Gordon Brown who is nicknamed ‘velcro’ amongst Whitehall staff because bad luck sticks to him, is said to have extended his reverse Midas touch once again.

It was only last week when Mr Brown saw fit to praise the firm in a speech to waiting dignitaries at a CBI meeting :
“I would like to pay tribute to the contribution you and your company
make to the prosperity of Britain,” Mr Brown told assembled bankers in
London’s Canary Wharf . “During its 150 year history, Lehman Brothers
has always been an innovator, financing new ideas and inventions before many
others even began to realize their potential.”

The curse of Gordon Brown was then complete and one only had to wait a week for the permanent damage to materialise.

“Gordon is a walking one man disaster factory. Everything he touches turns to shit. Every sporting fixture where either England or Scotland were playing that he attended during the first few weeks of his premiership resulted in the team losing heavily. Pretty much every policy that he has engineered or brokered has been a complete waste and disaster. He was also responsible for selling off Britain’s gold reserves at the bottom of the market and of engineering the disastrous dithering economic policies that have left the UK in dire straits. Gordon is also responsible for the massive collapse of the housing market which he engineered bringing misery and pain to millions of people,” Peter Rusbrigger, a senior Labour backbencher told a commons hearing yesterday.

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• Gordon Brown Visited Weston-super-Mare Pier

No one is smiling anymore. That is the truth of the matter, and Gordon Brown’s new tax that he plans on introducing next week will definitely not make anyone any happier.

A tax of 90 pence per smile will be charged on every British person from next week as part of a government drive to increase taxation on the population.

The Labour government’s new initiative, however, may fall on some pretty dreary expressions, because each British citizen is taxed so heavily already, no one smiles anymore.

“British people are the most taxed people in the world. Each person in the UK has approximately 78 forms of tax heaped on them. That means on average the masses have to work for 8 months in a year before they start making money for themselves. Of course this is tantamount to slavery, but the British seem to have a knack for taking punishment without question,” Erica Lovell, analyst for the CBA Research Institute reported in a 500 page white paper.

Indeed if the government were clever they would put a tax on ‘frowning’ — something which the British people are very well versed in.

“Walk down any British street, get on a bus, go to a pub, drive a car, it’s pretty depressing seeing what Gordon Brown’s regime has done to everyone. They’ve got cameras everywhere tracking you, listening devices, no hope of any future for the young and people working themselves to death so that they can pay more taxes to the bureaucratic black hole that is Labour’s wasteful red tape nightmare. Gordon won’t get many smiles from people until he’s gone. That’s the only time people might smile again,” Damien Lugash, an ex-civil servant told us.

Junior Commissar in training, Siobhain McDonagh, was today publicly hanged in Red Trafalgar Square in front of baying crowds of angry citizens who also threw rotten tomatoes at the vile traitor as she mounted the podium.

After her confession detailing her traitorous ways she was hanged and her body thrown on a dustcart and dumped at an eco-landfill site.

By orders from our great unelected leader Comrade Brown, she was sentenced yesterday immediately after trying to question the authority of our supreme leader.

Comrade Brown released a statement from the Westminster Duma about his decision to defeat enemies of the Labour state with the big ‘clunking fist of Soviet power’.

“Comrades, citizens, brave Bolshevik warriors, Soviet brothers and sisters. There has been more traitorous behaviour amongst our hallowed ranks. My closest party members have informed me of an evil, vile plot to underhand my supreme Soviet control over every facet of the Great British Soviet Empire and Labour party. My trusted aide, Commissar Balls of the Bilderberg told me of the evil plot just after I had arrived from my dacha in Southwold where I have been convalescing and planning the next twenty year collectivization plan. Rest assured, Comrades, these lickspittle yellow pusillanimous sorry excuses for Soviet comradeship will be dealt with in the correct manner. Let this be a warning to any other traitors who may be hiding and biding their time. Your wait will be short because your Thoughtcrimes will be revealed sooner or later. Yes, comrades, Politburo and Stasi officials are going to personally interview every member of the party and will leave no stone unturned. Nothing will get in the way of the Twenty Year Plan.”

There was silence as Chief Commissar of Re-Education, Ed Balls walked around the chamber and picked out the traitors who sobbed as they were then led off.

Good News Comrades

Comrade Brown has very generously increased the winter allowance to two blankets per household. This directive from Comrade Brown will ensure a warm winter for all citizens.

Remember comrades, Look, Listen and Report any signs of Thoughtcrimes against the state.

A special mention must go to citizen Joe Willis, 8, who reported his own mother, Mary, 36, to council Stasi officials in Sector 12 last night. Mary Willis was detained for not recycling a banana skin and filling her bin up over the required mark. She has been detained in a Gulag somewhere in Sector 101 (North England) for the next 42 years.

Comrades, we must
be vigilant in our Soviet duty to report any Thoughtcrimes, re-cycling crimes, or dissent
against our supreme Soviet leader and state.


Notice: B64691 INGSOCK Long Live the Gordo!

Republicans are not happy with the ailing geriatric McCain and are clamouring for a Sarah Palin takeover.

“She’s energised the GOP campaign against the Democrats. She can do things that McCain is very hard pushed to do, things like walking down the hall without the use of a wheelchair and she can even operate a pc computer to send emails which baffles McCain because he’s still in the era of the telegram,” Ron O’Hannity for the Fox Republican Broadcasting Corporation explained on Tuesday.

Catching Bill’s eye

Democrats are already clamouring for the Palin effect.

Ex-President Bill Clinton is reputed to be very impressed by Palin himself and has already asked one his aides for her phone number so he can give her a private ‘electoral consultation’ on his private jet.

“She’s going from strength to strength and is capturing the hearts of midwest white America. Obamamania is now history, we got Palinmania now and as for John McCain, he’s got to be careful with his ticker so no mania there,” Arnold Weinstank a DJ from WKSMT Michigan told his listeners on his daily talk show.