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Murdoch: "I Have Permanent Amnesia"

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“I have no recollection of anything in anyway or know why anything happened or if it ever happened in the first place, or what it is. I do not know about what you are talking about, or the questions you ask me. What did you say? I do not remember who, what, where about anything or anyone and neither does my amnesiac father Rupert, whoever he is,” James Murdoch, the CEO of News International, told a Commons hearing yesterday.

Members of News International were recalled to answer questions about the hacking scandal and how former News International reporter, Clive Goodman had confessed that everyone openly discussed hacking phones.

Mr Murdoch was seen to hand over a doctor’s note to the front bench of MPs detailing his newly acquired illness.

“We understand that you have a permanent case of amnesia, very similar to the type of amnesia which has overcome your underlings, Rebekah Brooks and Andy Coulson. Maybe it is a contagious disease,” MP for Withenshaw, Jeremy Khunt, who was interviewing the News International hierarchy, said before being handed a brown paper envelope thick with freshly minted notes.

Cameron: "Rioting Teens Should Have Morals of Politicians"

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Speaking at a youth centre in Dalston, North London which will close permanently due to cuts in two weeks time, the PM said: “We are in a broken society. The rioting youth have lost their moral fabric, that’s why I say they should look to us politicians as a guide and moral compass on how to live their filthy lives with decency and honour.”

As Mr Cameron was heckled by hundreds of youths who started to throw Molotov cocktails at the assembled group of journalists and Number10 aides, riot police were sent in to break up the violent protest.

British politicians are known all over the world for their morality and civilized behaviour – when they’re not in prison, brothels, S&M dungeons, or attending all-expense-paid trips to the Maldives.

Obama to Create Jobs by Hiring More TSA Agents

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“If you want a job, we can have one for you tomorrow. All you got to do is turn up at the airport, put some gloves on, then check some poor bastard’s butt hole,” Obama’s employment czar, Alan Fenster, told CBS.

The TSA employment plan will increase employment figures for the government and ensure that Obama gets a second term.

“With this plan, there will be more employment in America. What you guys complaining about? You got a job now, so go do some work by checking a three year old child’s underpants,” Mr Fenster added.

The TSA is now recruiting all over America, and they hope to create 500,000 new jobs, which will certainly look good on the Obama jobs report when the elections happen in 15 months time.

http://www.tsa.gov/careers/airport-security-careers

Rioters Awarded ASBOs and Praised For Excellent Rioting Skills

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“The boys and girls continued to riot even during adverse conditions with fires burning and police men standing around. They are brave and this is why we have awarded them ASBOs as well as community service trips to Alton Towers,” Judge Letof Dacriminel, told Sky news.

The courts were full all night processing the many cases after the riots had ended.

Councillor Judith Socilistie, told the BBC: “I praise the judges who have awarded these teenagers with Anti Social Order trophies because it will be a badge of honour for them, something they can put on their mantlepiece and show to all of their friends. It is also good news that these disadvantaged souls will also have all their benefits increased by large amounts. The message here is, it is good to riot, please do it again.”

David Cameron’s socialist coalition government were praising the courts yesterday on the swift action taken dealing with the assorted thugs, criminals, chavs, scallies and hooded arseholes.

“I particularly praise the courts who came down soft on these poor downtrodden boys and girls with hard hitting useless words on pieces of court paper. One boy I saw got a day’s community service order, a Kenyan safari trip, two trips to Disney World Paris and an increase in benefits of 40%. That boy must be crying into his stolen Burberry scarf right now I tell you,” a proud looking David Cameron told the House of Commons yesterday.

Think Tank: “Why Compulsory Sterilization Could Solve Britain’s Problems Instantly”

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The uncontrollable feral youths across Britain could all be forced into compulsory sterilization programs, as an effective solution to Britain’s feral population problem.

The Optimum Population Institute, led by Professor Reginald Cartwright proposes that the feral breeding problem could be eradicated within one or two generations, simply by sterilizing the ‘useless eaters’ and burdens on the welfare system. Once the sterilization program is underway, there will be no need for a welfare system ever again, because the feral scum will have been bred out of the gene pool.

“If you need a licence to drive a car, you should have a licence to have kids. These creatures are breeding like rats even though they cannot afford to look after their kids, or even have the sufficient IQ or education to do so. They are a burden on society and are useless, they do not deserve life let alone breeding more low IQ feral sub-humans into the world. By erasing these people from the gene pool, we are simply cleansing the world of these vermin, who cause untold misery to themselves and others purely by being alive,” the study concluded.

At current levels within the socialist system of Britain, social housing has been built amongst residential areas where humans live. Once the sterilization program is implemented, these eyesores on the landscape would be demolished and replaced with parks and open spaces where everyone can relax and enjoy themselves.

The health service would be freed up of dealing with the feral drunks and druggies that inundate its wards constantly, and they could get back to dealing with people who need treatment for real illnesses once again.

Crime would drop remarkably as the thugs would simply not be around any more, of course, there would be sporadic elements here and there but nothing like now.

Prisons would also be half empty and trillions of pounds would be saved on housing criminals.

The think tank also suggests an independent body separate from government to determine the criteria for breeding licences. The body would be a multi-ethnic, classless, non-political body that would prevent any form of racist agenda by supremacists or otherwise. Families would thus be created purely on merit, affluence, education and would only be allowed to breed after a series of rigorous tests.

During the interim period of sterilization, the feral classes would have to be removed from public view and taken to special holding areas offshore, where they will be entertained and fed until they expire of old age.

Within two generations, once the feral chaotic classes have died off, there would be less misery and populations would be happier.

Britain’s resources could once again be sustainable and there would be plenty of wealth, jobs, pensions and healthcare for everyone.

The British taxpayer would thus save trillions of pounds which would otherwise be wasted on nothing.

“With these people alive, they do nothing for society, they are a burden on everything. They cause untold misery to others and themselves by living. The world will be a lot happier without them,” the professor concluded.

If implemented into law, the legislation for mass sterilization of the feral classes could be completed as early as 2017.

Bullingdon Club Boys Caught on the Job Again

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“I thought they were decent enough looking chaps coming to eat in my restaurant, one had a big white mane of hair, kind of scruffy, the other looked like a real piece of work going by the name of Osborne, then there was the boy in the back, Cammo they called him, he seemed polite at first but it was obvious after a few minutes that he was a real poncey shit,” the owner of Tony’s Cafe, in the heart of Tottenham, North London, told the BBC.

According to reports, the rambunctious Bullingdon boys walked into a number of premises, smashed the places up and looted everything. On their way out they were seen dropping a Bullingdon card and a few fifty quid notes to pay for the damage.

The boys wore coat tails and top hats during the vile acts of violence and did not seem phased by the police turning up.

“I thought I’d seen it all, but when I saw those toffee nosed yobbos ruffling through the shops looting and pillaging I realised that we had a real problem on our hands,” chief constable, Plodder, said from the safety of his armoured vehicle.

There are now plans to bring in water cannons to try and thwart the Bullingdon bullies from causing any more outrageous acts of senseless violence, like wrecking the economy, and bullying little defenceless cry babies like non-Etonion, Cleggy.

Arab Spring British Summer Fling

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It’s the final hypocrisy, that the same people who were actively encouraging Arabs to riot against their governments recently, are the ones who are in a very similar mess now and are trying to shut down the same social networks in the U.K.

Britain has always prided itself on freedom of thought and speech, however, thanks to the recent riots, things are about to change drastically.

Already, press freedom in the U.K. has now been limited due to the dalliances of the Murdochite criminals in charge of some nameless newspapers, so the reduction of freedom on the internet will be the next target by the government after the recent riots.

“It’s as if they encouraged these riots so that they could clean up with increasingly draconian laws being brought in. First you create the problem, then you create the public’s reaction, then you come in with the solution,” David Bike, a journalist for the Independent reported in his weekly column.

To create an effective police state one must first have the incidents to create a reaction amongst the fearful public.

“The police would never have a job if there was no crime, just like the doctors if we were all healthy and well. For them to be in business, they need crime and ill health,” a bystander at a recent riot told the BBC.

When you saw the police standing around during the looting, they were doing nothing for a very good reason.

Labour's Children Are Revolting

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Labour’s children have shown that they are dissatisfied; and as wrathful as a venomous vengeful viper that has been ignored for too long in the corner of a filthy council flat, they have lashed out and bitten the hand that feeds them their dead stinking rats.

I hear the Labour-ite mantra coming from the flames and smoking pyres that used to be London, the voice of some piece of shit Labour minister shouting “Education, education, education.”

Of course, whoever uttered those words did not mean one thing about what they said, they never meant education of the masses, they meant dumbing down.

Labour brought in the instant x-factor generation, the benefits culture, the dumbing down of grades and education, financial encouragement of the sub-culture to breed, the creation of the chav culture that has gripped the countries under-class the length and breadth of Britain.

These creatures, created by thirteen long tortuous years of Labour hell, have finally been released from their cages; their dens where they do nothing but play their consoles, smoke drugs and dream about the next pair of trainers they can steal.

The benefits culture which was increased to unprecedented levels by the Labour government has suddenly been taken from under the feet of the sub-human underclass and they are f*cking angry.

“They had thirteen years of Labour giving them disability benefits, unemployment benefits, safari trips, anything these people wanted, and when the new coalition government came along, these things were all reduced because the coffers were empty. Instead, they were told to get a job because Labour had spent all the money. Of course, they will never work. You tell someone who can barely read or write, has no comprehension about anything, to go and work for a living. You’ll be lucky to not get a good kicking. These riots are because the chav and Afro-Caribbean underclass have had their benefits reduced,” a scared Tottenham resident told the Evening Standard.

By day they slink back to their lairs and count their nightly takings on their unholy shopping trips, watched by the powerless police, angry that their gold-plated pensions have been tampered with. They have iPads now and trainers galore, as well as computer games, pilfered booty, they inhale the smoke from their skunk weed and wait until darkness comes again.

The ineffectual corrupt British police have stood by and fanned the flames, only too happy to see the destruction unfold in front of their visored eyes.

“Let this be a lesson to all those in the government who think about cutting our enormous gold-plated pensions and front line services. If you do that, when we have our special Masonic meetings, we arrange for certain things to happen. We will thus stand by and watch you all burn in your homes and businesses. How safe do you feel now? These mobs can flare up anywhere they want, they will take and burn what they want,” a policeman wrote in the Times.

As the blind politically-correct politicians slowly awake from their slumber and their luxury holidays, the rioters continue their unfettered reign, where the only punishment they may receive is a slap on the wrist and an ASBO trophy to put on their booty laden mantle pieces.

London Olympics Posters Unveiled

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“London is ready for the 2012 Olympics and the authorities want to entice athletics fans to the capital from all over the world,” Mayor Boris Johnson said from his luxury villa in the Maldives.

The new posters will showcase the diversity of London’s cosmopolitan streets.

“These posters will be put up on burning double-decker buses, shattered bus stops, and even taxi cabs gutted by fire bombs,” a British Olympic official told the BBC.

Athletes who will compete in the Olympics were also enthusiastic about the new posters.

Andy Molotov, a Triathlon athlete said: “As you can see from the posters, there is a lot of fire there to make the olympics in the U.K. heat up and explode with success.”

Chav Hoodie Christmas in the U.K.

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EVERYTHING MUST GO

“I need a new plasma TV. I just went and got one. Innit,” one of the looters told Sky news.

The Daily Squib predicted that the U.S. style flash mob robberies would start soon in the U.K. and it seems we were right on the money.

The disenfranchised hoodies, chavs have all come out of their cages and been let out onto the streets.

Flash mob robberies and flash riots are very effective ways of creating chaos.

David Cameron, who was enjoying a pizza in a Tuscan trattoria said today: “I just enjoyed a wonderful Margherita pizza with my wife, and we are now going for a walk in the piazza, maybe enjoy a glass of Chianti in a bar, then go back to our luxury villa and have a midnight dip in the pool.”

CLOSING DOWN SALE

“It’s like Christmas, New Year and Hanukkah all rolled into one as the police are completely powerless against these flash mob robberies. The chavs use their mobile phones to mobilise in different areas where the rozzers aren’t, then move on again. It’s just a massive free for all shopping spree,” a local resident of Enfield, told the BBC.

Another local resident said: “This is the problem with building social housing amongst residential areas where people live. It means that there is a constant threat that the animals will get restless and run riot. It’s the ‘gibs me’ culture, where they think everything is owed to them. These are untermenschen, brainwashed by rap culture and they should all be housed in their own enclaves away from civilised human beings.”