17.7 C
London
Friday, December 27, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentMysterious Man May Know Where Lady Gaga's Stolen Dogs Are

Mysterious Man May Know Where Lady Gaga’s Stolen Dogs Are

LOS ANGELES - USA - A mysterious man has come forward with a theory about where Lady Gaga's stolen dogs have gone. Investigation is ongoing.

ai

Lady Gaga’s dog walker was shot and her two French bulldogs, Koji and Gustav, were stolen Wednesday night in Hollywood, a source close to the singer revealed.

The source said the celebrity “is offering half-a-million dollars to anyone who has her two dogs, no questions asked.”

There are many theories going around about who stole the dogs that belong to the celebrity.

The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) said a man was shot during a robbery before 10 p.m. outside Lady Gaga’s residence and was transported to the hospital in stable condition.

The male suspect, who looked Chinese, took the two bulldogs from the victim, used a semi-automatic handgun and fled the scene in a white sedan, according to police.

One source has allegedly come forward though, and is keeping his identity a mystery due to the nature of the crime.

“I know who took the dogs. I was walking through China Town the other day and accidentally took a wrong turn. In the alleyway were these two little bulldogs that looked suspiciously like the ones Gaga lost.

“It was dark, but I could see these Chinese cooks come out of the backdoor of a Chinese restaurant illegally open. The dogs were in cages, and the Chinese took them into the kitchen. I then heard chopping sounds after a little yelping.”

The Chinese eat dog meat all the time, and believe dog meat has special medicinal properties. There is even a dog eating festival held every year in Yulin, Guangxi Province, China where dogs are brutally skinned alive then cooked.

The man then went into the Chinese restaurant to confront the cooks but instead ordered some Chop Suey, because he said it smelled so good.

“After I finished my meal, I crunched down on something hard. It was part of a dog’s collar, it was partially readable I could only make out the letters G-U-S-T.”

After projectile vomiting over the table, the man was thrown out of the restaurant by four angry Chinese waiters, who kept saying what a waste of good food. The waiters then scraped up the vomit to put it in the Won Ton soup for other customers.

Lady Gaga’s entourage were not replying to questions about the alleged incident.

The investigation is ongoing.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
ds-freedom-expression-banner
- Advertisment -ds-santa-banner

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!