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Chopped Raab: “Might As Well Finish My Holiday Now!”

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After being so rudely interrupted by Biden’s catastrophic mismanaged collapse of Afghanistan during his holiday, the newly chopped from the Cabinet, former Foreign Secretary, Dominic Raab is to reconvene on the island of Crete to finish his holiday.

“I shall go back to the luxury resort with my wife and lie on the same sun lounger I was on when I was so rudely interrupted by the fall of Afghanistan,” Mr Raab emphatically revealed on Thursday.

As the Taliban entered Kabul, Raab had barely ingested his piña colada, and was luxuriating on the private beach away from all the world’s trials and tribulations. The Royal Villa with Courtyard and own private swimming pool is a mere £4,600 per night at the Amirandes, an exclusive ideal on the far-east of the island. It is understandable that at that price, Afghanistan and people flinging themselves off fucking exiting aeroplanes would be a mild consideration to the sun glazed Raab.

“Why do you go on bloody holiday anyway? To get away from everything, and that means absolutely that. If I’m on a secluded beach with a cocktail in one hand and my wife is smacking her lips preparing to fellate, no amount of phone calls or apocalyptic disasters would sway me,” an understanding commentator on the subject explained.

Back to the sun it is then…

Comrade Bolshevik General Mark Milley Honoured by Chinese Communist Party

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These days, it is quite hard to know who the enemy is any more, especially when High Treason committed against the United States is celebrated by the Biden administration. Comrade General Mark Milley is thus to be honoured today by the CCP, and People’s Liberation Army of communist China for his treason against the United States and President Donald. J. Trump.

According to Pentagon reports, the Bolshevik General Milley contacted the enemy (China) and relayed sensitive military intelligence to them, in a clear breach of protocol or role for the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.

Celebrated for his “brave betrayal of the USA” both by China and denizens of the Biden administration, Comrade General Mark Milley will be flown to Beijing later on today to receive a CCP medal for his service to the Chinese Communist Party, and People’s Liberation Army.

“We want more Americans to divulge Top Secret military intelligence with us, especially before we attack the United States and eradicate their population. This sort of American treason helps us greatly. Thank you so much, Comrade Milley,” a high ranking PLA officer revealed today.

Chinese President, Xi Jinping, will host Comrade General Milley at his residence in Beijing before the ceremony begins. Unfortunately, it will not be televised due to its Top Secret nature.

Another Day Living in the Hell of Sadiq Khan’s Machete London

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They used to say the streets of London were paved with gold, today, they are only paved with blood, and severed hands. Nothing has been accomplished for this once great capital city during London Mayor, Sadiq Khan’s prolonged apathetic, profligate tenure.

Spending the money of Londoners on useless woke initiatives that benefit no one apart from the far left contractors who receive the projects, London today is a cesspool of gang violence, hatred, drugs and far left communist political zealots. Gone are the days of any form of positiveness, these days if you survive another day, another hour or minute in Khan’s blood soaked London, you are considered a blessed lucky soul.

Because of Sadiq Khan, the Afro-Caribbean gang violence is now everywhere. Instead of coming down hard on these vermin, they are fully protected by Sadiq Khan’s evil crony administration, because arresting them would be deemed as “racist”. The daily machete hacking stories abound, and the knife stabbings are now at such a level that the phrase “having a Sunday carve up” means something totally different to what it was meant to mean.

Gun crime has also increased tenfold, and it is easy to acquire automatic weapons from many pub car parks in London, all you have to do is know the right pub to go to. Guns typically come in via the ports from the Continent, places like Bulgaria, Romania, Poland, and are smuggled in unassembled. Once in the UK, the weapons are assembled, and sold to the gangs. It is a lucrative business for the smugglers, especially as the identifying codes are filed off. You can get a Glock 17 for about £600, and they will throw in a few clips of ammo to boot. Acquiring something like a SIG MCX Rattler would set you back about £2,500.

The horrifying video of a man recently stabbed multiple times in the back just as he was walking beside a park, is all too prevalent in the capital city today. It is an almost given that you will be randomly stabbed at some point just for being somewhere, or your children caught up at any point as they meander back from school. Catching covid is now a secondary consideration to catching a six-inch butcher’s knife in your liver from behind.

The people who voted for Sadiq Khan to have a second term as mayor of London, are either clinically insane masochists or devout Labour voters. That is the crux of the matter, London is ruled by effete liberal twats who run the majority of the councils, and they have the lobbying power to push their mayoral candidate forward despite the fucker’s record. As they increase Council Tax to impossible levels, so they can enjoy their gold-plated salaries, Tuscan holidays, and pensions, they are the ones who defend and mollycoddle the criminals whilst criminalising and punishing the victims of crime.

One can almost feel the Travis Bickle inside bubbling up, to clean the streets of the scum, the words “Suck on this!” resonate.

Harry Buys Apache Attack Helicopter Now Parked at Montecito Mansion

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Much to the chagrin of the Montecito neighbours of Meghan and Harry, the noise created by Prince Harry’s new acquisition, a second-hand AH-64 Apache, twin-turboshaft attack helicopter from the defeated Afghan campaign, is becoming quite bothersome.

Julio Gonzalez, 42, who owns a property close to the Sussex clan, has clearly had enough.

“He [Harry] opens the engines up at five in the morning, then flies around their big garden for sometimes one hour. The other day he was hovering over my bedroom window just after I had given our maid, Conchita, a good seeing to on the bed. I bet he saw everything, the dirty bastard, and if my wife hears about it, ay Dios mío, I am muerto! I should have seen the spotlight, but I was too busy.”

Prince Harry is supposedly an expert pilot of the Apache helicopter, and during his tour of Afghanistan dispatched thousands of Afghans.

One of his former co-pilots, Flight Lieutenant, Roger “Balls” Kinsky, spoke highly of Harry’s heroic Apache escapades.

“Crazy days man, we called Harry “Trigger”, because he would unload AGM-114s like they were going out of fashion. One day, we had some Marines pinned down in a village complex in Pishin Lora. The Commander just said, “Send Harry in”.  When he got there, he was drunk as a skunk, he took out the Muj and the entire squad of Marines, plus 351 civilians. Like, he was royalty, so the Commander just let that one go, it was written up as Mission Accomplished.”

The prince has obviously been given special dispensation to purchase and keep the Apache helicopter on his property by Californian legislators, but if he causes any damage or death, they may say something about the whole matter.

As for Meghan Markle, she is reported to be okay with the new purchase, and puts it all down to “boys and their toys” besides some of that Netflix cash had to go somewhere.

Prince Andrew: “Have You Been Served?”

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Lawyers for Prince Andrew sexual intercourse accuser Virginia Giuffre claim they have served him with a writ for a pending court case in New York City. “Has One been served?” Thankfully, Mrs Slocombe’s pussy was not involved in the incident.

The question is, was this a legal serving according to UK law, as the U.S. prosecutors claim the legal papers were given to a policeman at the Royal Lodge mansion in Windsor last month by a non-court person?

According to the U.S. lawsuit, Jeffrey Epstein courtesan Virginia Giuffre, now 38, accuses Prince Andrew of having sexual intercourse with her three times when she was 17.

The August 27 summons warns the Duke he has 21 days from a set date to respond or face a default judgment. U.S. court documents claim that a response is now due from Andrew by 17 September. Prince Andrew’s lawyers are said to reject the notion that he has been served. The lawsuit should have been served via a British court official, who would act as an intermediary, and not by a private investigator working for the U.S. lawyers.

Prince Andrew is currently residing with the Queen at Balmoral Castle. The Duke denies the allegations and has said he has “no recollection of ever meeting her”.

The case could further be invalidated due to a confidential settlement Ms Giuffre reached with Jeffrey Epstein in 2009.

Anyway, enough of this nonsense, here’s more about Mrs. Slocombe’s pussy…

https://watch.britbox.co.uk/

 

News That’s Beyond Satire – Edition IV

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Greetings from the fetid bowels of the news headlines constantly beamed into your already frazzled brains. This time around for News That’s Beyond Satire we have a few gems that are so far-fetched you will think they were cooked up by genius satirists who come from the Planet Satire and have travelled so far into the space-time continuum that they emerged up and beyond their own arses.

Please do check out the Beyond Satire page for more.

Winston Churchill Charity Deletes Winston Churchill From Charity

Let’s say I am a Winston Churchill fan, because he was a man of true greatness, and he pretty much won World War II, saving Britain from the Nazis. I want to donate money to a charity that embodies the principles and greatness of Sir Winston Churchill. So I go to The Winston Churchill Memorial Trust, only to find that he has been completely airbrushed out of existence by some Woke overpaid communist cunts who have infiltrated the Trust. They removed all of his pictures and every detail of his life. Would I give a single penny to that charity?

Michel Barnier the French Anti-Brexit Negotiator Who Made Our Lives Hell For Four Years Trying to Stop Brexit is Now Arguing For Frexit From the EU

How about that for a spanner in the works, the same guy who was trying to trip up Britain’s exit from the EU for years and fucking years, is now arguing for France to leave the EU in a Frexit? What the fuck is going on there? Has this Barnier bloke lost his marbles completely, or has he found them? Whichever side of the fence you sit on, this is an incredible about turn.

The Biden Administration Praises America’s “Incredible Success” in Afghanistan

There are just no words to explain the words from Joe Biden, and his administration, stating that the retreat from Afghanistan was “successful“. Maybe, amongst the burnt bodies, the Taliban executions, and $98 billion worth of hi-tech U.S. military equipment left for the Taliban to continue their Sharia Jihad, the word “success” now means “failure”.

Holocaust: What Antony Blinken Would Have Said if He Was Secretary of State in 1943

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We rarely get glimpses into the sheer anger created by the disastrous Afghan debacle caused by the severe turpitude and incompetence of the Biden administration, not only on the people of that dusty country, but the people of the United States, whom these vagabonds are meant to represent.

He blinked and it was gone…

Pursuant to the United States’ “incredible success” in Afghanistan, as Joe Biden has repeatedly termed it, Professor Vatz was reminded about the equally successful rhetoric by his very supportive Secretary of State, Antony Blinken, and wanted to write a paean to his consistently impressive rhetoric on the matter. Suitably impressed by Mr. Blinken’s words, he suggests the missing “H” in his name should be reinstated forthwith.

If Antony Blinken had Been Secretary of State in, say, 1943, He Would Have Said This About the Holocaust:

“We are, and this is no exaggeration, quite dissatisfied with Mr. Hitler’s treatment of Jewish citizens. However, we have confidence that once he and his cabinet realize that the World is Watching, they will reconsider their behavior and treat Jewish Europeans much better. We are actually hearing on background that the better treatment may have already started. Moreover, if the Axis Powers ever want to take their place in the family of nations — and we are certainly considering helping them do so — they will have to comport themselves better, and, again, we have every reason to believe that they will. Finally, we do not support Mr. Hitler’s continuing to use prominently such aides as Mr. Himmler, Mr. Goebbels, Dr. Mengele and others, and he really should add some women to his inner-circle.”

 

Professor Vatz is Distinguished Professor of Political Rhetoric at Towson University and is the author of several books, including The Only Authentic Book of Persuasion: The Agenda/Spin Model (LAD Custom Publishing, 2021 ) and the co-editor of Thomas S. Szasz: The Man and His Ideas (Transaction Publishers, 2017) and over 200 articles, book reviews and blogs.

Read more from Professor Vatz: I’ve Got a Little List, With Apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan

Beijing Biden: China to Take Over Bagram Airbase With Troops and Aircraft

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Thanks to Joe Biden, China and its “Belt and Road Initiative” are set to takeover former U.S. and Coalition Bagram airfield, evacuated in Parwan province, eastern Afghanistan, on July 8, 2021 on the orders of Joe Biden.

Important Military Blueprints Compromised

bagram heliThe Chinese Military Intelligence and Military Technology team for the Communist country will be given direct access to the many helicopters and aircraft left behind by the Americans. Over 70 Blackhawk helicopters and hundreds of other aircraft were deserted by the retreating American forces in July. The aircraft that were said to be damaged will be repaired and back-engineered by the Chinese military.

“Thanks to Joe Biden, we will back-engineer their aircraft and other important radar equipment left behind. There is so much inventory here, it may take our engineers years to sift through all of it. We have been given permission from our new friends, the Taliban. As long as they get to use the equipment, they will allow us full access. We will repair, and maintain, as well as train Taliban pilots,” a Chinese Intelligence officer revealed.

bagram helis

The Afghan territory is of vast strategic importance to China, because they are militarily strengthening the Pakistani military as a proxy, in order for India to be attacked.

Chinese engineers and intelligence officers are already on the ground in Afghanistan, and never left, even when the Coalition forces were scrambling to get out of the country.

Afghanistan is worth trillions of dollars in rare earth materials and other rich resources, which is what the Chinese desperately need. Mining conveyance operations are already underway, ordered by the Chinese Communist Party.

Lawyers For Epstein Sex Slave Plan to Parachute into Balmoral to Hand Prince Andrew Legal Papers

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Desperate lawyers for former Epstein sex slave, Virginia Giuffre, are running out of time to formerly hand legal papers regarding a bombshell lawsuit filed in a US court to Prince Andrew by hand at the Queen’s Balmoral estate. By law, the lawyers have to hand over the papers to Andrew before December 7th or the lawsuit will be deemed useless.

“We have a cunning plan. Because Prince Andrew is avoiding us at all costs and hiding in the royal palaces, and heavily guarded grounds, our team of 15 lawyers will parachute in from 16,000 ft, and land in the grounds where we will submit the legal papers to Prince Andrew in person,” one of the sharks, ahem, lawyers attending to the case revealed.

In response, Balmoral has increased security, and are even talking about installing anti-aircraft guns, and a team of SAS men to take down any lawyers who come even 20ft of Andrew.

“If Prince Philip was around, he would have taken it as the next best thing to pheasant hunting. Philip and his trusty Blunderbuss would have had a field day with parachuting lawyers. The Queen’s corgis would clean up the mess afterwards, of course,” Lord Fentanill of South Lanarkshire, quipped on the news.

Meanwhile, U.S. Vice President, Kamala Harris has chimed in to the legal row, and says she supports former prostitute, Virginia Giuffre 100%.

epstein kamala harris

NI TAX: Why is Boris Johnson Turning into Jeremy Corbyn?

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Taxing pensioners who have had to sell their fucking homes for social care, to get social care tax, Johnson is taxing the social care users who need it most. This level of insanity only resembles something from Jeremy Corbyn, and Boris Johnson is looking like turning into the moth-eaten old Comrade every single day.

Kicking the Brexit can down the road, adopting EU motoring laws, and not doing enough to get rid of EU red tape, Boris has seriously lost his mojo. Something sucked it out of him, and one suspects that thing is sharing his bed every night.

Since losing the architect of Vote Leave and his election success, Boris is a floundering toad, lost in the dark, destroying election manifesto promises, proposing insane taxes on pensioners and shelf stackers alike to the point of destruction.

“I thought Boris was a Tory, but he is actually a Corbynite at heart. Boris is following Jeremy Corbyn to the political grave,” one disillusioned Tory ex-voter revealed.

There is no way in hell anyone in their right mind should vote Tory ever again if they turn back on their manifesto promises. This does not mean anyone should vote Labour either — just don’t vote ever again. Why vote when your vote does not mean a thing?

Britain needs profound change from the current political system of two dominating parties, we need a party dedicated to Brexit, and enriching Britain. We need someone to take us out of this malaise of kowtowing to the EU. Delete every single EU directive and law imposed on Britain. Create a Singapore on the Thames, entice businesses from all over the world to open up shop in Britain, stop the fucking illegal Channel crossings, stop the bleeding. Pay British workers a fair wage to pick the tomatoes and get rid of the reliance of paying slave labour wages to EU workers. Increase manufacturing in Britain, when was the last time you saw a ‘Made in Britain’ sticker on a product? If Britain produces reliable, and sturdy products then people across the world will buy them and not that cheap nasty shite from China that breaks after two uses. People are prepared to pay for quality. Britain must export again, we need to up the scale on production, manufacturing and innovation to rival Silicon Valley and China. Open the ports up, build ships, export across the globe, bypass the EU if they continue to mess around with any form of trade deal. Yes, Liz Truss, is doing a wonderful job, but she is not being backed up by anything or anyone else. Britain needs to think like the Empire again, and go forth to conquer global trade with a vengeance. Britain also needs to inculcate a complete British education system and remove those in universities and schools who are trying to remove/re-write/subvert British history. Britons should be proud of their conquering Empire that has long-lost its lustre, however it still lies deep in the British psyche.

If lazy Boris cannot do the job any more, then someone should step up right now because time does not wait for anyone, and there are less than three years till the next election. Boris has lost his mojo completely and he either needs to get his mojo back, or let someone who has a modicum amount of testicles to take his place.

At this current moment, Jeremy Corbyn is in Number 10 Downing Street. Britain is floundering, and the Remainers smell blood. There is a distinct possibility, because of Boris Johnson’s failure to move ahead with Brexit, that Britain may rejoin the EU when future governments win the election unless something drastic is done now. Then Britain will be lost forever.