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Woman Arrested For Racist Rants on Underground

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Woman Arrested For Racist Rants on Underground

The woman who attended Snaresbrook crown court today has refuted calls of racism because she was simply reading out excerpts from a daily newspaper which is readily available on news stands the length and breadth of Britain.

According to reports, the woman was seated in one of the underground carriages passing through Finsbury Park on the Victoria line when she flew into a rage and started calling people p@kis, ni@@ers and Muslims and other racist words before telling everyone in the carriage to go back home.

“After we arrested the woman and took her to the station, she simply took out a copy of the Daily Mail newspaper and continued to read it out aloud. We then warned the defendant that anything she said could be used against her in a court of law and after hearing her reciting even more racist language from the newspaper we arrested her for a second time. The woman kept on reading the offensive material until we took the copy of the Daily Mail away from her and passed it around all the officers inside the police station,” PC Bill Plebb, told the Daily Mail newspaper.

The case is currently ongoing.

Comrade Obama Tells Comrade Cameron to Toe EU Line

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Comrade Obama Tells Comrade Cameron to Toe EU Line

“As I am bringing the collectivist soviet system to the former United States, I want you to do the same in the former United Kingdom and accept complete surrender to the EU soviet state. I get my orders from China, you get your orders from me and the EU. Once I have destroyed America from the inside, then there will be full integration of the one world government and economy,” Comrade Obama told Comrade Cameron yesterday during a conference call.

You Will Not Have EU Referendum

As a result of this communique there have been a number of articles from the controlled press decrying any movement away from the EU by the UK. The articles have all appeared in different publications from different sources all spewing out the same pro-EU propaganda that the people will naturally ingest without question.

“The EU is a key tool in total assimilation wherein it takes nation states, strips them of all sovereignty and destroys all freedom, individuality and democracy. It then spits out the country as a base shell moulded as an EU sector. The EU is a totalitarian state which will soon reveal itself as the Fourth Reich mixed up in an East German Stasi soup. The horrific nature of the EU is one of complete subjugation to a system that will bring tyranny to millions of people within its borders, as the controls will be drip fed slowly until there is no freedom left for its imprisoned populations,” an anti-EU supporter said on a BBC website bulletin board, before being deleted.

When the goose stepping EU soldiers are marching through British streets, maybe then some people may wake up to the EU threat. Until then, do carry on watching your Come Dancing and forget about what is really going on.

Remember how long it took people to listen to Churchill about the Nazi threat before World War II started, and you can see the exact same thing is happening now as the EU is gaining strength and assimilating more and more countries with its economic might, soon to be military might as well.

U.S. Federal Reserve Minting Trillion Dollar Coins to End Deficit

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“If the U.S. deficit is $17 trillion, then we will simply mint eighteen one trillion dollar coins. Once we have minted those coins, the U.S. deficit will be gone and we will have a trillion dollar surplus. Abracadabra, hocus pocus, and that will be that — we can then get back to spending more money we conjure up from thin air,” Timothy Franz Geithner, the U.S. Secretary of the Treasury told reporters at the Federal Reserve on Wednesday.

Some bankers are even suggesting minting one $25 trillion coin.

“It would only be as big as a penny but it would be worth a heck of a lot more. It would weigh approximately 43 grams and one thing’s for sure, you do not want to lose that thing behind the sofa or try to cash it,” another U.S. Treasury worker revealed.

Alex Jones Receives Coveted Order of the Alamo Award

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Alex Jones Receives Coveted Order of the Alamo Award

British news hacker reject and certified smarmy shit-stirrer, Piers Moron has received a bloody nose, ego and soul after being battered by the indomitable Texan free spirit and Infowars.com pioneer, Alex Jones, on Moron’s low-rated CNN show.

“Since that Brit took over from Larry King, ratings have hit the floor. We did however notice a major spike the other day when he got five shades of shit kicked out of him by Alex. I’m the series producer and even I was salivating at the sheer beauty of it all,” Arnold Weisman, series producer of CNN’s Piers Moron Tonight show revealed yesterday.

Alex Jones will receive the Alamo award tomorrow at Texas’s Alamo and he is also slated for the Freedom Award, Liberty Award and True American award.

“Over here, we are fighting for freedom from tyranny. Our once great nation has become a festering Big Brother police state and one day its true owners will rise up and take it back from the criminals and miscreants who are running it to the ground. God Bless the real America, not the America these other people are presenting to us,” Alex Jones said from the Alamo.

Yeehah!

Americans need more of that Alex Jones Alamo spirit. Wake the fuck up!

Obama: “U.S. Can Pay Debt By Borrowing More”

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Obama: “U.S. Can Pay Debt By Borrowing More”

“We just need to keep raising the debt ceiling until the next time and then I’ll leave a great legacy for you and your children and grandchildren,” Obama said.

When Britain’s lunatic socialist former prime minister left office in 2010 he left the UK in £7.9 trillion of debt; and when he was Chancellor in January 1999, he saw fit to sell off 60% of the UK’s gold reserves at the bottom of the market. It certainly looks like Obama is taking a page out of Brown’s book of socialist economics.

“It’s like you got a credit card but you don’t pay anything off, you just keep adding more debt. It does not matter that the U.S. has a fiat currency, sooner or later hyperinflation will rear its ugly head. One must look at the Weimar Republic to see what happened to Germany when they printed money. Soon Americans will be filling suitcases of worthless dollars to pay for a loaf of bread. Obama can carry on printing as much money as he wants it does not mean a thing to the debt apart from sealing the death of the dollar currency. The U.S government cannot fulfil its debts even on social security bills let alone servicing the interest on its massive debt, and since losing its AAA rating, don’t forget that the cost of servicing that very debt went up. I ain’t trying to scare you folks, I’m trying to put the fear of frickin’ God, Jesus, Mohammed and Krishna in you. Wake up folks, this ain’t some kind of $23 million Obama vacation, this is reality. Unless someone starts paying off some of this debt soon, we’re going down the pan, and that can be a one way ticket for America if it’s real bad,” an economist on Capitol Hill said on Friday.

One must also consider the fact that there cannot be a fully functioning one world currency/government if the U.S. dollar is still around, therefore this is why it is being systematically destroyed by Obama as he has been ordered to by his masters.

Turkish Robot Makes Kebabs and Hummus

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Turkish Robot Makes Kebabs and Hummus

“This robot is amazing. Any type of kebab you want, it will make for you in five minutes. It can also make a piping hot Turkish coffee after your meal and it plays a mean game of backgammon too. The only thing it won’t do is slap your woman if she says something you don’t like, but we’re getting around to that,” Professor Ismail Mustafa, chief scientist at the University’s cybernetics division told Turkey’s Hurriyet newspaper.

The robot also has speakers on each side of its body that can play Turkish music at over 300 db so that it distorts beyond recognition.

“The music has to be the most annoying ding ding music you ever heard with wailing weirdly upbeat Arabesque yet melancholy choruses and instruments that sound like they were recorded forty years ago,” Professor Mustafa added.

The Professor has also spoken of his wish that the robot will eventually be programmed to perform the traditional Turkish ritual of male circumcision (sünnet) but this will be a facility only on later models.

“We are still working on a few prototypes on the circumcision programming because the testing was not so good. It just chopped the whole thing off and that’s something we do not want.”

The robot is also adorned with garish crude Turkish graphics and can also be clothed in a cheap brown suit with flared trousers on summer days.

One thing this robot does not take is a joke though.

“Don’t try to joke with the robot or make fun of it. Just like most Turks, it has little or no sense of humour. Just take the chilli sauce and the doner kebab and shut the f*ck up. Oh, and I forgot to tell you, do not in any circumstance speak in front of the robot that you are a Galatasaray fan, Manchester United or Leeds, or any other European team. You might get a firework stuffed up your rear. The robot is only programmed for Fenerbahce,” another scientist on the project warned.

There is one drawback, if the robot is rolled out across Turkey, it could mean many people could be made redundant, however the Ministry of Commerce has given the green light for the novel robots to be manufactured by the year 2019.

The Turkish robots cost over 450 million Lire (£3,600) to make and were part funded by the Istanbul Federation of Kebab Shops and Turkey’s Ministry of Commerce.

Britons Starting to Get Gills Say Biologists

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Britons Starting to Get Gills Say Biologists

“We’re seeing more people developing gills on the side of their necks and webbed feet,” Henry Fistleplath, a biologist who has been studying the British population’s adaptation to the wet climate, revealed to the BBC yesterday

Thousands of Britons are now sprouting gills and are more at home in a wet puddle than inside their hovels getting bladdered on cheap supermarket booze.

“I used to get my dole money on the Tuesday, then straight down Aldi for some cartons of cheap wine but now I go to the High Street and sit in one of those massive puddles and swish around there. I can’t control meself (sic),” Ian McCorrie, 27, an unemployed man from Grimsby who has amazingly sprouted some gills and webbed feet, revealed to Newsnight.

The gills allow the former humans to breathe under water but because they still have noses they can still breathe above water as well.

“If you want to swim to the shops it’s OK, then once you’re done you get out of the water and flush your gills out and you can be above dry land then,” another gilled Briton, Mary Ruskens, 43, told the Sun newspaper.

It has been raining constantly in the British Isles since September 2012 and there does not appear to be any sign of the rain stopping the Met office has said.

Cristina Kirchner Agrees to Give Back Argentina to Indigenous People

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Cristina Kirchner Agrees to Give Back Argentina to Indigenous People

An emotional Cristina Kirchner agreed to the handover two weeks ago: “Four hundred and thirty three years ago on this same date, January 3rd, in a blatant exercise of 16th century colonialism, the indigenous people were forcibly stripped of their land by the Spanish conquistadors, who travelled 14,000 km (8,700 miles) from Spain.

“The native South American Indians were expelled or systematically killed by the Spanish and Spain subsequently began a population implantation process similar to that applied to other territories under colonial rule.

“Since then, Spain, the colonial power, has up until now refused to return the territories to the original inhabitants of this land, thus preventing it from restoring its territorial integrity.

“The question of the native people is also a cause embraced by Latin America and by vast majority of peoples and governments around the world that reject colonialism.

“In 1960, the United Nations proclaimed the necessity of ‘bringing to an end colonialism in all its forms and manifestations’.

“This is why, I am ashamed to be part of the colonial legacy of Spain, and I will now hand back the land that we stole from the native South Americans in the 1500s to the true holders of this land.”

Mrs Kirchner will hand over the former country of Argentina in a ceremony that will last three days, then she and the remaining remnants of the former colonial Spanish state will return back to Spain in a months time.

The remaining people of Mestizo and Amerindian heritage were said to be delighted at the news.

“Now that old rubber face is going with all the Spanish colonists, we can get back to having a great time and we must not forget being friendly with our neighbours from the Falkland Islands,” Ah Ahaual, a tribal leader said yesterday.

Kim Kardashian Baby Will Probably be Given Away Within First Week

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Kim Kardashian Baby Will Probably be Given Away Within First Week

“Like it might barf or something,” Kim said yesterday from her Beverly Hills mansion. But her mother was quick on hand to tell her the amount of money from endorsements the Kardashian Korporation could make from the little tiddler.

Just like her two week marriage, what makes anyone think the fickle, shallow, materialistic, banal, narcissistic, corporate, Kardashian will keep something as valuable as a human baby?

“They will probably incorporate it into the Kardashians show for a few episodes and if the ratings do not increase they’ll dump the baby, but on the flip side..the Kardashians think about themselves above anything and if by some fluke the baby gets more attention than them, then the baby will definitely be dumped, even if the ratings do get higher. It’s a lose, lose situation for the baby,” a Los Angeles based entertainment agency worker told Reality Show magazine.

Happy New Fiscal Cliff Year

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Happy New Fiscal Cliff Year

“His people said no, our people said something, maybe it was no, or was it undecided, and those people over there in the corner, I don’t even know who they are, said no too. So we got a lot of no votes, no yes votes and a shit load of no-noes,” Senator James Jenkem, told CNN today after everyone went home.

When America sneezes…

The consequences of the no votes on the stock market tomorrow will be a serious no no, and a major rollercoaster ride for everyone — not just the American markets.

“Let’s just say that you can kiss your pension plan goodbye tomorrow. Happy New Year by the way,” a GOP senator told reporters outside Congress today. Naturally, the negotiations are all about getting a deal at the last moment and propelling the stock markets up when a fragile deal is eventually done.

Another Congressman who was at the Fiscal Cliff hearing meetings said: “Even if the U.S. government were to confiscate the riches and equity of every person in America tomorrow, the interest on America’s debts would not be able to be paid — let alone 0.1% of the actual U.S. debt.”

Happy f*cking New Year!

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