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Religion Could Be Accommodated By Brain Chips

“We are going to see the wonders of science expand exponentially within the next thirty years. Those who embrace the new technology will flourish, those who do not will flounder. Integration is an essential part of progressive humanity, we are already seeing a vast number of people becoming dependent on technology and extending their intelligence, but one must also consider that the human biological brain has severe limitations, it also has a propensity to deteriorate with age. There are further hurdles with the newly proposed microchip science, such as the negative blockade of those with irrational belief systems that are based on myths and legends fabricated by ancient people to control the masses. These people can be eventually convinced to embrace the new technology by the programmers building the belief systems into the chips so that they can continue with their fantasies. Stimulus concentrated in the Parietal lobe, Temporal lobe and Frontal lobe as well as programmed religious experiences will ensure their continued fantasy will not be disturbed. Extensive research has found that religion is also a conditioned response to indoctrination from a young age, and is generationally carried forward. There are also many other variables to consider including societal pressure of conformity as well as instilling false belief systems by sheer force as was adhered to in past historical periods. It is therefore imperative that the people who cannot snap out of their conditioning be treated with careful integration otherwise they may cause unrest. Once they are integrated, they will only feel bliss, religious bliss as they wholeheartedly experience what they perceive to be real religious emotions,” senior consultant on the project for religious integrative science, Walter Bartholemew revealed in the August edition of the Science Journal.

As control systems go, religion has been an extremely powerful tool to control populations for thousands of years, but its usefulness is sadly waning and this can cause problems within populations.

“We are seeing more people becoming aware of the control systems that have been in place for so long. Religion was not only created by very clever individuals as a form of lifelong imprisonement for humans but it was also created as a way for humans to deal with the ultimate question of death. If they believed in a peaceful afterlife, then they would not fear death, but embrace it. As technology and medical science increases the human lifespan then death may ultimately be conquered. There will of course still be believers in the fantastical myths of the past, but when most of the population embraces integrative technology, they will eventually follow because their religion will beckon from inside their own minds as well as their propensity to follow something..whatever it is that may hold the answer to their questions.”

Sell, Sell, Sell!!!

“So what if Buffet made $15 billion during the recession. He better get selling too, unload as much as you can, the artificially inflated market ain’t going to be much soon. You don’t want to be holding anything when the S&P is at 120,” Marty Rich, a trading expert told Bloomberg news yesterday.

Another investment expert told news crews outside Wall Street: “You don’t want to get caught holding stock when this thing blows. Treasuries are going to zero too as well as the dollar and we’re going to see a huge loss of liquidity and spike in interest rates. The dip in 2008 was like a minor blip, no one learned their lesson and the economy is actually in worse shape now than it was pre-Lehman. Sell, sell, sell! But please don’t panic, aaargh, aaargh, sell, sell, sell! Achtung! S.O.S! HELP!!!!”

Finance experts are also warning not to keep money in the bank either because when they go down, there will be no access to it, as well as the currency being pretty much worthless anyway.

Baby P Mother to Start Breeding As Soon As Gets Out of Prison

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“Thanks to the British legal system in which a child’s life is pretty much worthless, I want to get out there again and have a few more kids,” Baby P mother, Tracey Connelly said smiling in prison.

The celebratory mood of the mother who oversaw the torture and murder of her children by her boyfriend, is something symptomatic of today’s society.

“You can get away with murdering defenceless children, and I’m going to live a happy life with even more children after this. I can’t wait to get stuck in again. I love it,” Baby Peter’s mother told newspapers.

Miley Cyrus Doctor Visit Goes Well

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“She came into my office and her tongue was hanging out throughout the time she was there. I didn’t even need to ask her to stick her tongue out. I wish all patients were like her,” Dr. Donald Epstein of the Beverly Hills Health Center told the LA Sun newspaper.

According to reports, the pop starlet has a few nasty things growing on her tongue, possibly due to over exposure.

Health expert, Gerardo Hernendez said: “If you’re going to expose your tongue all day in the public, the surface will attract all kinds of bacteria, and fungus. From initial tests, Ms. Cyrus has 12 different types of fungi growing on her tongue, some of which could be toxic. Heck, we’ll probably see mushrooms growing on that thing soon, or maybe slimy mold.”

Kardashian Baby Sold to Armenian Orphanage

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Kardashian spokeswoman, Lillian Burns revealed the news this morning, and many were not surprised by the controversial decision.

“The baby took all the limelight, and also it was impacting on sponsorship deals as well as inflicting damage on a newly proposed reality show brokered by the controlling gold digger mother. Remember, nothing, I repeat nothing gets in between Kim Kardashian and a camera lens.”

The Kardashians brokered the baby deal in the early hours of Monday and the baby was shipped over today never to be seen again.

Kim Kardashian says she is relieved about the episode: “Bought a new handbag with the baby payment, I got my nails done, had my face done, got some botox. Now I can get on with the 18th series of my banal, brainless shit heaping bland money making show. Thank you for watching you braindead zombies, don’t forget I like to check my heaving bank balance every two fu**ing minutes and it’s all thanks to you. Now get me my cream soda, I need another facial from some bastard hip hopping douche from the ghetto.”

Strutting Apes Seen on Capitol Hill

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“I never thought I’d see an ape so far away from Africa, and you should have seen the way it was beating its chest, bloody well obscene display of sheer power,” Graham Jameson, a visitor from Stoke-on-Trent, England, told the BBC World Service.

The tourists were on a guided tour of the Capitol Hill area when they were stopped in their tracks by the ape display.

“I had a banana with me when I saw the apes and I threw it amongst them. I’ve never seen anything like it. We had to leave soon after as they started to look at us with hungry eyes,” Doreen Summersby, another package holidayer said from her Motel room.

U.S. Shutdown: Backpay Furloughed Workers Not Working

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President Obama made sure that during the U.S. shutdown Federal workers would get full back pay if the shutdown ever stops.

“I’m on holiday, thanks to Obama and Boehner. Just been to the cinema and now we’re off for a three day trip to the Sierras. This is the best thing that ever happened, and not only that I get full backpay when we come back and actually have to work,” Josh Mastler, a Federal worker told CNN.

The question however arises, if these people are getting backpay why are they not at their desks right now?

“It’s part of the procedure of government. Along with my many benefits, huge pay rises, holiday pay, free healthcare, large pension plans, expense accounts and bonuses, I have to be compensated for my time when I’m not working. This is hard work, you know not being behind a desk and yawning. We deserve this shit. C’mon you saying I gotta work? Get outta here. I can’t wait to get that huge chunk of change when I get back, I may even take another paid holiday,” another U.S Federal worker said from the Bahamas.

Looks like Obama’s government is resembling the previous Labour government in the UK a little too closely.

Washington D.C. to Become Theme Park

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“I just need something to do, after my fifth barbeque of the week I’m frankly sick of the sight of burgers, weiners and coleslaw,” Avi Schweimer, a Pentagon official told NBC news.

The White House itself will be the grand entrance to the theme park, and the Senate will have a water slide installed. As for the Presidential Townhouse, that will have a rollercoaster going directly through it as will the Eccles building.

The cost of the remodelling work on the project will be an estimated $346 million and will naturally be funded by a small increase in Federal income taxation as well as eventual reciepts from the theme park itself.

“Maybe we might be able to claw back some of that debt huh. I think this is a great idea,” Senator Harry Reid said from his holiday chalet in Switzerland.

As for VP Joe Biden, he has already signed up to become a clown in the White House circus tent which will be housed in the Rose Garden.

IMF: The World Economy Will Boom Without USA

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The IMF has praised Britain under the Conservatives for their superlative action after the British socialist party brought the nation within a hair’s breadth of certain disaster. The medicine doled out by Chancellor Osborne was bitter, but it worked, and there are real green shoots showing within the British economy.

In stark contrast, President Obama, a staunch socialist, kept on spending post 2008, and he is still spending now. With 50 million people on food stamps and over 100 million on government benefits, as well as the disaster of Bernanke’s QE, the dollar currency is under serious threat of being devalued to nothingness.

The Daily Squib has written about the coming American economic meltdown in the past, and we have seen the shocking signs as tremors to an impending earthquake that will be unrivalled in recent history.

Let us consider the fact that America’s hunger for the world’s resources is bleeding the world dry, and yet they do not have the money to pay back what they use. The USA is the world’s largest oil user and its hunger for other finite resources is not sustainable, especially in its bankrupt state.

The American socialists under Obama have bled the taxpayers dry with their unbridled unlimited spendthrift ways. This irresponsible behaviour by Obama’s socialist cohorts will cause deep pain soon as they are forced to taper QE and raise interest rates to normal bank rates. The warning signs are already there, with government agencies purchasing tanks and military equipment to be used on the streets of America. One must not also forget the purchase of billions of rounds of ammunition by Homeland Security. What are they preparing for? Martial law, is a certainty, as interest rates skyrocket, the price of daily consumables will rise to unattainable levels, all social security and welfare payments will cease, and it is most probable that an armed populace will try to regain some ground from the corrupt state of the current U.S. government. This is why Bernanke is holding off the inevitable for as long as he can by buying back $87 billion worth of U.S. debt per month. He can only do this for so long before the laws of physics finally win through. The IMF knows that all this quantitative easing, money printing will cause huge inflation in the future, but Obama’s spendthrift administration simply does not care.

The IMF knows

The rest of the world will thus have an economic boom while the U.S. implodes. The loss of a parasitical entity that makes up 4% of the world population and yet uses up 30% of the world’s resources will come as a huge relief. The key is in self-sufficiency, something the U.S. knows nothing about. Unfortunately for them, they also do not know about austerity, they only know about unbridled consumption and greed, which always ends in tears. The rest of the countries around the world have survived for thousands of years, and grow slowly and steadily, America is a nation that has moved too fast, and its Empire is now a sad, crumbling shadow of its former self. All Empires have their day, and for America those days are long gone. From now on things will accelerate, sadly for the good people of the United States, the reckless actions of their government have doomed them to serious painful but necessary days ahead, their Founding Fathers knew this would happen and gave them the right to bear arms. Let us hope that Obama does not take that from them as well, he’s taken pretty much everything else.

Obama’s 19.5 Million Fake Twitter Fans Sign Up For Obamacare

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“We made the fake twitter fans for Obama and now he wants us to make fake Obamacare signings. Is there anything real about this guy?” an angry net worker, who is paid $3.20 per week to add fake fans to Obama’s accounts, told the India Times.

All across America, many are realising that what was sold to them for months was nothing but a mirage, much like the president’s tenure.

Even some staunch Democrats are feeling the pain of Obama’s failure: “At least the Republicans get things done. They want to go to war, they go to war. They want to bring in a law, they bring in a law. I’m sick of the flip flopping and failure of the Dems to do anything. The only thing they do well is leak money, taxpayers money. I’m sickened by this whole fiasco, and Obama is a fake. He doesn’t even have a valid social security number and his birth certificate is fake. I doubt he even killed Osama Bin Laden. What’s real about this Obama guy?”

Meanwhile America’s government shutdown continues for the fourth day and counting.