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Obama Eunuch Castration Scare

Lacerta King
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Obama Eunuch Castration Scare

The Reverend Jesse L. Jackson had to be restrained in a Fox News studio when he attempted to castrate the next President of the United States, Barack Hussein Obama.

Prior to an interview with Fox News the cameras were left rolling and recorded the whole sordid scene in its entirety.

“Scrote”

“There was chaos in the studio as Jackson started shouting about ‘Oreo cookies’. He got his switchblade out and ordered Obama to lower his trousers so he could emancipate him in the name of Jesus Christ. There were many expletives flying in the air as Obama strangely complied with Jackson’s order, it was only when Bill O’Reilly jumped in and ordered Jackson to back off that things eventually cooled off,” a shocked network worker cited in court papers filed Wednesday.

Other witnesses were terrified when the evangelical Christian said that he was “going to make Obama into a Castrato for the opera and a eunuch for the Seraglio”. Clearly the Reverend was delusional and a medical team was quickly ushered in to inject him with a sedative and stretcher him off to a hospital.

“The O’Reilly Factor”

Mr O’Reilly who is a prominent member of the homosexual community in Oregon, is no stranger to controversy. Last year he was caught wearing a pink ballet dress and stockings under the table when he was presenting his top rated show. He was suspended for a week but was given his post back after a long session in the back of his 1986 Toyota Camry GLi Estat with Rupert Murdoch himself. He has since been promoted to be the head of Fox’s Republican Propaganda Services.

“Oreo Cookies”

Mr Jackson, who himself stood for the Democratic presidential nomination in both 1984 and 1988, said he felt “very distressed” over the success of Mr Obama. “Why didn’t people vote for me? Why that boy got ahead and I did not. Goddam racist bigots, it’s because he is an Oreo — Black on the outside, white on the inside.”

Reverend Jackson’s Rainbow/PUSH Coalition is based in Mr Obama’s home town of Chicago and his son, Jesse Jackson Jnr, is a national co-chairman of the Obama campaign.

Gordon Brown Calls for a Tax on Recession

Lacerta King
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1
Gordon Brown Calls for a Tax on Recession

The tax-happy PM, Gordon Brown has announced a new taxation on the people of Britain who he is systematically punishing.

Britons still have two more years of punishment to endure of the unelected and out of touch Prime Minister Brown.

Because Britain is in deep recession at the moment due mainly to Mr Brown’s dodgy ‘boom and bust’ tax-heavy wasteful policies of utter misery and stupidity; his cabinet of idiotic troglodyte neo-Stalinist cowards want to tax the plebiscite further.

“The populations of Britain have sinned, therefore we are going to tax you further. Because the whole country is in deep recession and inflation is at 35%, we will tax all those who are in recession,” Brown announced on Tuesday.

The economy is in serious decline as is the FTSE 100 of leading shares, pensions are now next to worthless, tax is the highest in the world including fuel tax which makes up 70% of the price, the housing market is in free-fall and unemployment is rising daily. There is no respite for British families, especially with the cost of food rising by 90% in 5 months as well as increasing council tax and heating bills.

The new taxation initiative by Brown will charge people who are living in ‘Recession Britain’.

“The Labour party will put a tax on everyone who lives in this country if there is a recession going on. Citizens will only be charged £2600 per annum for as long as the recession carries on in the economy. The people should be glad about this small charge because Gordon will bring in a new tax of £6500 per annum for when the country is not in a recession. Therefore, count your lucky stars,” John Barnacle, a reporter for the socialist newspaper, the Guardian wrote in his weekly column.

Further taxes will also be introduced by the Brown regime on citizens who try and avoid the crippling road tax charges for petrol cars which are to be introduced soon.

“You don’t think Gordon is going to let owners of zero emission electric or hybrid cars get away without paying the immense taxes? British motorists are the biggest ‘sucker cash cows’ in the world. Under Labour, motorists have been taxed off the road. Users of electric/hybrid vehicles will also be taxed heavily by Brown to compensate the loss of tax revenue from fuel duty, road tax and emissions tax. Furthermore, a new scheme will be introduced very soon of road pricing, which will charge all vehicles irrespective of emissions. Satellite tracking will be compulsory very soon thanks to Labour,” an anonymous source for the Road Transport Network revealed to the Telegraph’s Motor supplement on Sunday.

Tourists Coming to Britain Advised to Wear Stab Vests

Lacerta King
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Visitors to Britain are being advised to bring their own stab vests or purchase them when they get here so that they can enjoy their trip without being fatally stabbed.

With every day bringing another batch of brutal stabbings by feral hooded teens high on skunk weed and crack, there seems to be no respite to the deluge of knife madness that is gripping Britain.

Consulates across the world are advising their citizens to only travel to the UK if it is really necessary and if they do travel to “bring a kevlar stab and bullet proof vest”.

Travellers to Britain have also had another major setback, they cannot get travel insurance as no company is willing to sell cover for the UK.

Stab vests (also referred to as “stab proof vests”, stab resistant vests or anti stab vests) protect the vital inner body parts from stabs, cuts, slashes and blows from sharp, edged or spiked weapons.

UK citizens are not allowed to defend themselves if they are confronted by teenage killers brandishing knives and guns and are regularly arrested and charged if they dare to use self defence.

“The police in the UK do not carry guns and under health and safety rulings have been ordered to run away if confronted by criminals and children carrying knives or guns. Therefore, it is not advisable to ask for help from the UK police because they have less power than the criminals. Some police officers are trained in firearm use but they are only mobilised as a last resort after the stabbing or violent slashing has taken place,” John Simpson a guide for the British Board of Tourism revealed.

London Bus Tours, the premier tourist bus company in England, have taken the recent violent developments in England as a chance to unveil the new armoured tourist buses that have state of the art defensive capabilities ensuring all visitors are not violently murdered during the tour of the city.

The armoured tourist buses come replete with gun turrets as standard on the top deck and will travel around the UK’s cities with an armed escort.

Comrades We Must Stop Wasting Food Rations

Lacerta King
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0
Comrades We Must Stop Wasting Food Rations

Comrade Gordon Brown our supreme unelected leader is urging the populations of the Soviet State of Britain to recycle cabbage rations.

The Soviet state advises comrades and workers to recycle food by not wasting ti in any way. Your cabbage ration per week must be utilised to its maximum capacity.

Already the central Politburo office has released the lyrics for a new Soviet song to be distributed amongst the workers:

“Comrades, do not waste your cabbage. You can make cabbage soup, cabbage ice cream, cabbage jam and toasted cabbage with cream. You can have cabbage with your sprouts or cabbage with your Soviet ale. How about a bit of cabbage sprinkled over a warm bit of gruel. Cabbage dessert on a Sunday if you please. Comrades, dearest comrades, you must not waste your cabbage for times are hard. Comrade Brown eats cabbage too and so should you.”

We must be strong comrades because our Supreme leader urges us to fight the terrible legacy of the previous Soviet Chancellor who has created the terrible situation we are in now. Luckily, Comrade Brown’s ten year cabbage plan will ensure that cabbage will be plentiful once again in about nine and a half years time from now.

There will be further cuts in rationing from next week when all proles will only be allowed one cabbage per month. All Soviet citizens and brave Bolshevik warriors will have to survive on that single cabbage without exception. You are urged to refrigerate the cabbage so as not to see any rot setting in.

Soviet comrades are urged to visit Comrade Brown’s information site to find recipes that they can utilise to create their cabbage dishes.

Politburo officials for the Stasi councils will be going through all Soviet citizens’ rubbish. Anyone found to have thrown away any piece of cabbage or lard will be taken to their local eco-gulag and beaten with sticks as a punishment for wasting.

Notice: B64575 INGSOCK Long Live the Gordo!

New Iraq Flag Unveiled

Lacerta King
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New Iraq Flag Unveiled

President Bush told Iraq’s prime minister and his cabinet Saturday that “we’ll keep our commitment to sucking your country dry of all mineral and oil resources”.

During an unannounced visit to Baghdad aimed at buttressing the Vichy government of Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki, Bush pledged his support for the country’s new leader and declared that “the oil resources of the Iraqi people is now out of their hands, and our job is to help them succeed in their ultimate defeat and dishonour.”

Mission Accomplished

Under the ornate dome of a marble-walled chamber in one of Saddam Hussein’s former palaces now serving as the U.S. Embassy, George W Bush unveiled the new Iraqi flag and presented it to Prime Minister Maliki.

The assembled Iraqi government all applauded as the flag was then taken by a laughing Blackwater mercenary who spat onto it and then put it on the flag pole outside the palace.

 

 

The flag was designed by American flag designers and approved by the Iraqi government

 

“We are truly honoured to receive such a gift from your country and would like to extend our gratitude of cowardice for taking all of our resources and using our country as a shooting range, and for torturing and murdering our citizens in the name of Democracy and dumping tonnes of depleted uranium in our nation which has a shelf life of about 10,000 years. Thank you. As a show of my gratitude I give you a small gift — an Iraqi child disfigured from birth due to DU. You can torture him as much as you want,” Prime Minister Maliki told the President during luncheon handing over the little boy to the president.

Perpetual War of Terror

“I appreciate that you recognize the fact that the future of your country is in our hands,” Bush said during a second photo session with Maliki, a member of a leading Shiite Muslim religious party who takes his orders directly from the White House.

Afterwards, the president told reporters that Iraq’s leaders were “complying well with American orders and have stepped up oil production without any questions.”

“I assured them that we’ll keep plundering their precious oil reserves and building more permanent bases,” Bush said during his flight home. “I also made it clear to them that they must comply with the will of the United States or suffer more war and torture. They have to comply with our every wish or else. There will be no room for time-wasting from the Iraqis because we need their oil ASAP.”

The White House to be Repossessed

Lacerta King
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The White House to be Repossessed

The President of the United States of America could lose the White House if the Federal Reserve fails to pay nearly $2500 Trillion that is owed by America.

John McCain and Barack Obama have both been notified of the gravity of the current situation and have understood that they may not move into the White House if one of them wins the election.

“These are scary times for everyone and the ‘credit crunch’ has really hit home hard. We’re just gonna have to move the future head of state to somewhere else in the United States. We’re thinking either Montana or Alabama,” a senior Pentagon aide told Fox news.

If the Federal Reserve does not pay more than a quarter of the debt arrears, the famous nation’s property will go to auction on 19 July, a Washington DC official told the Fox News Network.

U.S. national debt – which is being financed on a daily basis by the governments of China and a host of oil-exporting states, among others – has ensured that foreign governments and investors now hold fully 85% of the United States’ total outstanding debt, thus making Washington pretty much bankrupt.

The White House has huge real estate potential, maybe to be split up as expensive condos


The White House is one of the most expensive pieces of real estate in the world and when it goes up for auction should fetch a fair bit of money. Already many oil-rich sheiks from the Middle East are queuing up to put their bids in for this prime piece of US history.

According to court documents cited by Fox News, the auction is to include the house and everything on the estate including “all George W Bush’s dodgem carts, banana trees… and all torture equipment and facilities of every kind or nature”.

Madonna to Adopt New Husband

Lacerta King
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2

Pop megastar Madonna is to adopt a new husband from an underprivileged part of the world.

The mum of four will travel to Africa and test males to see if they are worthy of adoption by the great Madonna.

The stringent testing will involve mega sessions in bed with the 56 year old woman and rigorous body examinations to determine durability.

“Madonna will personally test all the males to see if they’re up to scratch. Her libido is immense and she sometimes needs to be sated 10 – 15 times a day,” a spokesman for her Management company told us.

The Madonna adoption convoy left London three weeks ago and is slowly snaking its way through Mali after passing through Morocco then cutting through Mauritania.

If Madonna does not adopt a husband by that time they will carry on across to Chad passing through Niger then down to Gabon, Angola and Zaire.

By that time if she still has not found an adopted husband they will carry on to Tanzania, Mozambique then finally ending in Lesotho deep inside of South Africa.

African countries have been bristling with advertising announcing the “Madonna New Husband Adoption Convoy”.

Ngiri Omdongo from Zaire has set about preparing his friends for the Madonna meetings that will take place next month: “She is like royalty for us and if she picks one of us it will bring great riches and honour to our village. We will be living in London and Beverly Hills and drive fast cars woo hoo! The only painful thing we have to do is service the old granny every few hours, yes we can deal with it!”

One of the requirements Madonna has stipulated is that her new husband like her previous one, has to walk three steps behind her whenever they travel together and that they have to be quiet if addressed, only speaking if their opinion is required.

“She will still be looking to adopt a young one, but this time from an African background. It will also be good for little Banda who will have someone to play with,” the spokesman for her Management company reiterated.

UK Olympic Stabbing Event Unveiled

Lacerta King
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2
UK Olympic Stabbing Event Unveiled

“We needed something to sum up Britishness under the Labour government. What makes Britain Great? Stabbing and unfettered violence by crazed psychotic thug teenage hoodies was the answer. This is how our children and teens are viewed around the world — a violent seething bed of underprivileged hatred and loathing. Knife crime is our forte and we know how to do it best. This is why I am proud to unveil this new Stab Event for the 2012 Olympics,” Lord Coe announced at the British Olympic Federations Head Quarters.

The Stabbing Event will be held in the main arena in the East End of London where Jack the Ripper famously slashed his victims in the 19th century. Each gang’s killer will have a knife of their choice and will warm up first with a few members of the public. Then they will be ushered into the centre of the arena and given the go-ahead by Labour Home Secretary Jacqui Smith. The sole surviving stabber will be awarded with a faux gold ASBO medal on a huge faux gold chain to add to their trophy cabinet at home.

This is possibly the only event Team GB will win with flying capillaries in 2012. English hoodies are the most vicious of worldwide killers and can dissect their victims with expert precision.

“I’ve seen a 12 year old murder a pensioner and take out their liver with surgical expertise. You don’t even get that kind of clinical technique on the NHS,” Labour Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, Andy Burnham told a committee meeting for the 2012 Olympics.

With such a fresh pool of talented new blood to choose from, selecting the 12 GB Stabbing team will be a hard job. There have been 3.8 million British children and teens who have applied for the GB Stabbing team already this week.

“We’re looking for frenzied teen killers who can stab manically and with speed. The Mass Stab Event looks for these exact technical qualities. When we unveil the Precision Stabbing Event, this will call for precise butchery but with speed as well,” Andy Burnham added.

Labour ministers have been commending the increased violence in our streets and homes and encouraging young hoodies and thug gangs to thrive by awarding them prizes for stabbing.

“Our government encourages stabbing and murder by crazed teenagers by awarding them ASBO medals for each murder. If they stab to death multiple law-abiding citizens per annum we award them a brief stint doing community service or safari trips paid for by the taxpayer,” Jacqui Smith the Home Secretary added.

Michelle Obama Tells Hillary Clinton to "Lay Off My Husband"

Lacerta King
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Michelle Obama Tells Hillary Clinton to "Lay Off My Husband"

The pictures
tell a thousand stories, and seem to implicate the two Democrat
senators of colluding in more ways than one. You only have to look at
the wistful look of love blossoming when Hillary gazes into Barack’s
eyes and the subtle smiles the two have for each other.

United States of Lust

Was it all a game? The in-fighting for the primaries looked so
realistic, yet looking at these two now you would think they had
been lovers for years. The two are spending increasingly long
hours together on Barack’s election tour bus planning the Democratic
campaign against John McCain.

 

Yesterday at a rally in Milwaukee Hillary gently brushed her
hand across Barack’s thigh whilst he looked at her with a longing that
betrayed the fire burning in his loins.

A Washington Post reporter was
shocked to see the blatant disregard for the cameras or anyone else for
that matter: “Nothing else seemed to matter for these two. It was as if
they were in a sea alone and did not care even though the sea is full
of sharks, if you know what I mean,” Barbara Schlieissinger wrote in her
weekly column.


“Hillary had not had sex for decades but Obama has rekindled the fire
in her soul. She is a new woman. I’ve seen her blushing and glowing
with joy after her tour bus liaisons. She is flushed and ready to sing
to the crowds like a woman possessed,” Alan Huffington a reporter for
Unities local TV station WMUR9 exclaimed.

Feeling the Heat

Obama’s
election tour bus is sometimes seen rocking in the evenings after
everyone else has gone home. Maybe this is because of Obama’s gruelling
exercise regime that he has been ordered to undergo.

Indeed,
love seems to have some boundaries and their collective spouses. Bill
and Michelle seem to be locked out in the winter blizzards of
exclusion. Bill, who is too busy ‘balls-deep’ amongst the mountain of
political groupies that follow his every move, is not bothered by his
wife’s affections for Barack. He simply turns a blind eye as she has
done for him for many years. In fact, Bill is happy that his wife is
finally off his back and she is free to roam free amongst the wolves so
to speak.


Michelle Obama is a different story altogether and
does not hold the nonchalance of Bill Clinton. Her fits of rage are
legendary and she is such a control freak that she even ensures what
style underpants Barack wears every day as well as what he is allowed
to do or say when he comes home every night.

Obama campaign staffers have witnessed
Michelle’s fiery temper towards him as she slaps his head on the
election tour bus when he does not get a question right during
interview rehearsals.

“I’ve seen her go up to Obama and spank
his head like it was going out of fashion, but he just takes it when
she does it in front of all the staffers and campaigners. It can be
disconcerting, to say the least. One time he got a question wrong while we were
rehearsing and she came up to him and kicked him in the groin. It was
shameful to watch,” Jenny Hatskins, an Obama campaigner, told Fox News.

Barack Obama has had enough of his domineering wife and may have defected for this very reason.


The Democrats are truly united at the moment and it seems that love is blossoming amongst their ranks once again. While the Republicans are known as the War Party the Democrats are known as the Love Party.

The
United States may for the first time in its short history have a
President and Vice-President team that conduct business from bed. That
would be a truly momentous story for the historians to write about in
the future.

Shock Discovery – Global Warming May Be Caused by the Sun Shining

Lacerta King
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Shock Discovery – Global Warming May Be Caused by the Sun Shining

“The sun is very hot and its rays filter through to the earth.”

These are some of the amazing findings coming from scientists studying the global warming panic created by worldwide governments to increase taxation on the general populations.

Professor
Michael Pupkin from the University of California at Irvine, has been studying the sun for the past 45 years in his observatory.

“The sun is hot and blasts out hot rays that travel to the earth. These rays heat the earth and warm it up. This is called Global Warming,” he wrote in New Scientist magazine.

Experts
in California estimate that the sun’s rays are very hot and heat the earth every day.

Research published in New Scientist has found that when the sun shines the earth receives rays from the sun thus warming the earth further.

When the earth is in darkness that part of the earth cools and when the sun rises the earth’s temperature rises.

A spokeswoman for the Department for Environment,
Food and Rural Affairs said: “This is an issue that affects every
country, and we’re working with other members of the EU to ensure that we create new taxes to tax the populations over this terrible issue of Global Warming. Even though we are the ones who tore up the mountains and poisoned the atmosphere in the first place, we want to now create a new Eco cult of taxation thus increasing the stranglehold of the controlling elite.”

 

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