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Oil Found in George W Bush’s Protected Pacific National Monument

by Mr. Charrington
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Oil Found in George W Bush’s Protected Pacific National Monument

The drilling has already started in the protected National George W Bush Pacific Ocean Center.

U.S. President George W. Bush designated nearly 200,000 square miles (518,000 sq km) of the Pacific ocean on Tuesday as a protected region, White House officials reported. By Wednesday things had changed when oil was struck.
“Dubya declared this area a national heritage zone only yesterday. Today we’re drilling for oil. We got tonnes of it here, even more than Iraq. The soon to be ex-president just could not help himself when he was told,”Al Frankenheimy of the Pacific Oil Drilling company based in San Diego told CNN.

Already the oil companies who have been ordered into the area by George W Bush have dug huge trenches into the coral reefs within the area and are dumping vast amounts of toxic waste into the water.

A spokesman for one of the companies was apologetic for the mess created but emphatically denied that any permanent damage would result with the toxic waste dispersed due to the drilling.

“Those fish will survive even though they are coated in toxic chemicals and oil. This is good for our country and that’s what counts. We have already extracted 20 tonnes of rock and are now drilling into the lower sediment area where the oil is held.”

Bush, who often draws ire from activists for his record on environmental issues, will declare three areas in the central Pacific “marine national oil expeditions,” spokeswoman Dana Burrito said.

“He’s polluted, murdered and killed the earths environment, people and animals. Why should he stop now?” Ms Burrito added shrugging her shoulders.

Israeli Property Developers Ready to Move Into Gaza

by Mr. Charrington
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Israeli Property Developers Ready to Move Into Gaza

Moshe Rabin, a property developer from Tel Aviv is licking his lips at the prospect of building more real-estate in Gaza. We meet him in a luxurious air conditioned office in the Herzliya district.

“Welcome my friend, welcome. We have many new penthouse apartments for you in Gaza. At the moment they are off-plan but we hope to start construction once we bulldoze away the bones and rotting carcasses of the Palestinian women and children. You will never know or realise that you are living on what was once the land of a disenfranchised people. Indeed you can say the same of much of what is Israel today, it used to belong to the untermensch and our wonderful bulldozers have simply erased them from the land completely. I know what you are thinking my friend, yes, you are thinking that we are no better than the Nazis who tried to erase us from the earth in WW2. Well, there is a profound difference my friend, they spoke German, we speak Hebrew. That’s the only difference though,” Mr Rabin, laughs hysterically as he rubs his hands incessantly eager to get down to business.

We pretend to be interested in the seafront Gaza properties and his eyes light up like beacons when we pronounce we might purchase more than one apartment.

Mr Rabin’s smile is however wiped off his face after we make our excuses and leave his luxurious office eager to get away from his carrion smile.

Real Estate opportunities in Gaza are a major issue for the Israeli government who see gold amongst the rubble and decapitated corpses of Gaza’s children.

The Israeli territories which have already been forcibly occupied are not enough for the developers anymore. With greed comes even more greed, and the developers have tasted money and are thirsting for more. The only problem is the Palestinian people who will have to be bombed out and murdered in cold blood.

“As media exercises go, we Israelis are supported by the West 110% even with our genocidal activities, but you do get the odd politician from a Western country who actually says something against Israel once in awhile. That politician usually loses their job immediately afterwards so it is not a good career move. The same also applies to journalists who dare not utter any words against the Israelis, lest they lose their jobs as well. Even bombing a UN controlled school and killing 45 women and children in Gaza is brushed under the carpet because Palestinians are not actually considered as humans, much like the Jews were not considered as humans during WW2. They are sub-human fodder, they are considered by us Zionist Nazis as only worthy of death and not worthy of life. This is why we will take even more of their lands and push them into the sea once and for all. We cannot tolerate their smell or even their presence from many miles away,” an Israeli Colonel for the IDF told CNN during a press conference.

Just like the concentration camps of Nazi occupied Poland in the second World War, there are many who choose to turn a blind eye to the plight of the Palestinian people who have suffered immensely for many years under the brutal Israeli regime. Auschwitz, Treblinka, Bełżec and Lublin were ignored by the populations living around them as well, it was as if these places were non existent even during their busiest moments. The similarity is astounding with Gaza, a cesspool of a ghetto lost under a sea of Israeli bulldozers and Panzers daily crushing the bones and rotting carcasses of dead Palestinians whilst all around is silence.

‘Middle East Peace Process Going Well’ Says Blair

by Mr. Charrington
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‘Middle East Peace Process Going Well’ Says Blair

Since leaving his post as British Prime Minister, the right honourable gentleman, Tony Blair has embarked on a mission from God to bring peace to the Middle East.

There is only one small detail that has not been addressed yet. The only ‘God’ Tony Blair recognises is green and comes bundled in brown bags and stuffed under mattresses.

“Tony charges a very reasonable £275,000 per hourly speech. He will discuss how he plans on bringing long lasting peace to the Middle East and solving the Palestinian issue with Israel. He can fly anywhere to give the speech and of course expects you to pick up the tab for the first class tickets, hotel and transport,” Mr Blair’s PA, Gloria Mulrooney told the Daily Squib.

To date, Mr Blair has amassed about £28 million from his speeches as well as £1 million from JP Morgan as a yearly starting salary, a book advance of £6 million and Zurich Financial Services consulting job totalling £2 million per annum. His properties in London’s Connaught Square and Buckinghamshire are valued at £15 million. His yearly pension of £125,000 is a mere drop in the ocean compared to his daily earning power.

During his appointment as Peace envoy to the Middle East, Mr Blair has been to the the region more than twice and his efforts to bring everlasting calm to the region have been very effective.

“The Middle East is at peace. Since Tony Blair came along everything is wonderful here. You can hear birds chirping in the trees, the sky is blue and everyone has a smile on their faces,” Yassir Mahmoud, a resident from Gaza attested from his pile of smouldering rubble.

Mr Blair also regularly emails officials in Gaza from the comfort of a private jet or his armchair in his London home and has been very vocal on the Middle East peace process.

“I was appointed for this role for a reason. To bring peace to the Israeli and Palestinian people. I feel I have achieved this role. It has not been easy simply because of the complexity of juggling all of my other money-making appointments and endorsements. My filo fax is full to the brim with speeches, bribes, endorsements, satanic money rituals and we mustn’t forget the luncheons. Nevertheless, one must realise that my appointment has indeed brought peace to the Middle East. Just look at Gaza, it is now equivalent to the French Riviera in the Middle East. Cherie and I are even considering buying a luxury penthouse there soon.”

Labour Ministers Admit to Using George Orwell’s 1984 as Instruction Manual

by Mr. Charrington
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Labour Ministers Admit to Using George Orwell’s 1984 as Instruction Manual

If George Orwell was alive today he would be demanding the Labour government pay him for infringement of copyright.

Numerous Labour ministers have now been caught espousing the book that brought Big Brother into the fore.

“Gordon Brown, Jacqui Smith, Ed Balls and many others in the cabinet, as well as the backbenchers all read George Orwell’s 1984 on a regular basis. The Labour hierarchy also conduct courses in Northern England under the utmost secrecy where they are instructed on how to act like the party official characters in 1984. In fact, the whole Labour system of government now mirrors Orwell’s nightmarish depiction of a totalitarian state gone wrong. The amount of brainwashing that is meted out to the masses is astounding. I am sure even Orwell would be truly astounded at the levels of spin and propaganda spouted by Labour,” Robert Carnarvon a prominent member of White’s club in St James told the Daily Squib. 

Labour has during its tenure perfected the ‘doublespeak’ technique as well as increased surveillance to such a level that ‘thoughtcrime’ is now regularly punished.

The amount of bureaucracy and surveillance during Gordon Brown’s reign has even surpassed the levels of Stalin’s Soviet Russia and Cold War era East Germany.

“As soon as anyone walks out of their door in today’s Britain they are filmed on average about 450 times during the course of their day by the millions of surveillance cameras put up by the Labour regime. You are also tracked on every communication whether it is computerised or telephoned. They even have microphones in public areas listening to conversations as well tracking every transaction anyone ever makes. Fingerprinting in schools is now being introduced as well as tracking vehicles with special GPS chips. Living in Labour’s grey Stasi nightmare Britain where you have to take out a second mortgage to buy a loaf of mouldy bread is equivalent to living in a prison.

“One can of course find comfort in the thought that the people have voted for this party twice and will vote for them again because the level of brainwashing amongst the masses is so high that they actually do not know anything else, they do not know what freedom is, there was never really any freedom in Britain anyway but what we have now is tantamount to a technique of total absorption of all thought by the plebiscite thus incorporated into a mass control system utilised by a government obsessed with lies, hypocrisy, cronyism, sleaze, surveillance, gross over taxation, waste, greed and control freakery,” Mr Carnarvon added.

A New Year’s Communique From Comrade Brown

by Mr. Charrington
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A New Year’s Communique From Comrade Brown

Comrade Gordon Brown took some time out from saving the world to address Soviet British citizens by utilising the wireless radio with a New Year’s message.

“Comrades, brave Bolshevik warriors, party members, workers and proles. I trust you have all had a wonderful Soviet festive season. I would like to thank the citizens who were forced into shops to buy more useless junk which was made in China. It was imperative that the workers spend their hard earned cash on useless trinkets instead of heating their hovels or eating gruel. The upper echelons of the party must thus be propped up by the proles and workers. It is your Soviet duty to attend the so-called sales and spend all your money on anything you can find so your governors can govern over you.

“Furthermore, comrades, I have successfully reduced the British Soviet economy to nothing more than a skeletal corpse where houses are worth a pittance, food is sold at extortionate prices, fuel and heating costs are increasing daily, the Soviet Health Service is now conducting surgical operations out in the streets and where the British pound is worth less than a Zimbabwe dollar. Comrades, do not worry about the symbol of capitalist waste, the British pound will soon be incorporated within our European Soviet system. I have ensured this will happen forthwith and thus without any further delay the symbols of democracy and capitalist greed shall not be tolerated anymore under my New Euro of Change.

“I have also mobilised the services of Comrade Obama who will bring forth the New Era unto the Americans who have been under the spell of the gluttonous capitalist pigs for too long.

“Our Soviet economy is safe for now comrades. The banking system is now owned by the state. We have also procurred trillions of pounds of Soviet aid that shall ensure every citizen in Soviet Britain will have to work for eleven and a half months in the year for the next hundred years to pay the increased taxes I shall introduce soon. Remember comrades, it is your duty to the state to work so that the upper echelons of the Labour party can have increased expense accounts, holiday dachas, shopping trips, aeroplane state visits, prostitutes, office and home refurbishments etc etc.

“2009 will be a year in which I shall introduce even more cameras, surveillance, taxes, gulags and more hidden taxes. Enjoy yourselves Soviet citizens, you can drink some more cheap vodka and revel in your cabbage soup because your lives are as worthless as they were last year.”

Comrade Brown, supreme unelected leader of the British Soviet state has been hailed as the greatest thing that has happened to our country since the invention of sliced cabbage.

In further news, a commendation must be made to Julie Partridge, 14, of Manchester for reporting her father Cyril, 45, for speaking against Comrade Brown. Mr Cyril Partridge was sentenced by local Stasi officers this morning and will spend the next forty two years in a re-education camp in sector 101.

Have a happy New Soviet Year – Order 3b6543

Katie Holmes Escape Attempt Fails Again

by Mr. Charrington
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Katie Holmes Escape Attempt Fails Again

This is now Katie’s third attempt in one week to escape from the dangerous Scatology cult who’s headquarters are situated in Los Angeles.

Eyewitness Dan Silvaro, a trucker who was driving past the heavily fortified compound retold the harrowing story: “I was driving past going through the intersection on North Beverly Drive when I saw this crazed woman scrambling out of a fifth floor window. She was shimmying down the side of the building and shouting for help. She was wearing a bizarre Santa outfit and her eyes were all crazy. Looks like she used some bed sheets she tied together or something. I stopped my truck and she got to the door but some people came and took her away. She was crying so bad it broke my heart. I actually held onto her but they got her.”

People were visibly shocked at witnessing such a display of bravado by the ailing actress.

To date, no one has been able to escape the Scatology cult which was formed over thirty years ago by a man who claimed that he was in touch with aliens that live in toilet bowls called Klingons and Dingleberries.

The Church of Scatology also has offices all over the world and is always expanding its faecal matter.

The actress, Katie Holmes who is married to famous actor Tom Cruise, has not been heard of for the past three days and many in Hollywood fear she is having to undergo re-education in Scatology Toilet Laws, an extreme Church of Scatology program that involves hourly colonics and enemas.

Uncovered Photos of Obama’s Secret Seventies Disco Funk Past

by Mr. Charrington
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Uncovered Photos of Obama’s Secret Seventies Disco Funk Past

Barack Hussein Obama was the king of disco. When he took the floor during the hot summer of 1977 in the sweaty dance venues of New York City he burned up the dance floor like a man possessed.

“I remember Barack. I mean who could forget this cat, he was dumping quaalude and blow like it was candy. He could dance for three days non-stop and still look like a million bucks. We called him ‘The Kid’ because he was so young. His costumes were outrageous as well and he would sometimes have three or four young men hanging round him at a time such was his prowess. I can’t believe he’s president now, the kid is now President of the United States of motherfuggin’ A,” Arnold DeWinter, a bus boy who worked at Studio 54 recounted.

 

Imagine the lights and the disco balls gleaming, the sweaty bodies of a thousand debauched revellers getting down and ‘doin’ the hustle’.

 

Chocolate City

“It was like the Mothership done landed in New York city right there in 1977. Barack would blow disco jiving revellers away with his dance moves and his wacky fashions that would make even members of Parliament look twice. I mean the guy could do the Freak and he was one of the dudes who inspired Nile Rodgers man…Barack was right there that night when Chic was refused entry to Studio 54. He went back to their loft apartment in Manhattan and that’s where they snorted some long lines and wrote Le Freak. He never got credited though,” Jonty McMahon, a Studio 54 regular recalled.

The pictures of Barack in one of his costumes is being released for the first time and is causing a media storm all over the internet and international press.

 

Obama photographed posing for pictures in Central Park, New York, 1977

“These pictures sure bring a new slant to Barack Obama. The guy is seen as some kind of superhuman magic man who can walk on water. Well, he looks pretty human in these photos. I don’t think even Michael knows about these and I’m sure Barack is going to get a clip round the ear for never telling her about his real past,” Joel Ephrahim of JCW PR in Washington said after seeing the images.

The incoming President of the United States seems to have a few skeletons in his closet, and that’s not including some outfits that would make even Bootsy Collins blush.

Israeli Blitzkrieg Bombs Gaza Rubble into Smaller Pieces of Rubble

by Mr. Charrington
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7
Israeli Blitzkrieg Bombs Gaza Rubble into Smaller Pieces of Rubble

The Israeli honoratioren have decided to bomb Gaza’s plentiful rubble pile into smaller pieces again.

Commandant Mosher Treblinka told CNN news: “This is a friedenssturm, a blitzkrieg on the rubble in Gaza resulting in a holocaust of huge proportions. We felt that their piles of rubble were too large so we decided to bomb them into even smaller pieces of rubble. I have also ordered the Panzergruppen from the East, South and West to attack tomorrow so they can blow up even more pieces of rubble. We will crush the Gaza rubble into dust under our Panzers. It is our erbhöfe that we pummel these rocks into dust.”

Israeli Verfügungstruppe officers and the awaiting Arbeitnehmerschaft will then be mobilised once the incursion is completed and all the remaining rubble that has escaped being crushed will be sealed and returned to Israel where it will be crushed into fine dust by industrial machinery.

Unsere Ehre heisst Treue

“How dare they have big pieces of rubble in Gaza. This is a disgrace. We will set up more camps for the displaced untermenschen away from our populations and without any decent amenities or essentials like food or water. It is imperative that they are left to die whilst we guzzle our plentiful food and water supplies. The untermenschen are an unzuverlässige elemente and should be approached with extreme caution,” the commandant added.

Later on in the day during the prolonged carpet bombing of the Gaza dust and rubble there was a brief moment of rest so that the head of the Israeli army could address the people and bring volksgemeinschaft to the nation.

Woolworths Consigned to the Bargain Bucket of Recession Britain

by Mr. Charrington
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Woolworths Consigned to the Bargain Bucket of Recession Britain

“I’ve been pilfering sweets from the pick’n’mix counter since I was a lil bairn,” Lee Chavvard from Maidenhead revealed.

As he sifts through the closing down sale he stuffs a few Robbie Williams cd’s from the bargain bucket into his tracksuit bottoms.

The closing down sales have attracted dedicated shoplifters from all over the country for one last nostalgic stealing session.

Ryan, 11, has been stealing from Woolworths since he was two years old: “The first thing I ever nicked was a pack of mars bars and a bouncy ball, my mum taught me how to do it and we would go there every week for many years.”

Shoplifters from all over the UK congregated outside the Woolworths flagship store and conducted a silent candle lit vigil yesterday. As a gesture of appreciation to Woolworths they converged on the store and cleaned it out completely, including the light fixtures and shelving units.

“I’ve still got a tear in me eye, it’s bloody heartbreaking it is. I’ve been stealing from this store for thirty long years. I’ve got nowhere else to go now,” a tearful Beryl Tweedy from Slough told the Daily Squib.

Internet Thoughtcrimes and Free Speech Will Be Punished

by Mr. Charrington
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Internet Thoughtcrimes and Free Speech Will Be Punished

The Commissar for Culture and Thoughtcrime describes the spectre of free speech and democracy rampant within the Un-Sovietized Internet as “quite a dangerous place” and says he wants internet-service providers (ISPs) to clamp down further on web services.

“Our state should be modelled on the wonderful freedoms espoused by the Chinese Soviet state. We have taken notes and are speaking with our Chinese comrades on how  we can clamp down on free-speech globally. Free speech is the enemy of the people. The state  is an entity that should enforce all human behaviour and control all thoughts at all times,” Commissar Burnham added whilst addressing the Westminster Duma.

Any citizen involved in anything as nefarious as free-speech will be visited by Stasi officers and taken to a gulag for a forty two year minimum sentence.

Re-education programs will also be available for all citizens who are caught utilising free speech or free thought.

The Soviet British state will not be denied from any arena and the internet, which is a dangerous tool of freedom, will now be completely taken over by the great Soviet state.

Our great supreme unelected commander in chief, Comrade Brown is itching to put the final  nails in the coffin of all humanity and will not be denied at all costs.

Commissar Burnham finished off his speech with some truly Soviet words: “There is content that should just not be available to be viewed on the internet. That is my view. Absolutely categorical. This is a campaign against free speech, you can believe that it must be stamped out  completely once and for all. We are also conversing with Comrade Obama in sector 34 and his New American Soviet administration are ready to draw up international rules for English language websites.”

There will also be an Un-Sovietized book burning ceremony in all libraries across Soviet Britain starting from tomorrow. Any proles or party officials caught with any non-Sovietized literature will simply disappear. Citizens are urged to report any suspicious behaviour from anyone  including family members.

Special commendation must go to Roger Pearson, 12, of sector 36b who reported his own mother for reading a poetry book by the un-Sovietized dangerous slime, Keats. Mrs Julie Pearson, 36, has been re-assigned to a gulag somewhere in Northern Britain for re-education.

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