Celebrity for doing nothing, Kim Kardashian apparently modelled her buttock implants on those of baboons the Instagram star revealed to TMZ.
“I was flicking through the channels and suddenly saw this nature show. It had that English man on it, and he was pointing at these huge red baboon buttocks, explaining why they had evolved like that. Something to attract mates. That’s when a big bulb exploded in my head. I was on the phone to my surgeon in Beverly Hills that minute.”
Many women across the world have been copying Kardashian’s ass fashions ever since.
Some susceptible women have sadly died after attempting to copy Kim Kardashian.
“Let the cunts walk to work,” Alan Smalls, 46, from Hounslow, chuckles as he tucks into another pint. Mr. Smalls is having a barbecue with his friends today, and he has the news on showing all the chaos the RMT Union are creating across the capital.
“You ungrateful people don’t see the hard work we go through on the trains. I have to sit down in the cab for 4-hour shifts at a time and read my iPad. When we get to a station the automated system opens the doors and makes the announcements. Then I’m back on the iPad. It’s hard work and I get paid £65,000 per year to do it.”
As well as the insanely high pay levels rail workers get there are the benefits as well. Rail workers get free travel for themselves and their entire family, they also get free gym memberships, and three weeks paid holiday per annum. On retiring, they get a full salary pension and a bonus every year to top up their pensions.
“I’m retiring next year. May move to Marbella where I own three properties, or could go to the Algarve as I own a large mansion out there. Golfing all day, then swimming and maybe take the wife to a beautiful restaurant in the evenings. It’s the good life. I have to thank Karl Marx, the Labour Party and the RMT Union. My comrades have done me good, innit!”
The RMT Union boss, a renowned militant Marxist also lives the good life with a pay packet over £160,000.
We present the winners for this year’s PHNX Awards. An amazing amount of talent and creativity was reviewed to come to the final results. As always, it was a true honour for the Daily Squib editor to be part of the jury. Never stop creating. Never stop selling.
The biggest prizes went to work from the UK, the US, Canada and Guatemala.
The PHNX Awards announced four Grand Prix winners at its online ceremony at 6pm CET on June 16.
“Tough Turban” for Pfaff Harley-Davidson by Zulu Alpha Kilo (Canada)
There was no Grand Prix awarded in the Strategy & Technique category. The jury felt that the selection was too diverse to choose an overall winner and that each candidate stood on its own merits.
There were 108 winners in the competition, including 25 Golds.
The third edition of the PHNX Awards attracted 1050 entries. The jury is one of the world’s most diverse, comprising not only creatives but also strategists, clients, industry leaders, consultants and journalists – in short, jurors from every corner of the industry.
You will find a full list of winners here: https://adforum.com/phnx-winners
When war comes, it is always the great equaliser, it brings urgency and vast doses of reality. Something the snowflake generations are alien to, and would not be able to cope with.
Where today’s Social Justice Warriors and assorted Sovietized woke virtue signallers all exist in a pseudo utopian twilight world of social media posts and organised campaigns on street corners, their work to disrupt and destroy Western culture as well as rewrite history would not be tolerated anymore. In fact, it would be a breath of fresh air if these people did not get the message in a time of war and continued their Marxist disruption, at least they would finally be all rounded up.
There would be no time for any micro-aggressions, LGBTQP parades, trans cabaret in primary schools, BLM ANTIFA looting riot festivals or metoo persecution of all men. There would no longer be any more forced socialist cultural mores onto the general public in a global war situation.
Instagram influencers and their fake lives would not be tolerated anymore, and the same would probably happen to the YouTube automatons who all spout the same mantras day in day out, peddling their moronic thoughts for views.
It is not yet known what would happen to the far-left media and Big Tech companies who have been funded and working with the enemies of the West for decades now? Either they will have to adjust their Confucius Society, Maoist stance undermining Western democracies from within or be deservedly dismantled. For too long, the Soviet globalist agenda has been integration with communist authoritarian ideology resulting in things like cancel culture, censorship of patriots, and turning elections.
Woke Hollywood would also be a candidate for reform, the studios have taken so much money from Western enemies like China that they have even been forced to change film scripts. Maybe, in a time of war, they may be forced to make pro-American, pro-Western films for a change.
If war materialises and the West is led by a Biden administration, then we will be the losers. We can only pray that a competent government somehow is given the reins, or Western nations are doomed to certain defeat and annihilation. Because America is under the current weak Biden administration, the West’s enemies are making bold moves right now and their plans for the near future are all encompassing.
Snowflakes could be forced to join the military in a time of war. This scenario is almost unimaginable, as there would not be any safe spaces from drill sergeants. If the US and UK bring in the compulsory draft during a time of global war, snowflakes from London to Los Angeles would be literally melting. Hail the new cannon fodder.
Wow! We’re here at Stonehenge again this year. Thousands have descended on Wiltshire’s antediluvian world-famous stone circle for the Summer Solstice. For thousands of years, druids and pagans flocked to Stonehenge to perform ancient ritual human sacrifices and view the sunrise over the sacred stones on the longest day of the year.
These days, the original rituals are not honoured, but there were loads of people and tourists to see the sun rising today.
“Oh wow, the sun is rising. Oh my god!” one girl said.
“That’s incredible I just saw the sun,” a man said.
“No way! I don’t believe it. The sun!” another person gawked.
Come back at the Winter solstice for more sun and stones.
According to Christians, the human written words in the Bible are the words of God. Suffice to say, armageddon, the end of the world will be the self-fulfilling destiny created by Christians.
The entire Christian religion begs for self destruction and every day many of these religious people pray for their own annihilation. If it is in the holy book it is their future conclusively written and Christians need to make armageddon happen even to the detriment of all other humans.
The Blowing of the Sixth Trumpet, Book of Revelations
How will Christians create global armageddon? The Christians firmly believe in the words of the Bible and a specific last chapter/testament called the Book of Revelation. To create their man-made destruction they will have had to given aid to their enemies to grow and become strong militarily. An example of this is China, which since the 1960s the Christian Western nations have built up to rival the USA in wealth and military strength. Russia is also a nation which is Christian Orthodox but is setting itself up to fight the other factions of Christianity in the West who they view as impure allowing homosexuality and transgenderism to be all encompassing within society.
The Bible purists will thus also fight other Christians who they deem as less pure. The same goes for internalised conflict within countries like the United States where the multiple factions of Christian belief will fight each other as well as be attacked by external Christian and non-Christian nations possibly simultaneously.
Christianity itself is a religion that is programmed for self-destruction as is commanded by the Bible. Their belief system programs them from birth, and is a generational system of control.
The mass proliferation of nuclear weapons globally is an obvious choice to bring forth armageddon on earth, especially as Christian nations developed and perfected this weapon of mass destruction in the first place. Why did they do this when they knew there are no winners in a nuclear war? The answer is simple – the Christian religion as written in the Bible has already supposedly detailed the future in the book of Revelation.
If there were no Christian or Abrahamic religions would humans have a better chance of survival? Well, there would not be a man-written book proclaiming to be the word of God which people worship and believe in detailing man’s End Times in an apocalypse.
There could have been a world dominated by a truly universal pact centred on love, science, astronomy and knowledge. There could have been a push for technological wonders that would extend life and preserve nature whilst expanding human consciousness to the far reaches of the universe through space travel. These things could have happened because there was no dominant book proclaiming an apocalyptic armageddon future believed by millions of people.
Instead, we have a future where Christians will welcome the destruction of all on earth, because it is written in their book. They will smile and rejoice as the bombs fall because it is their belief they will be taken to their heaven. They are programmed to complete their Christian mission one way or another because the Bible says so.
We are here on behalf of the Lords of all truth, CNN, Snopes and MSNBC to fact check the alleged incident reported of Joe Biden falling off his bicycle.
The almighty truth is that anyone saying anything critical in any way of the protected Biden is fake news and it is the job of certain authoritarian outlets to fact check these nefarious stories because we are the almighty bringers of all truth on the internet and no one else is qualified to comment. If you have political views other than socialist, Liberal or Marxist then you are fake news and we will cancel you.
Joe Biden did not fall off his bike. That supposed incident may have been a malicious holographic image projected by Donald Trump to discredit Mr. Biden.
Anyone reporting otherwise is spreading fake news propaganda and disinformation and will be discredited by the totalitarian lords of all truth on the internet i.e the Liberal media apparatus and Big Tech controllers.
Here’s another video angle of Joe Biden falling off a stationary bike. Why in the world are they still letting him bike? pic.twitter.com/g4DTSCBzD3
The famous Amber Heard turd she left on Johnny Depp’s sheet after they had another regular argument is set to be auctioned off at Sotheby’s in Beverly Hills in August.
Auctioneer, Mathew Fortington Smythe expects Amber Heard’s piece of shit to be sold for approximately $350,000.
Own a Piece of Turd History
“The Heard turd should reach its reserve no problem. I am already receiving hundreds of calls from private collectors who are interested in the item.”
Celebrity newspapers were today speculating on whom the seller is.
One tabloid news outlet is convinced the seller is Amber Heard herself.
“She needs the fucking money. She lost the case, and every bit of shit helps, so she saved up her turd, and now wants to sell it.”
Parisian art gallery owner, Ernest du Merde, is also infatuated with the Amber Heard turd.
“Tres bien, I am sure her excrement smells like tulips fresh from a field in Provence. I am keen to sign Amber up for a series of turds, we can forget the haystacks of Claude Monet. Amber, if you read this, I have a solution to your money problems. $8 million will be like a breeze. Call me, tout suite.”
Mike Pence was today hailed as the hero of the hour, the man who stood his ground to Donald Trump and saved America with the election of Joe Biden.
“If it was not for the bravery of Mike Pence, we would not be in the situation we are today in America. Stock market down by thousands per day, huge gas prices, huge deficit, food inflation, no baby food, imminent war with Russia, an Afghan nightmare, interest rate rises that will bring many to destitution, mass poverty, cities full of homeless, insane inflationary pressure, please excuse me if I forgot something,” a Democrat representative at the January 6 hearing said today.
Mike Pence is now set for the 2024 elections, and many Democrats may even vote for him.
Speaking today at a symposium for American Energy, Mike Pence was adamant that he had the right credentials to go for the 2024 ticket.
“First of all folks, I want to tell y’all about my favourite colour of all time. It has to be yella, you see that colour sums me up a lot. I is as yella as a streak of piss, I’m yella, and I am proud to be yella. I love all things yello, even jello, and I make sure all my vehicles are covered in bright yella paint. Some say I am a coward, a yella bellied coward who betrayed people. I tell ’em that I am and I am proud to be a coward, because I am a yella piece of shit coward. You see that lemon over there (pointing at a lemon) that lemon is yella, and fine as it is, it is the colour I always aspired to be when I was a little kid. I said to my Pops, I said when I grow up, I wanna be a yella sumbitch. My Pa looked at me, then unfurled his belt and gave me a damn good hiding. Made a man of me. He said he didn’t want no yella belly cowards in the family, but I defied him and became my own man, or should I say quarter of a man. Now I am the biggest, proudest yella belly coward in America, maybe the goddamn world! S’cuse me while I go and hide somewhere away from my own shadow…it scares the hell out of me! Yow! I just saw my own shadow! Jeepers that is so scary! (shivering uncontrollably).”
Today the Bank of England raised interest rates again, and for many families already struggling with high inflation as well as taxes, this may be the last straw. Your mortgage rate also just shot up, and you don’t know what to do. Here are some great tips to survive the nightmare.
1. Sell your kids for medical research in China. If you don’t have kids, you can sell your kidneys or eyeballs in China and get a reasonable price. That should cover at least one month’s mortgage payment.
2. Pimp your wife out. This rather salacious tip may sound a bit scary, but look on the bright side, you get her out the house for a few hours making money, and the nagging stops for a while.
3. Live in a tent in the forest. Forget about paying the mortgage, pack up your gear in a black bin bag and buy a cheap tent. There are forests all over Britain where no one will ever find you.
4. Sell up. Well, you can’t pay the mortgage, so sell up and let some other poor bastard pay for it.
5. Do not rob a bank. This is highly dangerous and illegal. The banks may be robbing you every day, but that does not mean you should take hundreds of thousands of crisp banknotes from an insured bank to live the rest of your life in luxury somewhere in Brazil or Russia.
