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Comrades, the Kulak Farmers are Revolting!

Nick O. Time
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3
Comrades, the Kulak Farmers are Revolting!

Comrades, commissars, Labour Party hierarchy, Bolsheviks, apparatchiks, Big State civil servants, Big State council bosses, train drivers, Marxist union bosses, NHS managers, Big State BBC propaganda officers, and the rest of the scum proletariat.

Commissar Reeves has revealed that the despised landed gentry kulak farmers are revolting. Reports are coming in that a number of kulak farmers are refusing to load milling wheat out of stores for the next two weeks.

URGENT COMMUNIQUÉ FROM COMMISSAR REEVES

“Comrades, due to my wonderful “growth” policies of heavy-handed and punishing taxation, it seems that some of the population are now revolting. Personally, I always thought the rest of you pathetic underlings were revolting, but that’s neither her nor there.

“Under these circumstances, I am proud to announce that there will be no bread or flour available in the shops. The People’s Republic of Soviet Britain is modelled on Soviet era Russia, so I can safely say that there will be not much change, except instead of queuing for hours to receive a tiny stale mouldy loaf, you will now queue for hours to get nothing.

“You can have your cabbage soup with no stale, mouldy bread for a while during the kulak farmers’ strike, and don’t forget, we will have available some lovely piping hot cabbage hot cross buns.

“I have already despatched our trusty Stasi agents and police along with the bulldozers to the rural areas to discipline the kulaks, and believe you me they will be disciplined. The Big State will seize any last remaining vestiges of capitalist filth left. I am NEVER wrong!”

INGSOC NOTICE 083540-08883-34019378233-A123-91119283838292920-0

GERALD PUMPKNUCKLE, 23, OF 104 JOSEFSTALIN ROAD, CRICKLEWOOD, SECTOR 12, ENGLAND, WAS TODAY AWARDED 0.02 GRAMS OF EXTRA FLOUR RATIONS FOR REPORTING HIS GRANDMOTHER, GRANDFATHER, BROTHER, SISTER, LOCAL BAKER AND PET TORTOISE HUGO FOR TUTTING DISAPPROVINGLY DURING A BROADCAST FROM COMMISSAR REEVES ABOUT THE BIG STATE INCREASE IN ALL BIG STATE TAXES FOR PROLES TO BE ENACTED NEXT WEEK. THE TREACHEROUS TRAITORS TO THE BIG STATE WERE TAKEN AWAY THIS MORNING AT 3AM. THEY WILL BE LIQUIDATED AND RECYCLED FOR SUSTAINABLE COMMISSAR MILIBAND NET ZERO PURPOSES! THE SPECIAL NET ZERO KOOL-AID PRODUCED FROM THE LIQUIDATION WILL BE AVAILABLE IN THE SHOPS SOON. REMEMBER COMRADES, LOOK, LISTEN, REPORT!

Today is Our Only Official Day Off in the Year

Nick O. Time
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0
Today is Our Only Official Day Off in the Year

Yes, the Daily Squib was formed on April Fools’ Day 2007, and since then on every April 1st the DS staff get a day off.

We’re now in the boozer getting pissed.

See you all tomorrow…or not.

Not Proud to be British Any More

Nick O. Time
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5
Not Proud to be British Any More

Britain is dead. It is so dead, that it is now a rotting putrid carcass with its legs sticking up and all bulbous and bloated with gases that threaten to explode. People who live in Britain are now ashamed of their own flag, they are ashamed of their own history and if a war started tomorrow, not many people would bother to fight for their country. You were once proud to be British, yet today you are not proud to be British. Even Shakespeare, probably the greatest English playwright, has been cancelled (decolonised).

What’s it like to live in a demoralised nation destroyed by woke ideology imported from the country’s enemies?

Well, it’s just sad that it has come to this level of despair. Seeing so-called leaders like Keir Starmer taking the knee for every woke virtue signal agenda is an affront to everything this country stood for once, and it is up to the Labour Party to hammer those rusty nails firmly into the coffin of Britain, because the Labour Party exemplifies everything that is wrong with this country. Freedom of speech and expression? It’s all gone. People are being arrested for social media posts, holding up signs, protesting, voicing their opinion.

As big nations like America, China and Russia move forward with their imperial ways, the UK can only watch from afar as the others shovel up as much territory and resources as possible. It’s Net Zero, a byword for impoverishing a nation and its people. China is building scores of coal powered stations every year; America is all about “drill, baby, drill” and here they’re concreting over crucial gas reserves. Of course, Putin watches, and gives a wry smile. When the war begins for certain — the hot war — Britain will be defenceless. This is what Labour are doing, they are destroying crucial back up energy reserves, leaving Britain sans defence, a limping shadow of its former self, a hopeless fucking case which can be walked over and defeated in less than a day.

With a destroyed economy thanks to the arrogance of a lunatic rogue chancellor who has no idea how commerce works, or the fact that over-taxation changes the behaviour of the population resulting in lower treasury tax revenue, the augurs do not bode well. It’s like listening to a robot as this horrifying Marxist automaton bleats out the usual blame game for an economic disaster made solely by her disastrous decisions.

Britain is fucked, it truly is now completely lost, and no, Reform or Farage, or whoever cannot save the island — it’s gone. You’re not proud to be British, you’re ashamed of the Union Jack.

Meghan Markle Could Sell Sussex Branded Landmines On Instagram

Nick O. Time
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1
Meghan Markle Could Sell Sussex Branded Landmines On Instagram

Meghan Markle loves money so much, she is now considering selling Sussex branded landmines on her Instagram affiliate marketing shop. The landmines would be dropshipped and delivered to any war zone, DMZ or territory with next day shipping available, giving her a nice tidy commission.

It’s the dollars, any way to make cash money is okay, and Markle is no exception to this rule.

It is not certain which type of Sussex branded landmines Meghan will go for, but it will probably be the type that blows people up.

Mine expert Hugo Boom is an ex-Pentagon arms salesman and suggests the celebrity influencer sells mines like the M18A1 Claymore fragmentation mine in bulk, maybe 100,000 units minimum, which in commission sales could be top-notch.

Bulk orders from places like Myanmar or Hamas would make for some serious cash.

“The M18 is a beautiful piece of ordnance. When detonated, the explosion drives the matrix forward, out of the mine at a velocity of 3,937 ft/s, at the same time breaking it into individual fragments. The steel balls are projected in a 60 degree fan-shaped pattern that is 6.6 ft high and 55 yd wide at a range of 55 yd. The force of the explosion deforms the relatively soft steel balls into a shape similar to a .22 rimfire projectile.

“If she’s going for real sales, I also suggest the Sussex branded M16 APM bounding mine. These fuckers sell like hot cakes. When it is tripped, a small propelling charge launches the body of the mine 3 to 4 feet into the air, where the main charge detonates and sprays fragmentation at roughly waist height. I love these things, they’re absolute genius. Jack-in-the-box shit right there!

“Okay, I heard she’s selling jam as well. I gotta tell you, after these mines go off, it kinda looks like jam, except maybe a few eyeballs, and bones in the mix too!”

Vicar Criticised for Refurbishing 15th Century Village Church

Nick O. Time
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5
Vicar Criticised for Refurbishing 15th Century Village Church

Villagers have criticised their vicar for refurbishing the village’s 15th century church to resemble something “very unchristian”. From recent photographs, it is clear the village church has undergone radical changes.

Those living in Pringlefuncle Heath, Grindlesfartledean, labelled the refurbishment an “abomination” and “hideous eyesore” after the scaffolding and plastic sheeting was pulled down this week.

The Rev Peter Monkswaithe said that the refurbishment on the Grade 1-listed St Crusto’s Church “is a necessary progressive change made for the times we are living in right now”, but local residents said the structure is horrific and “totally out of keeping with the beautiful landscape”.

Photographs taken in the village, which was the setting of Barrowsanus in the BBC series All Creatures Small and Tiny, showed the refurbished Anglican church, with minarets in stark contrast to the remaining original brickwork of the rest of the church.

Christine Innabred, 62, a businesswoman who lives in Grindlesfartledean launched a “stop the refurbishment” petition that garnered 31 signatures last year in a village with a population of just 500.

She called the situation a “fucking disgrace”, and added: “From the hills that surround the village it can be seen for miles and looks so out of place, particularly when the rest of the church has been left in its original state.”

Reverend Monkswaithe anticipated that any “negativity” around the decision would fall to him.

He said the refurbishment was irreversible, “it is what it is, Alhamdulillah, things have changed in England and as a nation we must accept Allah into our hearts”.

“In a few months, I’m hoping people will get used to the daily calls to prayer and the hysteria will fade down.”

Reverend Monkswaithe says he hopes villagers will ‘get used’ to the new-look church.

Reginald Pisstrower, 73, said the vicar had “disfigured the church” and “changed the face of the village”.

Rachel Sharter lives two miles from Grindlesfartledean in Furqueton Hurst, but said she can still see the minarets, and hear the muezzin calling to prayer every day, scaring her chickens.

She added: “You could never see the church before, but now there’s no missing it.”

Mr Monkswaithe’s decision received some support on social media.

One supporter wrote: “Mashallah! The Christians have finally seen the truth, there is only one god, and he is Allah!”

Another said: “Soon the entire country will belong to Muslims. Bismillah ir-Rahman ir-Rahim. Allahu Akbar!”

Labour minister, Angela Rayner, is set to visit the village next Friday to attend prayers. Today, she commended the vicar on a “job well done”.

Meghan Markle Considering Joining OnlyFans

Nick O. Time
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2
Meghan Markle Considering Joining OnlyFans

Along with selling dropshipped products on Instagram, the celebrity influencer is also considering joining OnlyFans, a place where the real money is made.

“She’s already selling jam, so why not start selling crusty knickers with a little (jam) in those as well? The simps of OnlyFans would lap those up like they were crumpets in a tea shop. There are women on OnlyFans literally making millions selling their crusty used knickers to losers all over the internet,” a PR adviser at top public relations firm, Elite Los Angeles PR, revealed on Friday.

OnlyFans and Meghan Markle could be a very lucrative moneymaker, more so than selling bland slave-made tat on Instagram.

“She’s a bit old now, but there’s still a good market for the older ladies. I think she should get one of those football boob jobs, and botox lips that look like a burst tyre. Slap on the fake eyelashes and all that crap, then she needs a decent camera, get those jam jars out, and she’s good to go. Private shows alone would be a real money spinner, especially if she has one of those pink plastic buzzer things they stick in, not sure what they’re called.”

OnlyFans money talks, jammy knickers, rock hard c*cks!

White Boy Stung by African Wasp in Lesotho

Nick O. Time
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0
White Boy Stung by African Wasp in Lesotho

A white boy has been stung rather badly by a very angry female African wasp, it has been reported.

According to witnesses, the white boy, who is rather partial to “virtue signalling and playing the victim card”, angered the African wasp so much, it stung him multiple times.

He has now left the scene and in fact left Africa with his tail firmly between his legs.

Even David Attenborough hates these fucking African wasps, and that’s saying something.

Poverty Britain Rachel Reeves Condemns Millions to Misery

Nick O. Time
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4
Poverty Britain Rachel Reeves Condemns Millions to Misery

The Office for Budget Responsibility (OBR) has halved Britain’s growth and warned the tax burden will hit a new record under Ms Reeves, from 35.3pc of gross domestic product (GDP) this year to an historic high of 37.7pc in 2027-28. The Worker’s Rights Charter means that many people will never be employed and will add to the burden on the taxpayer as millions more will claim benefits. This is poverty Britain.

The insane policies of Rachel Reeves have choked growth in the UK. The rise in National Insurance, kicking in next month, will cost firms billions, discouraging hiring and investment. Frozen income tax thresholds and higher stamp duty will destroy household finances, along with skyrocketing Net Zero energy costs and Council (poll) tax increases.

Poverty will increase in Britain because of Labour’s inhumane policies, and unemployment will rise due to the delusional policies of Reeves, making employing people an impossibility for many businesses.

Reeves has tried to blame Trump for the economic downturn in Britain on multiple occasions, but the UK economy shrank by 0.1% in January before the markets had priced in the Trump tariff wars.

Almost £5 billion of welfare cuts will leave an estimated quarter of a million more people, including 50,000 children, in absolute poverty by the end of the decade, according to the Government’s own impact assessment.

Meanwhile, with no deterrent for illegal Channel crossings, over 30,000 illegal migrants have crossed over from France since Labour took over, and the cost for putting the hundreds of thousands of asylum seekers up in luxury hotels is now costing the taxpayer £6.5 million per day, not including the room service costs.

When Reeves opened her mouth today in parliament, the value of the pound slumped further and news came through that the OBR had halved its estimates for growth in the UK economy this year.

Rachel Reeves “Growth” Policies Mean Reduction in Living Standards by 2030

Commissar Reeves Announces Great News About the Shrinking UK Economy

Labour to Add £6.43 Trillion Debt by 2029

Comrades, Today is a Big Day For My Second Soviet Budget

Nick O. Time
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3
Comrades, Today is a Big Day For My Second Soviet Budget

Commissar Rachel Reeves will address the Duma House of Comrades today to proudly announce that since her first Soviet Budget, Britain is now in recession and a Great Depression has fallen over the Soviet People’s Republic of Britain. The commissar’s second soviet budget will bring even more horror and misery to the vile proles.

RECESSION BRITAIN

“Comrades, apparatchiks, civil servants, train drivers, union bosses, fat cat council bosses, NHS managers, Bolsheviks, and the everyday working proletariat scum. I am proud to announce that today I will address the Soviet Duma of Britain about how my first budget’s policies have ruined the economy and made the lives of Britons a fucking misery.

“Thanks to my “growth” policies of heavy taxation, heavy regulation, and punishing business costs, which have reduced the quality of life to never before seen levels, as well as going on a £70 billion spending splurge on useless Big State socialist projects, I have been called forward once again to punish Britons further by announcing Labour will put Britain into a further £6.4 trillion of debt by 2029.

“Do not worry, civil servants of the Big State, Labour ministers, train drivers, council managers and bosses and union bosses all on vast taxpayer salaries and pensions will be exempt from the horrors I have brought upon the ordinary British taxpayers and the filthy capitalist private sector.

“The Red Labour government is dedicated to increasing taxes even further, increasing useless regulations that will further inhibit business, and punishing those who work hard and save by confiscating wealth from the bourgeoisie and business community. We are also destroying the vile landed gentry represented by the Kulak farmer class. These parasitical capitalist swine have dared to survive for generations, providing food for the population of Britain. Thanks to my policies, they will be stopped in their tracks and bankrupted as their wealth is siphoned off and redistributed to people who have never worked a day in their lives. Our redistribution of wealth from wealth creators to the feckless subclasses and illegal immigrants is the correct action to implement.

“Through collectivisation we as a Soviet nation are becoming stronger in poverty, and destitution. Why have a recession when you can have a Great Depression? Comrades, this is my goal as Commissar of the Soviet People’s Bank.

“Comrades, I am proud to announce and celebrate our economy shrinking into recession, by cancelling the previous proposed increase of 2.1 grams in chocolate rations that was scheduled for this year, and instead replace it with one rotten turnip for the proletariat filth.”

INGSOC ORDER 8564324-9076-S

COLIN PUMPLESWANK OF 871 URINE ROAD, STAINES WAS TODAY CHARGED WITH ATTEMPTS TO INCREASE HIS WEALTH BY RUNNING A BUSINESS SELLING GRAPES, WHICH ARE A RARE COMMODITY ONLY ALLOWED FOR HIGH PARTY LABOUR MEMBERS. HE HAS BEEN CHARGED AND CONVICTED TO 45 YEARS OF HARD LABOUR BREAKING ROCKS IN GRIMSBY GULAG. HE GLADLY CONFESSED TO HIS VARIOUS CRIMES, INCLUDING SOCIAL MEDIA THOUGHTCRIME, SELLING GRAPES ILLICITLY TO PROLES AND PROFITING OFF THIS EVIL CAPITALIST ACTION. PROLETARIAT SOVIET CITIZENS OF BRITAIN ARE PROHIBITED FROM EATING OR PURCHASING GOODS, WHICH ARE RESERVED ONLY FOR HIGH PARTY COMRADES. IF FOUND SELLING OR CONSUMING RESERVED GOODS, PROLES WILL BE LIQUIDATED AND RECYCLED INTO NET ZERO JUICE (AVAILABLE IN SELECT SOVIETMARKET OUTLETS).

Progressive Democrats Say “Violence is Okay” Against Trump at Denver Rally

Nick O. Time
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4
Progressive Democrats Say “Violence is Okay” Against Trump at Denver Rally

Rep. Alexandria Ocasio Cortez, D-N.Y., and Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., drew big crowds at a rally in Denver, Colorado, on Friday as they tour across the U.S. on their “Fighting Oligarchy” tour. Many progressive Democrats at the rally openly called for violence against Trump and his administration, as well as the use of guerilla tactics to wound the government.

Watch the video here

The series of bombings against Tesla are an example of the violence meted out by Democrats.

Carrying banners depicting Trump’s beheaded head, one woman wearing a mask casually said “Yes, I am, I believe it’s time that the people straight cut his fucking head off” when asked if she wanted Trump dead by a reporter at the rally.

Another Democrat supporter revealed that President Trump should be hung upside down by his feet, because that is what happened to Mussolini and to fascists.

“I think, the people in power, that’s all they’re going to listen to now, we’ve done the rallies, we’ve done all these things, and they don’t listen, and now we’ve done something that’s finally got people to listen,” another progressive said when asked if violence works.

Looks like the Dems are upping their game, somewhat …

Watch the video here

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