17.7 C
London
Saturday, November 23, 2024
secret satire society
HomeEntertainmentWhy Getting a Lobotomy is the Latest Celebrity Craze

Why Getting a Lobotomy is the Latest Celebrity Craze

LOS ANGELES - USA - Celebrities are dumping tattoos. The latest celebrity craze is now having a lobotomy. Read the full details.

What have Justin Bieber, David Beckham and Heather Locklear got in common?

They have all had lobotomies, and it’s the latest celebrity fad that is taking celebrities to a much better, more manageable place in Hollywood and the entertainment business.

“They’ve had all the tattoos, in fact tattoos are out now. I was acquisitioned by Justin Bieber to conduct a lobotomy on his brain. After a psychological evaluation, I agreed,” brain surgeon and neurologist, Dr. Helmut Jensen, told the LA Times.

Lobotomies don’t come cheap, it is estimated that Bieber’s procedure cost about $38,000 but the results of the operation are amazing.

The simple process involves severing connections in the brain’s prefrontal cortex. Most of the connections to and from the prefrontal cortex, the anterior part of the frontal lobes of the brain are severed giving peace of mind to the recipient.

Why are celebrities all getting a lobotomy?

“Many celebrities like Bieber, Beckham and others have very low IQs, and the amount of problems life deals out every day can overwhelm their simple minds. Like they watch the news and are completely confused and affected by what is going on, this is why they have a lobotomy so they don’t have to think about anything anymore. They can now just perform their songs or do modelling without having to think about lofty thoughts which only causes anxiety and stress,” consultant neurologist and behaviorology expert, Angela Tanner M.D. revealed.

The Kardashians have all been lobotomised, and there is very little difference to their brains before and after. The biggest celebrity recipient so far is Kanye West, who now sits in a corner of a recording studio with a MAGA hat on his head mumbling inane nonsense, absolutely no change there from before his lobotomy.

Fashion changes at quite a fast pace in celebrity land, so tattoos are now being hidden or erased. The real magic is now in the mind, where celebrities are completely erasing their thoughts, for peace of mind.

Justin Bieber, who had an IQ of 26 before his lobotomy now has an IQ of 4. This drastic change means that he does not have to get confused anymore, it is a form of relief for him, and he simply performs on stage miming as usual, then once off the stage he is very manageable.

“We just put him in the corner facing the wall in the dressing room after his performance. Not a flicker, he sits there content for hours until it is time to move him to his hotel room where he is put to bed, and the process repeated the next day,” Bieber’s manager, Alonso DuMas, told Entertainment Weekly.

Because of the latest celebrity craze, many other people are getting lobotomies as they follow their role models without question.

  Daily Squib Book

  DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
- Advertisment -

NEWS ON THE HOUR

MORE NEWS

THE DAILY SQUIB ANTHOLOGY

The definitive book of Juvenalian satire and uncanny prophesies that somehow came true. This is an anthology encompassing 15 years of Squib satire on the internet compiled and compressed into one tiddly book. Buy the Book Now!