It is obvious that poor old Russell Brand has no dignity left in his blackened soul, because not only is he now touting himself as a god-botherer devout Christian televangelist, but he’s flogging magical amulets for only 449 euros for a pack of six of these fucking scam objects. The amulet also seems to work against all of Brand’s alleged rape offences, as does his newly found repentance within the Christian religion. All court cases and accusers have since disappeared into the mire, which is damn good news for Russell, as he can continue to rake in vast sums of wonga from selling Holy Water and magical amulets for obscene prices. God truly does work in mysterious ways.
According to the gobbledygook transcendental neo science flouted by the company that pays Brand to promote these magical amulets, they protect you from Wi-Fi radiation, and all sorts of other stuff. They can also make you stronger and be immune to bad vibes and shit.
Russell Brand, remade as a right-wing Christian influencer, is now selling a “magical amulet” that protects you from WiFi signals and other “evil energies.” Only $239.99 per amulet. pic.twitter.com/zcJg5tgOrV
— Will Sommer (@willsommer) October 15, 2024
How about some pepper spray to protect us from the corrupting signals of Russell Brand, the preaching televangelist from Hell? One wonders what else Russell Brand may be selling in the future, perhaps Jehovah’s sandals or Jesus of Nazareth’s surfboard, maybe even a piece of the Holy Foreskin, a relic that was considered the holiest of the holy for nearly 1,000 years, but is now sadly missing. Maybe, some sicko is using it as a piece of Holy chewing gum or something. Who knows? Perhaps Russ Boy can sell replicas of the Holy Foreskin at £5,000 a pop on his show? Made in China, they will cost 15 pence to make, and the markup would be fucking huge!
The Holy Foreskin of Jesus relic arrived in Rome around 799 AD when King Charlemagne of France presented it as a gift to Pope Leo III. It remained in the papal Sancta Sanctorum reliquary until the sacking of Rome in 1527. It was stolen from the Chiesa del SS. Nome di Gesù in 1983.
I’ve done a zeptosecond of googling about Russell Brand’s magical amulet and I physically must share with you all what I have found. I am so sorry for the journey we are about to take together https://t.co/Aulu72BIfu pic.twitter.com/ZLi9NI0EUM
— Evan (@BacklogReviewer) October 15, 2024
Russell Brand has to pay the bills in his mansion somehow, so who the hell are we to question such acts of trickery peddled upon vulnerable conspiracy theorists and the mentally ill listeners of his narcissistic self-serving podcasts?
Send him your fucking money NOW!
