Charlie Sheen Loses Lung on Stage

If you ever want to see a man die on stage, watch one of Charlie Sheen’s shows with him as the main attraction.

To a chorus of boos and hisses, he coughed up a lung after smoking 350 cigarettes during the 120 minute tragedy.

“One minute Charlie was talking about some nonsense that no one cares about, then he coughed so hard that his lung flew out of his nicotine stained mouth and landed on a woman’s lap. Naturally she screamed as it exhaled cigarette smoke into her face and made a farting noise, a bit like a whoopee cushion,” a stunned audience member recalled.

Paramedics were immediately called to the 200 seat auditorium where a shocked Sheen was carted away to be treated at New York’s Presbyterian hospital in the Bronx. Audience members who witnessed the lung busting performance all agreed that it was the best part of the otherwise boring show and did not demand their money back.

Sheen has vowed to carry on with his one-man shows, and will perform next week in Arizona. Many are hoping to see him lose his remaining lung during the upcoming performance.