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Tory Leadership Debate: Sunak Tried to Give Everyone in Studio £500 Each

Annie Rissom
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Tory Leadership Debate: Sunak Tried to Give Everyone in Studio £500 Each

Mega rich former Chancellor of the Exchequer Rishi Sunak was seriously flashing the cash before the Tory leadership debate last night.

One of the cameramen working in the filming studio was disgusted at his arrogant attitude.

“We thought it was a bit odd when he walked in with four young Asian boys who were carrying a very heavy suitcase. Sunak then ordered the boys to unlock it. He scrambled around inside for a moment, then started taking out stacks of cash. Going around the studio in a clockwise direction, he was handing out wads of money to everyone. Even the bloody cleaner got a stack.”

The key grip refused to take the cash from Sunak so he gave the floor manager an extra wad of notes. Audience members present at the debate seemed very appreciative of the Sunak cash gifts.

Liz Truss, who was Sunak’s opponent, was also offered the cash with a wink and a nod but refused.

According to polls after the debate, Rishi Sunak won the debate.

Newly Unveiled Russian Army ZZ Insignia Resembles Waffen SS

Annie Rissom
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Newly Unveiled Russian Army ZZ Insignia Resembles Waffen SS

Vladimir Putin today unveiled the latest Z insignia for the Russian army, and hopes it will invigorate his troops to commit more atrocities in Ukraine and beyond.

“As I have mentioned in the past, Russia has no borders. Mother Russia will soon extend across the entirety of Europe and from there we will conquer the entire world. No one can stop us. Our new Russian army insignia will make our troops fight harder and more efficiently to ensure complete destruction of our enemies,” Putin said at a conference in Nizhny Novgorod, to great applause.

z russian army

The Z symbol has been plastered all over tanks and other military vehicles during the illegal Ukraine invasion.

Military historians however have questioned the new Russian army Z insignia, and have compared it to the Nazi SS Waffen insignia.

“There seems to be an immense similarity between the new Russian Z insignia’s symbolism and the German Schutzstaffel, Waffen SS insignia. The similarity does not end in the symbolism however, it seems Russian troops are imitating the kind of atrocities committed by Adolf Hitler’s SS on the battlefield and on unarmed civilians. Whether it is intentional or not, Vladimir Putin and his commanders as well as troops should be tried and convicted for war crimes,” historian Dr Reynold Treblink, revealed in the Telegraph.

The Russians seem to have forgotten what happened in World War II. Conversely, the Russians rather ironically have adopted the exact terror techniques of one of their greatest adversaries — the Nazis.

Dark Matter is Truly Dark and Hard to See in Space Scientist Discovers

Annie Rissom
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Dark Matter is Truly Dark and Hard to See in Space Scientist Discovers

Hugh Trino, senior scientist at CERN emphasised that recent studies on Dark Matter have been very revealing … upon scrutiny of over 20 years of data no dark matter has ever been found.

“Not finding Dark Matter is precisely what we expected, it vindicates our search for it … we told you it was dark. Dr Trino continues “… its an optical quirk you see … if space itself was not so black we would see dark matter everywhere … and that’s science fact.”

“Our next experiment involves manufacturing the world’s most expensive flashlight … an instrument we call the Total Illumination Transitory Spectrometer (TITS) … something our scientists here at CERN cannot stop thinking about. This will allow us to illuminate the distant edge of our Universe and will make Dark Matter more visible. TITS’ images will be revealed to the public in early 2023 and will raise a few eyebrows in the particle physics community for sure.”

Curtis Press

Political Satire: Daily Squib Podcast Announcement

Annie Rissom
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Political Satire: Daily Squib Podcast Announcement

Dear Squibbers and anyone who is interested in any way in satire, as the editor of this curious newspaper I have decided to publish a weekly podcast.

Check it out here

The podcast will include select Squib articles, exclusive music compositions, live unedited musical jams and interviews.

If you ever wanted to know what I sound like, well this is your chance.

Making a podcast is certainly a challenge, amongst all my other duties for the Squib. I now fully respect radio DJs, engineers and even YouTubers (yuck, can’t believe I wrote that). To record relatively professional vocals is certainly a challenge, as I am more used to guitars. At the moment, I am making do with the equipment I have, but in the future if things go well, I may be able to upgrade some of my ageing gear.

Anyway, please join me every week, and all are welcome to join the discussion.

Fun Times at Disney World For All the Family

Annie Rissom
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Fun Times at Disney World For All the Family

Hey, everyone loves Disney World, right? It’s a magical place where visitors to the fun filled theme park can lose themselves and truly have a marvellous time.

This family friendly resort will bring a smile to the most miserable bastard, and will entertain the entire family.

Magic Kingdom

With tonnes of rides and restaurants, you will be hard-pressed to see and experience everything at Magical Kingdom.

‘Young people’, don’t forget to have massive brawls and riots when you visit to add to the general ambience of the place.

It seems the happy atmosphere at Disney World brings out the delightful cultural character of ‘young people’ everywhere.

“I loved visiting Disney World so much I left with two black eyes and a shattered jaw bone,” one visitor revealed from their hospital bed.

Mad Vlad and the Hunger For More Territory

Annie Rissom
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Mad Vlad and the Hunger For More Territory

According to Mad Vlad Vladimir Putin, there are no borders to Russia, and his greed for more territory is just getting started.

“You think Vlad is going to stop after annexing three quarters of Ukraine? If it means forcibly enlisting Russia’s babushkas to man the tanks he will do it. Putin is now enlisting from Russia’s many prisons. He wants the entire Ukraine, and he will do it by any means possible,” a Ukrainian man revealed outside his destroyed home.

Russian supermarkets are still brimming with goods despite the so-called Western sanctions which only drove further East. The EU is still supporting Russian oil and gas exports, with Greece keeping the Russian ship lanes going. As for Vichy Macron, he daily courts Putin despite the terrible atrocities committed by the Russians in Ukraine. There is method in his madness, he knows Putin will not stop in the Donbas and when the Russian army reaches Paris, he wants France to be spared of destruction.

As for the speculation that Putin is going to drop off soon, well, there is no proof of that, and even people with illnesses or diseases can survive for decades despite what others may say.

“In Russia, we can still get anything we want from China or other countries in Asia. We are now more self-sufficient and do not rely on anyone else. Fuck McDonalds and all the others. If we want to eat shit, we eat Russian shit,” a Moscow resident remarked.

Dover: Dad Are We There Yet?

Annie Rissom
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Dover: Dad Are We There Yet?

It’s the summer hols…yay! You’ve packed everything into the car including the wife and two kids, keyed in the route to the ferry in Dover, checked the tyres, filled up the petrol tank and are ready for the 45-minute journey to Dover to catch the ferry on time. The destination of course is the glorious nation of France, where the croissants flow like rivers and the essence of garlic permeates your entire sensory frequency range.

There is one slight snag. Some wanker in Calais wants to play vindictive games with you just because Britain is not in the EU. Not all Frenchies are vindictive cunts, but there are a decent amount who have emerged from the slime since Brexit.

Little Johnny and Tamara are expecting an exciting start to their summer holidays. Instead, we are greeted with a 30-mile traffic jam, and that’s not including the mess in Dover. According to the radio there is a 15,000 car backlog in Dover and the trucks are backed up even further.

Nine hours later, spitting blood, sweating and fucking angry, the wife is in tears, the kids are shouting and crying and still Dover is not in sight.

All of this because Britain voted to leave the soviet undemocratic collectivist EU state in 2016. Brexit punishments have been coming thick and fast ever since attempting to leave the authoritarian soviet state.

Who is in the wrong here? The vindictive wankers who actively create obstacles for British people who want to go on holiday in the continent, or the fucking idiotic sheeple who have to travel abroad to Europe even though they know the journey will be a miserable unduly expensive nightmare?

Daddy, are we there yet? Freedom certainly does come at some cost it seems.

Leadership Contest: Trust in Truss or Fishy Rishi?

Annie Rissom
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Leadership Contest: Trust in Truss or Fishy Rishi?

As far as leaders of the government go, the choice in the Tory leadership contest is rather insipid. Can we trust in Truss, who was a remainer? Although she has shown promise as Foreign secretary, she could still be a remainer Trojan horse, much like Theresa May was. Look at the utter mess created by Theresa May who first promised to uphold Brexit then went on to nearly destroy the EU Referendum result.

What about Fishy Rishi or two pints of lard Greasy Rishi? Sunak is essentially an establishment automaton who takes orders from his globalist masters. He is a pen-pushing technocrat with about as much personality as a piece of damp lettuce.

All in all, it is not looking good, but out of these two candidates, who do not have an ounce of what Boris once had, Truss looks like the best candidate. She will probably still lose because some are behind Sunak as he is a total ‘yes man’ to his controllers. No one wants a PM who has their own mind, look at what happened to Boris when the herd stampeded his individualistic style of leadership. Our choice is Truss over Fishy Rishi.

Greta’s Beloved EU Companies Now Buying Up Oil Stocks

Annie Rissom
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Greta’s Beloved EU Companies Now Buying Up Oil Stocks

EU managers of environmental, social and governance funds are starting to shift a larger portion of their assets to oil and gas producers.

Greta Thunberg was seen pulling her hair out at the mere thought of such obscenities being committed by companies within the “green” EU soviet state.

European-based ESG equity funds have been increasing their investments in energy companies, including Shell Plc, Repsol SA, Aker BP ASA and Neste Oyj, according to analysts at Bank of America Corp. About 6% of the funds invested in Shell this year, compared with none in 2021.

After hearing of the news, Greta was immediately on the phone to von der Leyen demanding the EU president halts this anti-eco outrage.

The Robeco QI Emerging Conservative Equities fund, which adheres to Article 8 of the EU’s Sustainable Finance Disclosure Regulation, holds shares of carbon-intensive companies China Petroleum & Chemical Corp. (Sinopec) and PetroChina Co.

Remember, whatever European or other Western nations ‘supposedly’ do or don’t do to curb carbon emissions is futile when you have countries like China and India pumping out millions of tonnes of poisonous material into the earth’s atmosphere every single day, every hour, every minute.

Doh! Scientists Finally Realise Antidepressants Are Useless

Annie Rissom
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Doh! Scientists Finally Realise Antidepressants Are Useless

Most people with an inkling of knowledge know that taking antidepressant pills do not change reality or life. To live in any society is in itself an act of pain, the act of survival and existence has its cyclical ups and downs, these are normal human emotions reacting to events in our lives and environment.

“You can’t take a pill to cure your shit life. These pharmaceutical companies have been making trillions on peddling these so-called happy pills that solve nothing apart from the bulging bank accounts and salaries of the big pharma companies,” a man with reasonable levels of logic revealed.

The only way to cure a shit life is to actually work and excel in something to increase your standing plus your mental wellbeing. Taking pills because of your circumstances is retroactive and reinforces your terrible situation. To get out of your malady takes intense willpower, ingenuity and strength. There is no pill for that.

Pain is a part of life, fucking deal with it. Stop taking pills peddled to you by legalised drug dealers masquerading as doctors.

Hiding from real human emotions or life by taking pills is a form of lobotomy that stunts true emotion and feeling.

You want to feel fucking alive again? Jump out of a plane from 16,000 feet – with a parachute, of course. That is better than any damn pill.

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