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First Californian Gay Couple to Tie the Knot

Mr. Charrington
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First Californian Gay Couple to Tie the Knot

Dubya Gump, is putting a
California Supreme Court ruling in favour of gay marriage into action. Him
and his longterm older boyfriend, John Maccy Mcsenior, plan to marry, Gump has
announced.

He was attending a meeting for GOP election campaigners on Thursday,
the day the state’s high court overturned California’s laws against gay
marriage.

He said that he and Maccy Mcsenior would be getting married.

Maccy Mcsenior, 135, who was
in the meeting, and Gump, 61, were applauded by GOP audience members.

The court ruling means that same-sex couples could tie the knot in as little
as a month. However, religious and social conservatives are seeking to put a
constitutional amendment on a ballot in November that would undo the Supreme
Court ruling and ban gay marriage.

Gump and the glamorous geriatric Maccy Mcsenior have been a familiar couple at Hollywood GOP events, including the Republican of the Year Academy Awards. (AP)

Additional reporting by P.W.Lowry

California Divorce Lawyers Applaud New Gay Marriage Ruling

Mr. Charrington
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1
California Divorce Lawyers Applaud New Gay Marriage Ruling

California’s Supreme Court quashed a ban on gay marriage in a historic ruling here Thursday, effectively leaving same-sex couples in America’s most populous state free to tie the knot.

In an opinion that analysts say could have nationwide implications for the issue, the seven-member panel voted 4-3 in favour of plaintiffs who argued that restricting marriage to men and women was discriminatory.

Getting a slice of the pink dollar

“This is good news for our pocketbook, it means more divorces to make money out of. It has been a long time coming but now our practice will be making some serious dough out of these gays who want to marry,” a delighted David Kleinfeld of Kleinfeld and Mortimer Associates told the Associated Press.

“Limiting the designation of marriage to a union ‘between a man and a woman’ is not good business practice and must be stricken from the statute,” California Chief Justice Ron Jeremiah said in the written opinion.

Legal analysts say Thursday’s court ruling could have wide-ranging implications for other US states, noting the California Supreme Court’s history of landmark rulings.

“The California Supreme Court’s example is often emulated and it often is sort of a ground-breaker,” said David Cruz, a law professor at the University of Southern California and an expert in constitutional law.

According to San Francisco gay lobby the American Nancy Utilitarian Society ANUS, it is “hard for gay people to stay together for long periods because of their inherent promiscuity”.

Pauly Shore who is the societies secretary exclaimed: “There is a very high level of promiscuity in the gay community here. I welcome the court ruling but I hope that gay marriages will slow down the spread of AIDS which is at epidemic level amongst our people.”

A coalition of Catholic priests have vowed to attempt to add a vote calling for a ban on same-sex marriage when California goes to the polls in November’s election. State election officials will rule next month on whether sponsors of the vote have gathered enough signatures to force the issue onto the ballot.

“We have 1.1 million signatures,” according to Father Bartholomew Pedo, chairman of the Washington-based Catholic Traditional Values Coalition, describing the California ruling as “completely out of line”.

“The Catholic church does know of such things as gay sex and paedophilia, this court ruling is an affront to our Catholic beliefs and principles.

“We are going to fight this right to the end and we will personally petition the Californian governor Schwarzenegger to intervene in this heinous court ruling.”

Bank of England: Quality of Life Will Go from Bad to Worse

Mr. Charrington
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Bank of England: Quality of Life Will Go from Bad to Worse

The good times are gone and there is now a real risk of recession, the Bank of England warned yesterday.

“Because of our mistakes and greed in the banking sector we will now turn the screw on the masses and milk the plebes for everything they’ve got,” a triumphant Governor
Mervyn King said.

The quality of life in the UK is one of the worst in Europe and is just under Albania and Bulgaria according to the MORI Country Index published in 2006.

The last ten years have been a nightmare for the whole country and
now will be turned into an even bloodier nightmare with no end or hope
in sight.

In his quarterly Inflation Report, Mr King said that
the golden period of purgatory was over and a new chapter of hell on earth had begun.

“We
are not going to reduce interest rates like they have done in America
but are going to instead condemn the economy and our masses to a deep
and troubled downturn and horrible recession,” he added.

Blighted Britain

And the governor predicted:

• Gas, electricity and food bills will get even more expensive
this year and will push inflation towards 44 percent, possibly even
higher;

• Supermarkets and food retailers have jumped on the downturn and increased their prices by up to 120 percent above the real cost of food items such as a loaf of bread which now can cost £5.32;

• Gordon Brown’s taxes on fuel, councils, income and everything will rise by about 62 percent.

• Economic growth is likely to slump towards -12 per cent by the end of the year, and the country will be pushed into a massive recession;

• The housing market will continue to fall after worsening ‘markedly’, he predicts a fall of approximately 65 percent;

• Pay rises may be curbed, further damaging employees’ quality of life;

• The falling sterling means that foreign travel will increase in cost condemning people to stay in this rotting country;

• And the banking crisis could continue to run well into 2015, keeping mortgage costs painfully high;

Gordon Brown’s office has spoken of how well the nation is doing and how there is nothing for anyone to worry about.

Thanks
to Gordon Brown selling Britain’s gold reserves at the bottom of the
market, plundering peoples pensions and his numerous disastrous
economic decisions throughout his tenure as chancellor and prime
minister, he has single-handedly managed to bankrupt this country and
damage it irreparably.

 

Hillary Vows to Keep on Fighting for Presidency Even After Obama is Inaugurated as President

Mr. Charrington
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Hillary Vows to Keep on Fighting for Presidency Even After Obama is Inaugurated as President

“They gonna have to shoehorn that bitch outta the race. She the kinda person that won’t leave from the cookout. She the kinda person that don’t get the message that it ovah!” an Obama supporter from Detroit told the Fox News Network yesterday.

Hillary’s campaign manager Buzz Nougat had this to say after the momentous Virginia win: “We’re goin’ from strength to strength. We are going to pursue this campaign right up to Obama’s first year in office.”

Whenever Hillary gets on stage, her campaign crew have taken to playing the Rocky theme tune.

Hillary is not going to go easily and has pledged a further $4 million of her own money into her election campaign funds.

She has even attempted to ask Bill for money and this is why he has been seldom seen as of late.

One can only sit back and admire a woman of such tenacity.

New Labour – New Memoir

Mr. Charrington
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New Labour – New Memoir

The Labour party racked with greed, cronyism and vile gluttony of the highest order is a morose cesspit of inequity, a toilet flush swilling around the turds that fester amongst its clogged bowels.

With such literary luminaries as Alistair Campbell, John Prescott and Lord Levy, as well as the greed-driven hideously ugly wife of the previous prime minister; is there any hope left in the British political system of government?

Nu Labour Nu Greed

“Cherie Blair has degraded the British political culture to new depths. Her self-serving, vulgar, greed-driven

 
Lord Levy leaving his publishers offices yesterday

sensationalist memoirs serve no purpose whatsoever apart from the rather obvious  — to make her even richer than she already is. Is it any wonder that Tony was getting hand relief from Carole Caplin at Chequers whenever she was away with business. Cherie’s insane grinning face can sear paint off a wall from thirty yards ,” one of the sources in Lord Levy’s new book is quoted as saying.



Her husband, Tony, has made huge sums of money off the state and public office. Their joint property portfolio is estimated at 65 million pounds.

The Blairs’ latest acquisition is a £4 million country house, bought on the earnings of their respective biographies, as well as Mr
Blair’s financial handshake jobs, public speaking stints and company product endorsements.

Who says socialism does not pay?

John Prescott can now clean up his own pig vomit with the bags of twenty pound notes he will no doubt receive from his publishers for his memoirs as well.

Lord Levy, the squirming simpering maggot who has briefly come up for air from the rotting carcass of the Labour party to cash in further with his memoirs is another ‘nu-Labour’ scumbag raking in more gelt.

Whilst Levy ponces around smirking in his Roller touting his base rants in his new ‘book’ and fondling the vast amounts of fresh cash that pour into his already overloaded coffers every second of the day, he will not have to worry about what ‘Labour socialism’ has done to this country.

Obama Superdelegate Seen Flying Over Washington

Mr. Charrington
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Obama Superdelegate Seen Flying Over Washington

Washington DC was treated to an amazing sight on Friday when an Obama superdelegate was seen flying above the city.

There were calls for calm on local radio stations and tv networks as the superdelegate flew at the speed of sound over the city at approximately 15,000 feet sometimes swooping down to as little as 500 feet.

“I looked up and saw the superdelegate whizzing through the skies and nearly choked on my Maine lobster Saladon on brioche bread with lettuce, tomato, bacon and mayonnaise. Boy that superdelegate was ripping up those chem trails like I never seen,” local, Dick Cheney told the Daily Squib.

The Obama superdelegates are a strange breed of superhero politicians who are tearing up these election primaries.

By day they can barely walk and look frail but do not be misled by their appearance; once they change into their superdelegate costumes consisting of a cape and a pair of smelly y-fronts their super transformation is complete.

Democrat Barack Obama worked hard to build up newly-gained momentum
Sunday after he overtook Hillary Clinton in the fight for
superdelegates whose votes will be decisive in choosing the Democratic
Party’s presidential nominee.

At least three Democratic
superdelegates pledged to back the black senator Saturday —
one of them formerly in Clinton’s column — marking a new milestone in
his quest to represent the party in November’s presidential election.

Some superdelegates live in special caves, some underwater and some actually commute to earth everyday from different planets in our solar system.

 

Madonna Rocks the Crowd at Free Kent Festival

Mr. Charrington
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Madonna Rocks the Crowd at Free Kent Festival

The veteran star, at number one in the charts with the single “Four
Minutes”, featuring Justin Timberfake, topped the bill on the event’s
main stage last night.

The event was opened by American R’n’B
heavyweight Flusher, who got off to a bad start when he told the crowd
how delighted he was to be playing in Manchester.

Speaking to DJ
Jo Whiley about her set at the two-day free festival, Madonna said: “The autotune machine was working great – that’s what people come to hear – we also had a few record decks on stage and my troupe of gay dancers.”

Revellers were delighted to see Madonna flouting her body after many years of gruelling exercise and hormone treatments.

“Madonna was positively ripping the stage apart and striding around like a gladiator. At one point the autotune broke down and her real voice came through the amplifiers – yes, her real voice is actually very low almost like Barry White,” music reviewer for Melody Maker magazine, John Troubridge wrote.

More than 500,000 people
applied for 30,000 tickets, the biggest response yet generated by the
Big Weekend, which is in its third year. Also playing were Fluffy, The Ceiling, and the Pratellis.

Is the White Vote the New Black?

Mr. Charrington
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Is the White Vote the New Black?

I have been firmly entrenched in Capital Hill for the past three months and things have really heated up in the American election race.

We’ve had all sorts of smouldering piles of steamy shit being deliberately thrown into the tumultuous whirring fans of political insanity.

Is the new white vote the new black?

Fashionistas all over the world know that black is the “cool thang” and is the measure of all that is “in”.

“It’s cool to be a Negro again, fashions change. Hillary went wrong big time by saying that black people were not cool. Hell, that is one major hang up she has and makes the Clinton’s look real bad. I used to think they was cool, Bill got the black vote but not that wife of his. She’s trying to play black people against themselves and divide them. Obama is a uniter – she ain’t,” Shaquanda Ordell, 56, from Chicago told us.

Indeed the white voter is the new black, Obama is the uniting spirit who has captured a new demographic which has not been registered before. Obama is the new America, the new frontier of youth, black, white, Hispanic, Asian, rich, poor.

How can Hillary compete when even the Ku Klux Klan are endorsing Obama?

Barack Obama has survived everything that has been thrown at him by the Clintons. To their dismay the shit has not stuck and furthermore, they seem to have run out of ideas on what else they can throw at him.

The feeling is
that Hillary Clinton is playing the age old game of ‘divide and
conquer’. With this strategy she hopes to clean up after the race war
she has created reaches its zenith.

Unless the Clintons really dig deep and find that certain skeleton in Obama’s closet that really sticks, this may be her roll call to push off once and for all.

News came this week that Hillary has even resorted to funding her on campaign because no one else is willing to continue bankrolling her.

Liberal white voters have had the U.S. media and their political ‘experts’ also egging them on to prove that they are not racist by voting for Obama.

Whatever happens in the next few weeks will be the deciding factor in an altogether entertaining primary race that has gripped America and the rest of the world.

Proposal for President Bush as Next Mount Rushmore Sculpture Causes Shock

Mr. Charrington
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5
Proposal for President Bush as Next Mount Rushmore Sculpture Causes Shock

 

As the long reign of George W Bush is soon coming to an end, Pentagon officials have just announced that he is being considered as the next U.S. President to grace Mount Rushmore in South Dakota.

Pentagon spokesman for the White House, Ronald Da Silva, made the momentous announcement this morning at a press conference held in the Green Room of the White House itself.

The Mount Rushmore sculptures were last carved between October 4, 1927, and October 31, 1941.

The proposed 2009 carving of George W Bush will be carried out by Italian sculptor Pietro Paulo Guglielmo Guido Bugiardini who has many fine works permanently exhibited at the Uffizi in Firenze. Bugiardini was chosen from thousands of sculptors around the world and will be commencing preparatory sketches of George W Bush prior to the huge operation involved in sculpting the presidents face on Mount Rushmore.

He will follow in the footsteps of Gutzon Borglum and the 400 workers who sculpted the colossal 60-foot (18 m) carvings of U.S. presidents George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt, and Abraham Lincoln to represent the first 150 years of American history.

These presidents were selected by Borglum because of their role in preserving the Republic and expanding its territory.

The State Department is making a momentous decision in announcing its intention to the American nation that another great U.S. President will once again grace the famed mountain face.

“George W Bush is the greatest U.S. President this nation has ever seen. He has single-handedly done so much for this country and he is well qualified to stand next to the other greats like Roosevelt and Washington,” John McCormack, from the State Department’s Historic Preservation Office said.

Democrat Senator Hillary Clinton, who is currently teetering on the edge of finally being ousted from the primaries, had time enough to comment on the state departments announcement:

“This has to be the craziest news I’ve heard all week. Even though I don’t agree with what Bush has done to our great nation, I have to say that he sure is one of the most memorable presidents we’ve ever had,” a laughing Hillary was quoted as saying on the campaign bus in Indiana after her muted win.

Comrade Brown Reassures Party Faithful After Failed Coup Attempt

Mr. Charrington
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Comrade Brown Reassures Party Faithful After Failed Coup Attempt

An attempted coup was thwarted on Friday by our supreme commander in chief.

Bolshevik troops successfully brought under control a possible revolution attempt by prole workers, democratic capitalist scum, Bullingdonian Old Etonians and even some traitorous Soviet Labour party members who have betrayed our great leader Comrade Brown and our almighty Soviet British state.

Commissar for School Re-Education Centres, Comrade Ed Balls was instructed by our great leader to conduct an increased re-reducation program for proles who had been seduced by the fickle vices of democracy and capitalism.

Over the next two year plan of the Comrade Brown Vision of Change, proles and party workers who have strayed from the visions course will be forcibly re-educated in special eco-camps in sector 101 Northern Soviet England.

Comrade Gordon Brown is going to enjoy the next two years of his tenure as Supreme Unelected Leader after quashing the attempted ousting of his supreme leadership.

“Comrades, you can count on my great leadership for the next two years where I will introduce even more hefty taxes than I am already doing now. Workers and proles of the one party state will shoulder even more of the tax burden which I have specifically created for their benefit. Our Soviet British Nation is a model for all other world nations to follow. These world nations look at our huge tax system and can only dream of being able to tax their citizens as much as we do without creating full scale riots and complete national unrest. British Soviet Proles however, are the most agreeable of all and accept all indignities without question or reason. Thank you workers for making such a sacrifice to the Labour single-party system.”

There have been murmurs of some senior Soviet Labour party members who are plotting further coup attempts.

“We will root out any dissent against our supreme unelected leader’s rule. If you are found to be a thought-criminal against our great leader or harbouring any ill will against our comrade Gordon Brown, you will be re-educated then reintegrated within the state worker ranks forthwith. I have also been ordered by our leader to introduce further measures to halt anymore possible dissent by installing further listening devices and cameras effective immidiately,” Commissar Ed Balls announced on the state news channel on Friday.

Council Stasi officers have also been mobilised to report more traitors and have even been given powers to enter peoples homes without any warrants.

Comrade Brown rewarded the proles who did not rebel against his almighty rule by increasing taxes further on everything from food, roads, councils, bins, fuel and beer.

As of Monday there will be a further increase in CCTV cameras in all sectors across Soviet Britain Central British Politburo officials announced on Saturday.

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