17.7 C
London
Sunday, December 22, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentRecord Company Orders Miley Cyrus to Have Mouth Sewn Shut

Record Company Orders Miley Cyrus to Have Mouth Sewn Shut

LOS ANGELES - USA - Pop mimer Miley Cyrus is to have her mouth sewn shut once and for all, her record company, RCA have announced.

ai

The RCA record executive in charge of Miley Cyrus, Levi Baumberg, told MTV on Sunday night: “We had to do something about the tongue. Sales have been plummeting since she started sticking that thing out, and all the other stuff she does. She has a flat behind and also looks ridiculous when she is shaking it in the cameras. Her tongue scares her audience who are predominantly little pre-pubescant girls from the age of 4-12 and offends the parents of these children. I told her either it’s a sewing job or we drop her from the roster. She doesn’t sing her songs anyway so the sewing job will make no difference to the songs she never wrote.”

Miley Cyrus will be flown to Beijing, China tomorrow where she will undergo the cosmetic operation.

“We chose China because they are experts in sewing peoples’ mouths shut. Don’t worry fans she’ll be back miming by the end of next week,” the executive added.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
ds-freedom-expression-banner
- Advertisment -ds-santa-banner

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!