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Women Drivers Fearful of Driving in Washington D.C.

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“My husband says I’m a good driver, I only scratched the side of our SUV twice this week. I’m scared to drive now after that mom was shot to death by the crazed Feds yesterday,” Michelle Olsen, a mother of four revealed to the Washington Times.

The Department of Motor Vehicles in Washington has thus released a warning to women drivers all over the capital.

“I am appealing to women drivers. If you’re driving near the White House or anywhere near Capitol Hill, please try and stay on the road, preferably on the right hand side as is the law in North America. If you do not feel like you can park your vehicle without hitting a security official or barrier, please drive your vehicle outside of the area and take the bus. We hope these pieces of advice will keep you alive,” Milton Hurlehy, a DMV official told local news stations, Thursday.

Boat Full of Refugee American Doctors Rescued Off Coast of Guatemala

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Local news crews interviewed the doctors after their arduous journey.

“We set sail from San Diego two weeks ago. We had some basic rations with us, but we had to get away from the Obamacare. If I have to treat that many people in one day for peanut pay I would go insane in two days. It ain’t right, I didn’t go to Med. school all those years to be a low pay dog’s body. A group of us got this little rust bucket and jumped in it to escape America,” Dr. Barry Soto, recalled.

According to the surviving refugee doctors some of their colleagues did not make it during the harrowing journey and had to be thrown overboard for the sharks.

“It was either the sharks back home or in the sea. They chose the sea, bless their souls,” a brain surgeon from Los Angeles told rescuers.

Captain Fernando Guatirez, for the Guatemalan Lifeboat Service told reporters about the rescue: “We rescued the gringos they were floating in the sea in a boat that even our refugees would not venture on. Those crazy gringos were fleeing America. I had to pinch myself to believe it.”

Ed Miliband Vows to Take Over Daily Mail Once Labour In Power

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“Just as Pravda was the voice of the Soviet Union so too will the Daily Mail, which will only publish articles that serve the British Soviet agenda once I am installed into power. I have already spoken with the Central Committee of the Labour Party and have drafted a three-year-plan for the implementation of state subsidization for the Daily Mail. We have already planned a price of 15 Soviet pennies for each publication to keep the cost low and so that every citizen in Soviet Britain can read my words and thus be indoctrinated by me. As for the journalists who populate the Daily Mail today, you will be thrown into the streets and driven to the gallows to be hanged for treason against the state and Labour party. Your days are numbered, so start counting now.”

Senior Labour Party Apparatchik, Ed Balls will also head the Council of Commissars who will be in charge of regulating the Daily Mail’s content output and will also be in charge of installing only approved journalists of the state to the newspaper.

The Daily Mailski under Labour rule will disseminate Agitprop information and Soviet matters to the workers regarding the Ed Miliband 10-year-collectivisation plan as well as announce monthly ration portions and news of recent hangings.

Obama Dismantling Whitey’s Empire From the Inside

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“Obama’s thinking is, here I have been put in charge of an Empire built off the backs off slave Negroes who toiled for four hundred years in the cotton fields and plantations across America. Now is my chance for payback, and that’s why America is literally on its knees right now, economically and in world standing. With the ruse of helping America, President Obama has destroyed it and I certainly think his work is not fully finished yet. He doesn’t just want to destroy America, he wants to take it to a place where it can never come back again,” Professor Julius Dean, a Rhodes Scholar and senior emeritus fellow of Stanford University told the Washington Times.

The Syrian incident was a small example of how low America has gone, and now the government shutdown is another kick in the face for a country so indebted to China, that as things are going, America will never be able to fulfill its obligations.

“Who’s going to pay for it?”

“Obama did not tighten fiscal spending after the 2008 dip, instead he went on another spending spree, and another, and another. We believe this was a calculated effort on his part to increase the debt black hole to previously unattainable impossible depths. The President is angry. He smiles but he has a lot of work to do. Spending money the U.S. does not have is hard work, because it is getting harder and harder to find the money as it disappears into one vanity project after another. Obamacare is simply that, it’s a vanity project. If Obama really cared, he would not put his name on it, we all know it’s an in-joke with him and some select individuals. Obamacare, is in fact the ‘Sacrifice of Care’. That may be a Bohemian Grove reference, but all the same, Obama has been ordered to dismantle the United States, and the ruse of ‘care’ was the perfect solution. What better way of destruction through pretending to do good? The people won’t know what will hit them when they have to pay for all of this. Generations and generations of Americans have thus been condemned to poverty purely because of one man’s anger to the White Empire.

“When Obama sleeps at night in the White House, he chuckles in his bed. Here is a man dismantling the nation from inside the House of Whitey and he gets to be called a president for the pleasure of it, now that in itself is a great kick for him, it is a thrill. The White House, the White House is just a rubble house now, it is worthless, it is not worth a plank of white painted wood anymore, it has been sacrificed just as the good old hard-working American people have been sacrificed at the altar of Obamacare. He called it that because he wanted to leave his mark, a piece of graffiti daubed on the wall of American history, and no doubt in the future, people will look back and see how the unbridled spender spent their money. It did not make life any better, it made life a lot worse. The destruction of America’s once great Empire will then be complete.”

Hitler Would Have Been Proud of the EU

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“What the EU has achieved without one single, piffling shot being fired purely through economic and technical means is something the Führer would have been supremely proud of. His vision of a Thousand Year Reich never died and was simply transferred from overt military technique, to covert economical and propagandist technical achievements. The people of the European Union are so brainwashed they agree to anything without question, this was Hitler’s dream. Of course there is no overt Aryan agenda with the EU, but those who control its machinations are Aryan and the interbred or non-aryan Untermenschen are still persecuted within the EU to this day. Hitler’s Tausendjähriges Reich lives on, and it will take Britain without a fight, not even a skirmish, or a bad word will be said, such is its enduring power and noblesse oblige,” Dr. Richard Tarrington, an academic at the institute wrote in a recent paper praising the EU.

The colour of snow is black

Another amazing part of the EU is its ability to assume an amorphic stance to pretty much all political systems and ideologies that have passed through history. The EU adapts these into its structure and assimilates them without so much as a sneeze or hiccup.

“The propaganda machine employed by the EU today is a million times more sophisticated than Hitler’s Reich could have ever dreamed up. This technical feat of all encompassing mind control is astounding, especially without the use of force. Hitler would have been so proud of the controllers of today, because for Hitler, the use of force was an unfortunate symptom of what he wanted to achieve. The EU has simply adapted Hitler’s Reich and transferred it into another form,” Dr. Tarrington added.

What Hitler could not achieve, the EU will achieve. Britain WILL be fully assimilated into the European mechanism or Britain will be severely punished economically and die. There is no choice.

News From the Syrian Front By Senator Feinstein

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“Last night I took some shrapnel in my legs. Ah, the pain was awful but I unloaded enough lead into the enemy with my machine gun afterwards that I think they could write a book with their shot up carcasses. It felt real good to mete out some justice on those Syrian soldiers. War is hell, but when you’re packin’ a heavy machine gun, it’s not so bad, make’s you feel good to be alive for that brief second.”

Senator Feinstein and her Al Qaeda brigade of unruly men filmed by a Fox News crew, have been encamped in a disused warehouse for the last few days, but are now considering moving through the rubble of the city to a safer place.

“The first night here I got all home sick. I was thinkin’ of Mr and Mrs America back home, and I was imagining about how they must be all safe in their homes with their AR15s by their sides. I missed home so bad I threw a few grenades at an old goat and watched it disintegrate in front of my eyes. I imagined that it was John Boehner for a second, but we were then attacked by troops from both sides because of my stupid grenade throwing antics which alerted them to our dug out position. We had a hooch here but now it was goin’ up in flames. I put my iPod on and turned on Paint it Black by the Stones to full volume watching the hot metal casings hit the floor as I squeezed the trigger. I was like Rambo that night. Blowin’ those muthas home back to where they came from. It was beautiful I tell ya.”

‘Unloading lead’ a documentary about Senator Feinstein’s gun-toting mission in Syria will air on the Fox News Network on Wednesday.

Obama: “When I Lie, That’s the Truth”

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“Friends, Romans, Commmies. I am your Comrade in Chief. Everything I have said in the past and will say in the future may be a big lie but it is in fact a truth because you all believe what I say. That’s what makes a lie a truth. Jeez, I’m just too good at it, and I can’t stop even if I tried,” President Obama was then patted on his back by some fellow Democrats hanging around.

Most Americans were however not shocked by the revelation that everything about President Obama is an actual lie.

“It’s the old Soviet technique of repetition. If you repeat a lie enough times, it becomes the truth,” former White House aide, Seymour Butt, told CNN.

Record Company Orders Miley Cyrus to Have Mouth Sewn Shut

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The RCA record executive in charge of Miley Cyrus, Levi Baumberg, told MTV on Sunday night: “We had to do something about the tongue. Sales have been plummeting since she started sticking that thing out, and all the other stuff she does. She has a flat behind and also looks ridiculous when she is shaking it in the cameras. Her tongue scares her audience who are predominantly little pre-pubescant girls from the age of 4-12 and offends the parents of these children. I told her either it’s a sewing job or we drop her from the roster. She doesn’t sing her songs anyway so the sewing job will make no difference to the songs she never wrote.”

Miley Cyrus will be flown to Beijing, China tomorrow where she will undergo the cosmetic operation.

“We chose China because they are experts in sewing peoples’ mouths shut. Don’t worry fans she’ll be back miming by the end of next week,” the executive added.

Ed Miliband Calls For Marxist Bolshevik Revolution

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Speaking from his £1.6 million dacha in Golders Green Comrade Miliband revealed his 5-year Soviet plan: “Comrades, Red Unions and Red champagne socialists, commanders and political instructors, men and women workers, men and women collective farmers, intellectuals, brothers and sisters in the enemy rear who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of the Conservative brigands, our glorious men and women guerrillas who are disrupting the rear of the vile capitalist invaders! I beseech you to follow me into Marxist rule once again.

“I pledge an extra 25 grams of chocolate rations per year for all our strong bolshevik fighters, our brave long-term unemployed state welfare voters, and of course how could I forget, I vow to find and track down any foreseeable threat to my rule, and hang them from the lamp posts across Soviet Britain, that includes my treacherous brother David who I will dispose of personally.

“Let the victorious banner of the great Brown fly over your heads!  Utter destruction to the Conservative invaders!  Death to the Conservative armies of occupation!  Long live our glorious motherland, her freedom and her independence!  Under the banner of Brown-onward to victory!”

Obama Off to Hawaii During U.S. Gov. Shut Down

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The President was seen boarding Air Force One today as he escaped the vicious battle that has emerged over his radical health care reforms.

Michelle Obama will follow with her entourage later on in the week and the family dog will also be flown in on a seperate jet costing U.S taxpayers $43 million.

“Looks like he did a cut and run. Needs to get outta dodge. Surfs up in Hawaii, maybe the prez might catch some tubes this time of year,” a political commentator told the Political Matrix website.

Mrs Obama’s entourage will include hair stylists, astrologers, pedicurists, nutritionists and a travelling circus to entertain the kids. The security detail is so enormous that all the 5 star hotels in Hawaii are completely booked up.