Hi folks, yes it’s me, your favourite Jolly Roger hoisting ex-pirate of the Caribbean, Johnny Depp.
7:30AM
Today, I am going to give you some tips on kitchen maintenance.
First off, you need the right tools for the job. Bottle of vino? Red! Check. Tonnes of pills. Check. Mental illness? Check. Being a spoiled actor brat? Check. Tip tippedy doo dah! Check.
Now that we have that cleared up, let us begin.
(glug, glug, glug)
I am now going to have a tantrum with the cupboard door. Eaaaargh!
(glug, glug, glug)
I am now going to kick the door. Heyaaargh!
I am now going to ponce around the kitchen a little uttering nonsensical words which will culminate into a fitting video seen by millions because my manipulative evil former wife saw fit to film my ridiculous mood swings to use against me in a court of law at some future date in the future, or something like that. Check.
(glug, glug, glug)
