Stocks Surge By 0.003% Again

NEW YORK - USA - Stocks were up 0.003% this morning after an incredible rise of 0.002% yesterday and by 2pm they were down slightly by 0.0001%.

“We definitely feel that the recovery is happening right now as we speak,” a Hedge Fund manager told Reuters.

Traders at the New York Stock Exchange were just as excited as everyone else.

“Someon’e buying this shit, don’t know who but hey, who am I to complain?” a trader said with a big smile on his face.

By the closing bell, the S&P had at one point increased by 0.0004% on the day’s trading but pulled back a little.

“Same thing tomorrow but it might go down a little then up a bit, or even stay kind of flat,” another trader quipped.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Easy Payday: Tyson Needed the $20 Million Retirement Money

TEXAS - USA - The manufactured Mike Tyson fight against a YouTuber was a retirement…

15 hours ago

Biden Admits to Reporter He Voted For Trump

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Joe Biden has admitted to a reporter that he voted…

16 hours ago

“People’s Soviet Republic of Britain” Detains Journalist Attempting Crime of “Free Speech”

LONDON - England - We can proudly announce that an attempt at "free speech" was…

2 days ago

Commissar Rachel Reeves Praises Her Role in Ruining UK Economy

SCUNTHORPE - England - Commissar Rachel Reeves of the People's Soviet Labour Party of Britain…

2 days ago

Beyond Satire: The Onion Buys Infowars

TEXAS - USA - According to reports, corporate entity, The Onion, has acquired the Infowars…

4 days ago

Crazy Woke Leftists Told to “Identify” As if Kamala Won Election

PORTLAND - USA - A renowned therapist is helping many crazy, woke leftists by telling…

5 days ago

This website uses cookies.