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Ukrainian Army Braces Itself For the Russian Blob

Laszlo Piger
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Ukrainian Army Braces Itself For the Russian Blob

In desperation, Russian tyrant Vladimir Putin is digging up retired military personnel and top brass, including “The Blob” otherwise known as General Pavel.

An amiable chap who ingests over 10 meals a day and 14 bottles of vodka, Pavel is to be sent to the front lines in Ukraine where many generals have already perished.

One Russian military attaché was adamant that Pavel would make a difference in the campaign to destroy Ukraine.

“General Pavel, we call “The Blob” he only has to stick his fat arse out of an APC and fart destroying entire blocks of cities in one go. He is our secret weapon we have been hiding for so long, and now is the time to bring him out. Ukraine is finished. His asshole is equivalent to five Tsar Bombas!”

Unfortunately, there are going to be setbacks for the Russians by deploying this gargantuan vodka churning fat fuck into the battlefields of Ukraine.

“We cannot fit General Pavel into any military vehicles. He is too large to be carried in any aircraft, or land craft. He will thus be stationed in a secret underground bunker with plenty of food supplies somewhere near the border.”

General Pavel is renowned for once eating an entire flock of goats in one sitting whilst doing his tour in Afghanistan during the 1980s. He is also so fat that he needs a team of Russian conscripts to wipe his arse after every shit. To be put on toilet duty for General Pavel is known as a great honour for Russian soldiers.

The Ukrainian soldiers on the other hand are welcoming the arrival of General Pavel to the war zone.

“If he goes for a walk, we can pinpoint his location from space. He is such a big target that we cannot possibly miss.”

Good luck General Pavel — you will need it.

When the Religious Nutters Get Hold of the Asylum

Laszlo Piger
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When the Religious Nutters Get Hold of the Asylum

It’s bad enough when the far-left censoring Marxist woke mob are in charge brainwashing the weak feeble minded sheeple, but conversely the far-right religious nutcases who actually interpret their bible word for word are just as bad as the far-leftists.

It’s the extremities that cause problems, and this could also apply to eco-zealots who superglue their buttocks to busy motorways.

Extremists of all political and religious ideologies are the same in many ways, and are equally as dangerous as each other simply because they fracture societies.

The National Socialists of Germany in the 1930s and 40s were a rare example of their political ideology uniting a nation as one before propelling it into war, then certain destruction. The American extremist movements on the left and right may seize power at different times but there is no unity as a nation, instead they cause more fractures with further polarisation.

Yes, this is simplified and does not address all variables such as the fight between the National Socialist Nazis and the Bolshevik Communists during the 20s and 30s, but the general gist of it is that extremes are not good in any situation.

This is why it is almost inevitable that America will endure another civil war at some point in the near future. However, because of the level of polarisation of the nation even a civil war will not be sufficient to alleviate the discontent. Maybe seceding certain portions of the nation would be a solution to the entire problem.

One area for the religious zealots and Republicans, and another for the Marxist, progressive former liberals. There could even be segregated zones for African Americans and another for Hispanics etc,.

American Supreme Court to Ban Sodomy and Buggery Next

Laszlo Piger
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American Supreme Court to Ban Sodomy and Buggery Next

Next on the agenda for the US Supreme Court is to ban the act of sodomy and buggery.

Sodomy (/ˈsɒdəmi/) or buggery (British English) is generally anal or oral sex between people, or sexual activity between a person and a non-human animal (bestiality), but it may also mean any non-procreative sexual activity.

If the Supreme Court succeeds in banning sodomy, then half of the American population could be criminalised for their daily actions.

One gay man in San Francisco was outraged at the mere mention of banning something he enjoys doing with multiple men every day.

“First they ban abortions on womb-carriers, and now they are messing with my right to have huge members slamming my prolapsed anus daily. What we do is not unnatural, as they say.  The male ass was designed for gay sex, and not what they say designed for poop to come out of it!” Dirk Shurtlyfter, 43, revealed to local news stations.

Gay marriage as well as buggery could thus be deemed as a crime in most American states, and this would mean all of Barack Obama’s work during his term would be undone. Obama worked very hard during his tenure to promote and indoctrinate American society in homosexuality, but it seems the Supreme Court judges are planning to repeal his ambitious work.

This means LGBTQP rights in America could be revoked and cause many homosexuals to be arrested if caught committing sodomy. This decision could infringe on many freedoms for Americans, as the state should not get involved if people want to commit these acts in the privacy of their own homes.

The world has to prepare for more unrest in America as many gay people will fight for their rights as the Supreme Court rules against sodomy and gay marriage.

Japan recently ruled against gay marriage and with a declining population there may be good reason for that, as well as keeping with traditional values.

 

American Womb-Carriers Upset Over Roe v Wade Abortion Ruling

Laszlo Piger
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American Womb-Carriers Upset Over Roe v Wade Abortion Ruling

The new leftist woke term for women is ‘womb-carriers’ and many are upset about a court ruling banning abortion in multiple US states. Some call it the revenge of Donald Trump, but at the end of the day, this ruling shows how polarised American society is at the moment.

womb carriers

Beyond satire

If the radical woke Marxist communists now call women ‘womb-carriers’ what do they call men? Possibly ‘cock and balls swaggerers’ or maybe ‘scrotum-swingers’ which sounds very ominous indeed. If George Orwell were alive today, he would not believe this shit even if he saw it with his own fucking eyeballs.

Black Lives Matter should be rejoicing because the abortion ban will mean more black kids will be born instead of aborted. One would think they would applaud this court ruling, seeing as 70% of abortions in America are committed by African Americans.

The disgusting riot police were tear-gassing womb-carriers in the streets of multiple Democrat cities last night. This is all a terrible mistake, surely. The state interfering with women is surely a sign of state sanctioned overreach?

Dearest womb-carriers of America, if you don’t want kids there is an extremely simple set of solutions: 1) Stop fucking 2) Get the man to wear a rubber 3) Get sterilized. Simples!

Remoaner SNP Lib Dem and Labour Band Together to Win By-elections

Laszlo Piger
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Remoaner SNP Lib Dem and Labour Band Together to Win By-elections

Losing a number of by-elections, Boris Johnson’s Conservative party is now on the back foot. Labour has reclaimed the seat of Wakefield from the Tories with a majority of 4,925 votes after securing a massive 48 percent of the vote. Meanwhile, the Liberal Democrats have been declared the winners of the by-election in Tiverton and Honiton, overturning the Tories

There is a concerted effort now bigger than any other threat against Boris to oust him as PM, and to reverse Brexit. Remainers egged on by their EU masters are banding together to lend each other tactical votes. Labour and the Lib Dems are now one body working for the EU to oust Boris Johnson and the Tories.

The cost of living crisis is not playing well to many voters, and unfortunately Boris is under pressure not only from the gang of remainers but from within his own party which has a huge number of EU agents.

Speaking from Rwanda, Boris Johnson was humble on news of the by-election defeat for the Conservatives, but being so far away from home may also harm his cause.

The EU has been working tooth and nail to oust Boris, and using their useful idiot slaves in the UK like the SNP, Lib Dems, and Labour are coming to fruition.

If Boris goes, who will take over the Brexit mantle, or conversely rescind Brexit?

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of CGI

Laszlo Piger
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Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of CGI

This film is rather hard to watch. It basically involves so much CGI flitting around the screen, bits coming in, mashed up bits going around and more CGI projectile vomiting everywhere that it makes you feel physically sick. One eyed CGI octopi running up buildings, one feels like they are having an apoplectic seizure watching this shit.

Amongst the nonsensical multiverse CGI festival of fakery, the audience is transported into a multi zone of computer generated psychopathy. Maybe the CIA could use this film to break down Russian agents who plan to cause mayhem on American soil or some other type of dastardly treachery.

Not sure if it was the frequency of the CGI images slapping around the screen much like a pinball dipped in liquid PCP, but reviewing this film was almost impossible. I fell asleep three quarters of the way in.

Apologies to Sam Raimi, but since the dawn of CGI, he might as well not attempt to direct any form of film ever again. Just let the AI and whacky, fake-looking CGI do it. The low budget of Evil Dead brought out so much creativity without any CGI. It seems huge budget CGI overuse in modern films kills creativity, the plot and the entire film.

Another African American Rapper Shot

Laszlo Piger
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Another African American Rapper Shot

The life expectancy of an average African American rapper these days is about 21 years, according to a new study.

Welcome to the new plantation, this time blacks give their lives to a rap industry that chews these naive fuckers up like bubblegum spitting them out like chewed pieces of gristle. Rap labels may seem black, but look up the chain of distribution and royalties and you will find white conglomerates running the show.

Just last week, 31 rappers were shot dead in Chicago alone. Rappers like Lil Toe’rag, Masta Bater, Dumb Shizzo, Phat Grillz, SmellS Baum, Winkz Jnr., lx7r-u, Pop Choker, Jigz Lamont and of course the almighty Helmet Cheeze IV Esq.

Corporate slaves

“We call them ghetto fodder, use them until they’re either shot dead or die from drugs or AIDS. If one of these rappers die, it’s just as good as having them slave away for us doing their stupid nonsense jibber jabber shows. We actually make more revenue off them when these pieces of narcissistic egotistical, untalented ghetto shits die. They’re rapping about being gangsters and highfalutin big boyz, but everything’s out on loan in their videos. Even that fat lipped toad Jay Z who thinks he is some kind of record boss answers to us. Without our structures, these nonsense dribbling putrid moronic dunces would all be rapping on the street corner to a crowd of pigeons,” one conglomerate staff member commented.

The word is: keep dying rappers, keep getting shot, keep shooting yourselves because at the end of the day you’re still part of the same plantation as before. No mo’ cotton — just bullets and bullshit records this time round.

Slavery never ended, it seems…

Only Low-information Idiots Would Ask For a Pay Rise During a Hyperinflationary Recession

Laszlo Piger
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Only Low-information Idiots Would Ask For a Pay Rise During a Hyperinflationary Recession

For socialists and Marxists who make up unions, money magically appears from nowhere, where it is spent without thought. There are magic money trees that supply vast amounts of cash to these socialists who seem to live in a utopian Marxist dreamworld.

The reality of the situation which these moronic fucking idiots who are asking for huge pay rises during this period of hyperinflation and recession is that if they get pay rises, then inflation will only get worse. Interest rises will be even more severe, and their pay rises will only add to the misery of even more fucking inflation.

If this pussified “Conservative” government had any balls, they would fire each and every rail worker linked to the RMT Union and replace them all. Something Ronnie Reagan did to air traffic workers when they dared to strike in the 80s. On August 5, 1981, President Ronald Reagan fired 11,359 air-traffic controllers striking in violation of his order for them to return to work.

The pathetic low-information workers on the rails are more preoccupied with their own greed, as their average salary is already over £65,000 per annum. The Marxist militant leader of the RMT Union makes over £160,000 per annum and lives a life of luxury off the backs of taxpayers and his union slaves.

Why Elon Musk is Quite Not Ready to Wrap Up Twitter Deal

Laszlo Piger
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Why Elon Musk is Quite Not Ready to Wrap Up Twitter Deal

On the cusp of a major global recession, as well as a tanking Twitter share price, Elon Musk was quoted a $44 billion price for the company before the shit hit the fan and Twitter shares fell like a rock.

In addition to the now lower valuation, Twitter is basically one big headache, and Musk is not sure whether his heart is there dealing with a woke triggered bunch of leftist Twitter staff.

One imagines the Twitter bot problem is also a major issue. Joe Biden has over half of his followers as fake accounts, as do so-called luminaries like Barack Obama.

The far-left biased site is itself a twitting contradictory filled place full of biased banning, ghost banning and election steering.

In these times, Musk is better off staying well clear of the Twitter purchase, especially as he has already been burned by buying a sizeable share of the ailing company already.

You can polish a turd as much as you want but at the end of the day, it’s still a turd. Cliches aside, Twitter is a bird poop disaster of a site that is almost unmanageable and at the moment unfairly priced.

The spectre of actually allowing free speech to somehow reappear on a platform that is famous for its censorious left-wing bias may also be a pipe dream for Musk.

Socialists and Marxist communists cannot be ordered to suddenly accept freedom of expression and free speech. For them it is an anathema, something that is so far from their programmed soviet ideological belief system that it is alien to them. The Twitter staff who skew the site to only uphold leftist material and the general population of Twitter would be up in arms to any changes, and would cause a lot of problems for Musk.

Hold off for now, and concentrate on Tesla and SpaceX.

Bored Prince Harry Gets a Pet Monkey to While Away Time in Montecito

Laszlo Piger
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Bored Prince Harry Gets a Pet Monkey to While Away Time in Montecito

Bored with the lacklustre polo, what else is there to do in Montecito? The gated mansions holding Hollywood glitterati are all closed, and the streets are now full of tourists. Apart from twiddling his thumbs and thinking of England, what can poor Harry do in this plastic land of fakery?

According to some Montecito insiders, the bored former royal has been pining for a pet of some sorts to keep him company in the vast 16 bathroom mansion with cheap Mexican furniture.

“Meghan is usually out either at Oprah’s or with her woke friends on shopping trips to Rodeo Drive spending as much of the Netflix money before they ask for it back. The couple are seriously worried that Netflix will ask for the money back as they have not delivered anything, so their plan is to spend all the money, and when Netflix asks for their cash, they’ll say it’s all gone,” the insider revealed.

The kids the couple have allegedly spawned are usually with one of the Mexican nannies, and thankfully out of sight and sound.

This is why Harry has bought a Guenon monkey from a private breeder in Santa Barbara. Guenons are medium-sized monkeys that are about 16-22 inches tall and weigh 5-15 pounds on average. They are friendly monkeys but as with all pets they need a lot of care, and this suits Harry because he is frankly lonely and isolated in Montecito.

According to one of Harry’s new American chums, he calls his new monkey friend, “Willy” and so far the pair have bonded very well.

“Harry talks to Willy the monkey a lot and has even constructed a large holding pen for the primate where he can swing around. Harry also likes to take Willy into his study where he reads it colouring books as it jumps around the room,” one of the servants revealed.

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