ensure that no one tampers with cameras in the future.

Last month there was unrest in Sector 34G and this was successfully quashed with full riot police. Only one camera, was damaged and this has now been replaced by four CCTV cameras. The vandals are being re-programmed at Party Education Centres in the Sector.

Public Executions

Public Prole Traffic highways will also include extra CCTV coverage so as to protect the Speeding Revenue GATSO generators.

There has been evidence that some of the prole population have attempted to tamper with Central Governments key GATSO revenue generators and these proles will be punished severely.

Two proles have pleaded guilty to the acts against our party, and will confess their crimes in Trafalgar Square on Tuesday. They will then be hanged publicly as a message to others.

If there is any further disturbance in Sector 34G, there will be increased purges to re-educate the dissenters which may also involve retirements.

Notice: B64388 INGSOCK

OJ Simpson to Perform Prison Puppet Shows for Inmates

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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OJ Simpson to Perform Prison Puppet Shows for Inmates

Nothing better to keep killers and robbers at bay in an overcrowded hell-hole prison than a lovely Sing Sing hand puppet show.

OJ is practising for the 3 hour daily shows he will provide when he is sentenced later on in the month for a life term in jail.

“I am very excited to have the opportunity to express my creative side with these puppet shows. The main character of the show is called Ron and the other character is called Nicole. As the shows go on I will introduce other characters to the mix.”

The All Star puppet shows will be held in the main mess hall of the Correctional Facility where there will be an impromptu stage setup for OJ to perform.

OJ is also all set to tour the varied prison populations in North America with his All Star puppet show when he will be transferred from time to time.

The next 40-50 years in prison will be all the time OJ Simpson will need to refine his show and perfect his wonderful art.

Unfortunately, you will have to be incarcerated in the US prison system to enjoy the shows and they will not be allowed outside.

So, unless you’re into getting your arse buggered in the showers for picking up the soap, it is best to steer clear of being in the audience of an OJ puppet show in jail.

Bush to Invade Burma

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Bush to Invade Burma

The United States has been supporting the Burmese (Myanmar) Junta for many years. However, the threat that they will switch their oil revenue currency from dollars to euros is a call for another War on Terror.

George W Bush is now sending four aircraft carriers to the Andaman Sea and is about to attack the oil and gas rich nation.

According to Halliburton, Burmese oil and gas reserves are the fourth largest in the world next to Iraq, Iran and Saudi Arabia.

War on Terror

Speaking to the American people in a Friday presidential address, George W Bush cited many reasons to invade Burma. “Dearest American peoples, our old Junta friends who we supported in the torture of their own people for many years have turned against our great nation by changing their primary oil money from dollars into euros. This is very bad for the USA, because we will not be able to run our gas guzzling 5 mpg SUV’s for much longer. We turned a blind eye to the torture and brutality of the Junta as long as we were getting our fair share of oil revenue. Now things have changed and we’re gonna invade Burma and take all the oil. I urge you all to support the War on Terrors.”

After Iraq, Iran and the oil pipelines of Afghanistan, only Saudi Arabia is left untouched by the mighty US oil corporation (US Government) because they are the only ones left endorsing the valueless dollar.

Burmese Junta Baath Party

Just like the deposed and executed Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein, the Burmese Junta were supported wholeheartedly by the Americans as long as they served America. The US instated and armed Saddam Hussein, using selective justice to achieve their oil revenue goals. The successive US administrations turned a blind eye to Saddam’s various indiscretions like mass gassings and other dictatorial exercises. So long as the oil flowed, the US did not care what he did. They only cared however when he tried to grab some oil fields for himself in Kuwait. No one takes American oil and survives. Further threats prior to the second Gulf War from Saddam to deal in Euros further precipitated his demise.

Darfur and others

Currently there are many parts of the world which deserve to be invaded by the mighty US oil company headed by George W Bush. China is too big a country to invade and although it is a huge threat to world stability, has its uses as a slave labour colony for Hasbro and Walmart. Darfur has not reached the oil benchmark to be invaded by America. Russia has lots of gas and oil reserves but has many dangerous nuclear missiles rotting away in their silos, as well as the ‘gay pin-up’ president Putin to contend with. The plight of the Palestinians is left to gather dust because they are not Israelis and do not have a massive lobby in the US or any oil for that matter.

Halliburton

Instrumental in oil acquisition for the US Government and once headed by Dick Cheney, Halliburton stocks have jumped through the roof once again.

Blackwater is already licking its lips at the thought of another lucrative contract to carry on its unhindered mass killing spree.

Fox News, the media arm of the US oil Corporation a.k.a the USA, has been spouting its rallying cry of ‘ATTACK ATTACK ATTACK’ and baying for more ‘blood for oil’. Bill O’Reilly and Ann Coulter are now at the forefront of the media campaign to inform the American people that America is about to acquire more oil and there is no need to buy any fuel efficient cars yet.

Hollywood Drug Shortage Blamed on Coogan

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Hollywood Drug Shortage Blamed on Coogan

“Aha!” Steve shouts as he gleefully opens up another large packet of cocaine which he dutifully spoons into his mouth and snorts excitedly.

Breakfast time for Steve Coogan in his LA digs does not consist of corn flakes, but crystal flakes of white powder washed down with a large bag of weed. By lunchtime he has consumed $35,000 worth of hard drugs and is still raring to go.

By high tea, Steve is eagerly snorting lines off three call girls’ naked bodies.

Sweating like a pig on acid, he says a few ‘Hail Mary’s’ then demands more and more and more.

The native Hollywoodites are all fed up. Courtney Love has had her supply chain tampered with. She tells him to go back to the Linton Travel Tavern and leave her and everyone else “the f*ck alone.”

Not only has Mr Coogan corrupted the whole of Los Angeles with his bacchanalian fervour, but he has sucked all supplies dry.

Peru and Colombia are having to up the production to keep up with demand. Shortages have not only increased prices, but caused a strain on many Hollywood relationships.

Last week at a party up in the hills, a famous party host was forced to serve only 2 lines on the silver platter. Guests left the party after 15 minutes and a few prospective blockbusters lost major backing as a result.

Studio board rooms are now filled with edgy executives shivering in cold sweats as they grind their teeth whilst trying to thrash out the next Super Hero franchise.

Actor Owen Wilson last month tried to copy Steve but failed miserably. He is now a ruined man, as is half of Hollywood.

It seems Hollywood is not yet ready for the man from Middleton, Lancashire.

Paris Hilton Goes Souvenir Hunting in Rwanda

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Paris Hilton Goes Souvenir Hunting in Rwanda

SPECIAL REPORT FROM THE WILDS OF AFRICA

Amongst a mass of Louis Vuitton luggage – our reporter counts 253 pieces – Paris Hilton’s gesture to the porters to ‘Hurry the f*ck up’ is met with anguish as the malnourished poor fellows struggle in the 120 degree heat.

Paris Hilton, ex-convict, is in the wilds of deepest Africa souvenir hunting for her $8 million Beverly Hills house and is determined to find some memorable items for her mantlepiece.

Miss Hilton’s luxury private jet which arrived on Wednesday was met by the Deputy Foreign Minister Dr Charles Murigande.

Her entourage of 389 staff include masseuses, hairdressers, astrologers, beauticians, makeup artists, dietitians, and her own personal photographers and lackeys from TMZ.

The glamour actress will be guarded by her own troupe of South African mercenaries as well as her newest toyboy acquisition Dolph from Sweden.

Food has been specially flown in and will include the choicest champagne and caviar, with only the best Foie Gras from France. Her private chefs will be preparing the finest cuisine for her five night stay.


Paris Hilton’s private jet at Kigali International Airport all set to fly back to Los Angeles

 

Decked in indulgent couture and diamonds with 24 karat gold jewellery, Paris did not even know where Rwanda was until one of her assistants told her last week.

This is the farthest that Paris has ventured from Beverly Hills and she is excited about her ‘humanitarian’ role.

The people of Rwanda have suffered so much, and now their suffering has been compounded with the indignity of having this disgusting carious trollope peer through her $4000 sunglasses at them.

Travel Itinerary

The less fortunate ones of the third world have had to endure many visits like this from overprivileged socially visible white women and Paris is simply following in their footsteps.

Like her colonial sisters, she will be carried through a village or two on a pedestal, paraded amongst the starving African ‘unfortunates’.

The photo ops will be numerous as Paris throws a few morsels of luxury crevettes onto the dirt floors as starving black children amongst the flies gasp to pick them up from the soil.

The Rwandan Government has been paid off handsomely for the photo op of the century – Paris Hilton feeding scraps to the war-torn victims of mass genocide.

Paris is also hoping to help the Rwandan government and people by consulting on the opening of more houses of ill repute and dirt emporiums in Kigali.

A Little Memento

Le pièce de résistance, Paris Hilton will take away a few Rwandan children as decoration for her Beverly Hills mansion. They will be fed scraps from her table and thus kept barely alive as her pets.

Paris, who likes pets, will keep the Rwandan children with her Kinkajou’s and Poodles until it comes time to dump them for better pets.

She says she will however not be like Madonna and paint jungle scenes on the walls of the African boys’ quarters. Instead, they will be allowed to sit motionless amongst the opulent furnishings and simply look ‘African’.

Paris Hilton will no doubt be the toast of the Beverly Hills Golf Club when she parades a starving Rwandan child on a leash à la Lynndie England.

Soon Lindsay Lohan and all the other Perez celebrity fodder will be clamoring for their own African souvenir trip.

 

Paul McKenna Promises to Make You Slimmer

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Paul McKenna Promises to Make You Slimmer

McKenna is on a holiday in the Cayman Islands and stops off at the tax-haven regularly to check on his millions. He has used hypnotherapy to acquire huge amounts of cash from the general population and is not stopping while he is ahead.

According to his website, Mr McKenna charges £250 plus VAT for the
day-long seminars that promise to “completely re-pattern your thoughts
– and ultimately programme your mind to slim your wallet”.

His bestselling books, with titles like “I Can Make You Rich”, come at hefty price tags of £20.99. We wonder who the ‘rich’ one is here?

After one of his ‘seminars’ you will come out and not remember handing over your credit card or writing that cheque for 250 notes.

McKenna, who owns many palatial residences across the world, has made so much money that he uses £50 pound notes for toilet paper.

Last week after filling the ashtray of his £350,000 Bentley, he had an assistant push it into a quarry so he could order another one.

Paul McKenna, who acquired his PHD’s from very reputable universities, is of course fully qualified to extract money from your wallet and he will continue to do so for a very long time whether you like it or not.

You will now click all the google ads on this page…you are feeling comforted…your mouse is moving over an ad and you will click the ad…they are below and to the right of you in red…you cannot miss them…ahhh there they are… etc..etc..etc...

Size Minus Four Models In – Size Zero Out

Fashion Correspondent Tamara Specklewith Ponser
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Size Minus Four Models In – Size Zero Out

I am at London Fashion week and am loving the Size Minus 4 models in town. One of the girls is beautiful in her glorious ‘Rexy’ look. I can actually see her blood flowing through her veins and her internal organs are clearly visible through her translucent skin. The model is wearing a bikini fashioned out of chiffon and it looks fabulous on her.

I ask our resident expert what he thinks of the fabulous Size Minus 4 look pioneered by the fabulous designer Mosher Liebowitz that is sweeping the fashion world.

“Darling, it is so beautiful to see these women walking the catwalks looking like lepers and victims of concentration camps. The fashion business is dominated by us gay men and we hate women. We don’t want women to have curves or be feminine in any way. We control these women and they do as we say. I love the fashion world because it is the only place where us gays have all the power.”

It seems there is definitely a lot of hatred within the fashion world and it feeds down to the brainless models who are sucked in by the cocaine and promise of fame.

Kate Moss, who is actually considered a role model in the skewed world of ‘fashion’, even coined the term ‘Rexy’ in place of ‘Sexy’. She is the poster child of the anorexic, emaciated cocaine-fuelled vapid fashion model and she defends her crown with more stupidity every day.

Size Zero is now out the window and Size Minus 4 is in. The Auschwitz look is the new standard in the self-hating world of fashion models.

I ask Pablo how his stable of models maintain their skeletons.

“We house the models in a closed quarter at a secret location in Milan. There are bars on the windows so the models cannot get out. However, they do not have enough energy to walk more than 15 meters anyway. We feed them one piece of lettuce a day and a trolley comes around with cocaine or amphetamines every half an hour. They are allowed to drink water, but nothing else. Last week we had 3 of them die on us, but we replaced them immediately and now the new recruits have already joined the Elite Modeling Agency. If possible, we begin indoctrination and brainwashing at the ages of 14 and younger.”

What can be construed as dedication to their homosexual masters is merely stupidity for these poor souls who have been misled into believing that female beauty does not have curves.

Self-loathing is the key to the fashion world, where punishment and agony is applauded and suffering is drowned out by Colombian marching powder copiously smeared into their frazzled amoeba brains.

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