Ah, natures noble gift of fried eggs, a truly wonderful way to begin any day whoever you are — even a psychopathic robotic Russian dictator intent on mutually assured destruction.
According to Kremlin insiders, Vladimir Putin does not skimp on eggs in any capacity, feasting on the eggy bounty daily.
“Our dear comrade Vlad, he is in love with eggs. Along with his daily glass of Polonium-210 he has one egg presented on a 350 ft long dining table. It takes the kitchen orderly 12 minutes to walk to the end of the table to present our gracious leader with his single egg. Boiled, fried, scrambled or pickled, Vladimir treasures this natural wonder jettisoned from a select hen every single day,” Igor, a Kremlin insider revealed.
If Vladimir needs salt and pepper on his egg, his personal butler, Jeevski, delivers the condiments to his master on roller skates, cutting the delivery time to eight minutes.
The Russian supreme leader sups on an egg for breakfast at 4 am, an egg for lunch at noon, and an egg for supper at 6 pm.
Devilled eggs as well as poached are only reserved for special days of celebration, for example if a dissident or rival has been successfully poisoned. Usually it’s just a load of nice greasy fried eggs that Vlad loves.
The only drawback to this eggy diet is of course the extreme flatulence suffered by Russia’s supreme dictator. Vlad’s farts are said to resonate through the Kremlin much like a rumbling train, and this is why he makes his ministers and aides sit so far away from him.
During a meeting with Germany’s Chancellor Merkel in 2016 Putin farted directly into her open mouth just as he bent down to move his chair farther away from her. Merkel was seen to lurch backwards and started to shake violently, before a German aide brought her a handkerchief soaked in smelling salts to prevent her from passing out.
One thing these dastardly Western sanctions have not dented is the great Russian egg.
Despite multiple troop losses in the faltering Ukraine war, Vladimir Putin certainly does not have egg on his face or head. These are just rumours and fake news from the Western media.
Make no mistake, war is hell, and there should not be any glorification to soldiers and civilians dying on both sides of any conflict. Many of the Russian soldiers are young conscripts who are poorly trained pawns in a deadly game played by powerful, rich men with no feelings for the suffering they are creating.
What this world needs is more love right now, but tell that to the politicians and military hierarchy, who seem to thirst for more blood with every directive they shout to their controlled troops.
Russia now moves East to China and India, the Biden administration is proven to be useless with their sanctions. There are always subsidiaries, other channels of finance and third party connections that can bypass the Western sanctions. Furthermore, the oligarchs moved their assets out of the West at the first sniff of invasion, knowing full well that the West would try to seize their assets.
Already one American filmmaker has been killed by the Russian invaders. In the video above, a Sky News team are attacked by Russian death squads, but manage to survive.
Raw combat footage from the Ukraine war in 2022 shows the ultimate brutality of close quarters combat.
The Bayraktar TB-2 drone has proven to be a real game changer to the Ukrainians, who acquired hundreds of them from Turkey before the war began. Relatively cheap and lightweight, it can stay airborne for 27 hours and carry a reasonable payload. Smaller than regular drones, they are stealthy and hard to pick up by anti-aircraft radar systems. Cheap to buy compared to other drones manufactured in the USA, Bayraktar drones are inexpensive but dole out massive damage and expense to the enemy. On a cost per damage basis, the Bayraktar drones have caused billions of dollars of damage for practically no cost.
Dünyanın konuştuğu asrın savaş teknolojisi 🇹🇷#Bayraktar TB2
A Russian journalist who protested against the war on the country’s most popular TV channel has been missing overnight.
The whereabouts of Marina Ovsyannikova remain unknown after she stormed into the set of Russia’s state TV Channel One live on air with an anti-war sign.
The sign, which said “NO WAR. Stop the war. Don’t believe propaganda. They are lying to you here” was seen for a couple of seconds before the broadcast quickly switched to a pre-recorded show.
No one really knows the cost of this brutal Russian assault on Ukraine, as the indiscriminate shooting in cities like Mariupol continue.
The Democrat party and American socialists are today praising the bravery of jailed actress Jussie Smollett who has claimed that a group of white Aryan Brotherhood Nazis in prison beat him to a pulp before making him pledge allegiance to Donald Trump, MAGA, and freedom.
Smollett somehow relayed what happened to him to socialist-run news stations, MSNBC and CNN.
“I is saw da group of ten or twennie Nazis. They cornered me in da shower all wearing MAGA hats, and had swastika tattoos all over they oiled up hard bodies, ‘n’ shiet! Hmmm, hmmm! I immediately bent ovah, spreading wide and hoping fo’ da best, but instead dey cracker azzez started beating me with metal spanners ‘n’ shiet. Ax me! Ax me! Whata do ta deserve this?
“Da Nazi crackaz then tol’ me bow down to da picture of Donald Trump and pledge allegiance ‘n’ shiet to democracy and freedom. Dang! I cried and cried pleading wit dem folk to just let me be. I is innocent, I tells ya!”
According to prison guards who immediately went to Smollett’s cell, they found a hang man’s noose and the words MAGA painted all over the cell walls. There was also a big sign saying it was all “Trump’s fault” with a big arrow pointing to the noose.
Warden, Dean Holbrook, said: “We are looking at this incident very seriously. We looked through the CCTV footage and saw Smollett shouting into thin air, then smacking his own face with a bar of soap before fashioning a crude noose from his bedsheets. He then used some lipstick he illegally brought into prison to write over the walls.”
Activists and CNN reporters camping outside the prison walls for two days have been awaiting the fate of their hero and chanting “Free Smollett! He did nothing wrong! It’s all Trump’s fault!”
Yeah, we’re talking about Rebel Wilson, who in turning Woke and losing weight is now as funny as anal prolapse surgery conducted with a rusty blunt scalpel. Obviously Wilson, a celebrated Hollywood actress can afford the trainers; the nutritionists, the surgeons and the chef cooked macrobiotic or whatever diet she gets, but can she afford losing her entire humorous repertoire all in one go? Being ‘Woke’ is the antithesis of all creativity, comedy and acting, but Wilson still managed to crawl up the ass of ‘Wokism’ anyway.
The FAFTA Awards, an overflowing shitberg of woke virtue signalling celebrity luvvies all sniffing each other’s bottoms, is a nauseating celebration of mediocrity and champagne socialism all mixed into a bucket of anti-art, anti-creative soviet woke ideology that is more in tune with the former Soviet Union than anything within what once was a democratic free society. What these peddlers of pseudo-Marxist wokeness fart out in their diminutive arse kissing ceremony is an ode to banality and a peculiar brand of conformism that even NPCs in a computer game would baulk at.
Such is the demise of Hollywood and the British Film ‘Industry’ in recent decades that it now mirrors the current state of the Music Biz. Woke agenda after woke agenda is pushed by these despicable cunts. One supposes, if they pursued true artistry and creativity, Chinese communist money would stop funding their foul pusillanimous projects. You only have to take a look at the credits of any new release to see which Chinese company paid for the latest piece of humourless, talentless unartistic trash to be jettisoned from the frothing syphilis-ridden mouth of any given writer/producer/director ‘yes man’ to Chinese money and propaganda.
This is exactly why these actresses and actors can afford to go woke and tow the soviet party line, because they know that whatever they do, however despicable the picture they star in, Chairman Mao, or Xingping Pong will continue pumping millions of Chinese Yuan into their already overflowing bank accounts.
Rebel Wilson used to be funny when she had a little meat on her, now she’s just another CCP funded unfunny Hollywoodized product that has lost its mojo.
Surrounded by ‘yes men’ no one dares to question Uncle Vlad Putin. Reminiscent to the rule of Josef Stalin or Brezhnev, Putin is a dictator, a tyrant, not only over his own people but the entire Russian state system and oligarchs.
This is why, there needs to be a reversion to the old Soviet Politburo system in Russia so that decisions can at least be questioned and debated.
The first Politburo was created in Russia by the Bolshevik Party Central Committee in late October 1917 to provide continuous and flexible leadership in that year’s uprising. The seven Politburo members included Vladimir Lenin, Leon Trotsky, and Joseph Stalin.
The chairman of the Politburo was the general secretary of the Communist Party and, traditionally, was in effect the leader of the Soviet Union. (For most of its existence, the Politburo included the minister of defence, the head of the KGB, and the heads of the most important republic or urban party organizations.)
The Politburo in essence shored up the Soviet Union, and kept most appointed leaders in check (apart from Stalin). After the dissolution of the Soviet Union in 1991, the Politburo was dissolved and leaders like Vladimir Putin were able to gain complete control of Russian affairs. One could say, this is why we are all in the shit now, because a single man has become all powerful, and is surrounded by ‘yes men’ who dare not say anything against their dictatorial leader or suffer severe consequences, including death. One has to also conclude that even though there may have been the existence of Party Committees and Politburos in the past, exceptionally brutal and deranged Soviet leaders could control it with an iron fist.
With no one to balance the ultimate all encompassing power that Putin wields, he can do as he pleases without any discussion or checks.
Western sanctions on oil and gas from Russia do not mean shit when China’s immense appetite for these resources catapult over Western demand. China is the second-largest consumer of oil resources in the world.
Russia is now looking East, and with this comes even more danger for the West. Outwardly, China has vetoed the Ukraine war in the UN Security Council, but covertly it has been working with Russia all along. The Chinese even brokered a deal with the Russians to not attack Ukraine until after the Beijing Winter Olympics.
Russia has asked China for military equipment to support its invasion of Ukraine, according to US officials, sparking concern in the White House that Beijing may undermine western efforts to help Ukrainian forces defend their country.
For the sake of the Chinese economy and business manufacturing cheap and nasty trinkets for the West utilising communist slave labour, of course overtly the Chinese are desperate to project an image of disapproval of the Russian invasion of Ukraine. The Chinese fully understand how easy it is to fool Western bureaucrats with faux outrage or abstaining from UN Security Council votes, whilst they continue fooling the idiotic Biden administration with behind-the-scenes-deals being made with Russian subsidiaries.
From Russia to China, the oil will flow with gusto
It was the West who created and funded modern communist China, and they would be fools to overtly go against their benefactors.
All the while, Beijing has been watching the conflict in Ukraine with eagerness, and have seen the implications on their own economy if they go ahead with their planned invasion of Taiwan.
For fuck’s sake, even McDonald’s pulled out of Russia, and things like that scare the shit out of the Chinese.
One thing the West has underestimated however is the level China and Russia are prepared to fall economically in International terms to achieve their military goals. As Russia sees no borders to its territory, so too does China envisage a global China taking over every nation, and they are both prepared to take huge risks economically to achieve their goals.
For now however, China is working covertly with Russia, but China is in fact extremely pleased that there could in the future be conflict between NATO and Russia, simply because this would leave China to clean up after each side has annihilated each other. Playing one side against each other is a proven trick that the Chinese favour.
Remember, every single product you buy that was manufactured in China helps fund the Communist Party’s military to increase its arms and technology to defeat the West.
UPDATE
‘Russia is offering oil at a heavy discount. We will be happy to take that’: India looks to bail out Putin as it considers taking up Moscow’s offer to buy crude oil at a reduced rate amid Western sanctions
India is the latest country to offer a sanction-busting lifeline as the Russian-waged war enters its third week after China lifted wheat import restrictions at the end of February. Imports had been restricted amid concerns over Russia’s measures to prevent plant diseases, particularly in agricultural crops.
Neither Beijing nor New Delhi have condemned the invasion in Ukraine and both abstained from a vote at the United Nations calling out Russian aggression last month.
One of the most unusual competitions in the awards landscape, the PHNX Awards has already attracted 700+ jurors.
Entries for the AdForum PHNX Awards 2022 are open until May 1, with a unique twist: initial entry is free, with a subsequent fee of 150 euros per entry ONLY if the work is shortlisted.
The other unique aspect of the PHNX Awards is its jury. Unlike any other competition, the PHNX is open to jurors from every aspect of advertising: not just creatives, but marketers, strategists, agency leaders, consultants and journalists. It’s one of the most diverse juries in our industry.
Jurors sign up to take part and, following a validation process, they’re fee to vote on the work via an online platform. More than 700 people from across advertising and design have signed up to vote so far.
Within this amazing selection of talents, we find the leaders of prestigious agencies, senior creatives, copywriters, art directors, planners and strategists – but also creative thinkers from prestigious brands such as JPMorgan Chase, Google, Meta and Twitch, alongside leading journalists from the trade press and pitch consultants from AdForum’s community.
See the full jury or sign up here:
https://www.adforum.com/torch/phnx-2022/jury
The shortlist will be revealed on May 16 and there will be an online celebration on June 16.
AdForum launched the PHNX Awards during lockdown in 2020 as a way of supporting our industry and proving that nothing can keep creativity down. Originally a one-off award, its success has led to the founding of a new player in the global awards landscape.
See more details here: https://www.adforum.com/torch/phnx-2022
From catching brain shrinking nasty shitty Covid to being instantly evaporated by a Russian Tsar Bomba nuclear detonation, as well as the constant jibber jabber of climate change activists every fucking where you go. How about taking out a second mortgage to buy a fucking loaf of bread due to impossible levels of inflation? The modern world isn’t exactly short of reasons to lose sleep and feel stressed.
Research by a charity reports that one in five Brits currently describe their wellbeing as ‘fucked’. Meanwhile, one in three of us suffers from poor sleep, with stress often blamed…aww.
Fortunately, public awareness of how to fight stress and anxiety is growing. Around a third of us say we’re doing more exercise, and more than a fifth are eating more healthily. Absolute bollocks of course, those people polled are obviously a bunch of liars who deny what their actual chaotic lifestyles are really like under the current climate.
Ancient cure
But one of the most scientifically proven ways to reduce stress and improve sleep is perhaps the least well-known – a natural medicine made from a mix of Juvenalian satire freshly excreted from the puckered orifice of a little known tome called the Daily Squib and a deft slap round the chops from a banned 18-stone bullish moustachioed female Russian shot putter on major steroids.
Known as ‘lanx satura‘ by the ancient Romans, satire has been prized as a treatment for general health and wellbeing in the ancient world since the beginning of the Great Roman Empire over 2,000 years ago.
Now, multiple fake scientific studies have confirmed that this ancient Roman cure has a remarkable capacity to help us cope with modern-day stress.
A randomised, placebo-controlled study in 2019 concluded that satire, depending on the dosage, ‘safely and effectively improves an individual’s resistance towards stress and thereby improves self-assessed quality of life.’
Another study in 2021 reported that stressed individuals who read at least 4 pages of Daily Squibian satire per day of full-spectrum Juvenalian satire not only showed a significant reduction in their stress and anxiety levels, but also an improvement in sleep quality. A 2020 study also found that it could help manage insomnia by making people simply pass out.
Despite its long history, people in the UK are only starting to become aware of satire’s ability to help promote wellbeing – or that it’s available as a nutritional suppository.
Bernadine swears by this ancient cure
Bernadine Quatrango, 40, began reading Daily Squib political satire after she started to feel more anxious and says it has helped her sleep. “I feel more like me again,” she says, whooping like a deranged hyena on peyote.
“I have a much more comfortable night’s sleep and feel so much more like I used to,” says 40-year-old Bernadine Quatrango from Lincolnshire.
When Bernadine began to feel more anxious and had trouble sleeping, a relative suggested that a supplement of Juvenalian satire might help. Now, she wouldn’t be without it.
“When you get to your forties to early fifties, there are lots of hormonal changes in the body, and it can often take you by surprise,” says Bernadine.
All of the physical exercise she got from her work, regular walks and Pilates didn’t seem to make a difference.
“Satire has helped me navigate those changes, and I feel more like me again.
“I feel calmer and more relaxed during the day, and I’m a lot less agitated than I was before I started on the Squib.
“I read one article in the morning and one at night. If I forget to read the Daily Squib at night, I’ll get out of bed and immediately pray to the great heavenly muse to absolve me of my satirical sins – that’s how strongly I fucking feel about satire.”
The word ‘satire’ comes from the Latin word satur and the subsequent phrase lanx satura. Satur meant “full” but the juxtaposition with lanx shifted the meaning to “miscellany or medley”: the expression lanx satura literally means “a full dish of various kinds of fruits”.
“Satire is an ancient cure with multiple health benefits,” says Dr Mary Mengele, PhD, University of Kentucky Fry’s head of Dactylic Hexameter Studies. “And it can be beneficial if you’re looking for a natural way to improve your mental and physical wellbeing. Don’t be a silly whiny cunt, read the Daily Squib and have a cream soda before I make you watch an episode of Strictly Come Dancing.”
Colin attests the ancient cure has restored his health
Colin Ballnick, 36, from Bedfordshire attests to the health benefits of ingesting copious amounts of political satire, specifically British political satire.
“I read it first thing in the morning, and it sets me up for work as a professionally unemployed person. It like rewires your entire brain without the need for drugs or booze. I can only read British political satire though, any other, and it gives me the shits. I feel contented and ready for another day of mooching on someone else’s couch, raiding their fridge,” says Colin, before going down to the bookies to spend his dole money.
Remember, if satire does not cure your ailments another ancient Roman cure might be the answer — crucifixion.
Grabbing one of the investigators by the neck, former Speaker of the House, John Bercow insisted he was not a “fucking bully”. He then smashed the investigator’s head into the desk, causing the man to cry like a wounded animal as large globules of blood splattered from his broken nose. Serial bully Bercow insists he is not a bully.
“I am NOT a bully, you snivelling inquisitive rotter. Now take what you said back before I smash your little face in even more!” Bercow yelled at the top of his Speaker’s voice.
Order, Order!
“How dare you insinuate that I bullied people when I was in parliament. Where are these people making these accusations? Give me that piece of paper now. Does it have their names and addresses? I am going to kick the living shit out of them. Bastards!”
Of course, it was those duplicitous Remainers in parliament, trying to overturn the EU Referendum result, who fully tolerated Bercow’s incessant bullying.
“I’ve got two black eyes, a broken leg and Bercow gave me a wedgie, but I support him fully because I’m a Remainer,” one Remainer said before being carted off.
Despite all the damning evidence, Bercow still pleads his innocence.
“I’m not a fucking bully, and if anyone says otherwise, I will break their legs and arms.”
Certain analysts and general consensus may think this military operation in Ukraine is about Putin expanding his empire, wheat resources, mineral resources but they would be wrong.
Putin’s exercise is far more sinister, and involves one thing only — observation. This is why he has not sent his best troops or equipment into the field, he is only sending in the cannon fodder.
Putin’s exercise is to see not only how the West reacts but how his own politicians and people react. He wants to see how supposed ally, China reacts.
The Ukraine campaign will also gauge how public opinion through the Internet and traditional media react.
As the propaganda war rages on from both sides, it is hard to believe who is telling the truth. Propaganda utilised within the context of war is primarily a demoralisation tool for the enemy.
Putin wants the Western and NATO commanders to possibly think he is weak maybe as a distraction.
What is going to happen next? Only Putin knows the answer to that question.
