Where Were You When Twilight Couple Pattinson and Stewart Split?

LOS ANGELES - USA - Tragedy struck last week when Twilight film fans heard the terrible news that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart had split. Here are the harrowing stories from some of the fans.

“I’ll never forget that day, I had just washed my dad’s car and logged onto the net and I saw the news about Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart. I cried all day when I saw the horrible news, how could she?” John Lentle, 17, a High School football quarterback told the Arkley Chronicle in Tampa, Florida.

“The end of the world as we know it”

Jane Santorino, 15, from Las Quintas, California, was getting ready for her birthday party with her friends when they heard on the radio: “It was like oh my god, like how could this be happening? Oh my god, gag me with a .. Oh my god, we all started to cry. This is the worst news I ever heard in my life. We cancelled the birthday party and all sat around holding candles around a picture of Robert as we cried like f*cking babies.”

“The tragedy”

All over the world there have been tears of sorrow for the split couple.

Mary Silcott, 23, from Manchester, England, was indignant: “Kristin has stabbed us all in the back. I feel as if I am frozen in time. I cannot eat or drink. I cry constantly and my disbelief is slowly turning to anger. This has shattered my innocence and I am a basic shell of my former self.”

“Watching the world collapse around me”

“This is worse than a terrorist attack on home soil. I can’t eat anymore and all I do is stare at the wall hoping that they get back together,” Angela Hougnat, 19, from New York, told local news outlets.

“At school everyone cried,” another teenager told CNN.

One teen from California said: “The day I heard was the day the earth stood still.”

“Worldwide crisis talks”

Worldwide news stations have been running the terrible news on permanent loop for over a week now. America is in a state of mourning from this terrible Twilight terrorist attack creating fear and sadness amongst its youth.

There are calls from many for the United Nations to do something over the Twilight tragedy.

“I have called Ban Ki Moon, the UN Secretary General to solve this terrible tragedy with Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart,” a sympathetic Barack Obama revealed to NBC news.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

The Public Sacrifice of Trump and the Dawn of a New Age of Women

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The dawn of a new age of women calls for…

18 hours ago

Why Labour is Killing Off Aspiration, Entrepreneurs and Deterring Foreign Investors

LONDON - England - We provide the reasons why the Labour Party is killing off…

18 hours ago

It’s Over For Trump: The Swamp Preparing to Release Kamala

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The Swamp is preparing to unleash Kamala Harris fully on…

2 days ago

Tories Choose Non-Hardline Diversity Candidate Kemi Badenoch as Next Leader

LONDON - England - The Tories have chosen Kemi Badenoch as their new leader.

3 days ago

The Dekulakization of British Farms is Underway

THE COUNTRYSIDE - England - Say goodbye to British farms as Labour conducts a policy…

3 days ago

Early Votes Indicate Kamala Harris Will Win Election

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Kamala Harris is well ahead with early ballots counted, and…

4 days ago

This website uses cookies.