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Brit Awards Latest

Dirino Dimitrescu
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Brit Awards Latest

Imagine a grey forest with desecrated trees, just the stumps smouldering in the charred ground and dark clouds spitting out acid rain onto the sodden earth. This is the Music Industry now, and these are the bland, talentless corporate acts that are now its champion.

“Our marketing department sold X amount of records last year and we received a Brit award for it. That means we’re great musicians and songwriters even though we cannot play a single note,” a member of some anonymous boy band revealed last night.

What is the point in having such a bland useless award ceremony for such a bland useless crop of multinational conglomerate created pap?

“If you feed the people enough crap, then they don’t know anything else and consume it without question. Look at the horse and donkey meat being served up to the masses. The people just eat it up without protest and would have continued to do so if no one had said anything,” a Brit award ceremony commentator said last night.

Hercule Poirot Investigates Pistorius

Dirino Dimitrescu
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“Mes amis, we have a rather delicate problem here. We must first find the motive, then we can find the conclusion to the ruse and games being played here. It may look like a situation with a jilted lover who has had one steroid too many and done the dirty deed on his poor girlfriend but let us not pass judgement too easily. Conversely, it could be that our legless friend is one hundred percent innocent and genuinely thought that an intruder had somehow alighted in the ensuite bathroom and locked themselves in there to steal a few bars of soap. Whichever way you choose to look at this, the answer is already a known fact, we are the ones who have to discover it and bring upon justice,” monsieur Poirot said, shortly after arriving at the scene of the murder yesterday.

The case is ongoing.

 

U.S. Police Told to Take Guns From the Criminals

Dirino Dimitrescu
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U.S. Police Told to Take Guns From the Criminals

“We want the police to disarm the criminals and not us. Who’s going to disarm the criminals when the police come into our homes and confiscate our weapons?” Al Darpa, an anti-gun confiscation campaigner told CNN last night.

Obama and his Democrat party has been upping the tempo on the gun ban rhetoric as of late and they are now planning sweeping laws which will forbid the ownership of certain guns and magazines.

“The thing is he is making it hard for law abiding U.S. citizens to own guns for protection, but he is not saying how he is going to disarm the criminals who have some of the most sophisticated weaponry out there. Come on Obama, how are you going to disarm the criminals, and when are you going to do it? Why should there be one law for us and no law for them?” another anti-gun ban campaigner said.

Cammo Gets Begging Bowl Out For the Indians

Dirino Dimitrescu
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Cammo Gets Begging Bowl Out For the Indians

When you need some help to get out of a sticky economic situation, you put your pride and dignity by the door and go on a major grovelling exercise, as the British PM is now doing in India.

“I will allow your workforce to come over to Britain as long as we get all those lucrative business deals in India and you open up your box of goodies once again to us,” Cameron said on Monday.

The Imperial legacy of Queen Victoria is still very much evident across the vast sprawling country of India with the architecture and bureaucratic system still intact, but so are some rather dark memories of the era still fresh in the minds of most Indians.

“The days of the Raj are over, and now that Britain is bankrupt, it seems as if they are coming back for more plundering,” an observer of the grovelling operation noted.

Why Pushing America’s Second Revolution Will Benefit the Elite

Dirino Dimitrescu
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Why Pushing America’s Second Revolution Will Benefit the Elite

It stands to reason that there will soon come a point in the U.S. economy where the deficit will not be able to be paid off. By printing money, there will be a huge spike in inflation and the dollar will collapse into nothing.

Now ask yourself the question. Why is Obama pushing the ‘gun control’ agenda at a time when Americans should be thinking about how to pay the vast social security bill, the Medicaid bill, the Obamacare bill, the food stamp bill, the veterans bill, the baby boomers bill and every other liability old Uncle Sam has to pay right now?

Arthur Weinstein, an economics professor at Stanford University said: “Obama knows very well that America has no chance in paying back its loans to China, and of course, so does China. As the Chinese dragon slows its production, it knows that there will come a time when Americans will have to admit that they cannot pay up and a default will be imminent.”

“The big boys know what’s going to happen, this is why the artificially inflated stock market is rocketing now and suckering in all the chumps while the people who know what’s round the corner are quietly dumping their stock and buying gold at rock bottom prices. When the next wave comes, you better duck fuckers or you’re shit out of luck,” a source on the NYSE revealed today.

As for Obama, he’s simply playing the waiting game and laying the foundations for a second revolution. As he swings another golf club on some luxury course, he probably thinks to himself of what a great job he has done for his masters.

Gerald Balthazar, a key researcher at a leading Washington DC Think tank recently said: “Obama is not as stupid as he looks. He is a person who knows how to harness other people’s energy and talent for his own gain. When the long awaited second American revolution kicks off, he will cheer as he is whisked on to Airforce One.”

The president is pushing the gun control agenda because he knows somewhere along the line someone is going to snap, and when that happens, it will be a great excuse to get out of paying the bills around America. With Soviet techniques like repetition of the message over and over again, he is instilling the gun control agenda within the American psyche but also at the same time creating a massive opposing force. This opposing force will at some point fracture and the shooting will start, at first sporadically then spread like wildfire.

Gun control is the perfect smokescreen for economic ineptitude and disaster. Gun control will also be the catalyst for major civil unrest and to exonerate the authorities on how they dealt with the economic crisis and why their decisions escalated the deficit to impossible levels resulting in Martial law.

The elite want riots to happen, because this is the only way to get out of this mess. They always pride themselves in creating order from chaos, or ordo ab chao as they say in their secret chambers. Soon enough, they will have a whole new jigsaw to assemble once again.

Scandal: Food Found at London Fashion Week Causes Panic

Dirino Dimitrescu
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Scandal: Food Found at London Fashion Week Causes Panic

During a preliminary rehearsal yesterday evening, a London Fashion Week official discovered some crumbs of food behind the model cat walk stage and in a corridor there were bits of food wrapping found.

“We found a pile of crumbs behind the stage at London Fashion Week. This means that a model may have eaten something,” Jennifer Abergavenny, a fashion house leader told the Guardian newspaper.

The scandal has rocked the fashion world and may threaten the rest of London Fashion Week.

“I just heard the awful news, a model who has participated in London Fashion Week may have eaten some food. Quel scandale? We need to find her and root her out of the business,” KiKi Labroutenne, a fashionista from Paris told the Fashion Times.

Is Britain ready for this latest food scandal to hit our food scandal hit shores?

U.S. Petrol Prices Slowly Reaching U.K. 1980s Prices

Dirino Dimitrescu
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U.S. Petrol Prices Slowly Reaching U.K. 1980s Prices

“All I see on the net are Americans moaning about their gasoline prices. I worked it out, what they’re paying is what the UK motorist was paying in 1986. Why don’t you Yanks come over here and see what we have to pay?” a bankrupted British motorist told the BBC.

If any Americans had to pay what the UK motorist has to pay every day there would be riots in the streets. Try justifying 92% of the price going to fuel tax in the UK and you will see what we are dealing with here.

“Y’all Limeys need to stop driving because if that was me I would not be goddamn driving. Are you guys crazy? My 3 MPG SUV would be left in my drive,” an American motorist from Detroit told ABC news.

Moral of the story is, stop your whining and think for a second what the Brits are paying for their petrol.

Iain Duncan Smith to Do Shelf Stacking Says Cameron

Dirino Dimitrescu
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Iain Duncan Smith to Do Shelf Stacking Says Cameron

“I have joined the Back-to-Work programme that I started and ran for a couple of years. I will be stacking shelves in my local Poundland shop for £2.23 an hour and gaining valuable work experience for my effort,” Mr Duncan Smith told the Daily Mail.

Prime Minister David Cameron sacked Mr Duncan Smith on Friday because “it just was not working out” he said.

There is still no mention of a replacement for Iain Duncan Smith but the Cabinet post will possibly be filled by the end of this week.

Dispatches from Westminster seem to suggest that Mr Cameron is looking for fresh ministerial talent and not the old Tory guard.

Chinese Can Now Cut Their Atmosphere Like Cake

Dirino Dimitrescu
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Chinese Can Now Cut Their Atmosphere Like Cake

“Today I am serving pollution pie. It is lovely pie with heavy metals, phosphates, poisonous gases and a good dose of carcinogenic particles,” Ling Ling Xiamin, a 34-year-old Chinese woman from Beijing’s East side told state television today.

The Beijing atmosphere is so heavy and thick that one needs a very sharp knife to cut through it.

“The air is solid, and you’re shit out of luck if you try and put a naked flame anywhere near it. Kaboom! Sometimes I see people trying to light a cigarette and they spontaneously combust. There is literally nothing left of them afterwards,” another citizen of Beijing said.

It is not only dangerous to breathe in the noxious fumes into your lungs, but visibility is next to zero and some Beijing city officials are proposing the use of heat sensors or radar to see where things are.

“We are working on being able to detect objects in the streets and open spaces with radar and heat scanners. This will enable people to go about their daily lives in a relatively normal fashion,” Wing Wang Wong, a high ranking communist party official in charge of air pollution told the Xinhua news network.

Horse Meat Burgers Sold in UK Are Delicacy in Romania

Dirino Dimitrescu
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Horse Meat Burgers Sold in UK Are Delicacy in Romania

“In our country we use everything and eat everything because we are so poor. This is why it angers me so much that the whining British should complain about eating condemned horse and donkey meat from our country. We have been eating this type of meat for centuries and it is our tradition,” Romu Ceausesfu, a Romanian tourism spokesman told state television last night.

There is a lot of anger and dismay across the former soviet country about the British hostility to the millions of Romanian immigrants who will come to the United Kingdom soon enough. Horse and donkey meat in this Eastern European outpost is seen as a delicacy to be savoured and not reviled as in the UK.

“Big Issue, Big Issue!” a Romanian woman shouts outside a local Tesco in London’s Hampstead. Irina Skodlesku, 34, who arrived in the UK two months ago, receives £34,000 in benefits per annum in benefits and housing costs and she also makes over £150 per day in Big Issue sales.

“I am very happy to be here it like a dream for me. In my country I had nothing, now I get everything I want for free in UK. How good is that? So my English friends, it’s not just horse burgers that come from Romania but people like me,” she said cackling like a jackal.

By the end of 2013, 29 million Romanians and Bulgarians will be eligible to come to the UK to receive free hospital care, benefits, schooling, and housing.

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