17.7 C
London
Sunday, October 27, 2024
secret satire society
Home Blog Page 100

Kanye West Commits Career Suicide by Social Media

It is official, autotune rapper Kanye West has not only gone clinically insane but has committed career suicide via social media.

Not known for his intelligence quota high scores, West is also blessed with numerous afflictions of the brain, probably schizophrenia mixed in with bipolarity, unjustified delusions of grandeur, manic depression and narcissistic  schizoid psychosis, but that’s neither here nor there. When you add antisemitism into the mix it gets very messy.

It is safe to say that this is the end of his career, because to say you are actively “…out to get the Jews” is just a man saying “take me away and bury me”.

“This is celebrity suicide. You know like suicide by cop, but this time by Instagram, Facebook and Twitter. No one can hire this guy again. His career is over,” a record executive remarked on Sunday.

But is this blatantly racist idiot’s career really over?

Because Kanye is part of a protected race where they can say anything they want without any repercussion, commit any heinous crime without prosecution, and are continuously parachuted into jobs they are not even qualified for, it is a certainty that nothing will happen to Kanye.

Despite the fact, like other hateful anti-semites like former Labour Party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, Kanye is normalising the hatred of Jews. Corbyn was white, so he eventually lost his job, but Kanye is black and is protected by the Liberal elites who run all media.

LA Rapper Manages to Survive For More Than 6 Months

An Inglewood rapper has miraculously managed to survive for 6 months more than the usual life expectancy of rappers, according to reports.

KTITZ-TV, Channel 13 identified the rapper as Half Inch, who has released an album in May called “Bitch Bangin'”

The Los Angeles County Mayor’s office on Tuesday confirmed that a special medal of survival will be given to Wakandaishquan Jefferson, Half Inch’s real name.

Half Inch, 36, is one of the few rappers who has not been shot and killed in Los Angeles County in less than a month. On Sept. 11, rapper Fuque U, whose real name was Kuntekentay Mandingo Johnsons III Esq., was fatally shot during a botched robbery for the 30-year-old’s jewellery while he was having lunch at Roscoe’s House of Chicken & Waffles in South Los Angeles.

On Sept. 14, Little Dee Smalls, 23, whose real name was Barackz Trayvon Richardson, was shot and killed in Compton along with 29-year-old Julius Four Ounce Yeyo Jr.

The shooting tally on rappers for September in LA County was down this year with only 89 rappers shot. Statistics from September 2021 show over 145 rappers were shot and killed in LA alone.

The LAPD revealed that the life expectancy for an African American who declares themselves a rapper or even dares to release an album is less than 6 months. This is why the rapper Half Inch is now going to receive a medal to commemorate his incredible milestone of surviving for more than 6 months.

When Conspiracy Theories Actually Come True

1

You have to hand it to the hard-left Marxists at the New York Times masquerading as ‘journalists’ because this time they hit the jackpot of idiocy hard.

The biased far left are not used to karma coming and kicking their Bolshevik arses, but this time it was a beautiful thing to behold.

According to one of their many so-called debunking ‘conspiracy theory’ stories regarding the false election of 2020, the NY Times tried to ridicule a source that revealed that a top executive of an elections technology company responsible for election logistics was working with the CCP and passing information to China.

Naturally anything that challenges the narrative of these so-called newspapers is immediately called a ‘conspiracy theory’ which the New York Times blatantly did.

Turns out some conspiracy theories are true. Eugene Yu, the CCP operative who passed on data to China was arrested on Tuesday for passing on election data to China.

Meanwhile, not a peep of apology from the New York Times who have as much integrity as a soiled toilet brush.

NEW YORK TIMES KARMA

 

Britney Spears Keeps Her Clothes On Shocker

Britney Spears fans are concerned for her mental wellbeing after it was revealed in a series of selfies the 40-year-old mime artist took whilst fully clothed.

The constant attention seeking former pop starlet has shocked her fans by walking in public with a pair of jeans, a blouse and even a hat.

“This is insane, man! I know she is a narcissist, but to actually keep her frickin’ clothes on is an absolute disgrace. How low is Britney prepared to stoop,” one outraged fan revealed on some inconsequential social media site.

Some of her fans are now even questioning Britney’s mental health state by her latest outrageous actions of actually wearing clothes.

“Like, we’re used to Britney’s attention seeking narcissistic naked selfies everywhere, and she threw us a curveball there. She’s gone full 5150! They need to take her in, blast her skull with electric shock treatment or something to rewire her brain,” another fan ranted.

We contacted Britney Spears’ management for comment.

D-List Former Actress Attacks Quentin Tarantino and Mike Myers

Here’s the way we see it at the Squib. The fucking toenail clippings of Quentin Tarantino have more worth and clout than 1 million D-List Meghan Markles. The ass hairs from Mike Myers’ asshole have more worth and value than Meghan Markle will ever know or realise.

Who the hell is Meghan Markle anyway? Apart from being a dangerous narcissistic manipulative grifter who latched on to some royal single-brain-celled dumbo, she is a D-list actress with not much talent apart from having the ability to suck a golf ball through a garden hose. What have been Meghan Markle’s achievements so far? …crickets…

“Meghan Markle is a nobody, a stain on not only the British royal family but on the entire human race. Here is a dumb cretin who cannot distinguish the nuances and rhetoric of certain film genres. Yes, there are gross exaggerations in Tarantino films, but that’s what makes them so enjoyable to watch. Austin Powers utilises the technique of parody and comedy with exaggerations and general silliness as a form of entertainment. This is something the humourless piece of ass chunder, Meghan Markle is completely lost to. She has no idea, and should be completely ignored by the entirety of the entertainment industry. I bet this fucking moron has hired a stasi woke fact-checker to fact-check comedy and satire. What kind of a misinformed idiot fact check’s comedy or satire?” one angry film executive revealed on Wednesday.

Art is subjective. There is no need for justification, or explanation.

Family Looks Forward to ‘Economic Growth’ As Mortgage Rates Rise

0

“We’re sure looking forward to that economic growth promised by the government as we lose our home and default on mortgage payments due to the Bank of England increasing interest rates constantly,” Faisal Ahmed, a shop worker from Birmingham revealed on Tuesday.

Faisal and his wife Sarah have four children and cannot keep up with interest rate rises affecting mortgage rates. Like millions of other households across the nation, they will lose their home soon.

“It’s that economic growth innit? Can’t wait for it to happen when we’re homeless having lost everything,” Faisal said bowing his head in utter shame.

The couple used to pay £1,500 per month for their mortgage, but recent economic growth plans means they are now paying £1,900. The payment forecast for 2023 is £2,500 and for 2024 £3,800 on a variable rate after their fixed rate ran out.

“We’re going to steal a tent and move into the forest because we want to enjoy that economic growth they’re all talking about. Thank you Bank of England for constantly raising interest rates and causing many hard working families across the country to lose their homes.”

The good news is, there is no good news. Now fuck off.

 

2 Tips for Those Who Struggle in the Kitchen

0

ADHD (and other types of executive dysfunction) can be difficult to manage, especially when it comes to eating, preparing food, and washing up. Just the thought of having to deal with this task can feel overwhelming – even before you have opened the fridge to take your eighth look inside, hoping different options will appear out of the blue.

If this sounds familiar to you, this piece is here to help. It is going to discuss some top kitchen tips for those with executive dysfunction issues to help make mealtimes that much more manageable.

Get With the Gadgets

chopper kitchenCertain kitchen gadgets can make life easier, especially when they can take away the majority of the burden when preparing food. For example, choppers are an excellent tool to use to help cut up vegetables and fruits, which otherwise could take up a lot of time and energy. Many choppers now have been devised to cut up all kinds of different foods with just one chop – leaving them ready for you to eat or do whatever you need to do with them.

Other gadgets that might be useful to include, an air fryer, a slow cooker, and of course, a dishwasher. Air fryers not only use a lot less electricity than conventional electric ovens, but they also have even easier operational instructions. You can simply put many different foods in without needing to preheat, and they are cooked sometimes within half the time that a conventional oven would do. This is great for those who are short on time, or find themselves not hungry after preparing a meal for a long time.

Also, you can get a dishwasher, as this can make the world of different to dishes piling up in the sink, which can often become a problem for those with executive dysfunction.

Go One-Use (Yes, Really)

pizzaIn a world where one-use plastic is frowned upon, it can be difficult to talk yourself into using this as a technique. However, if this is the difference between you eating and you not eating, then always choose the former. It is easy to get hold of paper plates and bowls that you can throw away afterwards if washing up is too much – but did you know, you can also bulk buy items that are eco-friendly and biodegradable, such as pizza boxes, hot and cold food containers, coffee cups, and more? This can make the opportunities endless for meal prep, eating when you have low energy, or are unable to do the dishes – and can make life just that little bit easier.

Executive dysfunction is extremely common. Up to 80% of women with autism alone are said to experience it. There is nothing to be embarrassed about and there are ways to make life more manageable, so you can enjoy a better quality of life. It is important to remember you are not alone, and to do whatever helps.

Britons Fight Against Lower Taxes

0

How dare you have lower taxes in Britain. This is an absolute outrage, and something that has never been witnessed in all of British history.

“We will fight any form of tax cut in Britain because it is simply against our nature. I am disgusted at these people who actually want to grow the economy by reducing taxes and making things easier for people,” one outraged fellow revealed, shouting in the streets of London.

The Bank of England immediately increased interest rates because the government had dared to cut taxation.

BoE boss, Rupert Idiote, was furious about the entire debacle and was now out to punish not only the ‘growth economy’ but ordinary people by increasing interest rates again.

“This is an absolute outrage. Lower taxes for people and businesses? By Jove, we shall increase interest rates so far up their mortgaged arses they will be shitting bricks. See how you like that fuckers? My bosses in Brussels would not like lower taxes in the UK.”

Such was the vitriol and market reaction by the morons in the City to lower taxation that the entire UK economy went up in flames.

The pound sank, the interest rates rose and the flames of anger exploded around everywhere.

Never lower taxes. The British are simply not used to such things. It’s back to high tax misery for you bastards. For gawd’s sake, keep on increasing taxes so that everyone is happy with their wretched lives again.

Tora Tora Tora KamiKwasi Kwarteng Suicidal Economic Nosedive U-Turn

0

It was one last cocktail party with his City highflier and hedge fund manager bosses before Kamikwasi Kwarteng plopped himself into his Zero.

“There will be no humiliating U-turns with my 45p tax ruling, or will there? Oh shit, once the plane (economy) goes into a nosedive, forget about pulling up! Banzai! Tora Tora Tora!”

Yes, Admiral Truss has demanded a full attack on the economy to sink as many friendly ships as possible.

As KamiKwasi Kwarteng flew into the dawn sun, he had a big grin on his face, this was a one way trip, and certainly not a U-turn, or was it?

Top 4 Functions Growing SMBs Should Outsource

0

Small to medium-sized businesses have one thing in common, they all want to increase revenue and grow their enterprise. Although outsourcing services might seem viable for large organisations only, SMBs can benefit vastly from outsourcing certain business functions too. By passing the torch over to a specialist company, you can focus your attention on your areas of expertise. You can also rest assured that an experienced, expert third party completes the outsourced functions to a high standard. Here are four functions growing SMBs should consider outsourcing.

web design

1. Web Design

No matter what industry your business is in or what service or product you sell, every business needs a professional business website. A website can be used as a point of reference for your products or services. It is a great place to access business details and can be used as an e-shop. Small to medium-sized enterprises who have no clue about web design can benefit from the services of an experienced web design team. Creating your own website might seem easy, but building a fully functional business site that is finished, tested, and scalable is not easy. Employing a third-party vendor to help you with this aspect of your business can get your brand out to more people and boost your sales.

digital marketing2. Digital Marketing

Digital marketing can transform SMBs by building brand awareness and strengthening their online presence. You can increase profitability and revenue by exposing your brand to your target audience online. As with website creation and design, digital marketing functions might seem like a cinch. However, taking the DIY approach can be both timely and costly. Not to mention, there may be some trial and error without any expertise in this field. A digital marketing company can help you create a strong strategy and execute campaigns without wasting any time.

human resources3. Human Resources

Human resources revolve around the employees of a company, and functions include payroll, training, recruitment, onboarding, and employee relations. As an SMB owner, you might not think you need extra help for these services. However, HR services can take a long time to complete, and it would be a complete waste of resources if you, or a member of your existing team, attempted to take them on. An external HR consultant can help your business processes run smoothly and can help keep your employees happy in the workplace.

IT4. IT

Statistics show that 7 in 10 businesses within the UK outsource to third-party companies, and 34 percent of these businesses outsource IT support. Nowadays, most companies are connected in some way, no matter what they specialise in. In turn, these companies require IT support. As the owner of a small to medium-sized business, you probably won’t have an IT technician on the payroll. Rather than investing in a permanent IT department, employing a managed services provider is much more budget-friendly. A third-party vendor can help you with your specific IT needs as and when you need them.