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Monday, November 4, 2024
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Today’s NSA Stock Picks

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5 Amazing NSA Stock Picks

 

1) X-TECH (X-TC) This Chinese tech company’s penny stock is set to rise by 3000% in the next few weeks. I read the details from a recent NSA report stating the company has secretly come out with some really cool tech stuff that no one has yet. The NSA report shows every email that the company directors have been writing to each other. A surefire winner in my book.

2) HALSBRO (HSBO) Reading the NSA report on this Italian widget company, it looks like they’re going to announce they are bankrupt in 5 days. You will surely make a mint by getting in a short position now before the massively overbought share price drops like a rock. Cha ching!

3) CORLINSON OIL (CNSN) A British owned oil company that operates in Nigeria. They’ve just found a gusher but are keeping it secret. The NSA emails reveal they will announce the find in late August. Start filling your boots now.

4) GUSLING PLC (GSLG) You ever seen a rocket shoot up into space? This stock is going vertical on July 27th when the company will announce bumper profits. I’ve seen the NSA report and have already bought as many shares as I possibly can.

5) JIMBOB INC. (JMB) When I read the NSA report for this company I immediately took all my wife’s jewels and her fur coats and sold the lot. The entire board of directors are getting fired on Friday. Get in there quick for the easiest money you will ever make.

This concludes our NSA stock picks for today. Be sure to check here regularly for any more NSA updates on what to buy and what to sell with the exact dates.

Snowden Could Get Sanctuary On the Moon

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In a remarkable admission by Russian billionaire, Volkov Volkovic, Edward Snowden will have his own moon base built so that he can spend the rest of his life relaying little bits of information about all that spying that’s been going on recently.

“This will certainly be one momentous footstep for man, as Mr Snowden will be relaying the important information from a place the Americans can’t get to,” Mr Volkovic told the TASS news agency on Wednesday.

The moon base will be outfitted with a very large transmitter and Snowden will enjoy all the mod cons of a celebrity whistleblower.

Experts: “What the Trayvon Zimmerman Trial Really Means”

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“Blacks will not riot because of Trayvon Martin, but will riot because Hispanics have superseded them in many facets of American society and business. Some Hispanics like the half German, Zimmerman, are considered white. In the rolling social strata within America’s societal hierarchy, the Hispanics have proved to be hard working and resilient, they will supersede the place of African Americans, who have unfortunately not proved to their white rulers that they can cut it. Even with Affirmative Action, African Americans are still floundering and swimming in deep ineptitude, lacklustre education, heavy unfettered breeding, and perceived low morals. Amongst the liquor stores, prisons, and ghettos where the African American discontent festers there is real anger that they have not risen up socially and economically despite the breaks they are constantly given,” Dr. Julia Halstead, for the Institute of Social Analysis told CBS news.

The Trayvon Martin, George Zimmerman case is much more than a trial of a security guard who defended himself from a young angry doped up man. It defines the next step in American society and how blacks have been left behind in the mire by their own doing.

“You can’t blame anyone else. They want the trainers, they want the guns, they want the crib, they want the bling, but the Korean kid is working hard to get better grades, the Hispanics work hard for their businesses and service trades. Black culture is now confined to the music industry, but that’s about as far as it goes. The music industry itself has suffered greatly with the advent of the internet and this has left less money to be distributed to the African Americans. All music can now be downloaded free now, so this has destabilised the whole industry,” another social researcher revealed.

We are now seeing the birth of Zimmevon, Obama’s son

Abu Qatada Misses Wimbledon Final on Bumper Britain Day

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“I can’t take any more good news. Is this reality? I had to pinch myself. And not only that, it was sunnier than Spain in Grimsby,” Gerald Hornby, 37, a tennis fan told the BBC.

Good News Overload

All over the United Kingdom there were smiles seen on peoples faces as opposed to the usual contemplative miserable British grimace.

“What a day! House prices just rose 3% two minutes ago, the economy’s steaming ahead and Ed Miliband’s Labour party is embroiled in a dispute with his own union benefactors. It can’t get any better than this,” a cheerful Brit said in the sunshine swigging from his pint.

Murray to be Crowned King of Scotland if Wins Wimbledon

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“That’s one hell of an incentive right there,” Andy Murray said from his SW19 hotel room this evening.

The Murray Clan would have their own coat of arms, restoring the Jacobite monarchy and live in Edinburgh castle where a tennis court would be built next to the great hall.

“I, King Murray, will rule over Scotland and I promise to bring peace, prosperity and deep fried mars bars for every Scot,” Murray added.

Good luck to Murray from the Squib team.

Vinnie Jones Working as Anaesthetist in Russia

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“They bring ’em in. I look at ’em. Bosh! Done! They’re out!” Jones said about his new job as an anaesthatist.

The football hard man, who is more accustomed to squeezing Gazza’s meat and two veg, was looking for a new challenge to the usual meaningless Hollywood scripts he is given these days.

“I beat one man up, then thump anuvver. I thought why not do that for the good of someone instead.”

The cash strapped Russian hospital said they treasure Vinnie’s work and want him to stick around.

“We can’t afford real anaesthetic, usually we give the patient some vodka. We hired Vinnie Jones for free, he thumps them so hard they’re out cold for days,” chief surgeon, Vilnius Nomskiya, told the Ural state television broadcasting service.

Could This Be Nelson Mandela’s Worst Nightmare?

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“I don’t want to see a Whites Only sign again. That’s just something I hope I never get to see, even if it is all white and heavenly up there,” Mr Mandela said from his hospital bed.

It certainly would be Nelson Mandela’s worst nightmare if there was a Whites Only policy in heaven.

“Yes, they may not let blacks into heaven, but if that’s the case, then I plan on changing that rule as well,” Mr Mandela added.

A fighter to the end.

Egyptians Celebrate Transition From One Dictator to Next Dictator

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“This is the happiest day of my life. We have really achieved something here. We now have a new dictator to brutally rule over us. Hip hip hurray!” a Tahrir Square protester said whilst joyously punching the air before forcing himself onto a female protester and aggressively sexually assaulting her.

The third Egyptian revolution in five months was seen as a relatively painless affair, with minimal lynchings and rapes.

“If we get tired of one dictator, we riot so that another one is installed, then we continue with the charade. I still live in a mud brick hovel with no running water or sanitation, but I think the next dictator may be better for me and my family of 45,” Basim Al-Ghaud, a postman who delivers to the Zamalek district said before roughly assaulting a burka clad woman.

Think Tank: EU Citizens Caught in Soviet Fascist Headlights

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The EU is an insidious machine that creeps up on you, one minute you existed as a citizen of an individual country, the next minute you realised you had been tricked into a multi-nation bloc that assimilates as much as it can and dictates insidious laws that you must obey without question.

“A deer caught in the headlights, is a good analogy to describe the EU citizen today. They now have little or no say in their destiny. Politically, they are being ruled by unelected technocrats. Many are now unemployed or living in poverty because of the immense changes and forced austerity (wealth redistribution) drives. The EU citizens have seen their wealth disappear down the plug hole as well as many of their freedoms. Nations that used to write their own laws have now been bulldozed by Brussels. Nations that used to dictate their own economic policies have seen these castrated by Brussels and the ordinary citizens jettisoned into the gas chambers of old Europe,” Miro Katt, a researcher on the EU Com Research think tank said in a recent report.

The EU also has an amorphous plasticine pliability with regards to political systems; it utilises soviet techniques with elements of fascism, socialism and capitalism. With political ideologies that are inherently opposite to each other, there is an element of duality to the EU. It is however predominantly Christian, although the religion part is merely for the masses, the technocrats controlling the EU juggernaut are most certainly of another persuasion.

“Europe has always used the Christian element as its core, especially for the plebeians. The elites of course use the ruse of Christianity but are members of secret societies. Makes it sound a bit cultish, however if one looks at the Nazis, they were obsessed by the occult and secret societies. Deep down, the EU is the embodiment of the thousand year Reich, with a seemingly less militaristic face. When eventually the EU brings forth a specific EU military force or army, then it may reveal its true colours, however at the moment it is still defining itself economically and destroying individual nation states so they can join the collective. World War 2 was the building block,” the researcher revealed.

For Zimmerman Freedom and Justice Calls

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“You can’t have affirmative action in a court case. Just because someone is a particular colour or there are threats of riots if certain sections don’t get their own way. Justice is justice, and George Zimmerman will soon be a free man,” someone outside the court said when standing on a soap box. He was summarily pelted with rotten tomatoes by the black crowd, but what he said was invariably the truth.

The evidence all too clearly points towards a lawful defence by George Zimmerman from attacker Trayvon Martin.

This may be a small victory for all those ‘creepy ass crackers’ out there but for America it is symptomatic of a deeply sick society blighted by a fathomless pit of seething racial hatred.

“The prosecution’s star witness seemed to be working for the defence in this case. As for the all white jury, I’m sure they will get some stick for their decision but they should hold their heads high for they have done nothing wrong apart from free a man who has done nothing wrong,” another court side spectator said.