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Barack Obama – Taking Away America's Guns

by Johnson Balls
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17
Barack Obama – Taking Away America's Guns

Taking away an American’s gun is the equivalent of taking away the nipple from a suckling baby. Such is their allegiance to their shooters that it will be a supreme task for Obama to accomplish — the disarmament of every American civilian.

Ever since America’s inception, the gun has held an iconic part within the bloody annals of its history books. The West was built on brute force, first with the annihilation of 90% of the Native Americans and then with the tempering of the slaves to build America’s huge industries.

The gun has also been iconic in modern times through celluloid as well as the entrails of modern conflicts like the Iraqi conflict and perpetual global war of terror started by George W Bush.

Now that Charlton Heston’s dead, is it going to be easier to take away America’s guns?

No one knows what change the Obamamites were dictating, there was no policy information, no specific details, no nothing and yet the masses were so caught up in the ‘Messianic Hollywoodized’ dream that they accepted anything from the pied piper of politics.

“Obama could point to a cliff and they would all just walk off like lemmings such is the level of brainwashing. If you saw the faces in the crowds on election night, glazed eyes and vacant stares of these poor zombies waving their placards, it was truly astounding to watch the level of brainwashing achieved,” an Obama campaigner recalled.

The Bush administration were brought in to commit the atrocities reminiscent of many fascist regimes in the past. They were responsible for demonizing whole swathes of people, for torture, for cold blooded murder and introducing the machinery of elite supremacy into the battlefield of the general population. The technique utilised by Bush’s controllers was a perfect blend of Nazi and Communist rhetoric wherein the masses were duped time and time again. Obama’s remit is much simpler, the dirty work has already been committed and machinery put in place for the New Era, the very rich and elites are now firmly ensconced in their bunkers and will sit out the deluge — albeit in luxury.

“We have plans for the disarmament of all Americans. There is no need for arms under a socialist sovietized nation. There is no need for any Americans to feel that they are in need of protecting themselves because from now on the state will be the supreme and only protector to the people. You can rest assured that once we take away all your guns there will be a calmer society with less murders and indiscriminate shootings,” Carol Kaplinsky, an Obamamite officer told CNN on Monday.

Cult

The New World Order of Obama is the New Dawn of the Global Control System according to Obamamites who follow their supreme leader without question.

When Obama brings the New System into fruition he will incorporate all that his handlers ask and his followers will accept everything he requests.

“Of course there will be a few pockets of resistance to the Era of Obama Gun Control but they will be eradicated swiftly and with little remorse. One thing which we cannot afford in any circumstances is a population who can fight back. We have taken the British model into account, yes, they have been totally disarmed. Anyone who defends themselves from an aggressor in the UK is routinely arrested and imprisoned. The British people are putty in the hands of the Stalinist government of Comrade Brown, they are a defeated people as are the French surrender monkeys,” Mrs Kaplinsky added.

“We will have to engineer an atrocity so heinous that people will willingly give their guns up,” a key Obama aide revealed.

The barrel of the gun is still firmly in the hands of the controllers, and they will not hesitate to turn the gun onto the whole population. Nothing has changed within the control system, everyone behind the scenes is the same as last time, it’s just that this time the people will have to be disarmed.

America’s long love affair with guns will soon be finally over.

Obama’s African Family Plan to Visit White House

by Johnson Balls
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4
Obama’s African Family Plan to Visit White House

“Jambo Bwana” is on everyone’s lips as they careen across the Kenyan countryside towards the busy port of Mombassa. The Obama family are all off to visit their famous relative, Barack Hussein Obama and they plan on getting to the White House in good time.

Head of the group, Mawisa Obama, is the eldest at 86, and the youngest, Osama Obama Obama is only 12 years old.

“There’s 126 of us travelling to the White House. We should get there in June, God be Willing. We will be travelling from the port by sea and we have already made our own boat. It took us three days to build the boat out of old tires and bottles,” George Hussein Onyango Obama, one of Barack’s half brothers told the Daily Squib.

There will be many dangers throughout the long journey, the seas around Somalia are not only teeming with sharks but with pirates as well.

The dangers, however have not stifled or stymied the Obama families optimism, they are firmly resolute in their undying determination to visit the White House and their beloved relative.

“We are so very proud of him. Obama is the president of America. We are all still in shock. When we come we can see for ourselves in the American land of freedom,where they even have toilets in their huts and food every day. We will sacrifice a goat in the Oval office so the gods can be with him and
bring good luck to him,” Mahmoud Abdul Bin Jaffrey Obama, Barack’s firstcousin added.

The Obama family journey is a testing time for all involved



The family have been travelling from the slums of Nairobi for six weeks now by hitching rides on trucks.

Unfortunately, they have already lost a few members of the family along the first stage of the epic journey.

Mawisa Obama told of the trials and tribulations the family have already encountered: “We lost Ombungo Ali Fatar Obama and Mohammed Hussein Sheik Obama three days ago when we were going through the Tsavo East National Park, they fell off the truck while they were sleeping, it is very sad but we had to keep going. We will probably lose more along the way but as long as one of us gets to the White House out of 126 then we will have completed our mission. Insha’Allah.”

George W Bush to be Sarah Palin’s Running Mate

by Johnson Balls
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3
George W Bush to be Sarah Palin’s Running Mate

Professional lame-duck Dubya Gump is now officially a dead-duck.

So what’s a professional loafer of the highest order going to do when he’s not in pole sofa position anymore?

What about Sarah Palin? When she’s not greeting campaign aides in a skimpy towel, she can be found stashing away the $150,000 clothes she acquired for the campaign in her log cabin in Wasilla, Alaska. How is she going to cope with four more years in the wilderness without a stylist?

“George W Bush and Mrs Palin would make great running mates in 2012. It’ll be a dream ticket for sure. They both don’t know anything about the world, she doesn’t know that Africa is a continent and he doesn’t know anything full stop. Dubya’s Vice Presidency will be like the good ol’ days, it’ll be like the return of the Dukes of Hazzard. He can’t wait,” Dick Cheney told Reuters.

“I’ll be back”

George W Bush broke off a round of golf yesterday to comment on the new role he is to play in 2012.

“I’ll be back folks in 2012, your favourite president, tee hee. Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk, hey Rosco, watch this drive!”

The 12th amendment states that “no person constitutionally
ineligible to the office of President shall be eligible to that of
Vice-President of the United States” but that should not bother any of them, especially when you are above all law like Dubya and Palin seem to be.

Obama Thanks Ku Klux Klan for Election Support

by Johnson Balls
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19
Obama Thanks Ku Klux Klan for Election Support

The Obama campaign slogan of ‘Time for Change’ has never been so relevant as now. The people have spoken, thanks to George W Bush’s disastrous tenure as chief monkey, even the white supremacists were with Obama.

“We, the KKK, voted for and funded Obama for a reason, it really is a time for change. We’re throwing down our arms folks and instead of guns we want to extend a hand of friendship to every negro in the United States. We also want to say sorry for being such shits in the past and hope y’all can forgive us,” Cletus Monroe told the Daily Squib.

The Daily Squib famously reported back in February 2008 that the Ku Klux Klan endorsed Obama.

“Who’s the massa now?”

Obama now presides over his subjects with the absolute power that has been interned upon his magisterial self by the people.

“It was a joy to see Klan faces amongst voters in Kentucky on Tuesday, all over the nation the queues were filled with blacks and whites making sure they voted for Obama. Our Klan office worked tirelessly in our efforts and we were even reminding people with texts on their cell phones to vote for our great leader,” Mr Monroe added.

The new message of love and peace brought by the Ku Klux Klan also extends to all other nationalities in the USA. There have been messages of love extended to Mexicans and other people of colour as well as Chinese people.

How America has changed – It was only up until 1978 that black people had
to drink from different water fountains in public

Obama supporters last night, on hearing of his inevitable victory, thanked the Klan for “finally coming round” and “embracing humanity and Jesus.”

Never before has such unity been seen in America. There is a distinct belief that Obama may even be the ‘second coming’ and the new messiah.

‘No Mo’ Cracker’

Barack Obama’s address last night brought out much emotion in the assembled crowds and those watching on their screens:

“The whip that used to crack on the African slaves in the plantation fields of the South have truly been silenced. A new dawn and age of change has come across the land, everything else is Gone With the Wind. I want to thank all of those who supported my campaign, and especially the Ku Klux Klan. Thank you for endorsing me all the way and without your huge contribution we would have certainly lost. I would also like to thank the Daily Squib newspaper for their great coverage on the whole campaign as well as your wonderfully factual and accurate reportage which has frankly revolutionized journalism and all media. I want to also thank Michelle my wife and all our children as well as all the campaigners who worked tirelessly for many many hours. God is great.”

The world is now about to enter a new dawn of collectivised ownership, a world of total globalisation and a commune for all.

US Election Results Leaked Early

by Johnson Balls
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10
US Election Results Leaked Early

Diebold’s all important logo has never been more important than now : “It’s not the people who vote that count. It’s the people who count the votes.”

Diebold, the company which controls and creates the voting software that won elections for George W Bush not once, but twice has done it again.

“We were in the Utah town of Boneta, Duchesne county, when the head of the polling station came across a glitch that revealed what many have suspected for awhile. The elections are a sham and ‘democracy’ is simply a system to keep the masses from revolting every four years. The winner of the 2008 election was revealed to us before we even let the first person into the polling station to vote. It’s right there on the screen,” Alan Waskowich, an independent observer told CNN.

In the state of Montana there have already been three instances of computer glitches that have revealed the winner of the 2008 election. One such town called Philipsburg has even gone as far as calling a town meeting to discuss the ramifications of knowing who won the election even before the first vote was cast.

Last month, Princeton University’s Centre for Information Technology found that touch-screen machines could easily be manipulated. Andrew Celantro, a professor, said the touch-screen machines used in 18 of New Jersey’s 21 counties could be hacked into in seven minutes. He added that someone could replace a machine’s memory chip with one containing a fraudulent computer program capable of changing the results.

Representatives of Diebold and Sequoia Voting Systems were not available for immediate comment however they released a brief statement.

“We are now all living in a digital age and it is thus much easier to manipulate the masses because of our technique and special control systems. We would therefore simply implant the belief into your sheep like brains that you voted for the right candidate and that you actually count within this system and are not simply viewed as a grazing consumer tax producing statistical plebe. Please carry on consuming cheap trinkets from China, and playing on your gadgets, please continue to be entertained by large screens in your homes, please continue your herd mentality and discard any delusions of individualistic behaviour.”

The winners of the election, John McCain and Sarah Palin have vowed to carry on campaigning as well as the losers, Barack Obama and his team.

Even though the election results were leaked yesterday, campaigners are still carrying on with the pretence of campaigning before the main national voting will commence on the 4th of November.

President Obama to Appear on MTV Cribs From White House

by Johnson Balls
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4
President Obama to Appear on MTV Cribs From White House

MTV Cribs is set to pay Barack Obama a cool $3 million for him to feature the White House in an episode that will blow all of the previous episodes of Cribs to the kerb.

“The Obama episode of Cribs will make any other low-life pimp rapper’s gold laminated house look like a goddamn carboard box underneath a bridge somewhere in the Bronx. This Crib from the White House with Obama will be the mother of all Cribs, you know what i’m sayin’?” Lou Panatanka, an MTV executive said.

Once Obama is in the White House he will put a jacuzzi in every room including the Oval room, he will have chandeliers all over the place, the best Italian marble floors shipped from Italy and will install a full size basketball court in the White House back garden.

There are even plans for his own private mosque to be built in the East Wing facing Mecca where he can perform his daily prayers in quiet solitude away from the cameras.

The Pentagon planning committee have already received plans for minarets to be built on all four points of the White House, however, this may seem to be too blatantly Islamic and may have to be cut from Obama’s overall plans for change.

“Obama is fly. Once he’s in the White House he’s going to make some serious changes.

“He’s even thinking of buying a few Hummers for the presidential driveway and a bling mobil that will make the most garish bad-taste rapper blush with embarrassment,” Mr Panatanka added.

Kate Moss to Join Eastenders Cast

by Johnson Balls
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2
Kate Moss to Join Eastenders Cast

The 24 year old top model is to join the famous Eastenders sitcom and has been training hard at an undisclosed location for the past few months.

“Kate has the right look for the longstanding gritty drama, we were looking for someone like her. She smokes about 80 fags a day, snorts loads of coke and has a face with the texture of a leather sofa from DFS. It was like an instant connection, she gets on with the rest of the cast like a house on fire,” Reggie Warrington, one of the senior casting directors told the TV Times.

The new addition to the cast will see the introduction of much needed glamour onto the set.

“We’ve never had anyone as glamorous and beautiful as Kate on an Eastenders set ever. Her introduction certainly will increase the prestige of our program,” a senior cast member divulged.

Rumour has it that Kate may have an important role to play in the Queen Vic pub, but you will have to wait and see for yourselves.

Kate Moss’ first appearance will be on the 10th of November.

Obama Lower Half is White?

by Johnson Balls
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3
Obama Lower Half is White?

“This shit is motherfu**in’ incomprehensible, I know he’s half white but not like obvious and shit. You mean he got a tiny honkey dick? Is that what you mean?” an Obama fan remarked on a radio talk show program in Atlanta on Thursday.

Well, there has been no such vulgar evidence released so far, however, many Black radio stations are mulling around the rumour that this is the reason Barack Obama is so light on his feet.

“He skinny, he walks around like he’s skipping on air, now if the brother had some serious blackness down there he would be walkin’ the walk. You know, slow and with the right attitude. Our man Obama walks like a goddamn China man, hell even Dubya got a swagger and he’s white, oh yeah, he from Texas,” DJ KC Riggs from Alabama Black Radio WBHJ-FM said on his controversial talk show this week.

The Republicans, always on the prowl for more of their dirty tricks to throw at the new ‘messiah’ have already been interviewing Obama’s previous girlfriends from his law school days.

Joan Richards who was at Harvard Law School with Barack Obama in 1988 recalls her liaison with the senator: “We would study US jurisprudence together in the library. He was a very polite boy and of course I was fascinated by black men. Well, one night after a studying session we went back to my room and we undressed. It was a shock, yes, he is white from the waist down. I could not believe it, I always heard about the rumours about African American men, well, Barack is more dinky dao..he ain’t no King Kong. I’ve seen a bigger johnson on a baby. Let’s just say it was a grave disappointment.”

Obama’s campaign advisers have been quick to counteract the vulgar rumours about the future president of the USA.

Special Hollywood walk trainers and experts in body language are being drafted in to model somekind of swagger onto Obama’s stick walk. From now on there will not be any light-footed prancing around on stage but a well honed home-boy with a true purpose and ego.

“We have drafted in the best people to coach Obama. He is also watching MTV Cribs daily to see how rappers and basketball players walk and move, those guys hold the key to Obama’s presidency, soon we’ll have him walking like Fiddy or Suge, you’ll see,” a campaign aide told CNN on Thursday.

Jonathan Ross Accepts Reverse Charge Call Costing Him £1.3 Million

by Johnson Balls
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5
Jonathan Ross Accepts Reverse Charge Call Costing Him £1.3 Million

Jonathan Ross received the most expensive phone call in the history of phone calls the other day.

He received a reverse charge (collect call) phone message from a Spanish waiter called Manuel from Barcelona.

The phone call went something like this:

Operator – “Hello Mr Ross, you have Manuel from Barcelona on the line, will you please accept the reverse charge call, it will only cost you £1.3 million f*cking quid you mug?”

Wossie – “I…i’m so sowwy, my caweew, ooh it’s all gwone, what am I gwonna do now? BBC Gwovell Gwovell Gwovell *Crying like a little girl*…the money the money!!! Pwease no not that!!!!”

*CALL PUT THROUGH*

Manuel – “Si senor, isa my granddaughter, you mention her si onna da radio? You shoulda not mention ‘er senor…Remember Don’t Mention the Granddaughter!!!”

BBC Controller – *CLICK*

Wossie – “Boo hoo, it’s all ovahhhhhhh Aaaargh!”

Now all we have to do is get rid of his bloody annoying brother off the airwaves too.

Obama Being Groomed to be Fall Guy President

by Johnson Balls
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9
Obama Being Groomed to be Fall Guy President

American Election Race Special

Barack Obama is set to be the first black (African American) President of the United States
of America and ‘fall guy’ for the many years of destruction committed
by George W Bush and his cronies on the US Constitution, economy, US
world standing and internal affairs.

“George W Bush has ruined
America and his perpetual wars of terror on the rest of the world have
caused irreparable damage that may never be fixed – that’s why we’re
bringing in the boy to take the fall,” a representative from the
Pentagon told Fox News on Friday.

The American people who
have large daily doses of intense fear pumped into their homes
constantly via the Fox News Network of Terror and Propaganda are all backing Obama 110%.

House Ni**er

Former
Secretary of State, House Ni**er and Uncle T*m, Colin Powell was on
hand to support Obama last week with a public endorsement. Powell was mostly noted for his role in
being told to lie by his keepers to the UN about Saddam’s WMD program
which was supposedly ‘capable’ of attacking the western world in 15
minutes.

Anacondi

Condoleeza
Rice is another prime example of a master’s puppet. Her holders have given
her leave to buy expensive shoes and have meetings to discuss further
meetings for more meetings where she can act like she “knows shit like
her massa.”

Shaquanda Wendell, a 39 year old housewife from Philadelphia, makes a valid point about how she views the Secretary of State. “Someone
needs to find Condi a man or something, she be going round and causing
the death of millions of people in the world because she don’t have a
man and is angry and shit. There must be a man somewhere that can
please her and stop her wanting to destroy the planet. Is there a man
out there who can be with Condi so we can all live in peace? ”

What Shaquanda probably does not realise is that no man can take the place of what Ms Rice really wants.

Taking the Fall

“If we
need someone to take the fall because of our illicit profiteering, greed,
lies, illegal unconstitutional practices, torture and corruption we put
one of them
in charge for awhile. Do you even think for one second we would ever let a black become president in a normal climate, hell no! This guy is going to get everything thrown at him,” John Thompson, a senior GOP representative, was
quoted as saying from the Wyoming Republican caucuses this week.

John
McCain’s campaign office has already released details of their impending loss,
the Republicans want Obama to win because they know he has no chance of
cleaning up the George W Bush mess. The predominantly white Republicans
will then simply blame the ‘black man’ for a poor job done, something
they have been doing for many years.

“When
George W Bush leaves office, he will be hailed a hero by the American
people and Republican guard. Obama will then be placed into office to
take the can for ‘dubya’s’ horrific mistakes. We don’t want any part of
this mess and we will allow the black guy to take the heat and be back
for the 2012 election with Sarah Palin. That is if America is still
around by then,” Mr Thompson added.

Republicans do not want the post-Bush presidency. They know what George
W Bush has done, they know that the damage will take many years to
recover from.

Bush Legacy

What kind of a situation would ‘fall guy’ Barack Obama inherit?

A $28.8 TRILLION price tag for the disastrous Iraq/Afghanistan imbroglio with no end
in sight, a $9.7 TRILLION national debt, increasing
unemployment, a sub-prime mortgage fiasco that has destabilised the
world’s economy, a damaged US worldwide standing, a weak currency,
perpetual US made wars with no exit strategies, monstrous trade deficit of $740 TRILLION and
an
infrastructure buckling under the strain of incompetence and waste,
60,000 US soldiers injured and over 5,000 reported deaths in Iraq alone, energy shortages, a
destabilised Middle East with millions of innocent civilian deaths and
displaced peoples, US foreign policy that has brought the world to the
brink of WW III.

What better scapegoat to complement these elements of imminent destruction? Enter Barack Obama.

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