17.7 C
London
Wednesday, December 25, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentFun Times in Wuhan Water Park This Summer

Fun Times in Wuhan Water Park This Summer

WUHAN - China - The city from where COVID-19 was created and distributed across the globe, is now a place of joy with a water park.

ai

Roger Mayfield, 58, a British businessman from Surrey, visiting China, decided to venture to Wuhan Water Park with a colleague for a swim.

“We arrived at Wuhan’s famous water park early, and there were already 40,000 swimmers in the yellow waters. It was certainly not full capacity, and if we stayed till 4pm the numbers would rise to over 120,000 Chinese people in the vast pool.

“One thing that strikes you immediately is the smell of urine that permeates the air, many Chinese people do not have functioning bathrooms, or have to use municipal public lavatories, therefore a nice warm public pool suffices. There are young toddlers in soiled nappies splashing around with their proud parents, no doubt their faecal matter leaking into the water as well.

“An elderly gentleman even brought his own soap, and lathers himself enthusiastically, he hocks up a large green phlegm ball and spits it in the water before pinching his nostrils and snorting out a large quantity of stringy snot into the bubbling concoction.

“Watching the melee of assorted swimmers and their rubber tubes, as well as the disgusting behaviour of the Chinese swimmers, we get second thoughts about the escapade.

“There is absolutely no social distancing going on here, and the water, even though chlorinated, is a disgusting soup of bodily fluids, dirt, and shit.

“At one point, one of the kids tells his mummy he did a poo. She looks around frantically in his swimsuit, but he points a few yards away. The turd is floating towards a couple who are throwing each other about, play fighting. The mother then realises where the turd is sailing and tries to shout out a warning. Unfortunately, it comes too late, and the girlfriend lands directly in the floating turd’s path opening her mouth in the water. When she finally gets out of the water and closes her mouth, she realises something has swum into it — a large bristling gooey turd. I had to look away at that point, especially as I felt vomit filling my mouth.

“But it was party time now at the pool, a communist party organiser appeared with lots of beach balls which he threw into the pool area. He encouraged everyone to sing patriotic communist songs to keep the spirits up.

“Whilst everyone was singing, no one noticed the body of an old woman lying face down in the water. It was obvious to us that she had definitely shuffled off the mortal coil, and swallowed a mouthful or five of that awful soup killing the old nag instantly.

“That’s when we left.”

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
ds-freedom-expression-banner
- Advertisment -ds-santa-banner

NEWS ON THE HOUR

ds-pope-banner

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!