Daily Squib to Float

LONDON - England - Just like Facebook has floated on the stock market, so too will the Daily Squib, our newspaper's head accountant told prospective shareholders today.

“Definitely the Daily Squib is a floater. When we float this media giant, it’s going to block the drains up, you’ll need a big fucking plunger to flush this one through. You might get a few bits that break off though, you know some sweetcorn or stories about reality show celebrities. Get ready for floatation, a big plop that is sure to make you jump up from the seat and wince in displeasure at the splash back of all splashbacks,” the Daily Squib’s accountant, Giles Winnit, declared yesterday from the Squib’s offices.

Indeed, the Daily Squib’s media empire of a few bedraggled mystery journalists are dedicated to creating wonderful stories for everyone to flush down their brain holes, so why not float something that brings so much pleasure to so many? What is there to lose apart from every shred of dignity, credibility and tonnes of money?

“They’ve gone from three dedicated readers to over five readers in as much as five years of internet news coverage. This is a startling achievement in a cold dark conglomerate media controlled environment where all news is dominated by only a few news outlets. The Daily Squib is dedicated to taking the news and digesting it, then releasing it out into the internet with a massive dump. We think the Daily Squib certainly is a floater, and it is so magnificent in its audacity that the bowl could very well overflow if it floats, even dumping itself on the floor or the seat. You ever been to a public toilet and seen one of those? I was in an airport toilet once…” Head of Floatations and Acquisitions at Delmer, Turd and Schwartz Share Brokers in New York told Forbes magazine yesterday.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: daily squib

Recent Posts

Why Labour is Killing Off Aspiration, Entrepreneurs and Deterring Foreign Investors

LONDON - England - We provide the reasons why the Labour Party is killing off…

7 hours ago

It’s Over For Trump: The Swamp Preparing to Release Kamala

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The Swamp is preparing to unleash Kamala Harris fully on…

2 days ago

Tories Choose Non-Hardline Diversity Candidate Kemi Badenoch as Next Leader

LONDON - England - The Tories have chosen Kemi Badenoch as their new leader.

2 days ago

The Dekulakization of British Farms is Underway

THE COUNTRYSIDE - England - Say goodbye to British farms as Labour conducts a policy…

2 days ago

Early Votes Indicate Kamala Harris Will Win Election

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Kamala Harris is well ahead with early ballots counted, and…

3 days ago

Kamala Harris Wants to Do Rally With Load of Garbage

MILWAUKEE - USA - The Kamala Harris election campaign team want her to do a…

4 days ago

This website uses cookies.