In an extraordinary turn of events, the self-absorbed world of celebrity culture celebrated a new milestone when the renowned American D-list former actress, Meghan Markle, was honoured with another prestigious award for accomplishing absolutely nothing.
The glitzy ceremony, held in a lavish Hollywood ballroom, was attended by a who’s who of the entertainment industry, all eager to witness the moment when Meghan Markle would be crowned as the ultimate symbol of self-obsession and shallowness.
As the crowd held their breath in anticipation, Markle took to the stage, adorned in a gold sequinned dress and a crown made entirely of mirrors. Flashing her dazzling fake smile, she graciously accepted the “Achievement in Absolute Inaction” award, a gilded trophy shaped like a golden statuette striking a pose of complete apathy.
In her acceptance speech, Meghan spoke passionately about the importance of doing absolutely nothing and how it has become an art form in the realm of celebrity culture. “To achieve true greatness, one must simply bask in their own reflection and exude an aura of unapologetic self-absorption,” she proclaimed, smirking inanely.
The audience erupted into thunderous applause, their hands clapping in unison with the beat of their own egos. It seemed that Meghan’s message of banal woke plastic mediocrity resonated deeply with these luminaries of superficiality.
In a stunning display of her self-centredness, Markle then proceeded to thank herself, her mirror collection, and her devoted entourage of sycophantic followers, without whom her absolute inaction would not have been possible.
As the night came to a close, Markle was whisked away in a luxurious faux golden chariot, pulled by a team of admirers chanting her name. The streets of Hollywood were filled with flashing cameras and adoring fans clamouring for a glimpse of their idol.
Meanwhile, onlookers and sceptics couldn’t help but wonder if the world had gone completely fucking mad. How had we reached a point where a person could receive accolades and adoration for doing nothing of substance or value?
Regardless, Markle had become the poster child for a generation fixated on their own image and shallow pursuits. And as the world looked on, it seemed clear that we were witnessing the apotheosis of vanity itself.
So, here’s to Meghan Markle, the woman who proved that fame and recognition can be attained without any discernible talent or achievement. May her reflection continue to captivate the masses, and may we all take a moment to ponder the state of our celebrity-obsessed culture of narcissistic shallow shite.
As the Queen herself said “Meghan is evil”