17.7 C
London
Friday, October 25, 2024
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 71

Poor Old Moggy Mauled by Rabid Leftist Remainer Rottweiler

Ammit
-
0
Poor Old Moggy Mauled by Rabid Leftist Remainer Rottweiler

Courtesy of GB News, entertainment does sometimes come in disguise of a political discussion on wokism and freedom of speech. Jacob Rees-Mogg, always the gentleman, was put upon in a most unceremonious fashion by some foaming at the mouth Eastenders she-bitch Rottweiler from what seems to be Britain’s underground communist Bolshevik remainer movement. With proof that rabies does indeed seem to be flourishing in the UK, Marina Purkiss attempted to give Mogg the kiss of death with her razor sharp talons and snapping jaw.

“I bet she’s a real goer in bed, though,” one member of the audience said, winking. Yes, Purkiss does exhibit the passion of a woman who can fuck till dawn then demand another three days and nights of more fucking, but does that quality redeem her antics as an ultra Marxist soviet Commissar out to kill all rich people and murder all non-communists in their beds? You can bet on it, after a night with Purkiss, you could very well wake up and look down to see her evil smile just before she lops the lot off with a rusty pen knife — all because you are a vile male, and you deserve it.

Just watching this wonderful woman in action will bring on a semi to many, but does she have a point about Brexit? Well, yes and no to be honest, most of her points fall short because she simply does not get her facts right. If Rees-Mogg can get a word in edgeways, he presents the rabid Rottweiler with key facts, which of course she dismisses as lies. You can do that in a discussion, just keep shouting out that the other person is lying, and sometimes it can work, but most of the time it will be you who looks like a tit.

At one point, Jacob Rees-Mogg should have stood up abruptly, grabbed her and put her over his knee for a bit of spank therapy, but these are not the good old Victorian days anymore so that’s unfortunately out of the question.

Now that the remainers are in complete control of the Bank of England, Treasury, Civil Service and Cabinet, to send out this wailing banshee for some stiff kamikaze action on one of the last Brexiteers still standing, you could say is the final straw for Brexit.

Thank you, GB News, for such entertainment, next time though we want Marina Purkiss in a mud pit with Michelle Dewberry (phwoar). The Daily Squib office would pay good money to see that.

Corpse Launches 2024 Election Campaign

Ammit
-
0
Corpse Launches 2024 Election Campaign

The putrefying corrupt Democrat announced its push for presidency on Tuesday. Shuffling on to the podium, the corpse tried to speak but could only groan, dribbling a smelly green substance from its rotting lips.

If Donald Trump can’t win against a walking corpse, then the game is definitely rigged.

In 2020, the ballot stuffing and postal votes ensured a Democrat win.

Political commentator Josh Rubin defended the Democrat party’s corrupt practices in 2020.

“Remember on election night when Trump was in the lead when suddenly all counting stopped for a moment. Then there was a vertical graph line of the Democrats suddenly appearing out of nowhere, leaving Trump behind. That was the very moment in real time when the election fraud took place. It was like 911. People saw it with their own eyes, but could not believe the blatant audacity of it.

“Many stayed silent, some voiced their concern only to be punished later by a compromised system. We now control everything and will do it again in 2024, or at least we will try another false win. We have the keys to the city, and the Republicans are locked out.”

The corpse may very well win in 2024, but with a compromised system, you could put a piece of dog shit in its place and that would win too.

Luxury Watch Company Fights Back With Support For Women’s Sport

Ammit
-
0
Luxury Watch Company Fights Back With Support For Women’s Sport

Transgender people should have their own sports category, simply because being born as a biological male is physically advantageous to biological women. It does not matter if a trans person thinks they are female if they were born as a man, the skeletal and muscular strength they have is far superior to a biological female. An ad for Egard Watches, a Florida-based boutique timepiece and jewellery firm, is fighting back against woke companies who do not value women and their rights.

Women should have the right to compete against their own gender without other interferences. Women should also have the right to go to public toilets without men invading their spaces. Women should have the right to shower in peace in gyms without men intruding on their territory.

Women’s rights Women’s sport

The company, founded by Ilan Srulovicz, followed up on its “What is a Woman” ad with a spot calling out Budweiser and Nike for embracing transgenderism. The ad is titled, “ERASED – A message to woke corporate America (Nike & Budweiser),” and features a young woman pursuing her lifelong goal of being the fastest woman in the world.

“I think there’s this huge culture war taking place where there’s a certain percentage of the culture that wants to do away with the concept of gender entirely, and a lot of corporations are very woke nowadays, and they think that’s who their best clientele is,” he told the Washington Times. “And then there’s the silent percent of the country that strongly believes that these things do have value and do have meaning, and no one’s fighting for their side.”

Following the release of the ad, Srulovicz claims that YouTube has suppressed it and limited his reach, in effect, shadowbanning it.

“They’re letting it play, but it’s not getting any organic searches,” he contended. “The view count doesn’t make any sense. It goes up and then it comes down again, and then they’ve restricted us from advertising across all Google platforms. So if you can’t advertise an ad and they close down any organic searches for it, your ad is not going to get any views.”

The bottom line is, there are multiple variables and nuances to gender, and a lot of woke companies are bulldozing over these just to make a political point and pander to the woke masses who do not have any standards and follow blindly without question. Life and biology is much more complicated and nuanced than simply putting some guy who claims he is female in a woman’s 400m race with big bulging muscles with or without a cock and balls.

Bravo to Egard Watches for standing up to the truth.

www.egardwatches.com

Afrocentric Netflix Fake History Blamed For Ruining Egyptian Tourism

Ammit
-
3
Afrocentric Netflix Fake History Blamed For Ruining Egyptian Tourism

“No one wants to come here now because people think ancient Egyptians were blacks,” the Egyptian board of Tourism decried the lies spread by a recent fake documentary from streaming company Netflix.

The tourism sector is one of the largest employers in Egypt, providing 3.1 million jobs, or 9.5% of the total workforce. In 2018, Egypt recorded 9.8 million international arrivals, an increase of 48% compared to the previous year.

Just as Egypt is recovering from the pandemic and lockdowns that affected the tourism industry across the globe, a pseudo-documentary from Netflix that has stolen actual Egyptian culture and planted an Afrocentric slant to the entire dynasty of Ancient Egypt has added to the malaise.

“These people have not only stolen our culture and history with blatant misinformation and lies, but they have damaged our tourism industry. It may take decades to repair this damage,” a spokesman for the tourism board revealed on Tuesday.

It’s not all bad news though, Shaquanda Johnsons, 34, from Mississippi is booking a flight from America to Alexandria to visit the land of black Cleopatra.

“Imma fidner go to da Egypt ‘n’ shiet 2 see fo masselve whut da black queen Culeopatras wuz doin ‘n’ shiet. I save up ma cash money from da BLM looting. I culd pay me retun tickit. We loot all da stos, Walmart, Target y’all name it. I stil got sum dough left ‘n’ shiet. Why they no liquor stoh on top da Ejyp pyramids, I axe u dat? I gots 2 thank Saint George Floyd, if it wont fo’ him resistin’ arrest I wuld nut b abel 2 finances dis trip 2 Eegypt. Imma cum 2 ma land – we bilt da pyramids ‘n’ shiet. Egyptins are all black! It’s offishul.”

New Documentary to Portray Martin Luther King as Chinese Man

Ammit
-
2
New Documentary to Portray Martin Luther King as Chinese Man

If it is okay to erase and defile history with the likes of Cleopatra being a black woman, a new documentary to be released soon will depict Martin Luther King as a Chinese man.

Released in August, the documentary entitled The Real Chinese MLK will delve into the life and struggle of American civil rights icon Martin Luther King played by an unknown Chinese actor from Beijing.

Egg fried civil rice

“I was with my son, and he asked why can’t we see African American icons depicted as Chinese people? I immediately picked up the phone and assembled a crew for shooting,” director of the project, Heinrich Pinkett Smithy, told LA Week magazine.

The documentary will change black history forever by going Chinese. Martin Luther King Jnr. will be depicted as a scrawny Chinese man.

“In one scene Martin Luther King starts dancing in his local baptist church. Because he is Chinese, he is totally out of rhythm and dances with jerky movements while the audience, who are all black, also join in.

Even the famous “I have a dream” speech by MLK has been rewritten with a Chinese perspective, and will change everything for the cause. It will be a speech about education, saving money, running businesses and working for a living instead of revelling in victimhood, rioting, prison, crime and shunning education to live in the projects.

“I remember as a kid seeing some black actor play Martin Luther King Jnr.” the director revealed. “I was captivated, but even then, I felt the image was not right. Was his skin really that black?

“With this new production, could I find the answers about Martin Luther King’s heritage and release him from the stranglehold that Hollywood had placed on his image?”

He continued: “So, was MLK black? We don’t know for sure, but we can be certain he wasn’t black like some dark ass Mandingo from the deepest west African jungle near the upper Niger valley or something.

“We need to have a conversation with ourselves about our colourism, and the internalized black supremacy that Hollywood has indoctrinated us with. Most of all, we need to realise that Martin Luther King’s story is less about him than it is about who we are.”

The Woke Cannot Create Anything New They Can Only Mess With the Past

Ammit
-
0
The Woke Cannot Create Anything New They Can Only Mess With the Past

The Woke political orientation is a regressive negative form of ideology that is not only based on Marxist principles but is stuck in the past. It cannot create anything new, it can only mess with past historical events. One example is the latest Cleopatra documentary by Netflix where all historical and scholarly information about the queen based in Alexandria, Egypt was ignored and instead Cleopatra was portrayed falsely by the woke production team purely for ideological purposes as a sub-Saharan African. This form of historical negationism is very prevalent in totalitarian communist and fascist regimes, where history is falsely rewritten or erased purely for ideological reasons. The woke have thus stooped to the lowly levels of repressive totalitarian regimes to put their false narrative across.

Erasing and cancelling strands of history is a very dangerous pursuit, but it serves the purposes of the woke because they can rewrite the past to suit their needs in the current time, and also fool millions of their followers to think that their version of re-written history is correct. This form of denialism is politically motivated to induce a false narrative to indoctrinate the easily swayed masses that follow wokism without question, who are predominantly not educated to a standard that can differentiate lies and real facts.

Hijacking other people’s history and implanting your own racially or politically motivated lies is a crude method utilised by the woke, as demonstrated most recently by the fake Cleopatra Netflix documentary. Because sub-Saharan Africans have no real written history of any note, it was the woke duty of so-called enlightened African American supremacists who have been given free rein in Hollywood to hijack Egyptian culture and history for their own politically motivated and racist needs. Cleopatra was most not certainly NOT a sub-Saharan African, but was of European Greek/Macedonian stock, as depicted by numerous Roman portraits of the time. Her bloodline descended directly from Alexander’s generals, yet in the Netflix documentary, Cleopatra is falsely depicted as a sub-Saharan African.

This kind of appropriation and false rewriting of history should not be allowed in any decent, honest society and is a crime not only to real historical fact but ultimately damages humanity as a whole. The people who perpetuated this crime should be treated as the criminals they are, and their blatant lies exposed.

Fired Woke Marketing VP For Bud Light Now Transitioning to be a Man

Ammit
-
5
Fired Woke Marketing VP For Bud Light Now Transitioning to be a Man

Anheuser-Busch InBev has changed marketing leadership for Bud Light in the wake of losing a whopping $7.4 billion in market cap and a huge loss of sales across America tainting its brand forever after the controversy over the brand sending a can to gay transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney with his face on it.

“I was talking to Dylan on the phone in my plush new office about the joys of inclusivity and how losing $7.4 billion for Anheuser-Busch is like a walk in the park. It’s like a beautiful journey where the beer brand is now totally tainted, ya know like a big fat dingleberry that no one wants to touch. Well, some man walks in and says I was fired! Excuse me, I’m on the phone here to our favourite son of Bud Light I said. The man took my phone and dropped it on the floor then crushed it slowly with his cowboy boot. Oh ma gawd! Just, ohmagawd! This is not inclusive behaviour!”

Alissa Weinerscheisse, marketing VP for the brand since June 2022, was put on permanent leave of absence, the brewer confirmed, and will be replaced by some dude called Todd, who was most recently global marketing VP for Budweiser.

“I was then escorted to the car park by two burly guards who threw my children’s drawings I had on the wall in my office in the back of my car. Oh, and they forgot my special Dylan Mulvaney Bud Light can in the office. I asked them for it, and they told me that those cans will all be crushed out of existence. I cried, and I cried and this is all happening while I was transitioning to be a man. I already picked out a prosthetic cock and balls from my area trans shop.”

It’s not all downhill for Weinerscheisse though, his new pronouns will be he/they/zee and he plans on starting his own manly trans beer brand for America with Dylan Mulvaney called “Inclusive Light”. The new beer will only be marketed to 0.0003% of the US population, but will be certified ‘inclusive’.

“My woke handler and life coach, who tells me how to think and act, was very supportive. She congratulated me in doing a great job in killing off some white man’s beer. The brand is now untouchable and will probably never recover again.”

Alissa Weinerschnitzel is also authoring a new book called: “How to kill a brand built up over 160 years – in a fucking week”

Don’t forget, folks, keep on truckin’ with that Bud Light Boycott…

Uncanny Valley Finally Reached in Video Games – Unrecord

Ammit
-
1
Uncanny Valley Finally Reached in Video Games – Unrecord

This is the kind of game we have been waiting for with anticipation, and the developers studio DRAMA have indeed fulfilled their remit.

The era of gaming has finally reached that uncanny valley moment where photorealistic graphics are making gameplay for some releases indistinguishable from real life.

The lighting is super realistic, as well as the texture mapping, Nanite virtual geometry system, bleeding-edge graphics tech all created in Unreal Engine 5, but the real clincher is the camera movement and realism when shooting.

Let us hope more developers achieve this level of realism and mastery. Serious points of kudos must be given to the DRAMA team and Alexandre Spindler for this work of genius.

Imagine this game in VR and the level of immersion would be increased further. Zuckerberg’s Metaverse with 1992 graphics and people with no lower torsos has just been plopped on big time.

China and Russia Betting On Weak Biden and Loser Sunak

Ammit
-
2
China and Russia Betting On Weak Biden and Loser Sunak

Farted out of the heaving anus of the internet, we present to you a communiqué from some obscure anonymous group who could be absolutely anyone or no one, or even some secretive dark agency working only from the shimmering shadows of inequity.

“Movement in war can come at breakneck speed, or it can be slow and easy — the long game. Never has Russia and China had it so easy with a weak USA led by a corpse who is more concerned with demoralising and dividing his own country than being a patriot. The same goes for the UK, here is a guy supposedly leading the country as an unelected shoe-in with no mandate to rule, Rishi Sunak is a slow moving target with no understanding of military matters or what is to come. The enemy is blessed to have such a bunch of low-level pieces of detritus supposedly leading the ‘free world’. Yes, the West is now about as free as Rykers Island, and the disgusting protected scumbag who armed the Taliban up to the hilt in Afghanistan with America’s best weaponry thinks he has a chance for a second term. Sure, go ahead Joe, you are the gift that keeps on giving, or should that be ‘tripping’? The time for action is nearing every day, and the West’s enemies feed on this weakness, it empowers them because it means the long game they have been playing all this time has finally worked. American society has been completely demoralised to a point that if you were to show one of these brainwashed woke operators a picture of some snow, and you told them it was actually white in colour, their programming over generations is so strong in wokism that they would argue with you forever that it was black. This is the level of programming that operatives trained in demoralisation have been conducting now in the USA for decades now. The woke have been ideologically subverted and are completely blind to their fate, especially as they have been disarmed and are ripe for the picking by America’s enemies, who wait intently for the final push. The Russian and Chinese propagandists working in the West for decades have completed their mission with flying colours. Add in some major de-dollarisation from a multitude of nations sick of the USA, a country that makes up 5% of the global population yet uses up 60% of earth’s resources, and there is certainly a deadly smell in the air at the the moment. The uptick in Chinese balloon surveillance over the US and Russian trawlers off the coast of Britain are small signs of finalisation, as are the final countdown emergency broadcast tests in the UK.”

 

Defiling History: Hollywood Blackwashes Macedonian Cleopatra as Sub-Saharan African

Ammit
-
17
Defiling History: Hollywood Blackwashes Macedonian Cleopatra as Sub-Saharan African

Because sub-Saharan Africans never really invented anything of note, or have much of a history, it is necessary according to Jada Pinky Smith to rewrite history and defile the historical fact that Cleopatra was a Macedonian Greek, and make all ancient Egyptians sub-Saharan blacks. Yes, we have another blatantly racist Netflix monstrosity that is blackwashing entire swathes of history with their new Cleopatra depiction.

Egyptian scholars are naturally up in arms at having their entire history thrown into the gutter of Hollywood lies, and are now suing Netflix.

cleopatra roman era
Cleopatra sculpture and painting from Roman era.

As for the Macedonians and Greeks, they are now black people according to Netflix, as are ancient Egyptians. All historians and scholars know that Sub-Saharan Africans were only used as slaves by ancient Egyptians and nothing more.

Zahi Hawass, a prominent Egyptologist and former antiquities minister, told the al-Masry al-Youm newspaper: “This is completely fake. Cleopatra was Greek, meaning that she was light-skinned, not black.”

On Sunday, lawyer Mahmoud al-Semary filed a complaint with the public prosecutor demanding that he take “the necessary legal measures” and block access to Netflix’s services in Egypt.

He revealed that the series included visual material and content that violated Egypt’s media laws and accused Netflix of trying to “promote the Afrocentric thinking… which includes slogans and writings aimed at distorting and erasing the Egyptian identity”

In reality, it does not matter what skin colour Cleopatra had, the main contention here should be the rewriting of history for propaganda and ideological reasons. In this case, militant racist black people have infiltrated the film industry and are trying to Africanise everything they see by defiling actual history.

What’s next for Netflix, Henry VIII depicted as a sub-Saharan African chieftain, or how about George Washington as a Chinese man who only speaks Mandarin but cooks a mean chow mein?

Naturally, Netflix has had to dump the comments section on the fucked up film’s YouTube trailer page, and the dislikes are so numerous that they have masked those as well.

Do not watch this shit, and cancel your subscription to Netflix. This is the only way these people will ever learn. If you have one fucking miniscule ounce of principle in your body, you will dump Netflix right now, because this is a form of history deletion. Defiling our human history is a serious crime, because lies in historical terms harm humanity as a whole.

Netflix, and the blatantly racist simpletons who created the Cleopatra film are a disgrace to human history and these uneducated illiterate African American supremacists should be treated with the utmost contempt that they fully deserve. NETFLIX CLEOPATRA DOCUMENTARY BULLSHIT RATING — OFF THE SCALE

1...707172...722Page 71 of 722
squib footer 270

Breaking News

Copyright © Daily Squib 2024.

The Daily Squib is a curious satirical parody newspaper offering breaking news, political satire, comedy, investigative journalism, opinion and celebrity news.