17.7 C
London
Tuesday, November 26, 2024
secret satire society
HomeHealthTips on Surfing the Radioactive Waves of California

Tips on Surfing the Radioactive Waves of California

CALIFORNIA - USA - You may be seeking a little sunshine this winter so why not pop over to the wonderful Californian beaches to get some much needed sun, sea and surf.

 

 

 

Here are some tips on surviving your trip.

1) Pack a Geiger counter so you can find the least radioactive part of the beach. Anything 1400% above normal levels is considered dangerous.

2) Do not rip your radioactive protection suit or you could get radiation poisoning.

3) Before you go near the beach you must take your potassium iodide pills. You won’t be able to buy any there as the authorities have stockpiled the lot.

4) Whatever you do do not eat any food purchased near the radiation zone or within a 300 km radius. Best to bring a few sandwiches with you on the plane.

5) Beware of the glowing two headed Great White Sharks, they may look pretty but they bite.

6) Forget about Pamela Anderson, she’s in a bunker right now so if you take a tumble, there will be no rescuing.

7) Building radioactive sand castles on the beaches can be equally dangerous but if you’re wearing a protective suit it should be okay.

8) Remember that there will not be anything in the news about the radioactive beaches in the U.S. so you’ll have to trust your own instincts on this one and take our advice. Spare a thought for our dear American friends who are not being told what is happening. Enjoy your holiday.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"

3 COMMENTS

  1. The mainstream wants us to buy in to “naturally occuring” elements in the sand.
    No radiation is healthful! NO NUKES!

Comments are closed.

- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!