ECB to Start Printing Money Tomorrow

FRANKFURT - Germany - In an astonishing about turn, Chancellor Merkel has instructed the European Central Bank to start printing money to purchase Euro bonds tomorrow.

“We have finally come around from dithering and ruining the world’s economy by agreeing to start quantitative easing immediately,” European Commission chief, Jose Manuel Barroso, told an impromptu press conference.

Markets worldwide suddenly jolted away from free fall and popped upward like a neglected todger that hadn’t erupted for a thousand years.

“The world just rejoiced that the morons and ars*h*les in charge of the EU finally got a f*cking clue. They need to pay for the spending sprees somehow, and I have to say that QE is the only way out of the black hole for the stubborn sh*ts in the EU. Why should the rest of the world suffer because of those c*nts? Let them pay for their own mess,” a relieved investor told the Daily Telegraph.

Across the Atlantic, the Dow Jones rose by 20% in the first 10 minutes of trading as did the S&P. Closer to home, the FTSE 100 rose by 18% as did the German and French markets.

Daily Squib Book

DAILY SQUIB BOOK The Perfect Gift or can also be used as a doorstop. Grab a piece of internet political satire history encapsulating 15 years of satirical works. The Daily Squib Anthology REVIEWS: "The author sweats satire from every pore" | "Overall, I was surprised at the wit and inventedness of the Daily Squib Compendium. It's funny, laugh out loud funny" | "Would definitely recommend 10/10" | "This anthology serves up the choicest cuts from a 15-year reign at the top table of Internet lampoonery" | "Every time I pick it up I see something different which is a rarity in any book"
Disqus Comments Loading...
Share
Published by
Tags: economyeu

Recent Posts

The Public Sacrifice of Trump and the Dawn of a New Age of Women

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The dawn of a new age of women calls for…

16 hours ago

Why Labour is Killing Off Aspiration, Entrepreneurs and Deterring Foreign Investors

LONDON - England - We provide the reasons why the Labour Party is killing off…

17 hours ago

It’s Over For Trump: The Swamp Preparing to Release Kamala

WASHINGTON DC - USA - The Swamp is preparing to unleash Kamala Harris fully on…

2 days ago

Tories Choose Non-Hardline Diversity Candidate Kemi Badenoch as Next Leader

LONDON - England - The Tories have chosen Kemi Badenoch as their new leader.

3 days ago

The Dekulakization of British Farms is Underway

THE COUNTRYSIDE - England - Say goodbye to British farms as Labour conducts a policy…

3 days ago

Early Votes Indicate Kamala Harris Will Win Election

WASHINGTON DC - USA - Kamala Harris is well ahead with early ballots counted, and…

4 days ago

This website uses cookies.