U.S. Authorities Take $1.9 Billion Cut From HSBC

NEW YORK - USA - The U.S. Government is taking its cut of $1.9 billion from HSBC who they say profited from crime and money laundering.

“They were bad because they profited from crime and took a cut of the proceeds of that shit, so we, the U.S. government are gonna do the same. Our cut is $1.9 billion and after that we’re just gonna pretend that none of this happened. Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean?” Arthur Pendergrass, one of the U.S. Federal investigators told CBS Business news on Monday.

Another U.S. financial regulator said: “This is incredible, like we caught HSBC, and we said OK, where’s our cut? You think for one second we never knew what was going on from the beginning? They at first tried to get out of it, but we said, hey look what we did to BP? You Brits think you can get away with all this huh? Hand over the $1.9 billion and shut the hell up.”

It seems that crime really does pay after all, that is according to the U.S. government.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Netanyahu Forced to Travel in Disguise After ICC Puts Out Arrest Warrant

TEL AVIV - Israel - Israeli PM Benjamin Netanyahu may be forced to wear a…

31 mins ago

“Two Jags” John Prescott Goes to the Great Pie in the Abyss

HELL - The Eternal Inferno - "Two Jags" former Labour Deputy John Prescott will soon…

11 hours ago

Experts: How Peaceful Protest Against Labour Tyranny Can Work

LONDON - England - A think tank has outlined methods ordinary citizens can conduct peaceful…

13 hours ago

Forget Bacon and Eggs Labour Want to Replace Traditional Farms With Maggot Farms

GRIMSBY - England - Labour is planning to completely exterminate and erase traditional farms, replacing…

1 day ago

Prince Harry Consults Elon Musk About Travelling to Mars

MONTECITO - USA - Prince Harry is in consultation with Elon Musk about travelling to…

2 days ago

Comrade Xi Jinping Commends Comrade Starmer on Soviet Britain’s Communist Vision

RIO DE JANAIRO - Brazil - Comrade Xi Jinping has praised Comrade Starmer for crushing…

2 days ago

This website uses cookies.