Reg Arbunkle, 87, who died yesterday is to get a full military state funeral and honoured in the media for his bravery and service to the country in the D-Day landings of Normandy during World War II.

“Reg was only a young lad but he was very brave. He came off those boats while all his comrades were being shot to pieces and he somehow got up the beach to secure a German machine gun post. It took him nearly eight hours to go less than 100 metres but he did it. Out of everyone from his regiment only six people survived of which he was the last one who passed away yesterday,” historian, Mark Graham, told the Sunday Times magazine.

It is the bravery of men like Reg Arbunkle who secured our freedom from the Nazis on the 6th June 1944 that should never be forgotten.

The Sun newspaper and OK magazine, including other media outlets, were said to be preparing for special tribute issues to commemorate Mr Arbunkle’s bravery as well as all those brave soldiers who died in the service of their country.

“The D-Day landings were some of the most brutal military operations in all of history. Young men were simply picked off by the German machineguns as they came off the landing craft. The sea was blood red as many succumbed to the hail of bullets. These are the true brave warriors who fought and died to beat the German Nazi-regime,” Mr Graham added.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown will also make an address later on today to the fallen of the D-Day landings as well as those who still survive.

The man was said to be distraught after being told about what is going on at the moment.

Mr Fandango who was being cared for at Los Angeles’ UCLA hospital, was said to be inconsolable after reading a daily newspaper.

“I just woke up from a long term coma to see that the president is black, Michael Jackson is white and Arnold Schwarzanegger is the governor of California. I even read that Hillary Clinton is Secretary of State?” an agitated and shocked Mr Fandango told the LA Times.

Mr Fandango is now speaking to lawyers so that he can sue the hospital for “irreparable mental trauma” caused by the cessation of his coma.

“We have reason to believe that Mr Fandango may have inadvertently been woken up by a cleaner who accidentally bumped the bed. He has instructed us to present an injunction to the hospital in question for the breach of his human rights resulting in severe mental trauma,” Larry Silverstein Jnr. the attorney in charge of the case told reporters.

Hospital administrators, however, are at a loss as what to do next.

“You can’t just put someone back into a coma. Although, I do have an idea. Maybe we can make him watch 15 minutes of that British prime minister’s speeches. What’s the guy’s name? Yes, Gordon Brown. Hell, Mr Fandango would soon be back in his comatose state in no time and we would avert a multi-million dollar lawsuit,” the hospital’s chief administrator, Bud Dwyer M.D. said.

Sharing a cell with another thief, Bernie Madoff has already settled into his 7 1/2 by 8 foot cell in the Metropolitan Correctional Center.

‘He’s settled in good. Bernie already has a prison ponzi scheme setup with cigarettes. I think the deal is everyone gives him some cigarettes to look after but instead of making more cigarettes he smokes the lot and gives a few out to a few choice people at the top of the pyramid. If the big boys catch on, Bernie’s going to have his balls served up on a dish,” Al ‘Carbone’ Tagliatelle, one of the inmates told the New York Times.

Dealing in cigarettes and other contraband is highly illegal in the prison and if caught an inmate can land himself in solitary confinement for weeks at a time.

The prison’s governor is said to be a person who does not like being taken for a ride: “If I find that Bernie Madoff is dealing in smokes or anything there will be hell to pay. He can swindle all the Jews he wants out of prison but anyone in here that gets swindled gets to share a cell with Bernie and we put a big jar of vaseline in the cell too. We also got about 80% of mafia inmates here who have somewhere along the line been burnt by Madoff, some even lost millions. It’s only going to be a matter of time before they make the right moves.”

There’s no more East side duplex with leisurely brunches, champagne lunches or lavish dinners at New York’s best eateries. From now on Bernie Madoff is going to be eating mush while trading cigarettes and trying to stay alive.

“The communal showers is where new boys get to learn about the system here. Bernie’s got some blubber on him and some of the boys like chubsters because they got tits like bitches. He gonna make someone very happy that’s for sure,” Tagliatelle added.