17.7 C
London
Sunday, October 27, 2024
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 104

King Charlie Has to Clean Out Bloated Royal Family Say Experts

0

The newly appointed King Charles III indeed has quite an arduous task ahead of him, say royal experts.

Historian, Angus Lamps, revealed the daunting changes the new king will have to make.

“During his speech to the nation, the new king revealed some of his plans after his accession. Despite the horrors meted upon the Windsors by his uncouth son Harry and his domineering wife, the king masked his true feelings instead by love bombing the erroneous couple. He however, sealed their fate by mentioning Harry’s new life abroad. That effectively relayed the message that there was no way back for Harry or his harridan wife.

“The subsequent walkabout with William and Kate was ordered by the king, and was more of a gesture to showcase Christian forgiveness. This virtuous display of faith by the royals of course masks their true feelings but is a show of their allegiance to the Anglican Church. Furthermore, as a final twist, psychologically speaking it was designed to show what Harry was missing. He will now go back to his bland vulgar life in America and see how there is a vast drop in the quality and character of many of the people there, especially the shallow, plastic, fake people Meghan is accustomed to.

“Regret will naturally fester in Harry’s tortured mind. As he has now effectively exiled himself to a life of banality and horrid celebrity talkshows, but as King Charles previously promised, the Royal family will be summarily cleaned out of fluff, including Harry’s kids pumped out by that cunning power mad thing he was duped into marrying. Harry will also regret all that poisonous advice to ignore the Queen on his recent visits, as once she was truly taken ill, it was too late. When he did finally get to Balmoral, the Queen had already passed. Meghan Markle tried with all her might to go with Harry, possibly with a Netflix camera crew or listening device in tow but was thankfully denied by Charles himself.

“The culling will not just relate to Harry and his kids but to other minor royals, including the disgraced Duke of York whose exploits with the Epstein character sealed his own downfall.”

 

Path Towards A Sustainable Earth

0

Climate Change is today becoming a real threat to the earth’s existence and all its habitants. This process is gradually changing the dynamics of the world negatively and forcing everything, plants and animals alike, to adapt to this change or die. The negative impacts of climate change the world is currently facing result from the negligence and selfishness of humans towards self-development at the expense of the planet’s future. Greenhouse gas emissions over the years have completely damaged a large proportion of our ozone layer, leaving places like the Attic and Antarctica, which hold over 70% of the world’s fresh water in ice, unprotected from the hot ultraviolet rays of the sun.

To safeguard the planet’s future, companies like https://www.greenly.earth/en-gb are developing solutions by which manufacturing industries and countries can account for the amount of carbon and greenhouse gas emitted over a particular period. Here are some things you should know about carbon accounting/auditing:

Carbon Accounting/Auditing

to-protect-gb2ed73767_1280Carbon auditing is a procedure used in measuring and calculating the quantity of carbon monoxide emitted by a company or country over a period. It is used to create carbon-based commodities and develop guidelines for a more carbon-free society. Carbon accounting, called greenhouse gas accounting, is also used to create laws to reduce carbon emissions and climate change impacts. When compiling carbon accounts, activities taken into consideration are deforestation, fertilizer usage, consumption of fossil fuels by automobiles and power stations, meat consumption, and the growth of renewable energy in the energy sector. These factors are used in calculating the world’s path towards a sustainable future. With currently available carbon accounting data, the world is expected to be carbon-free by 2050.

With the continuous and rapid development in science and technology, the world is on course to achieving a carbon-free society. We hope that the negative impact of climate change doesn’t catch up with us before reaching this feat. To help contribute to a carbon-free society, ensure you patronize environmentally friendly products and services, as this is the best way to protect the future of our dear planet. Visit Greenly.earth for more information.

Nasty Woke Publications Celebrate Death of the Queen

8

The New York Times, The Atlantic and New Yorker magazine were some of the publications where black woke columnists said they would enjoy ‘dancing on the Queen’s grave’ as well as blaming her for ‘colonialism’ throughout the centuries just hours after the monarch’s death.

If it were not for colonialism, these smirking jackals would not hold cushy jobs writing their template Marxist nonsense day in day out for so-called ‘enlightened’ virtue signalling white New Yorkers to self flagellate themselves whilst sipping their socialist champagne.

Screenshot 2022-09-10 at 11.49.59

There would not be any form of governmental systems in place, railways, roads or state structure. There would not be any schools or hospitals or any form of economy or manufacturing. There would not be any telecommunications, satellite, GPS or cell phones.

The Western clothes, and language these woke racist morons have adopted are all thanks to colonialism, and one could even say they are appropriating Western culture by adopting these things. In fact, why are they still living in the West if they hate everything about it in the first place?

Just as celebrities like Beyonce lighten their skin with specialist treatment and dye their hair blonde, it is a fact that many black women are appropriating the style and culture of European women. The woke go crazy when anyone else adopts a different cultural style, but for them the rules do not seem to apply.

No one dares address these issues, as these vile comments from woke supposed ‘human beings’ like Tirhakah Love, Maya Jasanoff, Uju Anya, Ebony Elizabeth Thomas, and Jemele Hill are celebrated by the socialist cultural Marxist enablers in these torrid putrefying magazines and newspapers.

On light of the awful comments from these parasites, sure they can spew their words of racist hatred towards others, but this is only because of freedom of speech they can do this. If anyone dares call these gloating pieces of detritus out, they would call for the other party to thus be cancelled and censored, such is their hypocritical cowardly duplicitous wretched character. Wokism is thus a form of racism, and should be labelled as such, especially when not all blacks are racist and not all whites are either.

Perhaps when these people die, despite their horrid comments to the Queen of Britain, they would be treated with some form of dignity, something they as despicable forlorn cowardly creatures could not even afford the British Queen as a human being.

Nothing will ever change until we all treat each other like human beings. What these people have clearly shown is that racism can come from some on the black side as much as from some on the white.

Confused Conspiracy Theorists Don’t Understand Why Queen Did Not Shapeshift Into Lizard When She Died

1

Conspiracy theorists across the world were today checking their manuals and re-reading their conspiracy literature in a state of anguish. According to their theories, Queen Elizabeth II was a shape-shifting lizard who enjoyed consuming human flesh and not a frail old 96-year-old lady.

“I don’t get it. According to my theories, the Queen should have reverted back to her original shape as a reptilian lizard when she died. Instead, she remained in her human form as a sweet old lady,” David Bike, a prominent conspiracy theorist, revealed on his website.

Another conspiracy theorist, Arbunckle Teufel from Texas was adamant that the Queen was involved in a ceremonial ritual to transfer her soul into a young virgin maiden’s body at the exact moment of her passing.

“Listen to me. High priestesses from the Black Order assembled at the Queen’s bedside as she was on the way out. From there, they brought in a young virgin girl reared from birth for this very role. She willingly gave her body as a physical vessel for the Queen, who has used up her old body to the point of exhaustion and old age. After a series of intricate incantations, the transfer process took place upon the last breath of the Queen and the freshly deceased young girl wakes up.”

In other conspiracy news: The earth is still flat, The moon is hollow, and dimwit rapper Jay Z is part of the Illuminati.

Queen Elizabeth II’s Duty to Great Britain Unmatched

0

Rare praise comes from Le Squib, but in the case of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II, her unmatched duty to Great Britain is incomparable to any other monarch throughout history.

As she lay in her bed in Balmoral, Scotland, a favourite haunt of the Queen, the thoughts of many were with her.

Such is the deep feeling towards the monarch, even the Squib cat has shied away and retreated to his corner, only looking up sadly once in a while.

The Daily Squib’s sub sub-editor was last seen in the photocopier room downing another bottle to calm the nerves, and even shrugged off another game of billiards or FIFA.

Most of us cannot remember a time when she was not the Queen; a staunch regal upholder of the Crown, a Blitz and Cold War survivor, through subsequent Prime Ministers and governments.

God Save the Queen

21 April 1926 – 8 September 2022

Squib_Royal_Seal_of_Unapproval II

Anti-British New York Times Twins With Russia Today Propaganda Network

0

The New York Times has always been a cesspit overflowing with Marxist rhetoric, but being an anti-British propaganda network for Russia, is certainly a new slant. What is it with Birkbeck College alumni dishing out Marxist agitators into the world, spewing their hatred for Britain?

Kojo Koram, an avowed anti-white racist, Britain hater, has been given full access to the New York Times where he can projectile vomit his anti-British hatred to his heart’s content. Attack dog Kojo is obviously of the same ilk as Dr Shola Mos-Shogbamimu, who is also a Birkbeck alumnus. How much did these angry rabid Rottweilers pay that college to get their overnight doctorates, so they can call themselves doctors, when in the scheme of academia, their doctorate is of the same worth as a social studies BTEC?

The New York Times is even using a former Russia Today personality to attack Britain and its new PM, Liz Truss. It seems, Britain is now not only at war with Russia indirectly, but the communist scum of America who have infiltrated and taken over all of its institutions, including the White House.

As for Birkbeck college, someone needs to take a close look at that place with a fucking microscope to root out all the Marxists. What they will find, however, is that the entire place is infested to a point that the whole sordid institution should be completely demolished.

Eco-insanity: How the Frack Will Truss Get Britain Fracking With All the Opposition?

0

When new PM Liz Truss announced that the ban on fracking will be lifted, you could literally hear all the NIMBYs and eco zealots all cry out in unison at the news.

The truth of the matter is that there are vast amounts of gas reserves to be tapped in the British Isles, but the eco zealots have managed to halt any form of fracking in the past. How the hell is Liz Truss going to push through a fracking drive across the country when all past governments caved in to the eco mob?

Certainly the UK needs to frack more, and with the current gas blockade from Russia, fracking is the ideal way to tap the huge gas reserves all over Britain.

“We estimate more gas in the British Isles recovered by fracking than we were having shipped in via Europe and Russia,” one fracker revealed.

The cost of natural gas would thus plummet and everyone could heat their homes once again without having to sell off the kids to China for medical experiments.

With gas reserves under Britain that could last for the next two hundred years, get your drill out, stick it in the fucking hole and get fracking — NOW!

The eco-Bolsheviks no doubt are now going completely insane with rage and fury. Maybe forget fracking, instead let’s use their Marxist rage to create usable energy.

Royal Experts: Why the Germans Are Rolling Red Carpet Out For Harry and Meghan

0

Red carpets, motorcades, police cordons, ministerial private jets, and all the other junk is being rolled out by the Germans for former royals, Harry and Meghan…but why?

John Fortington Fothering Fortingly Smythe, a royal expert, revealed the real reason for the sycophantic brown-nosing display towards the couple who supposedly left the royal family because they hated all the protocol and traditions of the Windsors.

“Simply put, by supporting Harry and Meghan who hate the UK along with its royal family, the Germans, who lead and control the EU, are displaying their extreme pleasure at this couple’s two fingers up to the UK. One must remember that woke communist politics is essentially an EU political ideology, where Marxism and collectivist communism go hand in hand.

“This is why the EU elevates Harry and Meghan even though they are mere z-list celebrities now with a shitty Netflix series that will no doubt cause more people to cancel their subscriptions.

“Anything that is against the UK, is good for the EU, and Harry along with his master, Meghan epitomises the EU’s hatred for anything British post Brexit. By parading these two grifters around and elevating them to royal status, the EU is basically saying ‘Fuck You UK’.

“Ironically, the British royal family are from the German Saxe-Coburg and Gotha royal lineage, and only changed their name to Windsor in 1917 to sound less German. One could postulate the Germans are showing hate towards their own repatriated royal family, but that is another conversation all together.

“So, there we have it. Because Germany is the de facto leader of the EU and controls everything about it, there is a desire post Brexit to show off Harry and Meghan as an additional kick in the gangoolies to the actual British royal family and the UK in general.”

EU Brexit punishment numero 3465

Cost of Living Crisis: Selling Your Kidney For the Weekly Shop

0

Unfortunately, food is an essential part of survival and living creatures like humans need food. The question is, though, how can you purchase food from the shops if it is too expensive?

Marjorie Fentanilli, 46, from Streatham, London, recently solved the odious conundrum of buying her weekly shopping by selling her left kidney to a little Chinese man she met in an alley way on the way back from her local supermarket.

“I basically got to the checkout, and they blurted out an enormous price for the handful of goods I had on the checkout thingy. I had to leave all the shopping there and walk out. On the way home, I went through a dark alley way and I heard a Psssst sound. It was a little China man, and he said he could get me my weekly shopping no problem. Intrigued, I followed him to his home where he revealed that he could take out my left kidney and give me £350 for it. He assured me it wouldn’t be painful, and that way I could afford to eat for a few days.”

Mrs Fentanilli’s left kidney was removed, and the internal organ sent to China, where it will be sold to a rich Arab from Dubai or Saudi Arabia for hundreds of thousands of pounds in profit.

Capitalising on the cost of living crisis, there are many of these insidious Chinese operations being carried out across the UK.

“It was either I sell one of my kidneys or I take out one of those dodgy loans at 10,000% APR that no one can ever pay back. I chose to sell my kidney, pancreas and one of my lungs. At least this way, I can afford to eat for three weeks before I run out of money,” another organ donor revealed.

Unjustly Ousted Boris Leaves Number 10

0

He was the PM who finally got Brexit over the line despite 80% of parliament trying to thwart and eradicate the EU Referendum result of 2016. For that, Boris will be remembered as a heroic figure who fought tooth and nail to preserve Britain’s democracy despite the powers that tried with all their might to kill off the will of the people.

Despite apologising multiple times to the House and to the public regarding attending a staff leaving party during the Covid Lockdown, Boris was pilloried and ousted. The knives were out already and the Tory party was ready for a new leader.

The globe is on the cusp of a world war, and Boris would have been the ideal War Prime Minister, but such is the fickle nature of politics that the short-sighted denizens of plasticity always win in the end.

There is no looking at the big picture anymore in a political climate of soundbites and short term fixes.

As Liz Truss takes the reins of a considerably divided Tory party and Boris is free to do the rounds making serious cash with after dinner speeches or whatever opportunity arises, there is a sense that this fiasco was an unnecessary drawn out nightmare that could have been avoided.

Well, at least look on the bright side, Greasy Sunak is now relegated to the backbenches where he can comb his oily hair to his heart’s content, not ruining the economy any further or protecting the EU.