Supreme Russian leader Vladimir Putin has made an address to the Russian people about the Wagner Group army of mercenaries and convicts marching towards Moscow to hang him.
“There is nothing to see here, folks. The Russian army and people are totally behind me for sending their men to certain death in the meat grinder of Ukraine. While Wagner boss, Yevgeny Prigozhin has been visiting the graves of those who gave their lives needlessly for nothing, and garnering respect with the people, military and FSB hierarchy, I have done nothing apart from hide away in my bunker counting the billions of dollars I have stolen from the Russian people and economy. When the Wagner Group march into the Kremlin and everyone applauds them, I will be whisked away to an undisclosed location, or maybe they will put me out of my misery seeing as I have ruined Russia with my insane tinpot invasions of other sovereign territory.”
Behind the scenes, many operatives in the FSB are standing down, as is the Russian army as the Wagner group convoy readies for a Moscow move.
The cure it seems is worse than the medicine, as one nutter seeks to take over from another nutter.
We can only dream of Putin’s Armani suited body swinging from a rope over Red Square, whether the dream materialises or not, the delightful thought is still thoroughly pleasing.
When a block of regular cheddar cheese is now £6.90 in the shops, and a loaf of bread £3.50, it is no wonder that many Britons are resorting to shoplifting from supermarkets and shops. The cost of living in the UK is now at insane levels, therefore looting and stealing from shops is a daily activity for many.
Bankrupt Britain
The Bank of England’s irresponsible mismanagement of the economy led by turnip head BofE governor Andrew Bailey (salary:£672,000/year), who recently put interest rates up by 5%, has further impoverished the population. This has led to formerly law-abiding citizens to turn to crime simply to feed themselves and their families.
“You walk in, take what you want, then calmly walk out without paying. The police do not care, because everyone’s doing it now. If I need anything, I just get it,” a grandmother in Anglesey, told the Sun.
Free for all
According to many new shoplifters, the cashiers are often sympathetic and let them go on their way without saying anything.
“I’ve got a whole bag of cheddar here. Cost me nothing. I’ll give some to folks in my area, or sell some. I only go for the big price items, like cheddar and olive oil,” a council worker from Berkshire revealed.
You may have three jobs, but it’s still not enough to live in a country that is now unliveable.
Julie, a mother of six from Wythenshawe, Manchester, regularly steals from shops just to survive.
“The rent payments take everything, so I now steal just to feed my family. I look at the greasy piece of shit Rishi Sunak and want to vomit,” the librarian exclaimed.
Treasury Chancellor of the Exchequer, Jeremy Hunt, told families on Friday whilst giggling like a deranged hyena: “People need to eat less or do not eat at all. Forget about ever going on a holiday ever again, and walk everywhere. Sell your car. You must enjoy your poverty, because this is the future for Britain. After I am done with you lot, you will either be dead or barely fucking alive. This’ll teach you to vote for Brexit! Scum!”
Shoplifting is now a normal pursuit for many in Britain, and is accepted fully by many people.
“You can’t get arrested even if you try. I mean, I walked out of my local shop with my hands full of stuff and bumped into a copper. He smiled, and said I dropped a block of cheddar. He handed it to me, and told me to get on my way,” a maths teacher from Solihull revealed.
Daily Squib Notice
We are in no way condoning any of the actions of shoplifters or looters, we are simply reporting what is going on currently in the UK.
Schools are now having to install kitty litter boxes in classrooms, as well as scratching posts for pupils who identify as cats. Some pupils also demand that they are allowed to sleep during classes, simply because that’s what cats do all the time.
Katharine Bhenchod cautioned that adult authority ‘is long gone’ as more woke children are being allowed to identify as animals and objects in school.
It comes after an 8-year-old girl was branded ‘despicable’ by her teacher for rejecting her classmate’s claim that he ‘identified’ as a toilet cleaning brush.
The ‘dumb headmistress’ and founder of the Panchod Salaa Community free school in Wembley, London, made the comments during a speech at NatCon last month.
Dubbed Britain’s dumbest head, she warned that parents have ‘no idea just had bad things are in schools’.
She said: “Do you know that some kids identify as pussycats?”
Britain’s most idiotic headteacher Katharine Bhenchod claims there are more cases of pupils identifying as other species as parents and teachers cave in to woke demands.
“Even though I am supposedly the headteacher, I have no authority over anything that goes on in my own school, and because I have been forced to be woke myself, I cannot do or say anything. In fact, I might as well identify as a lamp post or something because everyone ignores me,” Ms Bhenchod moaned.
Britain’s weakest headteacher Katharine Bhenchod claims there are more cases of pupils identifying as other species as parents and teachers cave in to woke demands.
“We have one boy who identifies as a skunk. He says it is his non-binary right to fart in people’s faces if he is scared. Another pupil, Alison, identifies as a stick insect and stays still in one position for hours. So far, she has missed twelve classes this week alone, because she freezes in position in random areas around the school.”
On Tuesday, during a maths class, one pupil who identifies as an octopus squirted black ink over the entire classroom simply because he said he was very scared of quadratic equations. The teacher could do nothing and everyone just sat there for the entire class soaked in black ink.
Julie Armshaw, 15, is a pupil at the school who identifies as a ‘radiator’. She now refuses to speak and only makes a creaking sound once in a while. During classes, she stands in the corner and spreads her arms and legs onto a wall.
Because being woke is celebrated throughout the entire school system, there is nothing anyone can do to stop it all. Oink, miaow, moo.
Wokeville elementary school has awarded a pupil in year eight an award for being the Woke Student of the Year. Tommy Wu, who attends the school, identifies as a toilet brush. The gender inclusive school is a woke academy where the classrooms are adorned with gay rainbows and children are encouraged to explore anal sex and transgenderism.
Things are not always so rosy however at the school, especially when another pupil in Tommy’s class was not happy that ze identified as a toilet brush. The teacher of the class intervened and castigated the ‘young human with a womb’ for daring to question Tommy’s gender as a toilet brush. Tommy also goes by the pronouns: “plop, plap, splash” and sometimes “zees”.
“He goes to our toilets and sticks his head in the bowl, cleaning the poo off the sides. I personally find it disgusting,” Sarah Abbyorshun, told the teacher.
“How dare you misgender and question our Tommy Toilet Brush? You are a despicable bigoted ‘young human with a womb’ . Go to Ms Simmons’ office now, and I shall see to it that you are suspended from school,” the woke teacher wailed.
“Yes, Tommy is a bit smelly, but that’s “plop’s” gender affirmative inclusive progressive woke right to identify as a toilet brush. “Plop” is actually doing us a service here, I mean have you ever seen our toilets as clean as this?” the teacher added in class.
Tommy nodded zees toilet brush head in agreement, and a large piece of poo which was still stuck to the brush unlatched itself and flew across the room, entering the teacher’s open mouth avec un little plop sound.
In the US inflation is 4.7%, in the EU zone it is 6.2%, and in the UK it is 8.7%. Thanks to the Bank of England, and their idiotic 12 interest rate rises as well as their gross mismanagement of the entire debacle, the UK is an interest rate disaster which will resemble Zimbabwe or the Weimar Republic soon.
A loaf of bread in Berlin that cost around 160 Marks at the end of 1922 cost 200,000,000,000 Marks by late 1923.
By November 1923, one US dollar was worth 4,210,500,000,000 German marks
The UK stupidly imports 90% of its food, simply because little or nothing is grown here. Pretty much nothing is manufactured in the UK anymore adding to the malaise, as many British companies have been sold off to foreign buyers in the past.
Soon, inflation and the devaluation of the pound will mean people will be buying a loaf of fucking bread with a wheelbarrow of worthless pound notes.
As the remainers take over the asylum, Britain is now doomed to an inflationary nightmare of exponential, horrific rises. If there were this level of inflation in France, they would be rioting in the streets. It’s a good thing the British are so pliant and take their just punishments without so much as a whimper.
All of this while Britain is sitting on trillions of pounds of gas and oil reserves that no one can get to because the pathetic anti-fracking mob are in charge.
There are a lot of things a billionaire can do — but getting into a tin pot mini submarine tomb and visiting the Titanic 15,000 feet under fucking water should not be one of them.
The billionaire paid $200,000 each for him and his son to dive down into the pitch black freezing muddy depths in a tomb with just a few zip-lock bags as a toilet. With no food, or fresh water, and a very limited supply of oxygen, this type of tourism is totally suicidal.
“Imagine when the air finally runs out. Yowzers. That is some scary ass shit,” one guy who saw the footage quipped.
As of yet, there have been no attempts to rescue the submarine, and the US Navy mini sub can only reach 2,000 feet.
The submarine’s oxygen supply is set to run out on Thursday. R.I.P.
Joe Biden, in a remarkable admission, is to have a brain implant with an AI Chat GPT microchip interface.
The announcement was made on Tuesday from the White House press room. According to the press release, Biden will be able to speak without slurring his speech, and even be able to string a coherent sentence together when the device is implanted deep into his brain.
“Joe Biden does not have much of a brain left, however we would be able to implant the microchip interface into what was left of the brain tissue. The only problem is that if there is no Wi-Fi around, he will be plain old Joe again. In other words, the guy with no brain,” one of the senior programmers on the project revealed.
The new brain augmentation procedure is a revolutionary form of technology that supposedly enhances intelligence by linking the brain to AI computers.
A White House spokesman revealed how it will affect Joe.
“We will have no need for clunky teleprompter machines everywhere and at all times. Joe has to use teleprompters at home as well because he does not have a thought of his own. As for Obama, who dictates everything Joe says and does every day, he will be able to relax a bit more and not dictate to Joe all the transgender gay policies etc., because the AI will take care of it all.”
Another great use for Biden after the brain chip procedure will be as a walking talking encyclopedia, AI assistant.
“Sure, next time you roll up next to Joe, ask him any question, like ‘Can you describe the exotic mating habits of the Gryllotalpa africana, and how it hides itself? Write a 1,200-word essay on this creature for my school science report’ and don’t forget to give old Joe a pen and paper, so he writes it all out for you, just like a printer.”
How to kill off an economy in one fell swoop? The Bank of England is doing a great job in not only killing off companies already struggling under mountains of debt, but causing massive mortgage defaults for ordinary working Britons. By increasing the interest rates again, many households across Britain will be made homeless thanks to the BofE.
With the constant exponential rise in living costs and interest rates, it is a certainty that at some point, there will be a breaking point in the economy, simply because none of the excessive measures taken by the BofE will alleviate an already faltering economy.
Instead of boosting and invigorating the economy by lowering interest rates and lowering taxation, which would accelerate and increase GDP, the BofE is utilising a scorched earth policy which will take the economy off the cliff. Add in factors like the sinking value of the Pound, soaring utility and food costs, and it does not take a genius to see the writing on the wall spelling — DEATH.
There is no way out now, as the damage has already been done. Millions of households will default on their mortgage payments, and millions of businesses will go bankrupt. All of this damage was self-inflicted, much of it by former Chancellor Sunak who spent profligately during the lockdown. As of today, much of the taxpayer’s £21 billion lost to fraud during the lockdown has not been recovered or will ever be recouped.
The coming maelstrom will not be a recession, but a Great Depression. Britain can thus expect not only economic devastation but civil unrest and an increase in crime.
As the rest of the world is seemingly forced into the Net Zero initiative and are supposedly cutting back on waste and fossil fuels, China is completely ignorant to these silly Western initiatives that make little or no difference. China is the biggest polluter on the planet, and is daily building 100s of coal powered power plants to keep up with the factory orders coming from the West.
If everyone in the West disappeared tomorrow, it would make no difference to global pollution because China would be spitting out their poison into the atmosphere anyway. Net Zero makes no difference, and no amount of environmental initiatives will work, simply because China exists.
Bicycle sharing, known as one of China’s “New Four Major Inventions” originated during a period of mass entrepreneurship and innovation. In May 2015, the first dockless shared bicycles were introduced on the campus of Peking University.
The concept behind bicycle sharing, “Green Travel” and solving the “Last Mile” problem was widely welcomed. In just over two years, more than 70 shared bicycle companies had sprung up. Around 27 million shared bicycles had been deployed to major cities, with distinct colours to differentiate the brands.
Soon, shared bicycles began to overwhelm public spaces in cities. Originally, the government was laissez-faire about the cluttered streets and even encouraged bicycle sharing. They did not realize the seriousness of the issue until September 2017 when the government started to limit the number of bicycles deployed and placing excess bicycles in temporary locations. Such hidden locations are hard to be found in cities and have earned the name “shared bicycle graveyard”. Many shared bicycle companies have therefore closed down, leaving only a few companies still operating.
Billions of Chinese Yuan of user deposits cannot be refunded, and shared bicycles costing tens of billions of Yuan are abandoned and become urban garbage. Since January 2018, the photographer has travelled throughout the country to multiple cities that have been occupied by shared bicycles. He has visited more than 50 shared bicycle cemeteries, using aerial photography, local shooting, VR, video, audio and other multimedia methods to record this social wonder.
On the morning of July 26, 2018, Sohu.com launched these photos and videos, which immediately triggered the crazy forwarding of Chinese and foreign media. The number of hits on the Internet was hundreds of millions of people. Thousands of citizens posted comments on the Internet, and it became a phenomenon level of propagation events. In a mess after the storm, people start to think about various deep-seated problems in the development model driven by China’s current capital interests.
As capital is withdrawn from the shared-bike industry, the much-disputed graveyards of shared bikes have also disappeared as if they had never existed. However, the bloodthirsty nature of capital decides that it will never be stopped.
In 2019, another graveyards made up with shared cars and network cars appeared. Thousands of shared cars and network cars were deserted on various temporary parking sites, waiting to be removed or declared worthless. The brands concerned included Geely, Beiqi, Didi, Meituan and Caocao Travel.
The reasons behind this were the government’s intensified efforts in controlling the motor vehicle market, the drivers, difficulty in earning money brought by the operators, cancelling of subsidies, and the elimination of green energy powered cars launched in the early stages due to malfunction.
While at the same time, bigger capital holders such as FAW, Dongfeng Motor, Changan Motor, Tencent, Alibaba and Suning are itching to try their hands in the field. Maybe another artificial landscape made by the excessive capital flows is just on the way.
Wow! Rarely do we see a confirmation of a previous Squib story more than a recent admission by a Spotify executive that the Duke and Duchess of Sussex successfully completed a grifter mission on the music company.
We were talking about how these dumb executives had been duped over two years ago, but of course no one listened. Who listens to the Squib, eh?
Everything we write has no element of truth in it, simply because real satire in this day and age is not taken seriously or appreciated in any way.
Please ignore everything we write, there is nothing to see here, we cannot foresee the future, we are not right about 99.99% of the fucking time, are we…?
