17.7 C
London
Sunday, December 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeHealthWhich Dating Apps Help You Get Infected With Coronavirus Quicker?

Which Dating Apps Help You Get Infected With Coronavirus Quicker?

MUNICH - Germany - Dating apps are being used by millions of people worldwide enabling infectious diseases to spread faster than ever before.

ai

Your daughter loves using the dating apps, that’s because she doesn’t know if the guy she meets is a psychopathic killer, has numerous STIs, or will give her a terminal case of coronavirus.

That’s why dating apps like Tinder for straight people and Grindr for gays are in such popular demand right now — it’s the sheer excitement of not knowing whether you are going to live or die by meeting that special person off the internet.

“I have herpes, and super gonorrhoea, and the girls who I date all get infected by my luggage when I sleep with them. Now we have the coronavirus going around so I can’t wait to spread that too, even though I might not realise I am infected and not show any symptoms yet,” one happy Tinder male revealed.

It’s the same for gays, many now are happy to be infected with HIV, because it gets them over the first hurdle.

“I am happily HIV positive, I also have gonorrhoea, syphilis and Hepatitis B. I have sex with over 10 men a night on Grindr, and when I get coronavirus, I will be out on the town spreading it around like butter, even though I might not be aware I have it, due to its gestation period,” a happy Grindr user revealed.

As coronavirus spreads throughout Europe, many are continuing to unknowingly spread the virus far and wide with their promiscuous use of these dating apps, coupled with open borders in the EU Schengen zone, air traffic being still at a high level, and no precautions, the COVID-19 virus will start erupting across the European continent like a puss filled genital wart about to explode soon.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
ds-freedom-expression-banner
- Advertisment -ds-santa-banner

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!