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Fainting Woman Had Just Seen Her Obamacare Bill

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What a sad day for Obamacare and for pregnant single mother Karmel Allison, the 28-year-old mother of seven who had just opened an envelope before standing behind the podium where the architect of Obamacare was giving another one of his empty speeches.

According to Reuters, the woman had just seen her health insurance costs quadruple in less than a year.

“I voted for him twice. In Texas we gotta saying ‘fool me once, shame on you, er, fool me twice…er..shame on me’ or something like that, anyway, I’m gonna drop another sprog tomorrow and my deductible is over $34,000 plus a lot of the treatment I need is not covered. Looks like it’s gonna be selling up time. See y’all under a bridge, me and my now eight kids will be the ones in the big tent,” Ms Allison said from her stretcher after the speech.

The president received a round of applause and cheers when the woman was stretchered off still clutching the envelope in her trembling hand.

Amazing New Nano Tech Smart Phone Does Literally Everything

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The Daily Squib has already received some promotional Pomegranate phones which have astounded our office.

“This thing is incredible. I am so in awe of this phone that wherever I go I literally get crowds of people following me. Not only that it has done wonders for our global business as we can conduct meetings in any country in the world speaking the local language,” our sub editor in chief, Ronnie Wisebaum revealed.

The sophisticated 5G Nanotechnology is still in its infancy but utilises nano sized miniature computer processors to achieve many different functions such as projection, linguistic translation and even coffee breaks. It is a little pricey, but will probably come down in price in the future. On release it will retail at a cool £1,600, so don’t lose it, but if you do, it comes with handy tracking and deactivation software.

General release date for the new Pomegranate smart phone is 18 December 2013. Get yours for Christmas. Wow!!!

France Rises From the Ashes of Eurogeddon

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To be set free from the shackles of euro slavery, and for her economy to shoot up into the outer reaches of space, can the French maiden let loose from the darkness and reach her hand into the light?

The EU has stifled France, muffled her voice and condemned her to the wild tax mad ramblings of the clinically insane Francois Hollande — a puerile man whose idea of economic embellishment is to categorically destroy everything with socialistic punitive taxes.

Can the rising Joan D’Arc save France from being marginalised forever? The French are understandably fed up with the EU communist entity and will do or vote for a saviour from their prison.

The Bastille gates will be breached and the EU technicians taken to the guillotine for some swift justice.

Vive La France, they will shout as the heads roll into the baskets, these bringers of EU monstrosities onto a land that once coined the phrase Liberté, égalité, fraternité, except no brown people allowed.

The Good Thing About Time Is People Forget

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“There is brief outrage at the time, then as time passes, whatever event of wrongdoing by whatever government agency or MP is buried under as much news as possible. You see these internet days are a perfect smokescreen because the news comes thick and fast. It was certainly harder before the internet to gloss over a scandal or draconian act once it hit the papers. Let’s look at Snowden and Wikileaks. No one gives a flying f*ck. Time has passed, the government has now been assured that the people do not object to their non-existent privacy. These stories have been buried, and the torrent of useless information constantly bombarding the phones of ordinary citizens creates an amnesiac barrier. You are led from one goose chase to another and you will accept the opinion we give you,” an unnamed Whitehall source revealed.

Remember that as time passes, the doors close one step at a time, and you must forget the past, and repeat your trust, time and time again.

Israel to Give Palestinians Land in the Sea

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“Since 1946 we have bulldozed and murdered these sub-humans and they have bombed us with their suicide missions. They are lower than dogs or even Gentiles. I say to you Palestinians, you may finally have a piece of your own land, and it is a good sizeable portion that you may cultivate. We will give you an armed escort to the beaches where our rich countrymen and women enjoy their holidays, and we will push you into the sea. That is your land under the deep waters of the Red Sea. Now go and get some of your belongings and be prepared to swim until you lose all your energy. No boats are allowed or you will be shot on sight. You are allowed one fishing rod each to sustain yourselves while you paddle around in the waters. If you cannot swim, hold onto the person next to you so they too are pulled under the waves. Pray for sharks, so that your plight can be finished quickly. Now go on, get out of my sight,” the Israeli PM said on a broadcast to Palestinian news stations on Saturday.

Israeli troops will visit Palestinian ghettos first thing on Monday to round up the Palestinians for the final repatriation process to begin. The remaining Palestinians can be somewhat troublesome and some unrest may follow but what are rocks banging against tanks and bulldozers going to do?

“We are giving you an oasis in the sea. Do not be afraid. Just stay in front of the troops as they push you into the waters. You are now free to do as you wish. Shalom.” an IDF spokeswoman said with a gentle voice on another announcement.

The Palestinians were however too busy watching the genius of the Larry David episode “Palestinian Chicken” to even care about it all.

 

10 Great Reasons For Population Control

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1) Guaranteed wealth, with less people in the remaining world economy, each select person will be guaranteed a minimum salary of £300,000 per annum just to sit around. The amount can be guaranteed whether you choose leisure or work to build up your riches further. There will not be any need for taxation or thousands of debilitative laws ever again.

2) Less drivers on the roads and no traffic.

3) No poor people to look at or poverty. You will never see people who cannot afford to have children in society ever again.

4) The ability to live out your creative dreams, to implement large projects and expand your knowledge freely without constraint through art and technology.

5) Minimal politics and state control. Less humans means exactly that.

6) A clean environment where there is minimal pollution. Complete eco human bio technological homogeneity. Respect for all wildlife and nature. No factory farming for the masses or other elements of pollution ever again. No mass human waste dumped on the earth ever again. The earth will be allowed to recover from over-population.

7) No need for television or entertainment for the dumbed down masses ever again.

8) All encompassing universal technical education and knowledge. No more dumb people.

9) No more war or religion. With less humans, there will not be any need for war or mass control systems like religion. In the unlikely event of anything adverse rearing its head, security systems would be so advanced technologically that any threat would be neutralised immediately.

10) With no need for vast spending on military projects to defend individual nations as practised in the past, all funds can thus be directed towards extended life cycles or eradicating death completely for remaining humans. Breeding will be controlled by science. Nanotechnology and bio enhancement would enable individual humans to live for thousands of years.

Illegal Immigrants Caught Sending Illegal Text Messages With Illegal Words Illegally

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The illegal messages by the illegal immigrants were immediately captured by a special illegal immigrant text message scheme set up by the government to combat anything to do with illegal immigration.

“Illegal immigrants are not sending illegal text messages in a legal fashion. We have put into place legal safeguards so that illegal communications by the illegal immigrants can legally stop the illegal activity of these illegal immigrants,” Vaszlo Zbwziwzazwd, former illegal immigrant and now head of the Illegal Immigration Text Squad told the Daily Telegraph.

In other news, an illegal immigrant was caught illegally buying a mars bar illegally from a legal shop today. He was legally arrested for illegally contributing to the legal economy.

Obese Giraffes Causing Trouble in Africa

“These giraffes are not only a danger to other animals and humans but themselves as well. We had one obese giraffe sit down and accidentally crush a sleeping pride of lions, and one obese giraffe mother nearly squashed her new born baby. We have put them on special diet shakes so they can lose some of their weight,” park ranger, Blik Rosenthall, told the Serengeti Gazette.

The myriad of problems created by obese giraffes are a cause for concern for park staff, who believe that safari goers are the ones fuelling the fatty giraffes.

Another park ranger revealed: “We get these mainly American safari visitors giving them Twinkies and hamburgers. We try to tell them to stop but it is very hard to regulate. It’s not just what they eat in one end, but what comes out the other end is usually bigger than an elephant poo.”

In total there are approximately 43 obese giraffes now ambling slowly around the protected safari park, and vets are determined to bring the number of fatties down.

Chief veterinarian, Dr. Janice Bartends, who has adopted the obesity fight says: “We need to get them back to eating twigs and leaves. Some of our giraffes now weigh over 850 lbs, that’s close to half a tonne. We cannot have this going on anymore.”

Boehner to Sing Castrato in GOP Choir

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Looking a tad yellow, the House Speaker told news reporters that he had found his true voice.

“You know I love singing with a high voice, especially as I’ve had my testicles removed during the recent government shut down. I’ve heard my dear friend Obama is gonna come and watch me sing. Ain’t that sweet.”

Some of the songs Boehner and the Republicans will be singing are:

Away in a Furlough

Come Let Us Worship Obama

Count Your Yella Blessings

Hark the Herald Veterans Sing

Humble Thyself in the Sight of Obammy

and finally

I Surrender All

The Rich Will Be First Target During American Unrest

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“The millions of African American food stamp holders are Obama’s army, and the target of this anger will be rich white folk. The haves and have nots are a serious contentious issue in America and Obama is playing the race game with the hordes of dependent uneducated EBT African Americans who only have two emotions, anger and greed. They feel that a life of luxury on electronic benefits is somehow owed to them. This in many government circles is called the ‘gibs me’ culture, and these people are the core of Obama’s vote base. How else was he voted into office –twice? All it takes is a switch, and then boom, decent hard working Americans who pay for the EBT card users will be torn limb from limb in the streets and Walmarts of America by the savage packs of animals on the rampage. Throw in some gun play from a few concerned citizens and it’s gonna be party time,” Dean Zlozower, a Republican Congressman for Minnesota told Fox News.

One must remember the words of Thomas Jefferson: “The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”

Maybe that time is nearing now, as liberty is an alien concept under Obama’s total surveillance Stasi drone infested concept of America, where millions of uncouth, workshy people live luxurious lives off the backs of slave tax payers who dare to work, and where a president shows contempt and hatred towards elderly war veterans who served their country in world wars.

Henry Kissinger, one of the greatest statesmen of all time, despite being perceived as evil by the general populace, once said: “Control oil and you control nations; control food and you control the people.” Electronic Benefit Transfers, are ideal for this tactic.

No doubt Zbigniew Brzezinski, Obama’s undercover man agrees totally with Kissinger’s words because he has also been quoted saying similar dualistic words: “It is easier to kill one million people, than to control them.”

America is being run by psychopathic sovietized monsters intent on destruction from within, through economic means, and through the use of food shortages. The Novus Ordo Seclorum cannot survive with the previous incarnation of the United States, and Obama is the key figure in this operation, someone who feigns weakness, but would not blink one eye to the destruction of the entity he hates most, the entity that he is president of and the ultimate master of beckoning its ultimate annihilation.

To attain a truly technical society dominated by an elite with superior scientific instruments is only attainable through destruction of the false democratic system, and the controllers do not mind a little blood spilled here or there to achieve their aims.

Maybe there will be relief around the world when the elastic band finally snaps.