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Hillary Clinton Shapeshifts LIVE on TV

Jose Barbosa
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4
Hillary Clinton Shapeshifts LIVE on TV

Hillary Clinton Video Special

During the filming at a private party the Senator was caught with her claws out. Shapeshifters rarely get caught on camera, but this time it was plain for all to see.

Hillary Clinton, who has never been filmed blinking and is a breed unto herself, sometimes has problems holding onto her human form.

Dark Secret

Some experts and members of the scientific community have known for some time that Hillary has a dark secret. Her true shape is only known to a few people in her close knit circle.

“What you see in this video is only a partial human transformation. Hillary has lost control of her human cloak for a few seconds and this is when you see her reptilian claws,” James Brubeck, from the Institute of Mechanical Sciences in Los Alamos, who studied the videos frame by frame told the Daily Squib.

“This is truly amazing stuff. Whoever leaked this video is going to get into deep trouble if they are ever caught.”

Members of her entourage have also revealed Hillary’s terror tactics on unsuspecting Obama supporters. In this account she makes an Obama supporter cower in fear just from one look:

“I’ve seen her [Hillary] look into peoples eyes and they shrink away in pain. She really is not human I tell ya, dang scary. I’ve seen her use her powers to full effect in this campaign by intimidating Obama supporters into submission. All it takes is a quick glance and they usually lose all colour and start to sweat profusely. Some have even choked. It’s like the Darth Vader effect. It’s just like that.”

Coaxing human emotion out of something like Hillary is like trying to get blood out of stone it seems. She does not seem to have human emotions like us and is driven solely by the desire for total power and survival at all cost.

Watch Hillary Clinton’s claws and face shift, subtle changes can be seen.

 

Scientific literature documents reveal that tests were attempted on Hillary Clinton to determine what genus and DNA structure she has. Medical scientists wrote a piece in the Lancet journal last month on creatures who appear outwardly human but who disguise their true forms.

“These creatures have very advanced DNA and genetic structures which can shift shape and colour. An example in the animal kingdom would be certain breeds of chameleons, deep sea squids and jellyfish. We have tried to establish the genus of Hillary Clinton and other politicians but as of yet science is not able to find any creature on earth like them,” Chief Physician Dr. Manolo Brigante wrote in the journal.

With the scientific community bereft of research subjects the discovery of Hillary Clinton is a big find. What distinguishes Hillary from the others is their “superior DNA shapeshifting structures” — an above-average ability to genetically change shape at will, Brigante said.

Obama Vows to Repaint White House

Jose Barbosa
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0
Obama Vows to Repaint White House

Obama brought his standard themes of hope and unity to his opening events in South Texas, by participating in a line dance event with a country music band called ‘The Good Ol’ Boys’.

He called for the creation of a new Country music venue and Rodeo centre which will rival anything found in Nashville.

“We need a new Rodeo and Country music stadium right here in the Rio Grande Valley,” he said. “People don’t need to be driving 200 miles to hoedown.”

White House Blues

Barack Obama is going from strength to strength and is so confident that his campaign supporters and team are even talking about some of the minor changes they will introduce to the White House once they are instated.

Michelle Obama is going to choose the colour for the White House once they are voted in, and she reiterated the point emphatically to the Daly Squib:

“It’s time the White House got a new lick of paint, and we’re gonna make sure that this time round it’s going to be a good colour and not that pale soulless white.”

For hundreds of years the White House has a had a whitewash whiter than white colour, but soon some commentators have foreseen a much more adventurous colour being painted over the grand facade of the building.

Obama, who has even been endorsed by American white supremacist group the Ku Klux Klan is the new uniter in a land of economic and racial chaos.

Related Articles:

• KKK Endorses Obama

“There may be some resistance to what the Obamas want. We will try to sway them from painting the whole building black, but may come to a compromise — perhaps an off-white grey colour or black and white stripes. We may even consider allowing a white background colour with black polka dots,” a senior Pentagon advisor told us.

There is even talk of introducing good wholesome food to the White House. Levi Seacer, who is the Chef chosen by the Obamas, told the Daily Squib: “George W Bush eats greasy food like cheeseburgers, freedom fries, corndogs, Doritos and is even still learning to read and form words with Alphabet Soup which he finds great fun. But we’re going to change the food that is served in the White House to good wholesome meals and none of that Dubya trash; foods like country fried steak, chitlins, hog maws with rice and greens, corn bread and chow chow. Hmm hmmm, dang good cooking.”

How will the American people react to the change of colour to the White House walls?

In time they will come to accept the colour change and eventually the ‘White House’ will have another name.

Britney Spears Takes Out Restraining Order on Herself

Jose Barbosa
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0
Britney Spears Takes Out Restraining Order on Herself

Britney’s lawyers today were ordered by herself to put a restraining order on herself.

Judge Al Mannington has agreed that Britney, who has no control of her finances or thought processes, should be restrained from being within 10 metres of herself.

Earlier on in the day Britney tried to put a restraining order on her pet poodle Shitsy.

To date, Britney has put restraining orders on her mother, father, sisters, cousins, uncles, Sam Lutfink, Kevin Cheddarslime and her two kids.

Last week Britney wanted to put a restraining order on Governor
Schwarzenegger, but her lawyers had to tentatively inform her that she
does not know him.

The Los Angeles court system has been brought to its knees with the sheer number of Britney Spears restraining orders that have been processed.

A disgruntled paralegal told the Daily Squib: “Can you imagine the amount of paperwork we have to go through every time Britney wants to put a restraining order on someone? She has the money, so we take it. What can you do?”

The Britney restraining order on herself will go into effect from midnight Sunday. Britney, who does not have any control over her mind or thought processes, will then be ordered to stay away from herself indefinitely.

Scientists Prove Jesus Walked with Dinosaurs

Jose Barbosa
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128
Scientists Prove Jesus Walked with Dinosaurs

Jesus and his disciples walked with dinosaurs 2000 years ago and the earth and universe are only 10,000 years old.

Independent scientists funded by the Christian Neocon Church of Kentucky have also discovered that Adam and Eve wore fashionable garments given by God. This goes against the grain of the popular belief that they wore leaves over their genitalia in the garden of Eden.

These are just some of the myriad of facts which have now been discovered to be true by the scientists working in tandem with archeologists all over America.

Evolution Myth

Professor Alan Johnsons from the University of Mobile, Alabama says: “Blasphemers and evolutionists deny the fact that humans and dinosaurs coexisted. This is not the true Christian path that God and Jesus wrote about.

Image courtesy Monty Propps

“Children and adults outside of America are indoctrinated with the false ‘belief’ that man did not co-exist with dinosaurs starting from early childhood with books that teach it.  It’s reinforced in their school systems, the media and the entertainment industry.

“God wrote in the bible that he created humans and dinosaurs on the same day. Jesus walked and talked with dinosaurs. He even had one as a pet sometimes – an Agilisaurus which he kept in his carpentry workshop. We have eyewitness accounts and scientific evidence about this, folks, and it’s all in the Bible.”

The scientific study was not only all encompassing with profound discoveries in three continents, but also took over twenty years of research to finally come up with definitive answers to everything.

George W Bush has even been named patron of the creationist movement and was last year honoured at Kentucky Fry University with a Masters in Young Earth Studies.

The University at Kentucky Fry has also discovered dinosaur footprints dated 2000 years ago alongside the footprints of man. This incredible discovery alone is enough to cement the theory.

It is hardcore discoveries like this and a dinosaur claw mark on the Turin Shroud which have proved evolutionists are wrong in every way.

More Great Bible Facts

– Jesus had pale white skin with blonde hair and blue eyes and this endeared him to his pet Agilisaurus

– There is evidence to suggest that Jesus and his disciples had mullet haircuts.

– The disciples of the messiah would often travel on the backs of large flying dinosaurs similar to the Rhambphorhynchus Anurognathus on their way to the sea of Galilee. The large flying reptile Pterosaurs are also mentioned from the teachings of the lord Jesus Christ himself when speaking with Nicodemus (Jn. 3:14).

– Noah’s Ark carried many dinosaurs including the Tyrannosaurus Rex and Brachiosaurus as well as tiny insects and bugs.

– Adam saved Eve from being eaten by a Carnotaurus one day and was rewarded with intercourse. This is how the human race initially multiplied.

– Only Americans who believe in Jesus walking with dinosaurs will be taken up to be with him and all his friends in heaven when the Rapture comes.

– According to a 2001 Gallup poll, about 59% of Americans believe that “God created humans and dinosaurs pretty much in their present form at one time within the last 10,000 years or so.”

– Another 27% believe that “human beings have developed over millions of years from less advanced forms of life, but God guided this process.” Only 14% believe that “human beings have developed over millions of years from less advanced forms of life, but God had no part in this process.”

Don’t forget to visit the Creation Museum in Kentucky which realistically brings the pages of the Bible to life. Designed by a former Universal Studios exhibit director, the museum is an informative haven for the whole family.

Collage courtesy: Francesca Berrini

President Bush Urges Cuba Toward ‘Blessings of Liberty’

Jose Barbosa
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0
President Bush Urges Cuba Toward ‘Blessings of Liberty’

George Bush today led world leaders urging Cuba to use Fidel
Castro’s resignation as an opportunity to move the country towards
democracy.

Speaking on a visit to Guantanamo Bay’s Camp X-Ray, the American torture facility, Bush, the tenth US
president since the veteran communist ruler gained power in 1959, said:
“Like America which is a society built on freedom and justice, Fidel Castro ought to begin a period of a
democratic transition.”

“My administration of torturers and war criminals will work
with the Cuban people to begin to build institutions that are necessary
for democracy,” he said standing in the main torture chamber amongst screaming men with electrodes attached to their testicles.

“Eventually this transition ought to
lead to free and fair elections – and I mean free, and I mean fair – like how I was voted in twice using Diebold voting machines and other illegal methods.

“And we’re going to help. The United States will help the people of Cuba realise the blessings of liberty and fair justice.”

The USA has been
able to contravene the Geneva Convention at Guantanamo Bay and refuses
to acknowledge that detainees have any rights for a fair trial in any
court of law in any jurisdiction since 2002.Anyone can be taken from anywhere in the world and put in the prison at ‘Gitmo’ and never be heard from again.

Dubbed ‘the gulag of our times’, the detention camp is a place where people disappear with no trace.

America has shown the world the benefits of freedom and justice with the
detention camp at Guantanamo Bay Cuba where detainees are not tried in
any court of law, are not heard of ever again and are tortured daily.

Comrade Brown Creates the Peoples Bank

Jose Barbosa
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0
Comrade Brown Creates the Peoples Bank

Our supreme unelected leader, Comrade Brown, spoke to the Workers Nation yesterday from the Westminster Duma broadcasting centre.

“Comrades, Red Army and Red Navy men, commanders and
political instructors, men and women workers, men and women
collective farmers, intellectuals, brothers and sisters in
the enemy rear who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of
the capitalist brigands, our glorious men and women guerrillas
who are disrupting the rear of the bourgeois invaders!

“On behalf of the British Government and our Bolshevik
Labour Party I greet you and congratulate you on the
anniversary of the great Socialist Revolution Vision of Change.

“Comrades, I have instructed Comrade Darling to create a Peoples Bank for the Proletariat of Britain. Every worker and citizen will have the honour of being part of the nations large debt mountain.

“Every worker will shoulder the burden of our workers struggle. I have put aside £110 billion for now to be paid by every worker in our great nation – a mere £4000 of debt for each citizen to enjoy. Work hard my brothers and sisters – in the next 100 years you may one day pay off the debt.”


The immense debt which has been gifted to the people of Britain is equivalent to the entire budget of the NHS or 30 pence on income tax. Workers from all over Britain will be increasing production in the factories from tomorrow to pay for our wonderful burden to the party.

Proles and workers who heard of the news were delighted to carry on the workers struggle and celebrated by shouting out the name of our glorious leader Comrade Brown in Politburo Square all of yesterday.

After the singing and dancing ended some shareholders from the bourgeois capitalist previous incarnation of the old system Northern Rock were publicly hanged by their necks to rambunctious cheers from all present.

Notice: B68572 INGSOCK Long Live the Bean!

Hated Heather Mills to Settle in Iraq

Jose Barbosa
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0
Hated Heather Mills to Settle in Iraq

The most hated woman in the British Isles and Western world is to either move to Iraq or the Far East.

It has taken the hated ex-glamour model two years to acquire a £55 million windfall for her three year marriage to Sir Paul McCartney.

The greedy stumptress is already planning her next marriage to the next sucker she can dupe, possibly a rich Arab.

“She’s already looking for her next conquest and is not content with her £55 million. She’s going for the full century – the big kahuna – £100 million,” one of her friends told the Daily Squib this weekend.

Sunni Triangle mansion

Because of her hated status as one of the biggest gold diggers around, Heather will be living in the Sunni triangle in Baghdad.

She was only granted permission by the Americans to live in the most volatile and inhospitable place in Iraq after much legal wrangling and pleading by Heather’s lawyers.

 



 
A quiet Sunday afternoon in Ramadi
 


The Sunni Triangle is a densely-populated region of Iraq to the northwest of Baghdad that is inhabited mostly by Sunni Muslim Arabs.

The roughly triangular area’s corners are usually said to lie near Baghdad (on the east side of the triangle), Ramadi (on the west side) and Tikrit (on the north side). Each side is approximately 200 kilometers long (125 miles). The area also contains the cities of Baqubah and Mosul and Samarra and Fallujah.

Major Johnsons whose patrol regularly goes through the area told the Daily Squib, “We at first consulted tribal leaders on the issue of where to put Ms Mills in Iraq. Every area rejected her on the basis that they detest Heather Mills as much as anyone in all Western countries. The Sunni Triangle has no such qualms about hosting someone like Heather because between the mass shootings, car bombs, bullets ricocheting, RPG attacks, IED’s and having your door kicked upon by crazed US Marines they have other things on their mind.”

Heather Mills will be allowed to transport the bags of money she nefariously acquired into the barricaded Sunni Triangle compound and there she will live for the rest of her life.The former Saddam Hussein bunker where Heather will spend the rest of her days will be guarded by 24 hr security — not to keep people out but Ms Mills in.

One of her long suffering relatives has told the Times:

“She won’t stay in the UK. She knows everybody hates her here and she does not care.

“Now that she’s got her money she would leap at the chance to get away from it all and take her daughter Bea with her.

“I think she’ll go abroad and then just slowly fade away into obscurity.”

One can only hope.

British Teens to be Cautioned for First Time Murder Offences

Jose Barbosa
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2
British Teens to be Cautioned for First Time Murder Offences

Under the new laws espoused by the Home Office, teens who commit their first murder will be cautioned and then given an on-the-spot fine of £20.00.

If the teens do not have the money upfront they will be reprimanded and required to pay the fine in instalments.

Two strikes and you’re out

Only when British teens commit murder twice will there be any grounds for a court appearance which may eventually lead to prosecution and possible jail time.

Courts in England and Wales have welcomed the Home Secretary’s decision and commended Ms Smith on freeing up valuable court time so they can continue prosecuting more motorists in England and Wales for minor driving offences.

The Labour think tank which pioneered the groundbreaking law has also been commended by the Prime Minister.

 

Gordon Brown will be discussing the new murder laws in next week’s cabinet meeting with a view to implementing them within six months.

Jacqui Smith, who was also responsible for the introduction of ASBO’s (Anti Social Behaviour Orders) and ABC’s (Anti Social Behaviour Contracts), was
not available for comment because she was down her local kebab shop
with an armed escort getting some extra chilli sauce on a chicken
doner.

Violent crime statistics in the UK are now at a three year low with only 450 murders per day in Manchester alone.

The rest of the UK has also seen a dramatic decrease in violent crime because of Labour’s recent crime fighting initiatives.

Crying Hillary Clinton Terrorises Supporters

Jose Barbosa
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3
Crying Hillary Clinton Terrorises Supporters

Pandemonium and chaos was brought forth this week when democratic presidential candidate Hillary Clinton made herself cry again after multiple losses to Obama.

As she stepped onto the podium her supporters realised she was going to start crying again and that is when all hell broke loose. The election security detail tried to evacuate the area as quickly as they could, but the sheer panic was overwhelming.

“Hillary started to cry quite suddenly, and that’s when everyone started to stampede. We know about her crocodile tears,” a hapless Clinton supporter told the Daily Squib.

Hilary Clinton’s tears have such a high acid ph value that they can burn through steel and pretty much any man made material. Some scientists have tried unsuccessfully to analyse the tears, but have not been able to because they burn through all the equipment.

Hillary Clinton’s tear drop goes through the titanium
steel election podium like a knife through butter

“Hillary’s tears are like the blood of the aliens from the movie ‘Aliens’ starring Sigourney Weaver. That stuff burns through anything and never stops. We have to be very careful when she flies or is on a boat so as not to make her cry,” one of her campaign managers who recently quit told us.

Hillary Clinton has never been filmed blinking her eyes, so how she conjures up realistic looking tears and what looks to be some kind of emotion is a mystery to many political watchers.

Some commentators even go so far as to suggest that Hillary’s tears are a cynical ploy to influence voters. Surely not?

If anyone has any footage of Hillary Clinton blinking please phone the Daily Squib offices immediately for a substantial cash reward – CALL 0891- CROCO

African Village Empty After Mass Celebrity Adoptions

Jose Barbosa
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4
African Village Empty After Mass Celebrity Adoptions

Twenty years of age and too old to be adopted by a celebrity, Ondongo cuts a lonely figure in the village where children used to play once and elders sat telling stories amongst the corrugated iron huts.

The village has been decimated by a mass of celebrity adoptions which has effectively turned the whole area into a wasteland.

Children who were once the lifeblood of this tiny hamlet deep in the wilds of Uganda are now propped up in places like Manhattan, Kensington or Beverly Hills, living in mansions with Olympic swimming pools and walk-in cupboards decked to the hilt with thousands of expensive clothes and shoes.

“The heart of this community has been torn out by these vanity celebrity adoptions,” Jill Severino, a relief worker from Médecins Sans Frontières, told the Daily Squib on Friday.

There used to be 30 families living in this village and now they have all gone.  As well as A-list celebrities there have also been adoptions from D-listers who wish to jump on the ‘celebrity adoption’ bandwagon.

After adopting a boy from the same village, pop star Madonna, even went to great lengths to have jungle scenes painted on the bedroom walls of her African boy’s quarters to make him feel more at home. Amongst other well known celebrities, David Beckham has also adopted a Ugandan boy as well as Angelina Jolie.

“It’s the next accessory amongst the new breed of celebrity; they already have the private jets, Aston Martins and everything and anything they want. Keeping up with the Jones’ is not cheap – especially if you’re the typical shallow celebrity,” Charles Peters head of the XTM PR agency told the Daily Squib from his offices in London.

There have been instances where some celebrities have wanted their first choice exchanged for another child due to unforeseen circumstances – like clashing with the decor scheme.

The brokers usually line up the children before the celebrities arrive. There is normally a brief ceremony of dancing and singing once the celebrity has chosen which African boy or girl they want to try out.

Once the children are successfully patriated and settled within the celebrity household they are not viewed as pure ornaments and objects of interest, but as real live attractions to be paraded in front of the media networks and cameras. That is until the next celebrity craze comes along.

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