17.7 C
London
Wednesday, December 18, 2024
secret satire society
HomeMost PopularSemen Proven to Increase Life Expectancy

Semen Proven to Increase Life Expectancy

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Women who make regular contact with semen live longer and age less than women who do not, scientists have discovered.

ai

The finding that women who ingest semen and do not use condoms during vaginal sex, live longer and have reduced signs of ageing, has led one researcher to conclude that semen is a miracle potion that should be treasured by every woman.

Male sperm contains vital chemicals that slow down the ageing process and increases life expectancy by up to 35%.

Study author Clifford J. Ponsonby, Ph.D, a psychologist at the State University of Washington in Saint Louis, also found that women who routinely had intercourse without condoms or had facials had better skin quality and wrinkled less plus also had the ability to ingest fatty foods without putting on weight.

Ponsonby’s survey of 753 college women  over a 45 year period, also found that those who ingested semen regularly either orally or through vaginal intercourse had a better over all quality of life and would be wealthier in jobs/life.

“These women have a remarkable ability to achieve serious longevity without showing any signs of ageing, this is the key to life,” says Ponsonby.

Sucking cock works

Semen contains powerful hormones including testosterone, oestrogen, prolactin, luteinizing hormone and prostaglandins.

Once these chemicals are absorbed through the vaginal walls they inhibit weight gain and slow down the ageing process.

Women who ingested semen orally were also found to increase their ability to succeed in jobs and wealth as well as brain power and have beautiful ageless glowing skin.

Ponsonby controlled for variables including method of semen extraction, frequency of sexual intercourse, as well as the women’s perception of their relationship.

The longer that women went without ingesting semen the more accelerated the ageing process was found to be. Furthermore, there was an immense risk of obesity and heart disease by abstaining from semen as well as increased depression.

Ponsonby’s study, which he deems “the first serious attempt to investigate the effect of semen chemistry on women,” has underlined his fascinating findings in the research treatise Why Women Need More Semen.

Ponsonby says he has seriously enjoyed working with all his female subjects in the study and would like to replicate the study but this time with 5000 women.

“If you are a woman and wish to increase your life expectancy and overall health plus reduce any signs of ageing you must utilise the magical properties of semen,” the groundbreaking study concludes.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

1 COMMENT

  1. yo yo I gotta thank u guys i show my gf this story n she gave me an amazing bj. licked it clean. Thank u. respect.

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -ds-santa-banner

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!