“We’re trying to get Colin Powell in but he’s in Hawaii on vacation. You know stick some fake pictures of mobile WMD weapons labs on a map of Syria or something. Shit we need something fast,” a panicking war office orderly revealed to CBS news.
It seems president Obama’s pre-election promises have gone the way of the dodo, especially about ending the perpetual War of Terror, and closing Guantanamo Bay.
“Those goddamn surrender limeys would rather sip their butt warm beer than get sucked into all out war with Russia. Instead we gotta side with the frogs who are a real bunch of goddamn lilly livered surrender monkeys and wouldn’t even fight for their own country in World War II. Well I guess they got something to prove now huh,” Tex Mulrone, a staunch steak eating, tobacco munching American said before spitting some yellowy red stuff into a spittoon.
As John Kerry prepares to send the Swift boats into the Mediterranean, President Obama doesn’t realise that what he is doing is being set up for a big fall.
“A few bombs and missiles will not achieve anything apart from waste a lot of U.S. taxpayer money and kill a few more Syrian civilians here or there. By now the Syrian elite and armed forces have prepared for an attack and dug in. The only people who are going to get hit are the suffering Syrian people. And with debt liabilities amounting to over $70 Trillion can the U.S. afford to be sucked into another expensive useless war? The only way to clear Syria out is by boots on the ground, and that’s what the U.S. is going to have to do. They’re using the same strategy they used with Iraq, first bomb, then dump troops into an unwinnable quagmire. Iraq is still a lawless no man’s land right now. The Americans cannot even get out of their limited bases just like in Afghanistan. As for the Russians, they have their people on Syrian ground, if they get hit, then do you think they’re going to sit back and take it?” strategic analyst, Henry Arnold, told CNN.
Obama is not a military man and knows little about strategy or world affairs, he is putting the world into serious danger with his naive policies, and Russia is playing with Obama like a bear plays with a fresh river trout before eating it.
Britain is now a third rate nation where everything is dictated by Brussels, therefore David Cameron’s weak posturing over the Syrian attack is a surefire indication that the former British nation is now fully assimilated within the Soviet EU collective.
War
“Resistance is futile to the collective of the EU. Britain’s armies, navy, parliament and judicial system has now been totally assimilated into the EU collective and this is why it was quite hilarious to see the man who sold Britain further down the road into EU slavery posturing wildly as if he had any say in his actions. Cameron is a good actor, and he is well suited to dress rehearsals but he has no say in anything anymore and holds a wilting sword of Brittania up into the dark skies of totalitarian EU dictatorship,” Jim Kirk, a political commentator revealed on BBC’s Newsnight.
“Well, the main problem was Cammo. He just didn’t convince them well enough. If it was Blair, he would have just gone ahead with it. I mean look at Dr. Kelly, that guy was causing all sorts of shit. Next thing we know, we find him in a wooded area with mysterious puncture marks in his wrists. The other major problem at the moment is Obummer. Well, he’s a big flip flopper and a wimp, therefore he is definitely no cowboy Dubya type with a Cheney round his neck, is he?” a Westminster insider divulged.
Syria is the next stepping stone to get to Iran and the Allies need this one bad. Once they get Syria, then Iran will complete the mission for the next stage.
“You see that stealth bomber over there on the deck, well that ain’t no ordinary kinda stealth bomber, it’s an Obamacare stealth bomber and it’s gonna bring some Obamacare to them Syrian people through indiscriminate bombs and missiles,” a U.S. Navy officer on the USS Obamacare, revealed today.
Obama worshippers across America were seen wildly waving their banners and flags in the air on Wednesday as they cheered on their leader blindly and without question.
“Ima tell you I’m so happy for the Syrian people as those bombs hit Ima gon be at home wit ma popcorn and an Obama sign waving it at the TV. God Bless America and Obama!” Julie Sweethorn, a Missouri mother of fourteen on welfare told CBS.
“Things moved on good for us. We got an African president, we dunno if he’s American though, but still he’s black,” Kleavon Johnsons, a community youth worker from Chicago told CNN yesterday.
Martin Luther King, had a dream, he inspired a revolution with some Americans during the civil rights movement in the 1960s that quashed the state’s overt racist agenda, however all that he did has been lost in time as the black people of America are now covertly being subdued and their own actions and culture are not helping things either.
Senior analyst at Washington D.C’s Population Matrix think tank reveals some very telling truths: “What MLK did was to flick a switch from overt racism to covert racism. We now have quotas to put black people in jobs and universities whether they are qualified or not. Some say Obama is himself part of the affirmative action project, but he is part white, so there are other variables working with that one, I suspect if he was fully black he would never have got a look in. Most African Americans today are either in prison or living in ghettos, the ones that do escape through affirmative action are the chosen few. The celebrated thugs, the hoodies, the EBT card holders, the rappers and their hoes, the crack, the low slung pants, the prisons, the liquor stores, the flash mob robberies, the incessant violence, the ebonics, and social unrest are all entrenched in poverty of class and mind. American cities have been flooded with fatherless kids all milling around, bored out of their uneducated minds leaving destitution and carnage in their wake. Why do you think there is white flight when a neighbourhood becomes black? The answer is in the fact that Martin Luther King’s dream never happened and by the looks of it will never happen.”
Since 2001, 8,000 American soldiers have lost their lives in the Iraq and Afghanistan wars. In the same time period, over 190,000 African Americans have lost their lives on the streets of America usually with black on black shootings and gang related violence. This is tribal warfare, pure and simple.
One would have thought that president Obama would have been a champion of the African American people. Instead his tenure has seen more racial unrest, more African American poverty, more Obama sanctioned abortions and more overt hatred.
“Why doesn’t he just go back to his bijoux restaurant cafe and get his fat slobbering tongue over one of his two minute meals? Why does that annoying blubber tongued rich c*nt have to bother us with his useless advice to poor people? Has he ever been poor? You smarmy shister, go back to Hoxton,” a man from Walthamstow told the BBC, before being kicked off air.
The condescending nature of Jamie Oliver, with his multi-million pound franchise restaurant business has angered so much of Britain’s population that many are planning on using his likeness as a Bonfire night Guy, but there could be a better form of revenge. Stop buying his expensive supermarket products. Consign him to the dustbin of mediocre TV chefs by not eating his overpriced junk food, don’t buy his books.
“I wish the f*cker would drop dead. How about he tries to live on a pittance like the rest of the country benefit cheque to benefit cheque in front of a 50″ 3D TV. We don’t have the time to source ingredients from delicatessens and Hampstead specialist food shops, we’re too busy watching the X Factor eating ready-made processed shit. Stick it up your jacksie you ox tongued jelly faced faux cockney arsehole,” one woman said before stuffing her face with a ready made spag bol costing £2.10 from Tesco.
Isn’t it quite ironic that every aisle in every supermarket is stuffed to the rafters with Jamie Oliver products and ready meals with his fat face staring at you from the tins. Stop buying his crass money making junk then you stupid f*cking lemmings and lets see this impudent runt off to the poor house. Stop buying his stuff. Stop buying his stuff. Just stop it will you. STOP BUYING HIS STUFF!
Useful idiots like Jamie Oliver are simply mind controlled mirrors of how the elite perceives the untermenschen and unwashed masses. We are nearing the time when the curtain will be fully drawn back. As for the useful idiots, they will be treated with the same contempt as the masses, because they are just being used. What is a chef anyway? He is simply a cook, a slave in a kitchen to his masters.
During Miley Cyrus’s rather boring performance, the audience seemed to be falling asleep, that is until a giant cockroach fell from the rafters above landing straight onto her outstretched tongue.
Will Smith who was in the audience with his kids recalled the event: “I was bored out of my mind sitting there watching Miley simulating sex and fellating a rubber thumb, when out of the light rig a giant roach came down. I immediately got into Scientology mode to analyse this curious happening. She had her tongue out and was flicking it like a lizard, when the roach plopped on her tongue. Then what she did was truly unbelievable. She crunched that thing like a taco, the mic picked it all up as she ate it up chewing a little as the juices flowed down her chin. Then she smiled and burped. That’s all I remember. I’m gonna need some serious auditing after seeing that. Phew! As for my kids, I’m gonna send them straight to Sea Org for this to get over what they saw. I’m angry. Real angry.”
Miley Cyrus’s dad, Billy Bob Jim Cyrus who was in the audience said: “She broke my achy breaky heart with that performance. Back in Hicksville where we come from, we’re always taught to share. She shoulda saved some for her pa. She ain’t learned a single lesson I taught her.”
The rest of the VMA awards were uneventful, and included acts like G4326, R-Statz, L8967, X-6548334 and 1D.
“Within the sphere of global politics, there are invisible lines which if crossed, are triggers for war. Syria is such a zone as it is heavily backed by Russia as is Iran. Global dominance by the United States and its allies crossing that line would mean the world’s power structure would alter favourably for the West against Russia and China. Already, the West has taken Libya, Egypt, Turkey, Tunisia and Iraq, as well as parts of Afghanistan. Once they take Syria and Iran, Russia will be on the back foot and its strategic global influence will be castrated. A weakened Russia would make it redundant in global brinksmanship and reduce its influence in foreign policy, as well as economically. The exponential increase in the world’s population naturally results in global resources and energy being reduced daily. These are not infinite, and once used up are gone forever, therefore it is inevitable that there will be a final clash to capture the whole world’s resources by one single faction. If this means completely eradicating the other faction, then it will be have to be done, quickly and efficiently. There should not be any mercy or political solutions, as mercy will mean there are survivors who have to be fed and clothed,” professor in geopolitics at the University of Maastricht, revealed at a recent news conference in the Dutch city.
Sooner or later someone had to make the first move.
“I can’t be bothered by all the Daily Mail and Sun reporters after a piccie. I’m off!” someone overheard the Loch Ness monster bubbling as it swam off at great speed.
This year’s silly season began early with pictures of washed up monster carcasses on a beach, a big cat in someone’s garden, a Great White shark in Hastings and a few pictures of Big Foot taken from about 2 miles away.
Next year’s silly season will include even more silliness as papers desperate to fill those pages excavate even more nonsense.
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