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Comrade Brown Provides New Homes for Proles

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The Green Belt will be stripped of its remaining protection on orders from Comrade Brown’s twelve year prole housing expansion Vision of Change plan.

The British countryside is a functional state building site and all trees and grass will be uprooted forthwith, except for a government approved patch here and there for the children to play in on designated play times.

The Supreme Comrade’s plans for three million
houses and flats over the next 12 years will meet the need for
cheap homes, say Government advisers.

A further 1,950,000 will be built, many of them to cope with immigrant workers, they add.

Ministers have responded by offering incentives to town halls for deforestation of large areas of the countryside.

Housing Minister Comrade Yvette Cooper promised councils Treasury grants
running to £50 a house, with more cash on offer for those who
actively seek out new forests and country parks for bulldozing.

Critics and vile democratic sympathisers called the payments bribes to persuade town halls to ignore the protests of residents and voters. Labour state party officials have moved in quickly to quell any traitorous show of discontent or protests by these coward democracy-loving traitors to the Vision of Change.

“These people will be hunted down and made an example of for standing in the way of the Vision of Change. Our supreme Comrade Brown, state leader and commander in chief, has asked for protected countryside, forests and quaint English streams to be bulldozed over and then filled with concrete.”

Countryside campaigners have been rounded up by Government politburo officials and are now on the way to Sector 231 Science Town where they will undergo useful state run experiments.

Yesterday’s state announcement for
further new housing followed a succession of reports delivered to state officials saying the Green Belt will be opened up for development.

 


Comrade Brown’s Eco Town S265 Sector 101

The latest was produced by the Stasi National Housing and Planning Advice
Unit, a body staffed by high ranking politburo officials set up by the 2004 Comrade Barker review of
prole housing.

Housing Minister Comrade Cooper says Britain will benefit from offering further squalid ‘social housing’ developments.

That inquiry, headed by Comrade Brown’s favourite social Stasi economist Comrade Kate Barker, recommends the scrapping of Green Belt protection and putting concrete in place of grass.

“Concrete is much more efficient and our vision is of a supreme grey land with wonderful state social housing for all.”

The report orders for mass countryside concreting and house-building to go to
the ‘least affordable regions’ – in other words, Sector 76 (the South).

Comrade Cooper welcomed it and ordered the unelected regional assemblies set up by Labour to begin building the new homes it wants.

She said the document, “underlines yet again why there is no need for a ‘countryside’ for future generations. It should provide a further
wake-up call to regional assemblies to support the homes party workers and mass factory assembly lines need.”

Her incentive payments and backhanders will go to councils which allow housing to grow at a high rate.


Comrade Brown’s Eco Town S348 Sector 54

After a bulldozing rate of 9.75 per cent a year is passed, they will
receive £100 from the Treasury on top of backhanders they are allowed to
extract from developers under ‘planning gain’ rules.

In four years time this will rise to £50 for every home built. Every forest and green piece of countryside that is concreted over will receive a payment of £250 per 1000 acres. Councils are falling over themselves to embrace this wonderful incentive to concrete over something that will never be reclaimed ever again – the countryside.

There will also be more backhanders for ‘councils who are identifying good countryside areas for more homes’.

This comes on top of Whitehall state grants already paid to Stasi town halls which speed up planning permission for developments on countryside locations.

The
Stasi National Housing and Planning Advice Unit report said Comrade Brown’s target
of 540,000 homes a year should be raised to 970,000.

The
body’s chairman, Comrade Stephen Nickell, said: ‘If we fail to act a
generation of proles will not be able to take a trip to the ‘countryside’ and not step on concrete. Grass meadows, greenery, flowers and trees are all enemies of the states vision of our supreme Comrade Brown’

The Stasi report revealed that Whitehall is preparing to raise its estimate of the number of homes needed for immigrants.

 

Comrade Brown’s Eco Town S810 Sector 654. Some grass was allowed to remain.

Neil Sinden of the Campaign to Protect Rural England said the advice
unit’s report ‘bears little relation to what needs to happen in
reality’.

Robert Whelan of the Civitas think tank added:
‘Ministers like Comrade Yvette Cooper always talk about homes for prole workers and first-time Stasi officials.

‘Everybody knows the biggest cause of demand for housing is immigration.

‘Most people think it would be better to restrict immigration than abandon the Green Belt.’

Neil Sinden and Robert Whelan have been transferred to Gulag Town B109 in Sector 101 (Northern England).

 

Notice: B64362 INGSOCK Long Live the Gordo!

Christmas Comes Early in Iraq This Year

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Specialist Meat Johnsons is giving out gifts to Iraqi children this year with great gusto. This is his third tour of duty and he is loving his time in Iraq.

“I get to shoot people for fun and get paid for that. Best job in the world, I tell ya.”

Meat then unloads several rounds into the mass of Iraqi children, and there are cheers all round from the platoon.

The ‘surge’ is working, and many Iraqis are being eradicated daily with US mass killing targets being breached every day. Senior level Pentagon planners are marveling at the efficiency and speed at which the civilians are being murdered in cold blood.

Medal of Honour

This month alone, 23 purple hearts were handed out in recognition of killing targets being met. George W Bush is happy to bring the gift of Christmas to the Iraqi people on the end of a gun barrel. His address this week to Congress was met with thunderous applause from both Republicans and Democrats alike.

“Every bullet is signed and delivered from the barrel of Jesus’ gun. This is what America does — we bring Jesus and Democracy to the Iraqis. I heard there are rumours on the internets that we are losing the war on terrors. This is false, because we are bringing terror to these people every day, and all under the American flag, dammit!”

Spreading the love of Jesus

Specialist Meat Johnsons carries on giving the gift of Christmas to the Iraqi children this year, just like he did last year.

He has also made it his personal mission to spread as much depleted uranium as possible before his tour ends in July 2008.

RAMADI – Iraq – Santa delivering some early Christmas gifts to Iraqi children

Winning the hearts and minds of the world is a US strategy that has truly been endorsed by the Americans.

Next stop is Iran, when the Americans bomb nuclear sites and spread radioactive dust over the whole Middle East, as well as create World War III.

Christmas has definitely come early this year.

Royal Blackmail Video Shocker

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When he’s not frequenting the exclusive Amika club in Kensington or snorting vodka shots up his nose, the errant Prince Harry likes to wear a uniform and pretend to be in the army. He is a fine example of the modern royal family and its high standing stature.

The Prince’s girlfriend, moneyed chav Chelsy Davy, sneezes white crystalline dust into her Belvedere Vodka mixed with copious amounts of red bull and tonic. As the high octane booze enters her already sozzled system, she burps with an Afrikaans accent and her eyes roll back in the sockets.

Prince Harry’s entourage of 30 hangers on all cheer as Chelsy falls over backwards totally out of her head on drink and drugs. Another wild Amika night on the tiles and all paid for by the taxpayer.

The bill every night is approximately three to five thousand pounds which equates to about £1,825,000 per annum on alcohol alone for Prince Harry and his entourage. Everything is taken care of by the taxpayer, so there is no need to worry.

It is no news then that the British royal family has been rocked by allegations that one of their kind gave a royal servant oral relief.

Two conspirators, Ian Strachan and Sean McGuigan, are now in jail awaiting their fate for trying to blackmail the Royal house.

The only thing that surprises us is that a member of the Saxe-Coburg-Gotha clan was not on the receiving end of the blow job, but the one who dealt the deed out. Which one of them could it be?

Related Articles:

Harry to go to War

Sex Pistols Corporate Financial Come-Back Revenue Tour

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We meet in the plush offices of the Sex Pistols media conglomerate empire to talk to senior executive John Lydon about the forthcoming monetary concert Audit Documentation Period.

Mr Lydon speaks with authority on the subject of his vision for the punk genre and his group. “The period up to the financial half yearly accountancy point has yielded great dividends and mature annuity within the aforementioned procedural revenue collection exercise.”

We then ask Mr Lydon for his thoughts on how the Sex Pistols within the punk movement has progressed since the 70’s. “I had a board meeting last night on this exact same issue. The Pistols are committed to high standards of corporate governance. The board considers that the punk movement and specifically the Sex Pistols has complied throughout the years with the code provisions set out in section 1 of the AGM EMI manual and the Revised Code of Corporate Governance which was issued in July 1977 to July 2007 (‘the code’), except as regards the length of Directors’ service contracts, which is discussed in the Renumeration report on pages 47 and 48, and the combination of the roles of Chairman and Chief Executive.”

Cross Collateralisation

It seems John Lydon who once shouted ‘Anarchy in the UK’ and rejected all corporate mores has firmly embraced the ways of the corporation in middle age.

The Sex Pistols, who once were purveyors of large globules of spittle and hatred to all that was associated with mass control systems and consumerist banality, are now just like any other corporate entity.

Sell Out?

We ask Lydon if he thinks he sold out.

“As
Chairman of the Sex Pistols franchise, my corporate team of Glen
Matlock, Paul Cook and Steve Jones are all beneficiaries to the holy
compilation report. We do not have any souls anymore and are now part
of the bottom-sniffing financial jargon spouting suit-brigade which we fought so hard
against in the early days.”


ROCE ‘n’ Roll


The Sex Pistols are planning to open a Sex Pistols theme park in the Hollywood Hills in December and are currently conducting a revenue collection exercise (touring).

The Sex Pistols will also be appearing on ‘Ant and Decs Celebrity Phone Rip-Off’ this Saturday on ITV1. To vote for who wins the cheque for £2 million – Ant or Dec – CALL 08981 2345 3873 Calls cost £485/minute. No need to consult the owner of the phone line before calling in.

 

Pavarotti Wrote Secret Opera

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The first aria begins with two prima donnas bickering with intensity over their dead husband’s grave. The two first ladies each try to outwit the other with their prowess at song and wit. The subject, of course, is their deceased husband Pavarotti’s immense fortune and who should get the largest portion of the huge vault of money and jewels.

The second movement of the opera involves the two prima donnas being taken aback by the tenor arriving on stage as a lawyer informing them that their husband actually had a huge amount of debt and no fortune.

The denoument for the musical/visual feast involves the two prima donnas bickering on who should not inherit their husband’s debt, whilst the ghost of their late husband looks on and chuckles at the cynical bickering hags.

Composers from Teatro La Fenice have been poring over the manuals and have found it to be fully intact, as well as a wonderful composition rivalling anything by Rossini.

The opera will be staged worldwide in 2008 and will be performed by the famous Burlesconi opera group.

George W Bush Secures Six-Figure Book Deal

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The President of the United States of America, George W Bush, is going to write an instructional manual which will be published in 2009.

The president was offered a six-figure sum as an advance to complete the tell-all tome. The six-figure sum will be paid in Iraqi Dinars and is worth more than $200 at the current exchange rate.

The publishing arm of the Daily Squib brokered the deal with Pentagon aides yesterday at the White House.

The riveting read will expose the inner workings of the President and his cabal of White House aides over the years.

The book will form the centrepiece to his term in office and will also be utilised in American schools along with other Presidential favourites like “My Pet Goat”.

 



The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Being a Complete Idiot
by George W Bush will be published by DAILY SQUIB PUBLISHING on April 1 2009. Pre-Order your copy at Amazon.com or any decent book retailer now.

Comrade Gordon Brown Cleanses Britain of Sovereignty

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The European Union Bloc, which is ruled by unelected leaders and dictates the law for all in Europe, was sponsored by our supreme unelected comrade Brown.

The collective union is now one single entity and by joining the centralised control manifestation, Comrade Brown has effectively discarded hundreds of years worth of British sovereignty and law in one fell swoop.

Unelected leader Comrade Brown made a rousing speech for the party over dinner at the EU headquarters in Brussels about his role in dictating the fate of all in Britain.

“I, Comrade to the Union of European central government, relinquish the British people from sovereign British laws so they are ultimately controlled from Brussels. After hundreds of years of useless concepts like democracy, sovereignty and Britishness, I have finally discarded these failing systems for the final solution – One World Government in Europe.”

The glorious meal, attended by Comrades Psykozy and Merkel, consisted of cabbage soup and a wonderful pickled cabbage main course. Our great leader was shown to eat the same food as us Proles and was applauded when he burped his approval.

After the meal, Comrade Brown was presented with a bottle of weak ale brewed in Sector 101 (used to be called Northern Britain) as a gesture of our supreme leaders true courage in leadership.

The new European constitution is the same as the old one, but with a different name and has been embraced wholeheartedly by supreme unelected Comrade Brown.

The New World Order and one-party system is the final nail in the coffin for British sovereignty and, what’s more, the British people have no say in their destiny now and will never have any say in their destiny in the future.

Notice: B64114 INGSOCK Long Live the Gordo!

Lady Mucca Heather Mills Running Around in Circles

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In a protracted divorce battle that seems to be limping along with no end in sight, Heather Mills is hopping mad that she will not be allowed to get her leg-over by selling her story to tabloid newspapers for lucrative six figure sums.

“She’s running around in circles”, according to a close aide, “she will need all the support she can get, it’s not easy to walk into court and convince the judge to put his foot down and make Paul stump up more cash.”

Public opinion, however, is strongly behind ex-Beatle Paul McCartney and the overwhelming consensus is that Lady Mucca does not have a leg to stand on.

Paul does not know anyone else that can fill her shoe and has been single since the split. He has taken up a hobby of carpentry to keep himself busy and enjoys the thrill of crafting objects out of planks of wood.

If Heather Mills is awarded an extra £50 million she will have moved up a peg or two in the greed divorce league. She already has one foot in the door at the moment, but will need an extra leg up to catch the prize.

Ms Mills, who completed a footloose dance contest recently, made sure she turned up at court yesterday in a wheelchair. She is also threatening to go on morning tv shows and rake the ‘mucca’ a bit with her crazy ranting. Her aides, however, are trying to dissuade her from going on chat shows because she could end up shooting herself in the foot.

Meanwhile, the classic Beatles album ‘Abbey Road’ is to be re-released with a different cover by Beatles label Apple Records.

Beatles fans are said to be ecstatic about the re-release on Wednesday and are already queueing to pick up the record from Tower Records in Picadilly.

 


 

 

US Meets Mass Killing Targets in Iraq

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The US said it applauded the loss of innocent life, claiming it acted in self-interest and blamed Iraqi civilians for putting themselves in danger by living in their own country.

During the days US missile barrage 452 children were also killed on Friday to increase the mass murder quota set out by America.

An official statement from the US military said Thursday’s loss of life was an efficient killing spree and occurred during an air and ground assault aimed at civilians massing at a food market thought to be meeting in the Lake Tharthar region, 120km (75 miles) north of the capital.

An initial air raid killed 2300 civilians and then more air strikes were launched to back up US ground troops, a statement from the US Army said.

Untermensch


The ‘coalition of one’ said that after the first air raid civilian terrorists were observed fleeing to an area south of the man-made lake.

Ground forces attacked a building in which civilians were believed to be conducting a barbeque and were annihilated by small-arms fire, the statement said. Further air strikes were then called in to make an even bigger barbeque.

After securing the area, the troops found 150 dead suspected civilian male party guests along with six women and nine children, the statement added.

Two suspected Iraqi civilians of the Shiite Muslim faith, 21 women and 17 children were severely wounded and thirty Arab civilians were detained indefinitely for torture, the statement said.

‘Mass Killing Spree’

Maj Brad Scunner, a CIA spokesman, said: “We regret that not enough Arab civilians are hurt or killed while US forces search to rid Iraq of Muslims.

“These Arab civilians chose to deliberately place innocent Iraqi women and children in danger by living in Iraq where they were born and bred.”

The Squib’s Alistair Nusjones in Washington says the United Nations mission in Iraq has previously expressed concern about civilian deaths during air strikes by US-led forces but after large monetary payments were deposited in their vaults they dropped all further concerns.

Some 8430 civilians were reportedly killed during air raids in the early part of this year, according to the UN. The US has explained that their killing targets have been met and are well on the way to meeting complete extermination goals for the future.

“The further use of depleted uranium in ammunition used to kill Iraqi civilians and anyone who wishes America to leave their country is another source of contamination which will last for the next 3000 years and cause the death of many successive generations of Arabs in Iraq whilst keeping oil revenues flowing,” a spokesman for Halliburton said on Friday.

Copying Genocidal Tactics

The Iraq mass killing fields are an exact copy of the French tactics utilised in the Algerian occupation where millions of Algerians were systematically killed by the French occupiers from 1830 – 1962 in mass genocide.

The American continent is no stranger to genocide and Americans/Europeans were responsible for the mass murder of millions of Native Americans to make way for their people after 1492 when the Native American population was over 100 million. The Native Americans were then systematically destroyed and their numbers reduced by 90-95%.

America still has a long way to go to beat its previous scores of Native American genocide, but is slowly catching up in Iraq with similar death counts as committed in Vietnam.

 

Labour Government to Ban Guns in UK

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The gun ban today will come into effect at midday and the Labour government believes this drastic measure should curb the pandemic use of firearms on Britain’s streets.

It will be illegal to murder, shoot or maim anyone under the new rules.

There will also be a two-tiered system for ensuring the law is upheld by introducing deterrents to youths who are intent on committing murder sprees.

If you are caught with class A firearms like the AK-47, Uzi 9mm , RPG or M16 you will be awarded an ABC (Acceptable Behaviour Contract).

The second time caught you will get an ASBO (Anti Social Behaviour Order) and the third time you will be awarded an hours worth of community service of your choice.

Class B weaponry like handguns and grenades will only get an ABC and a written warning through the post.

 


Salford youth on bike playing in the park

 

For firearms offences like actual murder or severe wounding, the punishment will be an ASBO, ABC and community service all on the same day, as well as a re-education trip paid by the taxpayer to Alton Towers or Chessington World of Adventures for the day.

The Home Secretary is toying with the idea of giving each gun criminal an 8GB i-pod and then asking them to hand over their heavy machine guns. This ploy may not work however, because many youths with guns can get anything they want anyway.

The number of guns that are circulating on Britain’s streets is so large that the police are scared to go onto the streets.

Police work is mainly conducted by CCTV and desk work back at the police station.

The typical British ‘Bobby’ does not carry firearms, and if there is a shooting incident they are required to flee the crime scene and head back to the police station to fill in approximately 27 forms.

The form filling can take up to 4 hours to complete. An Armed Response Unit can then be authorised to visit the gun crime scene after the threat level is assessed.


The Muttley crew of Liverpool have 38 ASBO’s and 245 ABC’s
in their hideout’s trophy cabinet

 

There are measures being put in place to cut police response times by three and a half hours. However, this may cause problems in Met ranks because it would involve actual confrontation with criminals.

In the police’s defence, last year out of 34,578 shootings of which 24,600 were fatalities, 6 people were arrested and given warnings for their dangerous behaviour.

The new law banning guns on Britain’s streets is sure to make citizens’ lives safer and is testament to the wonderful work done by the Labour Government.