An Essex woman was in hospital today where she will lie face down for the next three months after singing her buttocks when she sat on a metal park bench during Britain’s hottest heatwave, the Daily Mail exclusive reports.
Marie Gomper, 23, from Basildon, Essex, thought she would enjoy the hottest day ever recorded in Britain by chilling in the park.
“I thot a would top up me fake tan a bit. They ‘ave metal benches in our local park and I was wearing a short dress fo’ da lads, innit. I ‘ad me fish ‘n’ chips put me bum on the seat. Fuckin’ ‘ell bruv! It was like stickin’ me arse cheeks into a vindaloo curry on a Friday night. Me mate, Lizzy then called the ambulance as I couldn’t walk. It took four hours for them to turn up! Me singed butt cheeks was in bleedin’ agony, innit!”
Doctors at Basildon General Hospital revealed that Ms Gomper received third degree burns on both of her buttocks and urge people not to sit on metal park benches during any 45 degree heatwave.
Meanwhile, Basildon council officials did not return calls when asked about the buttock burning park benches.
One of the worst casualties to hit on the hottest day ever recorded in Britain at 45 degrees Celsius, a man was fried alive whilst standing on a metal manhole cover in Piccadilly Circus at midday.
Shocked passers-by who saw the live frying session were said to be receiving counselling, in the shade.
“I had a large ice cream in my hand and was about to eat it when I heard this sizzling sound. You know, like bacon in a frying pan. He was standing on a grate or something and the heat must have been very high. I was going to have a fry up later, but sort of put off it now,” Annie Rasher, 22, from Hull revealed in the Evening Standard.
Another bystander recalled the incident: “He was decked out with some serious oil over his body. Guess he thought he would show off his pecs as he was shirtless. When I heard the frying sound, and smelled burning, I looked around to see the poor blighter frying like a saveloy sausage in me local chippy. ‘Scuse me mate, a bit of bile came up.”
The ashes of the man were taken to St Thomas’ hospital, where police forensics experts will try to identify the unfortunate man.
Exiled woke drone Harry was flown to New York yesterday in a gas guzzling private jet to preach about the vagaries of climate change, and how everyone should lower their carbon footprint. With the usual script prepared by his controller, the former working royal also castigated America and Americans for not doing enough on gun control, and disinformation. According to Harry, he would like to abolish the First Amendment because the right to freedom of speech is “bonkers”.
The prince, who has never worked a day in his life or read a book despite attending Eton, was in top form as the few UN delegates present amongst the rows of empty seats all yawned in unison.
Speaking to rows of empty chairs in the main UN assembly hall, Harry revealed that America’s Second Amendment should also be cancelled and when his wife Meghan becomes President of the United States next week, she will make damn sure Americans do not have the right to defend themselves or their families anymore. Americans were also chastised for using cars and planes to travel.
“Can everyone hear me at the back there?” Harry shouted authoritatively down the mic.
A cleaning lady, picking up a piece of paper from the floor, nodded her head waving at Harry before turning her back once again to resume her duties.
Thank you Joe Biden, while you have been asleep Iran has completed building their nuclear arsenal so they can decimate and erase Israel.
The Iranian plutonium enrichment programme is now capable of creating functional nuclear missiles, and suitcase bombs. Who is to say the Iranians will overtly attack their targets. Suitcase bombs can be smuggled into any country and detonated in any city.
Want to make New York city into an inhabitable radioactive wasteland and drop the stock market to zero? No one will know who did it, and Russia or China could be blamed. Vice versa, a suitcase nuke detonates outside the Kremlin making Red Square into a glass crater. Who gets the blame for that one?
Alternatively, the Persians in all their ancient wisdom and desire for self preservation, simply sell off their suitcase nukes to the highest bidder. The possibilities are endless, and it’s all thanks to Obama and Biden enabling the Iranians to do this.
If you grew up in the days when there was a modicum of free speech and freedom of art, Commando comic was a true boy’s treat. It captured the daring missions of World War II with a slight jingoistic fervour, but was entertaining, harmless fun.
Totalitarian woke soviet censorship
Those days of freedom have sadly succumbed to the evil of communist totalitarian speech control, and ironically the brave soldiers fighting the Germans and Japs in WWII depicted in the comic should have been fighting the soviet communists in reality because in the future they were defeated by that very political Marxist ideology.
The soldiers who fought for our Western rights of free expression in everyday life, literature and art have since seen those freedoms they fought for trampled on by the woke communist Stasi agents now taking over everything.
No doubt, because Commando will not be able to repeat what Tommy’s actually called the Jerries, the Boches and Krauts in WW2, the comic will lose readers because it will essentially be castrated…impotent…an empty husk.
In a few years or even months down the line, Commando will disappear, much like the much-loved Mad magazine was forced to shut because of wokism.
Notch it up as another victory for soviet woke Stasi scum who kill everything they touch with their reverse Midas touch.
The men who gave their blood and sweat in WWII for our freedoms sadly died for absolutely nothing.
Forget about Vergeltungswaffen V1 Doodlebug rockets trotting over your neighbourhood before running out of fuel and silently landing on a random house, school, hospital or church. The new terrifying blitz bringing fear to the people of Britain is the heatwave coming from Europe.
Schools, hospitals, and transport are all on emergency standby.
Forty degrees Celsius, or an incredible 104 degrees Fahrenheit for Brits is a bit too much. Usually Brits are accustomed to shit summers with only a few days of mild sunshine and the rest with pouring rain, so naturally to have nearly an entire month of sun and a few days of extreme temperatures is a wake-up call.
“I have filled a bath with water and ice and will be spending the entire day in there,” Robbie Nogads, 27, from Cheshire revealed in The Sun.
One man from London revealed that he will be locked in his friend’s restaurant chiller for the entire day, and a svelte 23-year-old woman from Manchester revealed she would be naked in the garden all day. Binoculars were invariably dug out by the neighbours who appreciate a good bit of curvature.
Whatever your situation today, have a good one. Remember that in other parts of the world, these temperatures are perfectly normal.
Looking forward to the usual shit British weather coming soon.
The coronavirus pandemic affected esport disciplines as well as traditional classic sports. Many prestigious tournaments with good prize money have migrated online. However, it was the ability to continue them at least in this form that allowed to keep afloat not only the direction, but also some of the varieties. And competition from VALORANT has also sparked an increase in the quality of the product offered by the CSGO tournament organisers.
IEM Cologne has officially become the most popular
Those who benefited from CSGO’s rising popularity were the UK bookies. Post-lockdown broadcast ratings have already been beaten a total of five times, with many of the top bookmakers also playing video of important eSports events on their betting platforms. Special rankings are available for more in-depth analysis, and top analysts are on hand to break down the odds line and offer advice on the prospects of one or another selection in it.
NaVi and FaZe Factor
According to many CSGO experts and fans, these are the two teams that are the most popular at the moment. Not surprisingly, Natus Vincere and FaZe Clan also top the official rankings. Also, these teams have played two of the most watched tournaments of the season. Before IEM Cologne, the PGL Major Antwerp took place in May, which was also played by a Ukrainian team and a team representing a hodgepodge of European countries.
Nor was it a surprise that NaVi went head-to-head with FaZe in the IEM Cologne 2022 finals. The two teams with the biggest fan bases were challenged for the title of the strongest before the long summer break. There will be no major tournaments in the next month, so Sunday’s result will be remembered for a long time, as well as being at the top of the discussion.
How the IEM Cologne 2022 final match went
In the semi-finals FaZe Clan defeated Movistar Riders and NaVi got through to Astralis. And in the decisive match in Cologne, Aleksandr Kostylev and company were considered as favorites. The more so that the match started successfully for them with a success on the Overpass card (16:13). True, later on, those born to win only tipped the scales in their favour on one more map, called Ancient (19:16).
FaZe Clan was stronger than their opponent on the map Inferno (16:13), confidently crushed him on Mirage (16:9) and minimally crushed Nuke (16:14). As a result, they won the final of the tournament with a final score of 3-2, restoring the intrigue at the top of the world rankings.
Why the Cologne final broke the viewing record
In fact, a number of indirect factors influenced the record-breaking nature of the deciding IEM Cologne 2022 Final. Indeed, apart from the fact that there were two of the strongest CSGO teams of today fighting for the title, the match itself took as long as possible. Five hard fought games is a huge amount of air time. The spectators were constantly in suspense, as well as those who bet on NaVi or the victory of FaZe.
What to expect next from the 2022 season
Last year the Natus Vincere team dominated this discipline, but in 2022 they only managed to win the far from prestigious BLAST Spring Finals tournament. FaZe, on the other hand, already has two big wins under their belt, so they are clearly ready to challenge the as yet number one ranking holder. In any case, the second half of the cybersport season promises to be no less interesting, which means that new records are not far off.
In her debut comedy album Dearly Deported Toronto born comic Zoe Brownstone introduces herself as a slightly confused but bravely optimistic individual. With an opener that leaves nothing to the imagination about her opinions on living in The Netherlands to her dedication to becoming a well-balanced adult aged stoner, we meet someone who is really seeming to look like she is trying her best to figure it out.
With her quick jabs and timely wit, Zoe brings us along on the journey that brought her to Amsterdam, part cautionary tale, part satirical memoir; we can’t help but laugh at her and feel sorry for her all at the same time. Specifically when detailing the trials of becoming a stepmother and an untimely break-up. But within the series of unfortunate events, Zoe still serves confidence right alongside her questionable choices, a bravado that seemingly comes from nowhere and may not be deserved yet nevertheless is present throughout.
Here is someone we want to win, in Zoe it’s easy to identify pieces of ourselves as she gives us vulnerability for a period long enough to surprise the audience when she delivers a punchline. It’s an indication of her years as a comic on the Toronto scene and more recently helping to grow the English comedy scene in Holland. While this is her debut album, it’s clear she is not new to the craft.
In her material about cannabis use, we get to see a different archetype of the classic ‘stoner’ in the post-prohibition era of her home country. What the new-age stoner thinks about and her relationship to the often naturally anxiety inducing world we live in is insightful to even someone who does not partake. Universal themes of paranoia and self consciousness but in a twisted setting we can both laugh at in the moment and think back to later on (maybe while taking a puff).
This album is raw and fresh, giving us a look at an emerging comic finding her footing. We’re left at the end wondering what’s coming next for Zoe, and somehow having hope because if she can climb out of the (hilarious) hole she’s dug herself then surely we all can.
There is something in the wind. No, it’s not a fart, but something a lot worse — war. Russia and China are possibly planning something in August. This could either be a full-blown invasion of Taiwan by China, as well as a full-blown assault on the rest of Ukraine once the entire region of Donbas is cut off.
The Chinese Communist Party has been watching the Western sanctions closely and in anticipation of these sanctions, they have stockpiled over 60% of the globe’s grain reserves over the past year. Oil and gas is being acquired from Russia, which is also propping up Putin’s government.
Putin, despite losses in Ukraine, has stated that he is “only just getting started”. Russia has been sending in young conscripts with the dregs of the Russian arsenal. Testing the ground, seeing the Western reaction, and planning his next move with precision by feigning weakness.
Anyway, watch out for August. You may be on holiday if it happens, and we sincerely hope it does not happen, but keep an eye out for something to occur.
The danger we are in is the gravest, especially with a weak, impotent US Biden administration and the UK dumping Boris Johnson. Joe Biden, who has heavy ties with the CCP economically and ideologically, has been told to stand down when China moves on Taiwan.
It’s great to have woke useful idiots working for you to destabilise and polarise entire nations in the West all for your benefit. This is what Russia and China have been doing for decades in the West, playing the long game to destabilise Western democracy and freedom of speech.
ANTIFA BLM Marxist Communists controlled by Russia and China march
The key to destabilising entire nations is through the education system and certain agents within large institutions that command respect amongst the populations. Russian and Chinese destabilisation controllers know that it can take an entire generation, time wise, to demoralise a nation through indoctrination within the education system of any given Western nation.
We all know that Russia itself does not tolerate LGBTQP rights or freedom of speech, Metoo feminism or black racial issues, however their agents in the West feign support of these issues as a form of destabilisation to increase further polarisation and demoralisation in the West.
Soft Power
If you look at any university in the UK and USA, you will invariably find the Chinese Communist Party run Confucius Institute, which infiltrates educational establishments and indoctrinates students in Maoist communist doctrine. If one looks at any Hollywood film a little deeper than usual, you will find that 90% of films are financed by Chinese money either overtly or covertly. The Meg, and 2012 are good examples of Chinese money backing Hollywood, and if you watch the films themselves, you will see an underlying Chinese state theme within them. Streaming services like Netflix are also awash with woke indoctrination films and shows funded by China.
They are platforms for an authoritarian party that’s fundamentally hostile to liberal ideas like free speech and free inquiry to propagate a state-approved narrative.
And since the Communist Party of China doesn’t have a free press or rule of law to check its use of power, it’s no surprise there have been strong indications that CIs are used for inappropriate covert activities like intelligence gathering, and facilitating military research. SOURCE
Corporate wokeness is another form of destabilisation, with companies like NIKE who back the BLM movement. The main reason for them backing the woke agenda is monetary, due to cheap slave labour Chinese manufacturing and the majority of their sales going to black people in the West.
The advertising business is also guilty of indoctrination techniques to push down the throats of audiences the current woke talking point. With ad agencies awash with Chinese CCP money, they simply do what they are told as long as the money flows in to their accounts. Advertising executives and CEOs do not care about things like Chinese infiltration or demoralisation.
The West is awash with Russian and Chinese students, employees, agents and citizens. Not all of course are agents working to destabilise the West, but there are huge numbers embedded in institutions actively working to create maximum damage to Western interests.
Wokism encapsulates many destabilising factors including: anti-freedom of speech, anti-democracy, mass censorship, cancel culture, anti-capitalism, strict political correctness, anti-art, anti-freedom of expression, soviet indoctrination, brainwashing techniques, cultural Marxism, and Soviet collectivism. In other words, if one puts communism and wokism together, there is no difference between the two ideologies.
The American socialist party have completely adopted wokism and the Biden administration has immense ties with China. The British Labour Party and Liberal Democrats are now overtly far-left woke communists. Many Big Tech all-controlling conglomerates are heavily involved with China and adopt woke control techniques on the internet, completely shutting it down of free speech and Western ideals. Liberalism used to mean a liberal accepting inclusive doctrine — today, it adopts soviet totalitarian authoritarian communist ideology.
By using the indoctrinated woke warriors in the West, Russia and China destabilise the West from within, and every time there is a BLM riot or LGBTQP outrage or Metoo manhunt the central control centres in Moscow and Beijing are cheering. Their work is done.
