New Superhero Jesus Christ Video Game Hits Shelves

NAZARETH - Israel - You must download and play the new Jesus Christ video game or be forever cast into hell.

February 21, 2023

What better game is there to play at 4am when you get back from a club whacked out on drugs with a greasy chilli sauced doner kebab and some equally whacked out mates? Spark up another Camberwell Carrot and fire up the bong, it’s time to play the ‘I am Jesus Christ’ video game.

Jesus Christ was a superhuman being who could walk on water, cure leprosy and turn water into wine amongst other physically impossible feats. If you buy this game, you too will be able to recreate the amazing superhuman superhero tricks that Jesus could do effortlessly. Just don’t try to fly off a tall building in real life though because unless you are Jesus, it just ain’t gonna work.

In the game you can fly around, see angels, walk on water, and cast magic tricks like in Skyrim but this time as the one and only Jesus Christ of Nazareth. This game proves that superhuman beings like Jesus once inhabited the earth. Jesus defies all known laws of physics and science and was a sorcerer of sorts, but he did it all for you. Without Jesus’ sacrifice, you would not be who you are now. Be sure to keep an eye out for your “Holy Spirit” meter, if it depletes too much when shooting out lasers or performing miracles, Jesus can get into trouble.

Download this amazing game on Steam right now and experience the wonder of being Jesus. Don’t forget to shoot Satan with your green lasers that shoot out from the palms of your hands, and don’t forget to be resurrected from your tomb after you die. You will have hours of fun along with Bible lessons that will reinforce your belief in the Bible.

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9 COMMENTS

EASTHAVEN BAPTIST CHURCH February 23, 2023 At 04:37

THIS WEBSITE IS SATANIC. YOU WORSHIP THE DARK SIDE. YOU WILL ALL BURN IN HELLFIRE.

John 8:44
44 You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
EASTHAVEN BAPTIST CHURCH February 23, 2023 At 04:34

“Whoever makes a practice of sinning is of the devil, for the devil has been sinning from the beginning. The reason the Son of God appeared was to destroy the works of the devil.” 1 John 3:8 ESV
Daniel February 22, 2023 At 08:14

They should do this in VR. I would love to walk on water.
donaldjenks February 21, 2023 At 08:18

If Jesus ever existed he would be rather cross with this video game.
- Paddy McGinty February 21, 2023 At 10:15
  
  Nah , he’d do anything to wind up yer man in mecca
  - donaldjenks February 22, 2023 At 09:23
    
    Science and fact matey. There’s no proof jesus ever existed. Sorry.
    - Paddy McGinty February 22, 2023 At 11:07
      
      I was just talking about HIM being in a video game, forgive me .
      - Danica (ze/hir) February 22, 2023 At 14:35
        
        Are you misgendering Jesus? According to Archbishop Welby of the Church of England Jesus was non-binary and should be PRONOUNED as THEIR or ZIS! This is an outrage !!!
    - EASTHAVEN BAPTIST CHURCH February 23, 2023 At 04:32
      
      You are going to burn in hell. I prey for your soul. Satan is in you.