17.7 C
London
Thursday, October 31, 2024
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 149

China Fed Taliban Vital U.S Intelligence Prior to Takeover

0

There is a reason why the Taliban were always one or two steps ahead of the Americans and their hurried surrender of Afghanistan — China. With eyes on vast caches of mineral resources and rare earth materials necessary for high-end technological production, Afghanistan, holds untold natural resources just begging to be mined. Afghanistan holds between $1 trillion and $3 trillion in mineral wealth in underground reserves, including vast gold deposits and lithium that may be used to develop batteries for electric vehicles. For China, Afghanistan is a veritable treasure chest of opportunities to increase its already huge wealth, and production capabilities.

Worth trillions of dollars, the Chinese/Taliban mining deals, would not only fund a high-tech Taliban military but also provide opportunities for Chinese construction companies to build roads, motorways, hospitals and other infrastructure. The Chinese Belt and Road Initiative (BRI), will be solidly implemented into Afghanistan, as it is in Africa.

Chinese mining companies, closely tied to the CCP, will be given contracts from the Taliban and will be mining soon. The deals were conducted weeks ago when the sloppy Americans under the orders of incompetent Joe Biden were told to abandon and leave everything.

China has already stated, it will recognise the Taliban government, when all Western nations have refused to do so.

The Taliban were fed strategic intelligence, including times, and other crucial information related to the U.S withdrawal, by Chinese intelligence sources who have direct access to American classified information.

Because of Biden’s ties to Beijing, it is almost a certainty that he was informed by his Chinese controllers to capitulate without a fight. The CCP holds a treasure trove of Kompromat on corrupt Joe Biden, and his crack smoking son, Hunter, which they can release at any time, if he does not tow the line. In no uncertain terms, Biden is a valuable Chinese asset who can be used to undermine the USA from the inside.

As Western nations abandon Afghanistan, China is staying behind. China’s embassy never closed even during the chaos and mayhem left by the Americans.

Tony Blair: “Don’t Look at Me, I’ve Got Nothing to Do With This!”

0

Whilst the usual blame shifting continued in a reconvened parliament today, there was only silence from a very significant player in the Afghan crisis — Tony Blair.

Blair today is an enriched elder statesman who rolls himself out now and then to advise everyone on a plan of action regarding whatever problem is irking, however, this time he strangely seems to be silent.

Afghanistan, of course, has been a thorn in many a PM’s side throughout history, however, Tony Blair’s role in committing British forces once again into the adverse country, should be analysed. It was solely committed because Blair followed Bush without question. Britain was/is the poodle of the United States, and thanks to Blair following the blood crazed American Neocons into nightmare situations without question or fortitude, Britain has once again been defeated in Afghanistan.

How should the ‘special relationship’ be re-evaluated in the future? Should British forces be bullied into following insane policies of the United States without question?

The premise of the initial attack of Afghanistan was to destroy “Bin Laden” and his Al Qaeda terrorists. This was a clear hot-headed plan to simply kill some Muslims in retaliation for the 911 attacks, because Bin Laden was in Pakistan, and not in Afghanistan. Al Qaeda, a fluid organisation never stays in a singular place for any length of time, cannot be charged with any singular territory belonging to them.

We would not be in this mess if it had not been for Tony Blair and the Labour Party, which have been trying to shift the blame to Boris Johnson today in parliament.

As parliament babbles on inanely today, Tony Blair, the architect of Britain’s demise in Afghanistan, is silent in one of his many multi-million pound mansions. Iraq was next for Blair and Bush.

Blair will not be called up for his crimes, and neither will his Neocon master George W. Bush, who are the real ones with piles of bloody bodies on their unwashed hands. The clueless Joe Biden, who does not even know what day it is, let alone anything about Afghanistan, is a useless dreg, a faltering half-brain cell who just needs to go back to sleep and ignore that anything happened in that dusty, hellish country.

All your babbling will not right the wrongs, you will not feel better for airing your grievances, because out there in Afghanistan, right now, people are being killed, persecuted and tortured, all because of the insane aspirations of the Western ‘state builders’ who tried to change the impossible.

Today, Islamic Jihad wins, and it revels in the riches of its victory, while the naive meddling West receives a sharp, swift kick in the groin, and a stiff dose of fucking reality.

 

The Happy Happy World of the New Taliban 2.0

0

It’s like Christmas, New Year, and all birthdays rolled into one for the new Taliban 2.0, simply because of the wonderful gifts given to them by Joe Biden, on a golden platter, without a single bullet being fired.

Of course, the new Taliban are talking all liberal, they’re so happy right now with the billions of dollars of gifts, they’re simply Jihaded out!

Women and girls rights? Sure, on the surface it will look like some concessions from the old days, but under the surface, much will be the same. Sharia law is Sharia law after all.

When it will get dark, the old ways will resume in silence, the knock on doors for those who conspired against them, the young women told to follow their new master at gun point, and of course the vast swathes of poppy fields now all under Taliban control ready to be harvested, processed and shipped over to the West. With a restricted Western press allowed in the country, nothing will be reported.

The Taliban now have state-of-the-art gyms to get fit in, they even have fucking dodgems to clown around in and even an air force gifted to them by Joe Biden, worth billions of dollars. The new breed of Taliban now have access to American military gear like night vision goggles, M4 machine guns, kevlar body protection all with close air support from Blackhawk helicopters.

UPDATE : Funny thing is, in a fit of Sharia conscience the same Taliban crew filmed enjoying dodgems in the fair ground, torched the motherfucking place down, a few days later.

It’s all smiles, folks, thanks to the surrender of the weak and lazy Biden administration, who just could not be bothered with it all anymore. The reason for the apathy, and laziness is probably that there were no visible transexuals in Afghanistan, so the Biden admin just got bored. Without gays and transexuals to virtue signal over, what was the point of being there for the socialist Biden admin? It seems they do not give a fig about the fate of women and girls in the country, so they abandoned everyone to a fate of silent death to the now emboldened and extremely rich Taliban.

As for the Taliban, they simply played the long game and won. The Taliban always knew the Westerners did not have a heart in what they were doing in Afghanistan, and they punished them with not only many humiliating deaths, but got them to spend trillions of dollars for nothing.

“We helped bankrupt them over twenty years and tired them out, killing many of their soldiers. The icing on the cake, thank you to Joe Biden, you left us billions worth of military hardware, and helicopters, Humvees and drones,” one Taliban member quipped whilst reclining in the former Afghan president’s palace.

 

U.S. Surrender: Heroin Production to Increase in Afghanistan

0

One thing the Taliban are very good at is in the production of raw opium from the extensive poppy fields they will now control exclusively. The Coalition forces during their tenure somewhat throttled some of the production of raw opium and heroin, however the Taliban will need more weapons and ammo when the stuff from the Afghan army runs out.

Opium production from the poppy plant is a relatively labour-intensive process.

The U.S. spent more than $8.5 billion over 15 years trying to deprive the Taliban of their profits from Afghanistan’s opium and heroin trade, from poppy eradication to airstrikes and raids on suspected labs, but thanks to Joe Biden’s surrender, have failed miserably.

To fuel the Taliban’s need for high-end weapons, transportation, as well as other military gear, their first plan of action will be to increase production of the finest grade heroin to sell to the West.

Western nations, where the heroin is most in demand, will now see an increased influx of the drug from Taliban controlled Afghanistan. No doubt, deaths from overdoses will also increase, especially as Afghan heroin is the purest on the market. This is all good for the Taliban, a win-win situation, not only are they poisoning the infidels with their heroin, but they will make vast profits from the trade.

According to some sources, the Taliban currently make approximately $400 million per annum in the heroin trade, but this will quadruple many times over most indefinitely especially with the whole country under their control now.

Thank You, Joe! Prayers For Afghan Women Abandoned to their Terrible Fate

0

Under the International coalition, women in Afghanistan had come a long way, especially in the cities. Many Afghan women could be educated to university level, women could run businesses, walk the streets unchaperoned, and found a level of freedom never before seen in the country. From hair salons, to fashionable clothes stores, sports, driving cars, the women of Afghanistan were really finding a level of emancipation from the brutal Taliban years.

That is, until good old lazy Joe Biden could not be bothered with it anymore. Much like Obama lost half of the Ukraine, so too has Biden surrendered an even larger territory — Afghanistan.

There are some very capable Afghan women who have been educated to a high standard already, but will now be relegated to become a Taliban sex slave, forbidden from leaving their homes, and if they refuse the wishes of the Sharia following Taliban, they will be publicly humiliated and beaten.

Adultery is forbidden, and is punishable by stoning under Sharia law. If the sex slave refuses her Taliban owner his needs, she is summarily beaten or whipped until she relinquishes her goods.

There are some stunningly beautiful Afghan girls with amazing green eyes, and these are given to the highest ranking Taliban officials or Mujahideen. Some women are even passed around from one fighter to another, especially if a Taliban fighter loses his life in battle.

Women’s primary role now in Afghanistan is breeding, food preparation and cleaning. An Afghan woman could be a highly trained doctor or lawyer, but under Taliban rule, thanks to lazy Joe Biden, she will be imprisoned in a house forever.

For a moment, Afghanistan was reaching the 21st Century, but thanks to the evil, lazy policies of Joe Biden, the country will now regress 450 years.

Review: Joe Biden Airways First Class Lounge From Kabul, Afghanistan

0

We are so excited today, we’re flying on Joe Biden Airways and have been given First Class tickets to travel on the flagship American airline.

The Taliban have just taken over the entire city of Kabul, so hailing a taxi to the airport is out of the question. Amongst the running crowds of Afghans fleeing in abject terror, we find a few crumpled bicycles. It’s approximately 3 miles to the airport, so we head off.

The Taliban trucks armed to the teeth are already patrolling the streets. On the way, we notice some beauty salons having their windows whitewashed, apparently they will be shut down permanently from now on.

Overhead, Chinooks carrying U.S. embassy staff constantly fly over our heads. Wonder if they will get to fly on Joe Biden Airways like us lucky ones?

There are no women on the streets anymore, they are all at home cowering in terror at what is to come. Being made into a Taliban sex slave is the most probable outcome, as we have seen before.

My partner in crime is Janine, a photo journalist for some agency based in New York. She is dressed in full Burqa attire and looks rather funny trying to ride her bike through the fleeing Afghan crowds. She can barely see out of the letterbox slot, so I have to give her directions, at one time she almost goes headlong into a massive pothole, only missing it with a sharp shout from me –“right!”

We eventually arrive at Kabul airport. There are literally thousands of Afghans here all running around, shouting, climbing walls, climbing aeroplanes, throwing babies over walls, climbing over each other.

“Excuse me, do you know where the First Class lounge is for Biden Airways?” I ask a U.S. Marine waving a meaty M27 IAR affixed with a shiny looking ACOG Squad Day Optic around. He points towards the main airport building, which seems to be covered by mounds of people. Calmly, he lowers his gun, levels it and shoots three Afghans who are trying to climb a wall into the militarized zone. Their fresh steaming brains glisten ominously in the Afghan sunshine.

“Shit! Did you see that, Janine?”

“No! I can’t see anything, but I heard it!”

Quickly, we join a crowd of about 15,000 people trying to get into the airport’s main building. Will we need boarding passes, and our passports stamped? There is no one at the Check-in desks, just Afghans carrying carpets and live chickens in baskets.

Finally, I spy a sign upon yonder — “Joe Biden Airways – FIRST CLASS LOUNGE”

When we get to the door, I immediately imagine myself sitting back with a newspaper, a coffee and Danish pastry or two, a beautiful female attendant whispering sweet nothings in my ear, and the gentle lulling sound of air con, mixed in with some Muzak.

Instead, we are greeted by a very angry looking turbaned beardy Taliban official not only holding an AK-47, but dozens of rusty old Soviet-era grenades.

“Er, is this the first class lounge for Joe Biden Airways? Here’s our ticket…”

“په ځمکه کې ښکته شئ تاسو امریکایی خنزیر ناپاک یاست.”

Read the next instalment of this enthralling review of Joe Biden Airways, from Kabul, Afghanistan next week.

Biden Sleeps Whilst Disastrous Afghan Humanitarian Crisis He Created Continues

0

“This is Saigon 1975, the Vietcong were outside the city waiting to storm in, with little or no resistance. This is the fall of Phnom Penh, when Pol Pot and his Khmer Rouge stormed the city, with people begging to board the last U.S. Huey out. Thanks to that lazy fuck Biden, millions of people are being displaced, murdered and abandoned. I lost two legs in Afghanistan, for what? Because of that yella son of a bitch, Joe Biden, we were there for nothing, and achieved nothing,” a bemused, and disgusted former U.S. Marine revealed on Friday.

Kabul Will Fall Soon

UNHCR, the UN Refugee Agency, is warning of a looming humanitarian crisis in Afghanistan as the escalating conflict brings increased human suffering and civilian displacement.

An estimated 270,000 Afghans have been newly displaced inside the country since January 2021 – primarily due to insecurity and violence –  bringing the total uprooted population to over 3.5 million.

Families forced to flee their homes in recent weeks cite the worsening security situation as the predominant reason for their flight.

The Taliban are said to be dragging civilians into the streets, executing them on the spot. Young girls are forcibly snatched from their homes as young as 7 to be given to Taliban soldiers as sex slaves. 3.5 million people have now been displaced, fleeing in abject terror.

Sleepy Joe Biden, who now has serious blood on his hands, is a disgrace, he is a festering boil on the arse of humanity, who could only quip that the “Afghans should look after themselves”, the question being, what with? The so-called Afghan army soldiers have not been paid for months, they are beleaguered with poor equipment, no ammo and no food. No wonder they are surrendering in droves as the heavily armed and equipped Taliban roll into each town.

Anyone who either voted for Biden, or engineered the electoral process to win him votes, is complicit in the murder of millions of Afghan people. Sure, you may not fucking care, but it’s on your heads, suckers. You helped destroy the lives of a whole nation.

As for the trillions of taxpayers’ money spent in Afghanistan, and the dead/maimed soldiers who gave their lives for nothing, you can thank Joe Biden for that.

When Everyone Gets A Grades in Exams…

0

Much like eating the finest filet mignon every day, or the world being full of 12-karat diamonds, after a while it all becomes sort of meaningless. That’s why everyone getting A grades in their A-levels and GCSEs is much of the same. What’s the fucking point? There is absolutely no point in any of it, because even the dumb shits got an A grade, and so did the clever ones.

Everyone is now an A star student. It’s off to uni to do a degree in surf studies, or trans studies…whatever.

To hear the blood-curdling squeals of the boys and girls all jumping up and down with their meaningless A grades is an exercise in futility. Here are these misguided, institutionalised, indoctrinated twits who think they achieved something when in essence they are one of the millions now with another A grade.

Let’s give all Olympians gold medals despite their position in their event, let us give all 30 drivers a podium finish at the Grand Prix final, let us give all SAS candidates a beret despite their performance in trials.

Who needs standards anyway, who needs markers of intelligence or sheer fucking hard work?

This illusion of equality in everything is a recipe for abject disaster, leading to a dystopian Woke Soviet world where everyone dresses the same, everyone says the same things and everyone has the exact same fucking A grades for everything despite ability. Well done, we’re on the way to that very world.

Millions Plan to Flee to Europe From Afghanistan and Marburg Virus Infected Guinea

0

Europe is set to receive millions more refugees, not only from Taliban ruled Afghanistan but deadly virus torn West African country Guinea.

The corridor for entry to the EU is mostly from North Africa, but the entry zone of Greece is also a preferred route by millions of migrants fleeing oppressive regimes and disease.

The Marburg virus which makes people bleed to death internally, and comes from bats/monkeys, is now a major concern by the UN, who are trying to stem the flow of infections in Guinea.

There is no known treatment for the Marburg virus. Africans eat bats as part of their culture and diet.

Health authorities in the country are now monitoring 155 people who may have been in contact with a confirmed case, the World Health Organisation said.

The patient died in Gueckedou in southeastern Guinea – also the location of the 2014-16 West Africa Ebola outbreak.

All it would take is infected Africans to cross into Morocco or Libya and take a ship to Italy or Spain. The current rate of migrant ships into the EU is about 400 boats per day, and once within the Schengen zone, migrants are given automatic admittance to the EU. Flights from Guinea are regular and constant into mainland Europe and the UK, and other parts of the world, thus enabling the virus to spread.

The incubation time for the virus is between 2-21 days, therefore many travellers could easily spread the virus without showing any visible sign of illness.

Three million Afghans to Germany

The abandonment of Afghanistan by the U.S. as well as the huge move by the Taliban to take over eight cities and vast rural territory means millions of Afghans will be forced to migrate to Europe.

“It can be assumed that up to three million Afghans will be making their way to Europe in the foreseeable future. I always ask people: why don’t you go to Saudi Arabia, these are Muslims, this is your culture. The answer is always: no, Germany is better,” Sybille Schnehage, an aid worker in Kunduz, Afghanistan revealed in a recent interview.

Fearless Prince Andrew Books Flight to New York

0

The besieged royal and his ex-wife Sarah, Duchess of York, have booked first class tickets to New York with his lawyers in tow, after a case launched by a former prostitute who alleges she was sexually abused by Prince Andrew when she was 17 and that he knew she was the teenage victim of sex trafficking.

The former prostitute claims she was forced to have sex with him and was ‘lent out for sexual purposes’ by paedophile Jeffrey Epstein.

Decorated War Hero

“Prince Andrew is not afraid of anything and will land on American soil with the full confidence of an innocent man who will confront his accusers head on. There is nothing to fear. The prince is a fighting man, who served in the Falklands war, and will fight with all his might to defend his name from those who are attempting to besmirch it,” one of the royal’s aides revealed.

There are fears that Prince Andrew may be arrested once touching down at the airport, however, the threat of jail does not phase Andrew in any way.

“The prince has been training hard on surviving any prison time in a U.S. jail. His favourite film is ‘Get Hard’ (2015) and Andrew even knows how to craft a shank out of a toothbrush. Whether Andrew would survive the prison showers is another matter,” another confidante revealed.

Prince Andrew and his entourage are set to land at LaGuardia Airport on Friday.